Offbeat Fox News

“Maddie Mae”

Level 8

Since: Jun 11

Location hidden

#81 Jun 30, 2013
THIS JUST IN:

PAULA DEEN SIGHTING!

I was just at a resturaunt and ordered blackened fish, extra black. In came a lady and sat at the table next to mine.
When they brought my fish, the lady jumped up and started screaming, "OMG, I'm so sorry you're so black", at my fish!

She was last seen running out the door singing...

“Maddie Mae”

Level 8

Since: Jun 11

Location hidden

#82 Jun 30, 2013
Restaurant!

Level 5

Since: Sep 12

Location hidden

#83 Jun 30, 2013
R C Honey wrote:
I've got patches on my eyes. I will be able to remove them for the fireworks tonight, they were superficial anyways... A cry for attention, which I barely got any ,anyways.... heartless bastards! Just sayin
Hi R C glad to see you are ok.:)

Since: Jan 07

Location Shown

#84 Jun 30, 2013
David0407 wrote:
<quoted text>Hi R C glad to see you are ok.:)


That I'm Ok Your Ok might not work in Canada,..

Since: Mar 08

Location hidden

#85 Jun 30, 2013
Big Time wrote:
<quoted text>
That I'm Ok Your Ok might not work in Canada,..
It doesn't. lol You're Canadian savvy. AWESOME!

“Maddie Mae”

Level 8

Since: Jun 11

Location hidden

#86 Jun 30, 2013
YIKES: Just in!

The temperature in Dorks town reached 130 yesterday. Children were disappointed when the ice cream man failed to show up!

NEWS AT ELEVEN

http://www.google.com/imgres...

Level 9

Since: Nov 10

Powellton WV

#87 Jun 30, 2013
DondoDork wrote:
YIKES: Just in!
The temperature in Dorks town reached 130 yesterday. Children were disappointed when the ice cream man failed to show up!
NEWS AT ELEVEN
http://www.google.com/imgres...
Evening all.

I was wondering if we were the only ones
getting this incredible (unseasonable) heat.
Geez...it's Hot!

I've been indoors scrubbing carpets all day.
You better believe the AC is going full blast.

You guys stay cool:)

Since: Jan 07

Location Shown

#88 Jun 30, 2013
R C Honey wrote:
<quoted text>It doesn't. lol You're Canadian savvy. AWESOME!

Tip, Don't keep copies of your restraining orders in your car either,...

Since: Mar 08

Location hidden

#89 Jun 30, 2013
Big Time wrote:
<quoted text>
Tip, Don't keep copies of your restraining orders in your car either,...
HELLO! You don't think we learn that crap when we're old enough to get them????!!!!

I take my savvy compliment back!

Since: Mar 08

Location hidden

#90 Jun 30, 2013
David0407 wrote:
<quoted text>Hi R C glad to see you are ok.:)
Am I David? Am I really? lol

Since: Mar 08

Location hidden

#91 Jun 30, 2013
DondoDork wrote:
YIKES: Just in!
The temperature in Dorks town reached 130 yesterday. Children were disappointed when the ice cream man failed to show up!
NEWS AT ELEVEN
http://www.google.com/imgres...
ahhahahahahaha

Since: Mar 08

Location hidden

#92 Jun 30, 2013
arctic wrote:
<quoted text>
Evening all.
I was wondering if we were the only ones
getting this incredible (unseasonable) heat.
Geez...it's Hot!
I've been indoors scrubbing carpets all day.
You better believe the AC is going full blast.
You guys stay cool:)
I'm sorry, but are you telling me to stay cool? Really? c'mon, be honest,,, me?

Canadian here! Our idea of a horrendously hot day is just above room temp. Now I know heat travels up,, to the upper floors, and that's why basements are so popular here.
(spiders keep me out, but that's beside the point)

“Maddie Mae”

Level 8

Since: Jun 11

Location hidden

#93 Jun 30, 2013
This just in from Dave's bar and grill:

A drunk Travis Pratt gets up from the bar and heads for the restroom. A few minutes later, a loud, bloodcurdling scream is heard. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar. The bartender (Dave) goes to investigate why the drunk is screaming. "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring my customers!

