Come on...Tell me a joke
joke

Newburgh, IN

#6682 Jul 27, 2013
Chuck Norris eats 8 meals a day. The first 7 are steak, the eighth is the rest of the cow.

“Vintage 1949”

Level 9

Since: Feb 12

lightly salted

#6683 Jul 27, 2013
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts!...

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6684 Jul 28, 2013
A woman goes to the Doctor's because her large boobs are giving her problems. Before beginning the examination the doc says "We'll have to weigh them first."

She removes her top and bra and the doc puts a hand beneath each one and starts bouncing them while yelling "WHEEEEEYYYYYYYY!"

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6685 Jul 28, 2013
My buddy says he is perfectly fine with the size of his wife's boobs.

It's the LENGTH that he's not thrilled with.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6686 Jul 29, 2013
While I was sitting on the exam table, the lady doctor asked "How is your libido?"

"My what?" I asked.

"Your libido," she repeated. "Do you feel like having sex?"

"Well, okay," I said. "Be we'll have to hurry. My wife is out in the waiting room."

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6687 Jul 29, 2013
How do you know when you've passed an elephant?

Your eyes are watering and you can't shut the toilet lid.
joke

Newburgh, IN

#6688 Jul 29, 2013
The truth will set you free. Unless Chuck Norris has you then you can forget it buddy.

Since: Jun 08

Location hidden

#6689 Jul 29, 2013
Guy goes to his doctor, but instead, he gets to see the doc's new PA... She is a very beautiful woman.. and the guy can't help but to stare at her...

She asks "What's the problem today?"... He says "Well, I'd feel better if I could talk to Doc Kilpatrick about it"..

She says "I understand, but I want you to know that I'm totally professional, and I'm here to help, and if there's anything you can tell Doctor Kilpatrick, you can certainly tell me, ok?"

He stalled for a minute or too... and said "I think it's something that I should with Doc Kilpatrick, really"

She assured him once again that she was willing and able to help him with whatever he needed. She said "I promise you, whatever it is that you're concerned about, I assure you that I'll be more than happy to assist you and find out the problem"

He finally gave in and said "Okay".. She smiled and said... "Ok, what's your problem today?"

He grinned and said "My says my [email protected]#$ tastes funny"

Since: Jun 08

Location hidden

#6690 Jul 29, 2013
My wife says.. arhhhhh
joke

Newburgh, IN

#6691 Jul 31, 2013
Chuck Norris's sweat has burned holes in concrete.

Level 9

Since: Jul 11

Location hidden

#6692 Jul 31, 2013
What's the cheapest meat?
Deer balls.They're under a buck.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6693 Aug 1, 2013
My wife sat there for a good ten minutes last night, wondering what to choose from the menu.

I finally reached over and selected "Play Movie."

daw
Level 5

Since: Oct 07

Location hidden

#6694 Aug 1, 2013
I heard this on one of the news channels...
Why doesn't Eric Holder,shave off his mustache?
Because shaving cream is WHITE!!
joke

Newburgh, IN

#6695 Aug 1, 2013
Chuck Norris does not step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.

“Easy does it... ”

Level 5

Since: Nov 12

Location hidden

#6696 Aug 1, 2013
A lawyer is cross-examining a doctor on the stand about whether or not he had checked the pulse of the deceased before he signed the death certificate.

"No," the doctor said, "I did not check his pulse."

"And did you listen for a heartbeat?" said the lawyer.

"No, I did not," said the doctor.

"So," said the lawyer, "when you signed the death certificate, you had not taken steps to make sure he was dead."

The doctor, having enough of the lawyer's ridicule, stated, "Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was in a jar on my desk, but for all I know he could be out practicing law somewhere."

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6697 Aug 2, 2013
My buddy has started telling people he works for the United Nations because he has been UN employed for a while.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6698 Aug 2, 2013
I've always obeyed the 'Do Not Feed The Animals' signs at the zoo.

That's probably why they fired me.
joke

Newburgh, IN

#6699 Aug 2, 2013
Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in 37 seconds.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6700 Aug 3, 2013
John: I love you babe. Hang up and I'll talk to you tomorrow.

Mary: I love you too, honey. You hang up first.

John: No, my sweet, you hang up first.

Mary: Let's hang up at the same time... one... two... three!

(silence)

Mary: You're still there, aren't you?

John: Yeah, I am. You gonna hang up now?

Mary: You hang up first.

NSA: Goda**it, BOTH of you hang the f*ck up!
joke

Owensboro, KY

#6701 Aug 3, 2013
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

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