opistoglyph
First Prev
of 259
Next Last

Since: Nov 07

North Bend, OR

#1 Dec 16, 2007
Here's to the incredible opistoglyph!

“A 1998 Mazda Millenia”

Since: Nov 07

Solon,OH

#2 Dec 16, 2007
Here it to olpis, he is the best.

Since: Sep 07

Location hidden

#3 Dec 16, 2007
Three Cheers to opistoglyph!

Level 1

Since: Aug 07

Warren, MI

#4 Dec 16, 2007
Hi Opistoglyph! Much Love

<3

opistoglyph

Since: Sep 07

Ravena, NY

#5 Dec 16, 2007
<blush> now i'll have to post stories. lower your judgement. thank you folks.

opistoglyph

Since: Sep 07

Ravena, NY

#6 Dec 16, 2007
A friend recently told me if anyone wanted to know who I am and what I do, these two stories are a must. Fall, 2004. Four hurricanes hit the east coast. None was that severe, but back to back, days apart, they had effects no one anticipated.
There are dozens of animal parks down south, some municipal, some privately owned, a couple large corporations. I went down as the result of a panicky phone call from someone I did a lot of business with, and promised I wouldn't divulge his situation. Suffice it to say, I caught most of his stuff, everything else seems to have died over the winter (thank God for the local communities). While I'm there helping him, other parks had problems as well, he recommended my help, next thing you know, after three jobs, I'm real popular.
Animals were loose all over GA, SC, NC, TN, KY. Few mammals, mostly reptiles, the stuff no one thought they'd have to worry about. There were some primates, a clouded leopard, some hooved stock, but snakes, crocs and large lizards were rampant. It hardly got any publicity- the cops were closed-mouthed, they just wanted it to go away, the parks wanted no publicity, especially the municipal ones. So I'd be at one place, by the time I'm done there's a county or state helicopter waiting to take me somewhere else. I only sleep 4-5 hours a day anyway, I learned to sleep in choppers very quickly, old habits die hard. Had to keep flying home twice a week to take care of my own stuff.
So, the rules: You pay my expenses, any equipment I need, transportation. I didn't make a dime, but it cost me nothing. If I bend over and pick something up and I want it, it's mine. No exceptions (I brought home nothing, there was no time to mess around). No press, no photos, no video, no cell phone photos, no one knows what I'm doing where (I want no legal or animal rights problems resulting). I say frog, you jump. If you don't like it, do it yourself. No catered meetings of the administrations to discuss things with me.Was like the guy that was called in in Pulp Fiction to help Samuel Jackson and John Travolta after Travolta accidentally shot the kid in the back seat.
I spent twenty days in Oct-Nov down south doing this, but the first 15 days were constant, with many locations still flooded after the last hurricane, things just wouldn't dry up. Neither could I- I was in 55-62 degree water hours a day-I could have died from hypothermia if I had any blood and a heart to pump it. Park directors and staff were so happy I could have gotten laid three times a day- most weren't my type, and I was pretty smelly anyway.

Third day in NC and I'm at my third location. This is the only escape that had any media attention (I had seen it on my local news in NY), but the press was long gone. A nine foot long, 550 lb salt water croc trapped in a fenced-in flooded zoo parking lot. The director wanted it shot, it was a last resort, but he didn't want any staff at risk trying to capture it, and the water wasn't going down. By this time, the local fire dept. was pretty much done pumping out basements, so they got me two pumps, I ran hoses in that evening, and overnight all that was left was a 60-100 foot puddle, maximum 18" deep along one side. The town provided me with 3/4" nylon rope, a ten foot corrugated pastic sewer pipe, a reducer fitting that went down to six inches, and a 90 degree elbow because they had no end caps. Though the water was cool, and night time temps kept him more sluggish, every day it would climb into the eighties, a bad time for croc catching. I aimed for dawn, needed help from 6 volunteers, but once again, the director is all "no one is going in there, I don't want anyone hurt." Fine, jackass, I'll do it myself, everyoneelse is outside the fence.

