Acolytes of Junket

Level 8

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#31836 Dec 19, 2012
Junket wrote:
Yo ho, Ricky!
Howdy doody, Perse!
What's up, Sub?
**********
I really wish I felt comfortable sharing more on topix. My Mom.... she's fine more or less, but she's developed a split personality. I never know which "Mom" I'll get.
Bambi’s mom can be like that towards her. Sometimes she will do or say things that both Bambi and I feel are mean. Bambi is just so sweet … that for a long time, she just took it and would come to me if she were upset and needed to talk.

My advice has always been to approach things the same as I would with my parents. If my parents do something that bothers me … I will let them know … in no uncertain terms. While I was raised to respect my elders, that doesn’t mean I am to be their doormat and just take stuff or not speak my mind at times.

While not everyone has that kind of relationship with their folks, I do believe that establishing boundaries are important for everyone involved. So, even when Bambi would tell me she doesn’t have the same forward relationship with her folks that I have with mine, I would still say that she needs to stick up for herself and not just take it.

She will never be as I am with my folks, but as she’s become more assertive, their relationship seems to have gotten better. I think one day she even hung up on her mom and I was like, go you. I know it made her feel like she has a little bit more control in the situation. Things seem to have been much smoother as of late.

It sounds like the dynamics between you and your mother might be similar? If so, I would suggest the same approach. It’s okay to get upset sometimes and let the other person know … even your parents. This doesn't make you a bad person. Whether you are like me and say something along the lines of “F’ that mom and dad … that’s b.s.”(I tell my folks exactly how I see it) or are less forward about it, like Bambi, so long as you get your point across … that’s what matters.

“Incorrupta fides, nudaque veri”

Level 9

Since: May 07

Vincit qui se vincit

#31837 Dec 19, 2012
Junket wrote:
Top of the morning, Kev and JE!
Peeps appear to be in fine spirits this morning.
Knock Knock
- Who's there?
Holly
- Holly who?
Holly-days are here again!
lol someone's in the holiday spirit!

“Incorrupta fides, nudaque veri”

Level 9

Since: May 07

Vincit qui se vincit

#31838 Dec 19, 2012
Sublime1 wrote:
Super!!!1
How do you spell that incredibly long word....superexadoniacal..... something or another? lol

“Incorrupta fides, nudaque veri”

Level 9

Since: May 07

Vincit qui se vincit

#31839 Dec 19, 2012
Junket wrote:
Yo ho, Ricky!
Howdy doody, Perse!
What's up, Sub?
**********
I really wish I felt comfortable sharing more on topix. My Mom.... she's fine more or less, but she's developed a split personality. I never know which "Mom" I'll get.
Well if you get the good mom, give the good Junket...If you get the other mom, give the other Junket? lol

Level 8

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#31840 Dec 19, 2012
-Kevin- wrote:
<quoted text>
They have yet to be honest about a dang thing.
After the damning report on the State Department that was issued yesterday, she can kiss off running for President ... poor leadership.

Level 8

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#31841 Dec 19, 2012
Ricky F wrote:
<quoted text>How do you spell that incredibly long word....superexadoniacal..... something or another? lol
Supercalifragilisticexpialidoc ious

-Kevin-
Level 10

Since: Nov 09

Smirk .. ;-)

#31842 Dec 19, 2012
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
After the damning report on the State Department that was issued yesterday, she can kiss off running for President ... poor leadership.
All of them are bleh.

