Come on...Tell me a joke

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6702 Aug 4, 2013
In The News: "A French company has developed a computer analytics tool which claims up to 80% accuracy identifying sarcastic comments on-line."

Wow, that's really impressive.

daw
Level 5

Since: Oct 07

Location hidden

#6703 Aug 4, 2013
Marriage is like a hot tub of water once you get into it it ain't so hot..Minnie Pearl

I Am Enzo - The Baker

“Vintage 1949”

Level 9

Since: Feb 12

lightly salted

#6704 Aug 4, 2013
Children...
You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up...
joke

Newburgh, IN

#6705 Aug 4, 2013
There are two types of people in the world. People that suck and Chuck Norris.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6706 Aug 5, 2013
I once met Muhammad Ali and asked if he would show me his famous "Ali Shuffle."

The rest of the evening was spent picking up poker cards.
joke

Newburgh, IN

#6707 Aug 5, 2013
In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man.

“Easy does it... ”

Level 5

Since: Nov 12

Location hidden

#6708 Aug 5, 2013
For a few years I'd been fighting a persistent plantar wart on the ball of my foot and big toe. I'd tried everything - over the counter treatments, soaking, pumice stones, and freezing. In desperation I asked my new doctor about the problem and he suggested I put duct tape on it.

When I got home, I looked up duct tape for wart treatment and found that it is as good if not better than other treatments so I put duct tape on it. Two weeks later the wart was gone.

The next time I saw the doctor I thanked him and asked if there was anything that duct tape can't fix.

He paused for a second and without looking up said, "erectile dysfunction."

“ Woodstock Anyone?”

Level 4

Since: Oct 12

Location hidden

#6709 Aug 5, 2013
An eighty seven year old man was talking to another resident in a nursing home;

"You know, yesterday was my birthday. I bet you can't guess how old I am."

The woman replied, "I'll bet I can."

She asked him to stand up and after he did, she put her had down his pants and felt around for a bit. After taking her hand out she announced,

"You are eighty seven years old!"

"That's amazing!" He said. "How did you figure that out?"

She said with a smile,

"You told me yesterday."

“Easy does it... ”

Level 5

Since: Nov 12

Location hidden

#6710 Aug 6, 2013
Gotta say that I actually did LOL on that one. Good one, modernhippie:)

“Up with which, I will not put”

Since: Jul 08

Sao Paulo

#6711 Aug 6, 2013
Why do witches take of their panties before flying?

Better grip on the broom...
joke

Newburgh, IN

#6712 Aug 6, 2013
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
sassy

Reading, PA

#6713 Aug 6, 2013
JM_Brazil wrote:
Why do witches take of their panties before flying?
Better grip on the broom...
I'm sure.....

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6714 Aug 7, 2013
Bills. Bills. Bills. Bills. That's all the mailman brings me.

I've told him a hundred times... "Bill lives next door."

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6715 Aug 7, 2013
We were packed like sardines on the county fair midway over the weekend. The temp was in the mid 90's, so all the young girls were wearing short shorts and halter tops. Suddenly, I got an erection...

rubbing against my back.

Level 8

Since: Jan 11

Location hidden

#6716 Aug 7, 2013
What do you call a horse mated with a donkey? A kodak moment.
joke

Newburgh, IN

#6717 Aug 7, 2013
When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds", He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Chuck Norris halloween costume he was wearing.

“Easy does it... ”

Level 5

Since: Nov 12

Location hidden

#6718 Aug 7, 2013
Hoof Arted wrote:
We were packed like sardines on the county fair midway over the weekend. The temp was in the mid 90's, so all the young girls were wearing short shorts and halter tops. Suddenly, I got an erection...
rubbing against my back.
Funny, sick AND twisted you are sir :)...

Did ya at least change seats, LOL?!

Level 8

Since: Jan 11

Location hidden

#6719 Aug 8, 2013
I had an ugly girl as a room mate in college, she would always try to give me oral while I was trying to study. I would always firmly say, "I'll give you ten minutes to stop that!"

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6720 Aug 8, 2013
Will Munny wrote:
<quoted text>
Funny, sick AND twisted you are sir :)...
Did ya at least change seats, LOL?!
I certainly did. I figured it would be a total pain in the a** unless I moved.....

If you know what I mean.

“Up with which, I will not put”

Since: Jul 08

Sao Paulo

#6721 Aug 8, 2013
Hoof Arted wrote:
We were packed like sardines on the county fair midway over the weekend. The temp was in the mid 90's, so all the young girls were wearing short shorts and halter tops. Suddenly, I got an erection...
rubbing against my back.
Did you at least get a dinner out of it?

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Weird Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
Denny Crain's Place (May '10) 9 min Crystal Clear 0722 34,678
How's your weather today? (Mar '12) 21 min Judy 123 6,683
True False Game (Jun '11) 29 min Judy 123 16,220
Words "with more than one meaning" (Sep '12) 37 min Judy 123 1,427
***Keep a Word~Drop a Word*** (Jan '10) 37 min _FLATLINE-------- 84,504
Word association (Jun '07) 45 min Judy 123 7,288
Names, A to Z, ... (Aug '12) 46 min Judy 123 4,328
What song are you listening to right now? (Apr '08) 1 hr Judy 123 227,144
Add a Word remove a Word (Oct '13) 2 hr Alain Vain 6,041
Poll What are you thinking right now? (May '08) 4 hr razz58 6,946
JUST SAY SOMETHING. Whatever comes to mind!! (Aug '09) 6 hr Biff 34,691
More from around the web