Come on...Tell me a joke

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6746 Aug 16, 2013
Last night my wife snuggled up to me and asked "Do you remember the first time we made love?"

"Of course," I said. "It was on our wedding night."

"Oh, you silly," she laughed. "That wasn't our first time!"

"Oh, I'm sorry," I said. "I thought you said the last time."

“Up with which, I will not put”

Since: Jul 08

Sao Paulo

#6747 Aug 16, 2013
Hoof Arted wrote:
After the win by the Cleveland Browns in their pre-season game, fans littered the stands with 10,000 empty beer cans.
Police report that both of them have been arrested.
They lied to you.

There were 3.

“Up with which, I will not put”

Since: Jul 08

Sao Paulo

#6748 Aug 16, 2013
One day while Jane was in the forest, she came across Tarzan for the first time. A little turned on by his appearance, she tried to discreetly inquire about his sex life. When Tarzan finally realized what she was talking about, his face lit up, and exclaimed excitedly "OH! Tarzan do that to hole in tree!!"

Jane giggled, and decided she would show Tarzan how to make love. She slipped off her clothes and lay down, explaining to Tarzan where to put it. Tarzan took a step back and gave her a swift kick in the crotch. Barely able to speak, curled up in pain, she asked why he did that. "Tarzan check for bees!"
joke

Newburgh, IN

#6749 Aug 16, 2013
Chuck Norris roundhousekicks people in the face first and asks questions later.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6750 Aug 17, 2013
You know you're getting old when you nick your nipple while trying to shave your legs

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6751 Aug 17, 2013
A guy at work brought out the race card this morning.

"Wild Gallop" looks good for the third race.
joke

Newburgh, IN

#6752 Aug 17, 2013
Chuck Norris is not politically correct. He's just correct. Always.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6753 Aug 18, 2013
According to a recent British survey, porn videos impair your short-term memory.

Those Italians don't know what they're talking about.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6754 Aug 18, 2013
I'm not trying to impress you or anything, but Chuck Norris has pictures on me on his pajamas.
joke

Newburgh, IN

#6755 Aug 18, 2013
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it's not because he's gay. It's because he's ran out of women.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6757 Aug 19, 2013
At our family reunion last weekend we took turns comparing different members of the family.

Mine is the longest.

“Up with which, I will not put”

Since: Jul 08

Sao Paulo

#6759 Aug 19, 2013
Hoof Arted wrote:
At our family reunion last weekend we took turns comparing different members of the family.
Mine is the longest.
ell yeah, you're a mule.
joke

Newburgh, IN

#6760 Aug 19, 2013
Bigfoot takes pictures of Chuck Norris.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6761 Aug 20, 2013
President Obama met with Bill Clinton and said "I was sorry to hear about Hillary's concussion. How's her head?"

"It's okay," Bill replied. "But she's no Monica."

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6762 Aug 20, 2013
In The News: "Thousands Of Students Protest High Fees."

The article stated the students are angry that they will graduate with enormous debts and, once they get a job, will have to make loan payments for the rest of their working lives.

And I thought "Get jobs? Don't they watch the news?"

“Up with which, I will not put”

Since: Jul 08

Sao Paulo

#6763 Aug 20, 2013
Hoof Arted wrote:
President Obama met with Bill Clinton and said "I was sorry to hear about Hillary's concussion. How's her head?"
"It's okay," Bill replied. "But she's no Monica."
Don't think he's gotten a mouth hug from Hillary ever since.
joke

Newburgh, IN

#6764 Aug 20, 2013
Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6768 Aug 21, 2013
The U.S. farm industry is expecting to add 162,000 this fall.

Enrique Peña Nieto, the President of Mexico, welcomed the news.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6769 Aug 21, 2013
We were sitting in a traffic jam when my wife suddenly said "Oh, look at that beautiful caterpillar."

Her obsession with construction machinery is really out of hand.

Level 1

Since: Jul 13

Noida, India

#6770 Aug 21, 2013
sory guys,
tomorrow i will...

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