“Make time ”

Level 10

Since: Sep 09

for contemplation

#31843 Dec 19, 2012
-Persephone- wrote:
<quoted text>Howdy doody was a redhead! lol
Dementia?
Unable to diagnose - thinking depression and striking back at any handy scapegoat. Bahhhhh

“Make time ”

Level 10

Since: Sep 09

for contemplation

#31844 Dec 19, 2012
Ricky F wrote:
<quoted text>Well if you get the good mom, give the good Junket...If you get the other mom, give the other Junket? lol
What other Junket? I'm a ray of sunshine, Susan said so!
;-)

“<3”

Level 9

Since: Jun 10

Black Rock City, NV

#31845 Dec 19, 2012
Yeah. I know a few people watching their parents go through that with their folks.
Junket wrote:
<quoted text>
Unable to diagnose - thinking depression and striking back at any handy scapegoat. Bahhhhh
All you can do is include them. You could remind her you are still her little girl and need her. I really don't know about this yet. My mom is a youngster still.

“Make time ”

Level 10

Since: Sep 09

for contemplation

#31846 Dec 19, 2012
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
Bambi’s mom can be like that towards her. Sometimes she will do or say things that both Bambi and I feel are mean. Bambi is just so sweet … that for a long time, she just took it and would come to me if she were upset and needed to talk.
My advice has always been to approach things the same as I would with my parents. If my parents do something that bothers me … I will let them know … in no uncertain terms. While I was raised to respect my elders, that doesn’t mean I am to be their doormat and just take stuff or not speak my mind at times.
While not everyone has that kind of relationship with their folks, I do believe that establishing boundaries are important for everyone involved. So, even when Bambi would tell me she doesn’t have the same forward relationship with her folks that I have with mine, I would still say that she needs to stick up for herself and not just take it.
She will never be as I am with my folks, but as she’s become more assertive, their relationship seems to have gotten better. I think one day she even hung up on her mom and I was like, go you. I know it made her feel like she has a little bit more control in the situation. Things seem to have been much smoother as of late.
It sounds like the dynamics between you and your mother might be similar? If so, I would suggest the same approach. It’s okay to get upset sometimes and let the other person know … even your parents. This doesn't make you a bad person. Whether you are like me and say something along the lines of “F’ that mom and dad … that’s b.s.”(I tell my folks exactly how I see it) or are less forward about it, like Bambi, so long as you get your point across … that’s what matters.
I'm not one that would be called a door mat or shrinking violet, but there are battles that cannot be won. I just placed the latest mess at the steps of the Three Mistakes. We take turns now. I've done my share in the merry merry month of December. Fini!

While I understand being low key and taking one for the team, there's a point when abuse (no matter the source) shouldn't be ignored. There should be consequences. Sweet Bambi seems to be learning her own way to deal.

Oth, family dynamics shift with time, and now it's no longer a matter of being right, but trying to be kind. My Mom is just not herself. She's scared. Add to that, I now feel disloyal.:-(

“what are you talking about you”

Level 8

Since: Mar 11

schlappington, by god

#31847 Dec 19, 2012

<3 awl yuns frend,
cooter bob

“<3”

Level 9

Since: Jun 10

Black Rock City, NV

#31848 Dec 19, 2012
Awww. You tried though.
<3

Level 8

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#31849 Dec 19, 2012
Junket wrote:
<quoted text>
I'm not one that would be called a door mat or shrinking violet, but there are battles that cannot be won. I just placed the latest mess at the steps of the Three Mistakes. We take turns now. I've done my share in the merry merry month of December. Fini!
While I understand being low key and taking one for the team, there's a point when abuse (no matter the source) shouldn't be ignored. There should be consequences. Sweet Bambi seems to be learning her own way to deal.
Oth, family dynamics shift with time, and now it's no longer a matter of being right, but trying to be kind. My Mom is just not herself. She's scared. Add to that, I now feel disloyal.:-(
Yes, Bambi has gotten stronger over the years. In her case, with her mom, it was always that way, from the time she was young. So the dynamics are a bit different.

You can only do what you can do, Junket, and it’s okay to not take on more than you can take on. That doesn’t make you disloyal.

