“Up with which, I will not put”

Since: Jul 08

Sao Paulo

#6476 Jun 14, 2013
A bus full of Nuns drove over a cliff on the way to an event. No one survived.

Standing in line in front of St. Peter, the Nuns were asked one by one if they've ever committed a sin. Sister Mary was first, and responded "Well, many years ago I did touch a man's penis..." "OK" responded St. Peter, and directed her to wash her hand in the holy water before passing the pearly gates. Meanwhile, Sister Helen was discreetly cutting the line, working her way to the front.

Next was Sister Ann, who confessed to performing a hand-job on a man many years ago. St. Peter instructed her to wash her hand, and then to proceed past the pearly gates. Meanwhile Sister Hellen continued to cut her way to the front.

St. Peter, noticing Sister Hellen's anxiousness, asked her what the rush was all about.

"Well" responded Sister Helen awkwardly, "I wanted to wash my mouth in the holy water before Sister Theresa has to wash her ass in it..."

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6477 Jun 14, 2013
I hate when people repeat themselves. I can't help it. I just hate when people repeat themselves!

“Colleges Search Engine ”

Level 8

Since: Mar 12

www.schoolanduniversity.com

#6478 Jun 15, 2013
Graduation Speech:

I Would Like To Thank,

The Internet, Google, Wikipedia,
Microsoft 0ffice And
Copy Paste..

“Colleges Search Engine ”

Level 8

Since: Mar 12

www.schoolanduniversity.com

#6479 Jun 15, 2013
A man injured in his car accident, he called 911 for help.

Man said,“Operator, operator, please call me an ambulance immediately”.

Operator replied,“Okay, sir, you’re an ambulance!”

“Colleges Search Engine ”

Level 8

Since: Mar 12

www.schoolanduniversity.com

#6480 Jun 15, 2013
A cat was chasing couple of mice.

When the mice were trapped by the cat, one of them turned around and started barking,“Woof…Woof…Woof”.

The cat got scared and ran away.

When the mouse asked his mother about cat’s retreat, she said with smile,“My son, this is benefit of learning two languages”.

“Colleges Search Engine ”

Level 8

Since: Mar 12

www.schoolanduniversity.com

#6481 Jun 15, 2013
I am gonna write on all bricks , “I MISS you” and wish one fall on your head….so that you’ll come 2 know how it hurts when you miss someone .

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6482 Jun 15, 2013
My buddy hobbled into the bar on crutches.

"What happened to you?" I asked.

"Car wreck," he replied.

"And you can't walk without them?"

"My doctor says I can, but my lawyer says I can't."
joke

Owensboro, KY

#6483 Jun 15, 2013
The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
Vick Torre

Brooklyn, NY

#6484 Jun 16, 2013
A bee keeper had to leave his profession. Developed an alergy. Every time when around bees, he'd get a BEE- ITCH.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6485 Jun 16, 2013
The wife and I got behind a group of school kids at the mall over the weekend, and all we heard was "F" this and "F" that.

But to be fair, I guess they had to talk about their test scores somewhere.

Level 9

Since: Feb 12

Location hidden

#6486 Jun 16, 2013
It is said that if you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans.

“Colleges Search Engine ”

Level 8

Since: Mar 12

www.schoolanduniversity.com

#6487 Jun 17, 2013
Relationships are a lot like algebra... Ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

“Colleges Search Engine ”

Level 8

Since: Mar 12

www.schoolanduniversity.com

#6488 Jun 17, 2013
Superman is depressed because he has to change in dirty gas station bathrooms since the telephone booth is now extinct. Poor Superman.

“Colleges Search Engine ”

Level 8

Since: Mar 12

www.schoolanduniversity.com

#6489 Jun 17, 2013
Why does James Bond keep telling people his real name? Worst. Spy. Ever.

“Up with which, I will not put”

Since: Jul 08

Sao Paulo

#6490 Jun 17, 2013
SchoolandUniversity wrote:
Graduation Speech:
I Would Like To Thank,
The Internet, Google, Wikipedia,
Microsoft 0ffice And
Copy Paste..
And of course the ever helpful Jose Cuervo.

“Up with which, I will not put”

Since: Jul 08

Sao Paulo

#6491 Jun 17, 2013
Guy walks into a bar with his dog bragging that his dog can talk. "Go ahead" he said to bar patron. "Ask him something". "Can you get me a newspaper?" The patron asked the dog. The owner gave the dog a dollar and told him to go get the man a newspaper. An hour later, while the patron and dog owner were drinking beers, the patron asked the guy "Hey, what about my newspaper?" The guy had forgotten all abut his dog, and went out to look for him. He found Fido, in an alley, screwing a poodle. "Fido! What is this? You’ve never done this before!" "Yeah" replied Fido. "And you’ve never given me money before".

“Up with which, I will not put”

Since: Jul 08

Sao Paulo

#6492 Jun 17, 2013
Dog walks into a bar, sits down and orders a draft beer. He turns to another dog sitting at the bar and comments "real hot today". The other dog totally freaks out and screams "AHHHHH! TALKING DOG!"

“Up with which, I will not put”

Since: Jul 08

Sao Paulo

#6493 Jun 17, 2013
A flasher at a zoo approaches an elephant and when no one is looking, flashes it. "Impressive" comments the elephant. "But can you pick up a peanut?"

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6494 Jun 17, 2013
My buddy showed me a $5,000 check he wrote to a local food bank. When I pointed out that he wrote it in pencil, he started laughing, grabbed it out of my hand and erased all the numbers. I couldn't get mad at him, though.

Erased a lot of money for charity.
joke

Owensboro, KY

#6495 Jun 18, 2013
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have to live

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