Come on...Tell me a joke

“Colleges Search Engine ”

Level 8

Since: Mar 12

www.schoolanduniversity.com

#6458 Jun 11, 2013
In every successful relationship the MAN always has the last word - "Yes Dear."

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6459 Jun 11, 2013
Bad: tomorrow isn't Friday

Worse: day after tomorrow isn't Friday either

Very Worse: even the day after that isn't Friday

“Colleges Search Engine ”

Level 8

Since: Mar 12

www.schoolanduniversity.com

#6460 Jun 12, 2013
* During school *
"What day is it?"
"Friday, May 24th, 2013. 2:15 pm"
* Summer vacation *
"What day is it?" "Maybe July."

“Denny Crain”

Level 8

Since: Jan 11

Location hidden

#6461 Jun 12, 2013
I was talking to a guy and he was telling me about an article he read about how morals have changed over time. He told me when he married he had not had sex with his wife and he asked me if I had. I tole him I don't know. What was his wifes maiden name :)
Krypteia

Lancing, UK

#6462 Jun 12, 2013
Walt Disney's new film called Jet Black the none racist version of Snow White has been put on hold as all seven dwarfs..Dealer,Stealer,Mugger, Car Jack,Drive By and Wog,have refused to sing HI Ho as they have no intentions of "Going to fecking work".

“Up with which, I will not put”

Since: Jul 08

Sao Paulo

#6463 Jun 12, 2013
Lol - this site is hillarious! Wish I had found this earlier. Some real funny stuff here, many of you are brilliant!

Only read a few pages, so apologies in advance for any repeated joke.

The mailman arrives at the house of a very attractive blonde woman who grabs him as he's dropping off the mail, leads him upstairs, and makes passionate love to him, much to his bewilderment.

They then go downstairs where a nice breakfast awaited. As he's eating, the blonde gives him a dollar. Totally bemused, he asks the blonde what the deal was. She answers; "Well, it's nearing Christmas, and I asked my husband what I should get the mailman. He said 'fuck the mailman, give him a dollar.' But the breakfast was my idea".

“Up with which, I will not put”

Since: Jul 08

Sao Paulo

#6464 Jun 12, 2013
An old rugged lumberjack was out in the woods one day laboring with his big axe. A friend of his appeared, showing off a new chainsaw he had purchased. "I now cut about 20 trees a day now!" boasted his friend. The lumberjack was amazed. He went home and thought about it, and decided it was time for him to update his lifestyle. The next day, he went into town and found this new "chainsaw" store. "I want your best model" he told the salesman. "OK, this one here is guaranteed to cut 30 trees a day".

The lumberjack, looking exausted, came back in the store a few days later. "You said 30 trees a day, I've only cut down 7 in the last 2 days". The salesman took the saw, looked it over, and started it. Bewildered, the lumberjack asked "What's that noise?"

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6465 Jun 12, 2013
Welcome, JM. Jump right in.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6466 Jun 12, 2013
While driving down a country road I saw my ex-wife riding a horse. Why she phoned me later and cussed me out, I don't know.

After all, she's the one that wildly galloped off without even waving, and I did honk my horn loudly to say hello.

“Up with which, I will not put”

Since: Jul 08

Sao Paulo

#6467 Jun 12, 2013
Hoof Arted wrote:
My buddy said he grounded his teenage son after coming home with a hickey.
"That's kinda harsh," I said. "Lots of teenagers get hickeys."
And my buddy said "It was on the back of his neck."
Ouch.

“Up with which, I will not put”

Since: Jul 08

Sao Paulo

#6468 Jun 12, 2013
Hoof Arted wrote:
I hate being bi-polar.
It's great!
:/
I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

“Up with which, I will not put”

Since: Jul 08

Sao Paulo

#6469 Jun 12, 2013
Give a man a match and he'll stay warm for an instant.

Set a man on fire and he'll stay warm for the rest of his life.

“Up with which, I will not put”

Since: Jul 08

Sao Paulo

#6470 Jun 12, 2013
There are 10 types of people in the world, those who read binary and those who don't.

“Up with which, I will not put”

Since: Jul 08

Sao Paulo

#6471 Jun 12, 2013
I used to be an athiest, until I realized I was God

“Up with which, I will not put”

Since: Jul 08

Sao Paulo

#6472 Jun 12, 2013
A man is watching TV when he hears a knock on the door. He gets up and opens the door, but no one is there, just a snail on the welcome mat. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street into a field.

10 years later, man's watching TV, and hears a knock on the door. He gets up and opens the door, but no one is there, just a snail on the welcome mat, who says to him angrily "What the f&ck was that all about?!"

“Nothing Going On But The Rent”

Level 2

Since: Jun 13

Location hidden

#6473 Jun 12, 2013
Gay Guys In Heaven

Three friends -- two straight guys and a gay guy -- and their significant others were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned, and next thing you know, they're standing before St. Peter.

First came one of the straight guys and his wife. St. Peter shook his head sadly. "I can't let you in. You loved money too much. You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny."

Then came the second straight guy. "Sorry, can't let you in, either. You loved food too much. You loved to eat so much, you even married a woman named Candy!"

The gay guy turned to his boyfriend and whispered nervously, "It doesn't look good, Dick."

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6474 Jun 13, 2013
The Director of the National Security Agency goes into a bar.

"Hey," the bartender says. "I've got a new joke for you. There was this nun........"

"Heard it," the NSA Director interrupted.

“Up with which, I will not put”

Since: Jul 08

Sao Paulo

#6475 Jun 14, 2013
Hoof Arted wrote:
The Director of the National Security Agency goes into a bar.
"Hey," the bartender says. "I've got a new joke for you. There was this nun........"
"Heard it," the NSA Director interrupted.
"Read it" rather...

“Up with which, I will not put”

Since: Jul 08

Sao Paulo

#6476 Jun 14, 2013
A bus full of Nuns drove over a cliff on the way to an event. No one survived.

Standing in line in front of St. Peter, the Nuns were asked one by one if they've ever committed a sin. Sister Mary was first, and responded "Well, many years ago I did touch a man's penis..." "OK" responded St. Peter, and directed her to wash her hand in the holy water before passing the pearly gates. Meanwhile, Sister Helen was discreetly cutting the line, working her way to the front.

Next was Sister Ann, who confessed to performing a hand-job on a man many years ago. St. Peter instructed her to wash her hand, and then to proceed past the pearly gates. Meanwhile Sister Hellen continued to cut her way to the front.

St. Peter, noticing Sister Hellen's anxiousness, asked her what the rush was all about.

"Well" responded Sister Helen awkwardly, "I wanted to wash my mouth in the holy water before Sister Theresa has to wash her ass in it..."

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6477 Jun 14, 2013
I hate when people repeat themselves. I can't help it. I just hate when people repeat themselves!

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