Come on...Tell me a joke
joke

Owensboro, KY

#6142 Mar 22, 2013
Doctor: "What seems to be the problem?" Patient: "Doc, I've got the farts. I mean I fart all the time," The Doctor nods, "Hmm." Patient: "My farts do not stink and you can't hear them. It's just that I fart all the time. Look, we've been talking here for about 10 minutes and I've farted five times." "Hmm," says the Doctor, as he picks up his pad and writes out a prescription. The patient is thrilled "Great doc. This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?" "No," sighs the Doctor, "The prescription is to clear your sinuses. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test."

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6143 Mar 22, 2013
"I see people."

The Fifth Sense.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6144 Mar 22, 2013
I saw a fat guy with "M.O.B." tattooed on his arm.

"Money Over Bitches?" I asked.

"No," he said. "McDonalds over Burger King."

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6145 Mar 22, 2013
Like many people, I had no idea what to do after I got out of school... but after thinking about it for a while, I decided to go home.
joke

Owensboro, KY

#6146 Mar 22, 2013
Selected Farting Statistics and Facts

Average number of farts per day: Man 15 to 17, Woman 8 or 9. Record farting frequency: 145 farts in 24 hours, 83 farts in 4 hours. The average man releases enough flatus in a day to blow up a small balloon. Farts can travel as far as 15 meters and the smell can linger for 5 minutes. Because some farts contain greater amounts of heavy gas,they will hang around longer than others. If you fart into a bottle and put the cork back in (or into an airtight tin), you can preserve your ripest farts for some time.
joke

Owensboro, KY

#6155 Mar 23, 2013
Bill decided to propose to Susan, but prior to her acceptance Susan had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Bill that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at the maturity of a 12 year old.

He stated that it was OK because he loved her so so much.

However, Bill felt this was also the time for him to open up and admit that he had a deformity too.

Bill looked Susan in the eyes and said....'I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant and I hope you could deal with that once we are married.' She said,'Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant size penis.'

Susan and Bill got married and they could not wait for the honeymoon. Bill whisked Susan off to their hotel suite and they started touching, teasing, holding one another... As Susan put her hands in Bills pants, she began to scream and ran out of the room! Bill ran after her to find out what was wrong.

She said,'You told me your penis was the size of an infant!'

Yes, it is.... 8lbs 7oz and 19 inches lon

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6156 Mar 24, 2013
My doctor is known as Dr. Doolittle.

Not because he talks to animals, though. It's because he's really lazy.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6157 Mar 24, 2013
Have I posted the joke about forgetting stuff?

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6158 Mar 24, 2013
There are countless films without Dracula in them.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6159 Mar 24, 2013
[crickets chirping]

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6160 Mar 24, 2013
Is this thing on?

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6161 Mar 24, 2013
I'm always assuming things, so much so that everyone calls me Mr Assumption.

Well, I've never actually heard anyone call me that, but I think they do.
Level 6

Since: Dec 12

Yes, I'm an Atheist.

#6162 Mar 24, 2013
A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around."

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6163 Mar 24, 2013
My buddy was excited when he heard that his blind date used to do a bit of modeling. Then he found out that it's a picture of her rotted teeth on the cigarette packs.
joke

Owensboro, KY

#6164 Mar 24, 2013
Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?

He's all right now.

How do crazy people go through the forest?

They take the psycho path.

How do you get holy water?

Boil the hell out of it

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6165 Mar 24, 2013
Divorce really changed my life. Drinking and making wild passionate love every night with money to burn, and driving around in my new convertible.

And I sat there in my tiny apartment watching a 19 inch black and white TV.
joke

Owensboro, KY

#6166 Mar 24, 2013
This homeless guy walks into a bar and says, "Gimme whiskey."

The bartender says, "I'll have to see your money first."

"I'm broke, sonny, but if you give me a bottle of whiskey, I'll get up on that stage and fart dixie!"

The bartender had never seen someone fart any kind of song, so he agrees. The homeless guy drinks the whole bottle of whiskey, then staggers up on stage and the audience starts applauding. Then he drops his pants and the audience starts cheering even louder. Then, he proceeds to shit all over the stage, and everyone gets disgusted and leaves.

The bartender screams, "You said you were gonna fart dixie! Not shit all over my stage!"

The guy replies, "Hey! Even Bob Dylan has to clear his throat before he sings"

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6168 Mar 25, 2013
My buddy is the kind of guy who always says what is on his mind.

But his doctor calls it "Tourette's Syndrome."

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6169 Mar 25, 2013
If you're happy and you know it can you please come to the service desk? Snow White and the other six dwarves are waiting for you
Level 6

Since: Dec 12

Yes, I'm an Atheist.

#6170 Mar 25, 2013
Is it good if a vacuum cleaner really sucks?

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