Since: Nov 07

North Bend, OR

#7 Dec 16, 2007
opistoglyph wrote:
<blush> now i'll have to post stories. lower your judgement. thank you folks.
this is the best place for your stories.
i won't have to stalk you to find them!

opistoglyph

Since: Sep 07

Ravena, NY

#8 Dec 16, 2007
On a TV show, with some animal expert in shorts acting like Jerry Lewis on meth with jockitch, this would have been a dangerous fiasco and struggle, with a dozen people jumping on, the animals' mouth tied shut, legs tied over his back, strapped to a board with grunting struggling musclemen carrying him to some gigantic crate right out of the movie Daktari. I simply strapped the sewer pipe lengthwise on a 6' flatbed cart with the handle removed, popped on the reducer fitting and ring clamped it securely. Wheeled the assembly through the gate and chocked the front wheels. Ran the nylon rope, tied to a broomstick, through the 6" pipe opening and out the other end which was pointing at the water. Gave one end to the six guys outside the gate, tied a noose in the other end, tied it to the broomstick, and went to the deep end to get my croc.
From TV, everyone expects an attack. But this was a 30 year old captive raised animal out of his element. Too cold to eat, too cold to move fast, low energy reserves, stressed. All he wanted was to be left alone. I knew if I poked him and chased him back and forth for awhile, he'd give up and either threaten me, or hunker down on the bottom and pretend he was invisible.
A half hour later, soaking wet, panting, I'm thinking I'll probably have a coronary before the croc gets exhausted, but finally, there he lays in the middle, ignoring poking, pretending to not exist. I slip the noose over his hied, down to his neck and pull tight. He tries to swim away, but the help keeps the rope taut, he rolls over a couple times and gives up, pulling backwards steadily, though. Once again from TV, the guys behind the gate get the idea to pull the rope and pull the croc into the pipe, which would be quite a struggle and result in his neck getting pretty messed up, maybe choking him. Just like on TV. I yell at them to slack off and tie the rope to something sturdy, just keep some tension on it if he moves around.
I walk back to the cart, yank the chocks, and wheel the pipe down the rope into the water, slowly as I get within ten feet of the animal. Eventually, I'm right up to him, and with some tugging on the rope, get his head up on the rim, and wheel the pipe right onto him with very little struggling, even some help from him lashing his tail, and he's inside. I make sure everyone keeps tension on the rope while I go back and get the 90 degree elbow and clamp, fasten that with the opening pointed up, so he couldn't back out (his body could not bend backwards 90 degrees. Then, with the aid of a flashlight and a snakestick, I yank the noose off his neck, and wheel the cart to the shallow end.
Staff was now let in to hook the cart up to a tractor and steer him back to the heated greenhouse the crocs had inhabited before the hurricane knocked a tree over on it. Repairs had been affected, he was the only escapee, miraculously. The carried him in, slid the pipe over the wall, I popped the end cap off and he slid gratefully into the warm water. No attacks, no spinning, no injured people or animals, no tying things or rolling around. The director watched too much TV.
I normally would'ntt involved in stuff like this since my daughter was born, with my age and all, but after 5 days I felt invincible. The thing that constantly amazed me is wherever I went I was meeting people with degrees who worked with these animals all the time, and none of them had any idea what to do in any situation outside the one they worked in daily. I wouldn't have qualified for a job as custodian in these places, but I was there solving days' or weeks' long problems in, sometimes a couple hours, sometimes overnight.
I was continually amazed that none could properly set a havahart trap or box trap properly so it wouldn't go off prematurely, or in a setting where the animal couldn't trip it from outside. And bait! These guys were using all kinds of exotic stuff the animals never had in their daily diets.

“A 1998 Mazda Millenia”

Since: Nov 07

Solon,OH

#10 Dec 16, 2007
opistoglyph wrote:
<blush> now i'll have to post stories. lower your judgement. thank you folks.
Not lowering any judgement opis. At least now there is one place to find them, instead of searching through all the threads,,,lol.

Since: Nov 07

North Bend, OR

#11 Dec 16, 2007
this is good stuff!

MoMaria

“Laugh it's good for you...”

Since: Sep 07

Location hidden

#12 Dec 16, 2007
I think you're awesome! But can you tell me how to get rid of skunks under a house? Really,it happens every year to me.(insert all the jokes here..) The underpenning is shot and they'll be back before we can fix that.

Since: Sep 07

Location hidden

#13 Dec 16, 2007
MoMaria wrote:
I think you're awesome! But can you tell me how to get rid of skunks under a house? Really,it happens every year to me.(insert all the jokes here..) The underpenning is shot and they'll be back before we can fix that.
A .22 cal rifle works for that lol.
My darn neighbors did that one time to one that was under MY trailor they thought it was funny
I got the last laugh though I don't know if they ever got that smell out of their car though.

Vee

“Happeeeeeee 2016!!!!!!!”

