Come on...Tell me a joke
put out of school

Glasgow, UK

#6792 Aug 28, 2013
as i asked my teacher if the ladder on her tights was the stair way to heaven.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6793 Aug 28, 2013
When I opened the front door this morning I saw the milkman standing there whistling a tune.

"Good morning," he smiled broadly.

"Good morning," I replied.

Then he kissed my wife on the cheek, buttoned his shirt and walked out.

“Up with which, I will not put”

Since: Jul 08

Sao Paulo

#6794 Aug 28, 2013
joke wrote:
George Forman has a Chuck Norris grill.
now THAT's funny.

“Up with which, I will not put”

Since: Jul 08

Sao Paulo

#6795 Aug 28, 2013
Parden Pard wrote:
<quoted text>
Big deal,,,,(yawn) Chuck Norris plays golf with Vladimir Putin....
And is allowed to win.

“Up with which, I will not put”

Since: Jul 08

Sao Paulo

#6796 Aug 28, 2013
A man goes in for a job interview with the executive vice president of a large global corporation.

VP: So tell me Mr. Johnson, what would you consider your weakest point?

Mr. Johnson: I'm very honest.

VP: Honesty? I consider that a strong point.

Mr. Johnson: I don't give a fuck what you think.

Level 8

Since: Jan 11

Location hidden

#6797 Aug 28, 2013
I am hard at work today. My new boss wore a miniskirt and high heels.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6798 Aug 29, 2013
I almost gave $50 for a TV last Saturday night.

They're so convincing these days, you can hardly tell them from women.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6799 Aug 29, 2013
Police are still searching for the guy who stole laxatives from the local pharmacy.


He's been on the run for two days.

Level 2

Since: Jul 13

Location hidden

#6800 Aug 29, 2013
FANCY APPLES

This guy was driving along a country road. Along the side of the road he sees a sign: "Apples,$5.00 each." So he pulls over to the side of the road and asks the farmer why his apples are so expensive. The farmer says, "Well, these are peanut butter and jelly apples." So the guy buys one. He says, "These apples only taste like jelly, where's the peanut butter?" The farmer says, "Turn the apple over and take a bit of the other side." Sure enough the other side tasted like peanut butter.
So he continues on his way and along the side of the road he sees another sign: "Apples,$20.00 each." So he gets out and asks the farmer why these apples are so expensive. "These are ham and cheese apples," the farmer says. So the guy buys one. The apple only tasted like ham, so he asked the farmer why and he said, "Turn the apple over and you will taste the cheese."
Then he is driving down the road again and he sees another sign: "Apples,$50.00 each." So he asks the farmer, "What's up with these apples being so expensive?" The farmer tells him they are pussy apples. So the guy buys one. He takes a bite into the apple and says "This apple tastes like shit!" And the farmer says, "Turn it over."
joke

Newburgh, IN

#6801 Aug 29, 2013
Female bodybuilders were originally catwalk models who were foolish enough to swallow Chuck Norris' semen.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6802 Aug 30, 2013
Q. What do you call a piece of land where Russia and America intend to test their latest military weapons on each other?

A. Syria.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6803 Aug 30, 2013
A couple in their late 90's have recently celebrated 75 years together. They don't remember having a single argument.

On the other hand, they don't remember each other's name, either.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6804 Aug 30, 2013
My nephew got a summer job mowing the city baseball fields for the summer.

I found out today that he's been telling all the girls he's a diamond cutter.

“Up with which, I will not put”

Since: Jul 08

Sao Paulo

#6805 Aug 30, 2013
Two LOLīs and an Ouch!
joke

Newburgh, IN

#6806 Aug 30, 2013
Chuck Norris can eat dirt and shitbricks.

“"*" Always Thinking "*"”

Level 8

Since: Nov 12

Greensburg, IN

#6807 Aug 31, 2013
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.

He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love...I have concluded that your act displays sound-mindedness.

The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6808 Aug 31, 2013
"Make sure you give that a good cleaning," smiled my wife when I was in the shower. She didn't need to tell ME twice. I'm always eager to please, so I scrubbed the entire thing until it was glistening and squeaky-clean.

When I walked into the bedroom with a towel around my waist the wife said "Thanks, hon. You know how I hate to clean the shower."

"That's okay, my love."

Hey, I'm married and I'm under no illusion about anything.
joke

Newburgh, IN

#6810 Aug 31, 2013
If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Nortis.
joke

Newburgh, IN

#6811 Sep 1, 2013
With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6812 Sep 2, 2013
This Labor Day I plan to put my liver to work.

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