-Kevin-
Level 10

Since: Nov 09

Smirk .. ;-)

#31850 Dec 19, 2012
Sublime1 wrote:
You can only do what you can do, Junket, and it’s okay to not take on more than you can take on. That doesn’t make you disloyal.
Bingo

“Make time ”

Level 10

Since: Sep 09

for contemplation

#31851 Dec 19, 2012
Cooterbob wrote:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v =sseRlBDDVaUXX
<3 awl yuns frend,
cooter bob
Seasons Greetings, Bob!
I almost without fail cannot (at this time) open most youtubes.
Not even sure if your post was directed to me or others or all inclusive. Matters not. Best wishes to you! J

“Make time ”

Level 10

Since: Sep 09

for contemplation

#31852 Dec 19, 2012
-Persephone- wrote:
Yeah. I know a few people watching their parents go through that with their folks. <quoted text>All you can do is include them. You could remind her you are still her little girl and need her. I really don't know about this yet. My mom is a youngster still.
It pains me to say that children become the parents of their parents. Remember being a child and resenting your parents. Well older parents at times resent their children for trying to parent them - even if "it's for their own good". Sound familiar?

Full circle. Suckeroos, big time - at least for me. Never saw this coming. Have no previous experience and completely unequipped to handle. It it was a job application, I would not be hired.

“<3”

Level 9

Since: Jun 10

Black Rock City, NV

#31853 Dec 19, 2012
Yes, and quite exhausting I've been told. It's okay if the three mistakes are put to task.
Junket wrote:
<quoted text>
It pains me to say that children become the parents of their parents. Remember being a child and resenting your parents. Well older parents at times resent their children for trying to parent them - even if "it's for their own good". Sound familiar?
Full circle. Suckeroos, big time - at least for me. Never saw this coming. Have no previous experience and completely unequipped to handle. It it was a job application, I would not be hired.
Meanwhile, I prescribe a workout with Mr. Junket.

:)

“Resist Persist Enlist Exist”

Level 6

Since: Sep 12

United States

#31854 Dec 19, 2012
Junket wrote:
<quoted text>
It pains me to say that children become the parents of their parents. Remember being a child and resenting your parents. Well older parents at times resent their children for trying to parent them - even if "it's for their own good". Sound familiar?
Yes, very.

No one can hurt you like your mother - they know all the buttons. Mine spent a brief period being a convalescent. I did things for her I never expected I could. She came back from that (and the added depression) The woman's a social butterfly, but can be mean as a snake too. I'm feeling a bit of that disloyalty myself these days because I don't always have the humor to deal with the cruelty. Oh, and not to mention the effect this can have on the relationship between siblings.

Good Afternoon Junket

Level 8

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#31855 Dec 19, 2012
Junket wrote:
<quoted text>
It pains me to say that children become the parents of their parents. Remember being a child and resenting your parents. Well older parents at times resent their children for trying to parent them - even if "it's for their own good". Sound familiar?
Full circle. Suckeroos, big time - at least for me. Never saw this coming. Have no previous experience and completely unequipped to handle. It it was a job application, I would not be hired.
I don't have much experience with that. I will say this ... my great grandmother had Alzheimer's and my grandmother cared for her for about 15 years. She was basically a vegetable for the last 12-10 years of her life. She couldn't talk, couldn't walk, couldn't do anything. The fact that she lived so long is because of the great care she received, I do believe.

My grandmother dedicated the golden years of her life to caring for her mother and could almost never travel (her other siblings rarely helped out ... only one of my aunts would come stay in her house if she had to go somewhere). While it was admirable and kind, she spent her golden years trapped in her house.

There is a HEALTHY balance to be struck between that and washing one's hands of it, I do believe. I wouldn't beat yourself up for striking a balance and importantly working with your siblings to make sure you all are contributing fairly.

It was funny, with my great grandmother (she died when I was in my teens)... no one except my grandmother was there to care for her (except for my one great aunt who would sometimes ... rarely, help her), but they were all very eager to collect their inheritance (I only know this because my father was the executor of their estate). No one is perfect, I guess, but I can't imagine caring more about $$ than I do for my parents.

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