Since: Dec 06

Location hidden

#14 Dec 16, 2007
Opissssssss, dropping in to say hi, happy holidays, always love to see you posting something or another, I bet your daughter is excited about Christmas. Got the stockings and tree up, gifts bought and wrapped already? The only decision I made in the last 5 minutes was to eat a slice of American cheese. ha ha ha. Take care.

“Towards Spring”

Level 8

Since: Dec 06

Location hidden

#15 Dec 16, 2007
Im delighted you have your own thread.

In between doing a host of Christmas cards ...I sat down and read this
It is interesting to read, but I must admit, when I came to the part about the croc being pulled about and his neck getting messed up as a result .. to tell the truth, it just broke, my heart..
I am a vegetarian and have a HUGE sensitivity to animals .. I always wonder why they cannot be left alone.. in peace and in freedom..as far as it is possible..

What's your opinion of those who set traps for animals?
I think it is cruel, as if it catches an unsuspecting animal, by the leg, it is in agony for hours..

You have a lot of experince of animals Opis.. so ...

What ...in your opinion ..

is the most dangerous animal?

The most intelligent?

the most gentle?

Thank you for something very different ..
and the best of good liook with your thread Opis..

MoMaria

“Laugh it's good for you...”

Since: Sep 07

Location hidden

#16 Dec 16, 2007
mo res wrote:
<quoted text>A .22 cal rifle works for that lol.
My darn neighbors did that one time to one that was under MY trailor they thought it was funny
I got the last laugh though I don't know if they ever got that smell out of their car though.
They spray when you shoot them,my brother found that out. I laughed for days, then they moved to my house. Not laughing now.

Since: Sep 07

Location hidden

#17 Dec 16, 2007
Hmmmm...I don't know about this....I think it might cut into the attention I get, fewer emails to me etc....

<lower lip out>

But his stories are good, and well written, and every word true....I checked...I wouldn't have called if I hadn't....so I guess I should share.

I'll just sit over here in the corner.

moi
Level 4

Since: Dec 06

Arta, Russia

#18 Dec 16, 2007
Psst! Scoot over. I want to hear. Tell us more.

opistoglyph

Since: Sep 07

Ravena, NY

#19 Dec 16, 2007
MoMaria wrote:
I think you're awesome! But can you tell me how to get rid of skunks under a house? Really,it happens every year to me.(insert all the jokes here..) The underpenning is shot and they'll be back before we can fix that.
My nemesis. Livetrapping works, they rarely spray because they can't stand the smell either. Side the trap into a plastic garbage can, pop on the lid- drive it away several miles. Lay trap gently on side, open door at tail end so they have to backl out oif trap while you retreat.
Repeat as necessary. Since they can have 10 young at a time, and in the 'burbs they ALL survive, this can become quite a hobby. I've removed dozens, never been sprayed. Dropped the garbage can once, it didn't spray! The main enemy- owls (birds have no sense of smell except for vultures, and you'd think they wouldn't want it), but owls stay away from the 'burbs. Mothballs, pine sol, all that stuff has worked for some, but if you can't seal off the porch, they'll be back. How about a spotlight under the porch? That might disturb them enough to keep them out.

opistoglyph

Since: Sep 07

Ravena, NY

#20 Dec 16, 2007
moi wrote:
Psst! Scoot over. I want to hear. Tell us more.
It's coming, topix is loading normally again.

opistoglyph

Since: Sep 07

Ravena, NY

#21 Dec 16, 2007
Marilyn -MW wrote:
Hmmmm...I don't know about this....I think it might cut into the attention I get, fewer emails to me etc....
<lower lip out>
But his stories are good, and well written, and every word true....I checked...I wouldn't have called if I hadn't....so I guess I should share.
I'll just sit over here in the corner.
How could anything distract me from you?

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker
First Prev
of 259
Next Last

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Weird Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
What song are you listening to right now? (Apr '08) 2 min Princess Hey 223,303
Denny Crain's Place (May '10) 13 min Denny CranesPlace 27,287
Phrases that you don't hear very often (Nov '11) 16 min a_visitor 757
I wouldn't dare.... 18 min Liza 65
Caught on video 3 23 min a_visitor 84
News Strange bedfellows: Jimmy Carter defends Trump 36 min Lawrence Wolf 223
What's your tip for the day? (Jul '14) 45 min a_visitor 2,323
Poll What are you thinking right now? (May '08) 8 hr Brandiiiiiiii 6,022
More from around the web