"I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes my ballz."

With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says, "You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"

Tonight Dave's bar and grill will be hosting a soprano contest!

“Maddie Mae”

Level 8

Since: Jun 11

Location hidden

#94 Jun 30, 2013
DondoDork wrote:
This just in from Dave's bar and grill:
A drunk Travis Pratt gets up from the bar and heads for the restroom. A few minutes later, a loud, bloodcurdling scream is heard. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar. The bartender (Dave) goes to investigate why the drunk is screaming. "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring my customers!
"I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes my ballz."
With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says, "You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"
Tonight Dave's bar and grill will be hosting a soprano contest!

Since: Jan 07

Location Shown

#95 Jun 30, 2013
R C Honey wrote:
<quoted text>HELLO! You don't think we learn that crap when we're old enough to get them????!!!!
I take my savvy compliment back!


One more crack like that,...I'll knock hell outta you,..

Level 9

Since: Nov 10

Powellton WV

#96 Jun 30, 2013
R C Honey wrote:
<quoted text>I'm sorry, but are you telling me to stay cool? Really? c'mon, be honest,,, me?
Canadian here! Our idea of a horrendously hot day is just above room temp. Now I know heat travels up,, to the upper floors, and that's why basements are so popular here.
(spiders keep me out, but that's beside the point)
LOL

Then why don't you send us some of that
cool Canadian air?
We could really use it.

Spiders keep me out of my basement to:)
(but that's beside the point...lol)

Since: Mar 08

Location hidden

#97 Jul 1, 2013
This is RC Honey for Offbeat Fox News. I'm happy to report that I am okay. The superficial wounds have healed, and my pride is intact. I am also happy to report Canada Day was a success. Fireworks were awesome!

Anyways,,,, less important news that doesn't involve me are as follows..

Sweetie pie won't stop screaming, as she claims "Those who speak the loudest often have nothing to say." and thrives on the time others spend on trying to rip her apart. The time spent on her, adds to her will to live giving her a lifespan of a Turritopsis nutricula jelly fish (striking resemblance also noted), and is consequently considered biologically immortal because sweetie pie (jelly fish) constantly reverts to a sexually immature stage after harassing innocent posters, and has no maximum lifespan.

She simply gives herself more lives with several different identities, giving her faux power so please, Offbeat Fox News is pleading not to waste your time, giving her time.

The more you know..........

“News Now”

Level 1

Since: Jun 13

Location hidden

#98 Jul 1, 2013
This just in,,, several people have called in stating that this thread is on fire. Please don't panic, remain calm and exit the thread in a calm and orderly fashion.

No pushing or shoving please, head to your nearest thread that is currently not on fire, or has a chance to be on fire.(that leaves out the thread "Sex with a bicycle: security camera catches man bonking a bike").... coughcough,, really people, really? Anyways, as tempting as that thread is to peer into, don't risk burning yourself for the perverse actions of a desperate man.

"The letter "V" is safe, and the chances of a fire starting there is slim to none.

RC Honey will direct people back into this thread once it's deemed safe.

This is Dusty McNuts on behalf of Offbeat Fox News, have a pleasant evening.

“News Now”

Level 1

Since: Jun 13

Location hidden

#99 Jul 1, 2013
arctic wrote:
<quoted text>
LOL
Then why don't you send us some of that
cool Canadian air?
We could really use it.
Spiders keep me out of my basement to:)
(but that's beside the point...lol)
Are you serious? I just told you that above room temperatures is considered sweltering for us, do you really think that I'm going to send what little cool air we have down there? And I do believe I speak for most Canadians. I'll be happy to spare a few spiders! But that's probably beside the point

Since: Mar 08

Location hidden

#100 Jul 1, 2013
Dammit Dusty,,, you're reading from my cue cards, I was the one that supposed to say that we're keeping our cool air, for them to deal with it, and tough luck! that was for ME to say, NOT YOU! Get your sh*t together McNuts!

Dammit

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