Come on...Tell me a joke

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6013 Feb 21, 2013
While hitting the local flea market, the wife and I stopped by an Amish booth, where we looked at information explaining why they shun any type of modern technology.

The wife bought a neat little refrigerator magnet at their gift shop.

Level 5

Since: Oct 12

Location hidden

#6014 Feb 21, 2013
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

“http://www.stude ntshelp.info”

Level 8

Since: Dec 12

http://www.studentshelp.info

#6016 Feb 22, 2013
Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?

A: Because he wasn't a chicken.

“once was blind”

Level 1

Since: Jul 10

now I see

#6017 Feb 22, 2013
This is a fun link
http:/wwww.brainbashers.com/pu zzles.asp

“once was blind”

Level 1

Since: Jul 10

now I see

#6018 Feb 22, 2013
Try again.
http:/www.brainbashers.com/puz zles.asp

“once was blind”

Level 1

Since: Jul 10

now I see

#6019 Feb 22, 2013
One more time
http:/www.brainbashers.com/puz zles.asp

“once was blind”

Level 1

Since: Jul 10

now I see

#6020 Feb 22, 2013
I am NOT typing a freaking space. Aren't we supposed to share links to get points?

“Purple girl in a purple world”

Level 8

Since: Apr 08

Plum, Purplonia

#6021 Feb 22, 2013
the insight wrote:
I am NOT typing a freaking space. Aren't we supposed to share links to get points?
No. You share the articles using the Share tools at the top of the page. Share it with Facebook or something.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6022 Feb 24, 2013
With the Pope resigning, maybe they should change the selection process. A new reality TV show called 'Pope Idol' or "The Vatican's Got Talent" where they have the cardinals sing, dance, read passages and prayers, and let the public vote off the worst until we have a new Pope.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6023 Feb 24, 2013
It started snowing last night and the wife said "If we get six inches I'm not going to work."

I said "If you don't go to work you're getting six inches."

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6024 Feb 24, 2013
Suface of Earth:

32% land

55% water

13% British Petroleum

Level 2

Since: May 12

Location hidden

#6025 Feb 24, 2013
Hoof Arted wrote:
With the Pope resigning, maybe they should change the selection process. A new reality TV show called 'Pope Idol' or "The Vatican's Got Talent" where they have the cardinals sing, dance, read passages and prayers, and let the public vote off the worst until we have a new Pope.
We have a radio show called "Gift Grub" on today fm that takes as much p*ss out of current events as possible. A few years back your idea was undertaken.....
&fe ature=youtube_gdata_player

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6026 Feb 28, 2013
Renegade_22 wrote:
<quoted text>
We have a radio show called "Gift Grub" on today fm that takes as much p*ss out of current events as possible. A few years back your idea was undertaken.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v =ViLJ4UXCu4cXX&feature=you tube_gdata_player
God help me, but I laffed.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6027 Feb 28, 2013
"Chosen by God"

Quits.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6028 Feb 28, 2013
My buddy's huge wife said she needed some incentive to lose weight, so he bought her a scale to help her keep track. It's pretty neat. It even prints out the data.

It was pretty expensive, but he said "Richter" makes a very good scale.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6029 Feb 28, 2013
I still vividly remember the day my father decided to give me "The Talk." I assumed he was going to give me the sex talk, but he was actually giving me the shaving talk... So imagine how the following conversation sounded to me:

"OK son. A lot of guys start doing it at your age, athough some are a bit older and some are a bit younger. Now, the first time you do it there will be a little bit of blood, but don't worry. This is entirely normal. Matter of fact, your mother will show you a trick with some toilet paper. You'll need to work out you preferred method of doing it. Some people do it manually, but others prefer to use an electric implement. You know... your mother and I have several implements and creams in a drawer that we can show you. Don't look so scared, son. You'll be nervous the first time you do it, but don't worry. I'll be standing behind you, making sure your doing it correctly, stroke by stroke.... "

That's when I fainted.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6030 Feb 28, 2013
While at the bar last weekend, my buddy bet a woman $1 that he could touch her boobs without touching her clothes. Since she had on a turtle neck and jacket, she didn't think it was remotely possible, so accepted the bet.

My buddy stepped up, cupped her breasts and squeezed.

"Hey," she said. "You touched my clothes!"

"Oh," my buddy said. "You're right. Here's your dollar."

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6031 Feb 28, 2013
While at the urinal at work a very fat fellow employee came in. Out of the blue, he volunteered that he had not seen his penis in three years.

Caught a bit off guard, I said "Why don't you diet?"

Looking surprised and a little scared, he blurted "Dye it? Oh God, what color is it now?"

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6032 Mar 2, 2013
I'm glad that it's 2013.

No more annoying dates like 04/04/04, 10/10/10 or 12/12/12 for another 88 years.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6033 Mar 2, 2013
Last weekend I asked my neighbor which dogs would be best to take bird hunting.

He gave me a couple of pointers.

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