Come on...Tell me a joke

Level 3

Since: Jun 13

Location hidden

#6813 Sep 2, 2013
This woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?" "What dear," she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. "I think you’re bad luck."

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6814 Sep 2, 2013
After hearing about reports of gas in Damascus the president is wanting to send in the tanks... and drilling rigs... and hoses... and fuel trucks.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6815 Sep 2, 2013
Looks like the United States is preparing to launch a military strike against Syria to help restore peace in that country.

You know... like we did with Iraq and Afghanistan.

Since: Jul 11

Sapulpa, OK

#6816 Sep 2, 2013
Sick of the Chuck Norris crap. Be back on here in a month or so, maybe his Norris book will be finished by then.

“Up with which, I will not put”

Since: Jul 08

Sao Paulo

#6817 Sep 2, 2013
I Like the Chuck Norris Jokes!

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6818 Sep 2, 2013
Like the Chuck Norris book will ever be completed...
Royce Guillette

Ashburn, VA

#6820 Sep 2, 2013
the best fr ee online dating website! video chat, send and receive messages, and flirts all free!! check it out! http://tinyurl.com/mfcvo9n
joke

Newburgh, IN

#6821 Sep 2, 2013
Do Not Disturb wrote:
Sick of the Chuck Norris crap. Be back on here in a month or so, maybe his Norris book will be finished by then.
May the 'Chuck' be with you.
joke

Newburgh, IN

#6822 Sep 3, 2013
Chuck Norris once saved a kitten stuck in a tree. Then he ate it.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6823 Sep 4, 2013
My nephew handles financial transactions for a multi-billion dollar corporation.

He's a cashier at McDonalds.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6824 Sep 4, 2013
I got a bit turned around leaving Columbus over the weekend and didn't know if I was headed towards Dayton or not.

Luckily, I saw the city had employed a young gentleman to hold a cardboard sign along side of the highway, which informed me that I was, in fact, "going to Dayton."

I hope they're paying him well because it was raining pretty hard and he looked soaked to the skin.

“Ask Randy From Ballwin”

Level 5

Since: Mar 13

He Is A Sock Know It All

#6825 Sep 4, 2013
A policeman on his horse stops a little girl on her bike right after Christmas and says “did Santa bring you that pretty little bike?”

The girl smiles and “says yes he did.” The policeman says “well next year tell him to put a reflector on it so you can be seen more easily” and gives her a $5 ticket.

The little girl frustrated says to the policeman “did Santa bring you that horse?” The policeman chuckles and says “why yes he did.” The little girls says “well next year tell him the prick goes under the horse, not on top!”

“Ask Randy From Ballwin”

Level 5

Since: Mar 13

He Is A Sock Know It All

#6826 Sep 4, 2013
A drunken man who reeked of whiskey sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked," Father, what causes arthritis?"

"My Son, it is caused by loose living, being with cheap wicked women, too much alcohol, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of bathing." "Well, I'll be damned!" the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized.“I’m very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?" "I don't have it Father. I was just reading here in the paper that the Pope does."

“Ask Randy From Ballwin”

Level 5

Since: Mar 13

He Is A Sock Know It All

#6827 Sep 4, 2013
A priest walking to church was stopped by a hooker and she said “hey father how about a quickie for $20” the priest confused said no, no thanks and kept on walking.
A little further down the street he was stopped by another hooker and she said “hey father how about a quickie for $20” the priest said no, no thanks and walked on.
He gets to the church and one of the nuns said “father you look puzzled. Is something bothering you?”
The father says sister come to my office I have to ask you something. When they get to his office he turned to the nun and asks “sister, what is a quickie?” The nun smiles and says “now father, it is $20, same as in town”
joke

Newburgh, IN

#6828 Sep 4, 2013
Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time can cause blindness and foot sized bruises on the face.
zzz

Fairfield, OH

#6829 Sep 4, 2013
Chuck Norris

“Ask Randy From Ballwin”

Level 5

Since: Mar 13

He Is A Sock Know It All

#6830 Sep 4, 2013
A woman wanted a pet so she went to the local pet shop. She looked at the dogs and the cats but finally settled on a parrot that was perched in the back of the store for $50.00. She asked the shopkeeper why the parrot was so cheap, to which he replied, "Well, I have to tell you, the birds last owner was a madam at a whorehouse and he occasionally makes off color remarks that may offend some people."

Thinking that the price was right and she could handle anything he might say, she took him. When she got home she set the bird down on the table. He looked around and said, "New house, new madam". "That's not so bad," she thought.

A little while later, her daughters got home from school, and the parrot spoke again, "New house, new madam, new whores." Even though she felt a little insulted, she thought that wasn't too bad either.

Later that evening, her husband Ray came home. The parrot again spoke out... This time it said, "Hi Ray! Good to see you again. You want the usual?" The woman met with a divorce attorney the next day.

Come on people lets hear some jokes. I know you all have some.

“Ask Randy From Ballwin”

Level 5

Since: Mar 13

He Is A Sock Know It All

#6831 Sep 4, 2013
A guy was walking down the street and this hooker says, "wanna have a good time?" "Sure," he says and they were off to the nearest motel.

She takes off her clothes and he keeps staring at her in amazement. She says, "Is this the first pu**y you have seen since you crawled out of one?"

The guy says, "Nope, just the first one I've seen big enough to crawl back into."

“Ask Randy From Ballwin”

Level 5

Since: Mar 13

He Is A Sock Know It All

#6832 Sep 4, 2013
If a turtle loses his shell is he NAKED or HOMELESS?

“Ask Randy From Ballwin”

Level 5

Since: Mar 13

He Is A Sock Know It All

#6833 Sep 4, 2013
An old man is sitting on a bus when a punk-rocker gets in. The punk-rocker's hair was red, green, yellow and orange & he has feathers for earrings.

When he sees the old man staring at him, the punk rocker says; “what are you staring at old man? Didn't you ever do anything wild when you were a young guy?”

The old man sarcastically says; Yep, One time on a bad drug trip I had sex with a peacock. Thought you might be my son.

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