Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#5799 Jan 4, 2013
I watched one of those food shows and they said we shouldn't be afraid to buy things from the "reduced price" shelf because those items can make a quick, nice and very inexpensive family meal.

I thought it might be a good idea, so I went to town and got some things, brought them home and made a meal to surprise the wife when she gets home from work.

I sure hope she likes her macaroni, gummi bear and cat food casserole.

Level 6

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#5800 Jan 4, 2013
Hoof Arted wrote:
I watched one of those food shows and they said we shouldn't be afraid to buy things from the "reduced price" shelf because those items can make a quick, nice and very inexpensive family meal.
I thought it might be a good idea, so I went to town and got some things, brought them home and made a meal to surprise the wife when she gets home from work.
I sure hope she likes her macaroni, gummi bear and cat food casserole.
Hey, that's what we had for dinner tonight!
;-) LOL
crzzzd

Rochester, PA

#5801 Jan 4, 2013
youtube.com/watch...
Q: What does Barack Obama call illegal aliens? A: Undocumented democrats.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#5802 Jan 5, 2013
TenderTink wrote:
<quoted text>
Hey, that's what we had for dinner tonight!
;-) LOL
Hey, I thought it was funny!

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#5803 Jan 5, 2013
As soon as his wife walked in the door, Tony said "I've got something to tell you."

"So have I!" she said excitedly. "You know last month Susan ran off with that guy from the gas station? Well I've just found out that Allison from the Post Office is leaving her husband and moving in with another man! Jesus It's like Peyton Place round here!"

She sat down. "What was your news, love?"

"Well..... you know Allison, from the Post Office..?"

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#5804 Jan 5, 2013
It got so cold in Minnesota that the nudist camp put out a sign: "We are open but we are clothed."

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#5805 Jan 5, 2013
This morning I saw a cigarette butt next to a mousetrap at my buddy's house.

It looked like the little mouse sat there and smoked a cigarette while he thought about it.

Level 5

Since: Oct 12

Location hidden

#5806 Jan 7, 2013
On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?"
"How much for a season pass?", responded one of the student.

“Colleges Search Engine ”

Level 8

Since: Mar 12

www.schoolanduniversity.com

#5807 Jan 8, 2013
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international capitals.
She proudly said, "Go ahead and quiz me. I know all of them!"

Her friend said, "O.K. then, what's the capital of France?"

The blonde replied, "Oh, that's so easy! F."

“Seriously guys...”

Level 3

Since: May 12

Regina

#5808 Jan 8, 2013
Ya know how many blonde jokes there are?

None, they're all true stories.

“Seriously guys...”

Level 3

Since: May 12

Regina

#5809 Jan 8, 2013
An older gentleman was sitting at home watching TV when he heard a noise in his backyard. He went to the window to look at saw 3 guys breaking into his shed, so he called the police.
The dispatcher informed him that the police were very busy that night and it would be 2-3 hours before an officer could show up.
So, the old man hangs up the phone, waits a few seconds and calls back, tells the dispatcher to forget about sending the police as he had shot the 3 guys.
Within minutes 5 cruisers, a wagon and an EMT were on hand. The police apprehended the 3 guys and said to the old man, "I thought you said you shot them".
To which the old man replied, "I thought you said it would be 2-3 hours".

Level 8

Since: Jan 11

Location hidden

#5810 Jan 8, 2013
Twins are better fruit lovers, they come in pears.

“\\\ Always Thinking ///”

Level 8

Since: Nov 12

Greensburg, IN

#5811 Jan 8, 2013
A Woman goes to the Local Newspaper Office to see that the Obituary for her recently Deceased Husband is published.The Obit Editor informs her that there is a charge of 50 cents per word.She pauses, reflects, and then she says, "Well then, let it read "Fred Brown died."
Amused at the Woman's thrift, the Editor tells her that there is a seven-word minimum for all Obituaries.
She thinks it over and in a few seconds says,
In that case, let it read, Fred Brown Died.... GOLF CLUBS FOR SALE."

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#5812 Jan 8, 2013
While visiting New York City with his wife, my buddy said they saw a big sign that read "Bus Tour; $10" so he gave it a try.

"What a ripoff," he said. "Ten bucks to look around a f***ing bus."

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#5813 Jan 8, 2013
Trying to sound as stern as possible, I pointed a finger at my dog and said "What have you been eating!?"

"Secret intelligence pills." he replied, keping the gun levelled on me. "Now stop stalling and give me the keys to the car."

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#5814 Jan 9, 2013
My wife told me that she broke a "gentle little southwind" at the grocery store yesterday and said she was so embarassed she didn't know where to look.

And I thought "Of course you wouldn't. It's a fart. They're invisible."

Women. How dumb can they be?

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#5815 Jan 9, 2013
I wasn't very impressed with the aftershave my wife bought me for my birthday, so I gave it to my best buddy, Tim.

I think I must have spilled some, though, because I can smell it in the bedroom every day when I get home from work.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#5816 Jan 9, 2013
Lately, I've noticed that more and more people are repeating themselves. Lately, that is. Repeating themselves. More and more.

Level 9

Since: Feb 12

Location hidden

#5817 Jan 9, 2013
Why did the ram commit suicide?

Because he heard this song.


(Ewe)

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#5818 Jan 10, 2013
My wife says I act like a baby when I'm sick.

Well, what does she expect when my widdle nosie-wosie is snuffied up and I have boo-boo's in my wittle tummy?

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