Come on...Tell me a joke

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#5799
Jan 4, 2013
 

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I watched one of those food shows and they said we shouldn't be afraid to buy things from the "reduced price" shelf because those items can make a quick, nice and very inexpensive family meal.

I thought it might be a good idea, so I went to town and got some things, brought them home and made a meal to surprise the wife when she gets home from work.

I sure hope she likes her macaroni, gummi bear and cat food casserole.

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#5800
Jan 4, 2013
 

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Hoof Arted wrote:
I watched one of those food shows and they said we shouldn't be afraid to buy things from the "reduced price" shelf because those items can make a quick, nice and very inexpensive family meal.
I thought it might be a good idea, so I went to town and got some things, brought them home and made a meal to surprise the wife when she gets home from work.
I sure hope she likes her macaroni, gummi bear and cat food casserole.
Hey, that's what we had for dinner tonight!
;-) LOL
crzzzd

Pittsburgh, PA

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#5801
Jan 4, 2013
 
youtube.com/watch...
Q: What does Barack Obama call illegal aliens? A: Undocumented democrats.

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#5802
Jan 5, 2013
 

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TenderTink wrote:
<quoted text>
Hey, that's what we had for dinner tonight!
;-) LOL
Hey, I thought it was funny!

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#5803
Jan 5, 2013
 

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As soon as his wife walked in the door, Tony said "I've got something to tell you."

"So have I!" she said excitedly. "You know last month Susan ran off with that guy from the gas station? Well I've just found out that Allison from the Post Office is leaving her husband and moving in with another man! Jesus It's like Peyton Place round here!"

She sat down. "What was your news, love?"

"Well..... you know Allison, from the Post Office..?"

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#5804
Jan 5, 2013
 

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It got so cold in Minnesota that the nudist camp put out a sign: "We are open but we are clothed."

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#5805
Jan 5, 2013
 

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This morning I saw a cigarette butt next to a mousetrap at my buddy's house.

It looked like the little mouse sat there and smoked a cigarette while he thought about it.

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#5806
Jan 7, 2013
 
On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?"
"How much for a season pass?", responded one of the student.

“Colleges Search Engine ”

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www.schoolanduniversity.com

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#5807
Jan 8, 2013
 
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international capitals.
She proudly said, "Go ahead and quiz me. I know all of them!"

Her friend said, "O.K. then, what's the capital of France?"

The blonde replied, "Oh, that's so easy! F."

“Seriously guys...”

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The 'Shwa

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#5808
Jan 8, 2013
 
Ya know how many blonde jokes there are?

None, they're all true stories.

“Seriously guys...”

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The 'Shwa

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#5809
Jan 8, 2013
 
An older gentleman was sitting at home watching TV when he heard a noise in his backyard. He went to the window to look at saw 3 guys breaking into his shed, so he called the police.
The dispatcher informed him that the police were very busy that night and it would be 2-3 hours before an officer could show up.
So, the old man hangs up the phone, waits a few seconds and calls back, tells the dispatcher to forget about sending the police as he had shot the 3 guys.
Within minutes 5 cruisers, a wagon and an EMT were on hand. The police apprehended the 3 guys and said to the old man, "I thought you said you shot them".
To which the old man replied, "I thought you said it would be 2-3 hours".

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#5810
Jan 8, 2013
 
Twins are better fruit lovers, they come in pears.

“"Always Thinking"”

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Greensburg, IN

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#5811
Jan 8, 2013
 
A Woman goes to the Local Newspaper Office to see that the Obituary for her recently Deceased Husband is published.The Obit Editor informs her that there is a charge of 50 cents per word.She pauses, reflects, and then she says, "Well then, let it read "Fred Brown died."
Amused at the Woman's thrift, the Editor tells her that there is a seven-word minimum for all Obituaries.
She thinks it over and in a few seconds says,
In that case, let it read, Fred Brown Died.... GOLF CLUBS FOR SALE."

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#5812
Jan 8, 2013
 

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While visiting New York City with his wife, my buddy said they saw a big sign that read "Bus Tour; $10" so he gave it a try.

"What a ripoff," he said. "Ten bucks to look around a f***ing bus."

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#5813
Jan 8, 2013
 

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Trying to sound as stern as possible, I pointed a finger at my dog and said "What have you been eating!?"

"Secret intelligence pills." he replied, keping the gun levelled on me. "Now stop stalling and give me the keys to the car."

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#5814
Jan 9, 2013
 
My wife told me that she broke a "gentle little southwind" at the grocery store yesterday and said she was so embarassed she didn't know where to look.

And I thought "Of course you wouldn't. It's a fart. They're invisible."

Women. How dumb can they be?

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#5815
Jan 9, 2013
 

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I wasn't very impressed with the aftershave my wife bought me for my birthday, so I gave it to my best buddy, Tim.

I think I must have spilled some, though, because I can smell it in the bedroom every day when I get home from work.

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#5816
Jan 9, 2013
 

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Lately, I've noticed that more and more people are repeating themselves. Lately, that is. Repeating themselves. More and more.

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#5817
Jan 9, 2013
 
Why did the ram commit suicide?

Because he heard this song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch...

(Ewe)

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#5818
Jan 10, 2013
 

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My wife says I act like a baby when I'm sick.

Well, what does she expect when my widdle nosie-wosie is snuffied up and I have boo-boo's in my wittle tummy?

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