Come on...Tell me a joke

“Up with which, I will not put”

Since: Jul 08

Sao Paulo

#6622 Jul 10, 2013
DC tells it like it is wrote:
<quoted text>
Thank you. Once again, I am so very sorry about that. I hope it did not bother other folks comps. Have no clue why my McAfee wasn't up to par when I found that site. But it was awake today. Am just happy I doubled checked it ....
Makes me feel bad.
(everyone take a note. I seldom if ever use the word sorry, if ever. But I truly am feeling bad about it)
It happens DC, no bad feelings, thanks for the warning!

“Up with which, I will not put”

Since: Jul 08

Sao Paulo

#6623 Jul 10, 2013
65007noogard wrote:
<quoted text>
McAfee, schmafee. Is about as useless as Norton.
McAffee.
Norton.

This is a joke forum, is it not?

65007noogard

“Geaux Tigers!”

Level 9

Since: Jun 12

Down on the bayou

#6624 Jul 10, 2013
JM_Brazil wrote:
<quoted text>
McAffee.
Norton.
This is a joke forum, is it not?
Lol.

“My Bad! Just hold me. ”

Level 9

Since: Aug 07

Orion's Belt

#6625 Jul 10, 2013
~smiles~ Thank you everyone.

Have a good day.
joke

Newburgh, IN

#6626 Jul 10, 2013
When Chuck Norris wes born the only person that cried was the Doctor. Nobody slaps Chuck Norris.
joke

Newburgh, IN

#6627 Jul 11, 2013
The grass is always greener on the other side. Unless Chuck Norris has been there then its probably soaked with blood and tears.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6628 Jul 12, 2013
I was at the Court House last week, finalizing our divorce, when my buddy called and told me that my dog had died.

"Bad things come in threes" he said.

"I hope not," I sadly replied. "After losing my dog, I don't think I can handle two more bad things right now."
joke

Newburgh, IN

#6629 Jul 12, 2013
For undercover work, Chuck Norris pins his badge under his shirt directly to his chest.

“Easy does it... ”

Level 5

Since: Nov 12

Location hidden

#6630 Jul 12, 2013
A Jewish man lives into a Catholic neighbourhood. Every Friday The Catholics are driven crazy because, while they're morosely eating fish, the Jew is outside barbecuing steaks. So the Catholics work on the Jew to convert him to Catholicism.

Finally, after many threats and much pleading, the Catholics succeed. They take the Jew to a priest who sprinkles holy water on the Jew and says, "Born a Jew, Raised a Jew, Now a Catholic."

The Catholics are ecstatic. No more delicious, but maddening smells every Friday evening. But the next Friday evening, the scent of barbecue wafts through the neighbourhood.

The Catholics all rush to the Jew's house to remind him of his new diet. They see him standing over the cooking steak.

He is sprinkling water on the meat and saying, "Born a cow, Raised a cow, Now a fish.
joke

Newburgh, IN

#6631 Jul 13, 2013
Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger. It is actually a list of fatalities that occurred during filming.
joke

Owensboro, KY

#6632 Jul 14, 2013
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

“What did you expect? ”

Level 4

Since: Oct 10

Didn't even notice, did you?

#6633 Jul 14, 2013
Rosey posing thoughtfully in the mirror says to Paula "I think I'm going to see a dietician".

Paula asked "Why?"

Rosey answered "

'Cause I need to know once and for all, how many calories are in sperm!"

Thinking a minute, Paula said "I really have no clue, but if you are consuming that much of it, no guy is going to care if you are a little chunky!"
joke

Newburgh, IN

#6634 Jul 16, 2013
Nobody knows if Chuck Norris enjoys a good fight. He's never had one.
joke

Newburgh, IN

#6635 Jul 17, 2013
The drummer for Def Leppard only has one arm. Chuck Norris needed a back scratcher

“Big Sur”

Level 8

Since: Jun 11

Location hidden

#6636 Jul 18, 2013
A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.
He decides to test it out at dinner one night.
The father asks his son what he did that day.
The son says, "I did some school work."
The robot slaps the son.
The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies."
Dad asks, "What movie did you watch ?"
Son says, "Toy Story."
The robot slaps the son.
Son says, "Ok, Ok we were watching porn."
Dad says, "What? At your age I didn't even know what porn was."
The robot slaps the father.
Mum laughs and says, "Well he certainly is your son."
The robot slaps the mother .
The robot is now on eBay.
joke

Newburgh, IN

#6637 Jul 18, 2013
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Ginger

Reading, PA

#6638 Jul 18, 2013
Hipp wrote:
A pretty teacher was concerned with one of her students.
Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"
"I'm in love," the boy replied.
Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"
"With YOU!" he said.
"But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child."
"Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I'll use a rubber!"
I like this joke.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6639 Jul 19, 2013
My buddy said his "plump" wife has been going to the gym and it's costing him $800 a month.

"Membership fees are that high?" I asked.

"No," he replied. "Treadmill repairs."
joke

Newburgh, IN

#6640 Jul 19, 2013
When you say, no one's perfect Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.

“Up with which, I will not put”

Since: Jul 08

Sao Paulo

#6641 Jul 19, 2013
DondoDork wrote:
A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.
He decides to test it out at dinner one night.
The father asks his son what he did that day.
The son says, "I did some school work."
The robot slaps the son.
The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies."
Dad asks, "What movie did you watch ?"
Son says, "Toy Story."
The robot slaps the son.
Son says, "Ok, Ok we were watching porn."
Dad says, "What? At your age I didn't even know what porn was."
The robot slaps the father.
Mum laughs and says, "Well he certainly is your son."
The robot slaps the mother .
The robot is now on eBay.
LOL!!!
And lol again. Thanks for that DD!

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