Help! How do you know if you're invol...

Help! How do you know if you're involved with a fake Dom/poser?

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Since: Dec 13

United States

#1 Dec 19, 2013
I have recently gotten involved with a Dom who seems really nice and understanding. I am completely new to the community, so I was unaware (until yesterday) that fake Doms were rampant online. Nothing seems off except for his disappearances, that happen a bit too often for my comfort, leaving me insecure and wondering if I've upset him. He didn't jump straight into sexual tones. In fact, he was great with making sure we negotiated everything including boundaries. I may be a bit too paranoid, but I refuse to be played. I really wish intelligent, loving, experienced Doms were easy to find. I feel really lost and it's frustrating to try to find someone real anymore, especially when everyone feels they can take advantage of you because you're a female, submissive or new. I may be all of those things, but what I'm not is ignorant, blind, or na´ve. If you have advice, I could really use it. I'm confused of what's going on, and I'm scared that I'm being used. I don't want to and I won't be someone's booty call, physically or otherwise. Help, please?
Robottrash

Greensboro, NC

#2 Dec 19, 2013
Bright_Eyes wrote:
I have recently gotten involved with a Dom who seems really nice and understanding. I am completely new to the community, so I was unaware (until yesterday) that fake Doms were rampant online. Nothing seems off except for his disappearances, that happen a bit too often for my comfort, leaving me insecure and wondering if I've upset him. He didn't jump straight into sexual tones. In fact, he was great with making sure we negotiated everything including boundaries. I may be a bit too paranoid, but I refuse to be played. I really wish intelligent, loving, experienced Doms were easy to find. I feel really lost and it's frustrating to try to find someone real anymore, especially when everyone feels they can take advantage of you because you're a female, submissive or new. I may be all of those things, but what I'm not is ignorant, blind, or na´ve. If you have advice, I could really use it. I'm confused of what's going on, and I'm scared that I'm being used. I don't want to and I won't be someone's booty call, physically or otherwise. Help, please?
Get me on skype

Since: Jun 13

Europe

#3 Dec 19, 2013
Bright_Eyes wrote:
I have recently gotten involved with a Dom who seems really nice and understanding. I am completely new to the community, so I was unaware (until yesterday) that fake Doms were rampant online. Nothing seems off except for his disappearances, that happen a bit too often for my comfort, leaving me insecure and wondering if I've upset him. He didn't jump straight into sexual tones. In fact, he was great with making sure we negotiated everything including boundaries. I may be a bit too paranoid, but I refuse to be played. I really wish intelligent, loving, experienced Doms were easy to find. I feel really lost and it's frustrating to try to find someone real anymore, especially when everyone feels they can take advantage of you because you're a female, submissive or new. I may be all of those things, but what I'm not is ignorant, blind, or na´ve. If you have advice, I could really use it. I'm confused of what's going on, and I'm scared that I'm being used. I don't want to and I won't be someone's booty call, physically or otherwise. Help, please?
is he an online dom or have you met in person?
the only way you can find the answer is to meet and talk to them. Also you need to think about your needs. is he fulfilling your needs as well as his own?
insertnamehere

Sydney, Australia

#4 Dec 19, 2013
The only way to know someone is genuine is to build trust before allowing them to take control.
What people refer to as "fake Doms" are generally either inexperienced men who want to be Doms or just twisted pic collectors. I never send any kind of inappropriate pics to anyone as soon as we start talking. I don't allow them to give me orders immediately either. You know you're genuine and you know what you have to offer and you don't need to prove myself to anyone. Anyone who expects you to send nude pics or follow any kind of command immediately doesn't understand D/s relationships and clearly isn't going to be right for you.

Don't rush into things, get to know them as a person too and don't call them by a Doms title until you trust them and know you want to obey them. You decide when you give your submission and he decides whether to accept it. He doesn't demand it!

Also, D/s or no, you have every right to ask him what's up with the disappearances and expect an explanation. There is nothing wrong with speaking up occasionally.

Since: Dec 13

United States

#5 Dec 19, 2013
aftershock69 wrote:
<quoted text>
is he an online dom or have you met in person?
the only way you can find the answer is to meet and talk to them. Also you need to think about your needs. is he fulfilling your needs as well as his own?
He is an online Dom. Meeting Him is difficult as there's quite a distance between us. He has spoke about wanting a physical relationship as well, but He doesn't seem to want a loving relationship, just a D/s relationship.(Which isn't what I want.) As I am new to this lifestyle and the community, I'm not 100% sure where my needs as a submissive lie. Unfortunately, my physical and emotional needs as a woman are not being met and I feel He would feel disrespected if I told Him I was worried about my needs. I put Him first and before anything and everything as He demands.
Is an experienced, genuine Dom who wants a loving D/s relationship too much to ask for?

Since: Dec 13

United States

#6 Dec 19, 2013
insertnamehere wrote:
The only way to know someone is genuine is to build trust before allowing them to take control.
What people refer to as "fake Doms" are generally either inexperienced men who want to be Doms or just twisted pic collectors. I never send any kind of inappropriate pics to anyone as soon as we start talking. I don't allow them to give me orders immediately either. You know you're genuine and you know what you have to offer and you don't need to prove myself to anyone. Anyone who expects you to send nude pics or follow any kind of command immediately doesn't understand D/s relationships and clearly isn't going to be right for you.
Don't rush into things, get to know them as a person too and don't call them by a Doms title until you trust them and know you want to obey them. You decide when you give your submission and he decides whether to accept it. He doesn't demand it!
Also, D/s or no, you have every right to ask him what's up with the disappearances and expect an explanation. There is nothing wrong with speaking up occasionally.
I wish I had had this advice before I started my current arrangement. I'm so far past all of that and since first contact has been only a little over a week. I suppose I went into the arrangement blind, trusting Him to teach me a lifestyle and because He was respectful and curious about me as a person and He spoke like He was experienced, I trusted Him. I feel massively stupid in retrospect.
What bothers me is He will answer questions about himself if I ask specifically but He won't offer information about Himself like He instructed I do. And I am so intimidated by Him that I fear upsetting Him by asking questions about Him or asking for an explanation of where He disappears to. Thank you for your advice and I am certain I will heed it in future endeavors.
Gary

Indianapolis, IN

#7 Dec 19, 2013
Bright_Eyes wrote:
<quoted text>
I wish I had had this advice before I started my current arrangement. I'm so far past all of that and since first contact has been only a little over a week. I suppose I went into the arrangement blind, trusting Him to teach me a lifestyle and because He was respectful and curious about me as a person and He spoke like He was experienced, I trusted Him. I feel massively stupid in retrospect.
What bothers me is He will answer questions about himself if I ask specifically but He won't offer information about Himself like He instructed I do. And I am so intimidated by Him that I fear upsetting Him by asking questions about Him or asking for an explanation of where He disappears to. Thank you for your advice and I am certain I will heed it in future endeavors.
So sorry to hear that, you need some one real and good
insertnamehere

Sydney, Australia

#8 Dec 19, 2013
Bright_Eyes wrote:
<quoted text>
I wish I had had this advice before I started my current arrangement. I'm so far past all of that and since first contact has been only a little over a week. I suppose I went into the arrangement blind, trusting Him to teach me a lifestyle and because He was respectful and curious about me as a person and He spoke like He was experienced, I trusted Him. I feel massively stupid in retrospect.
What bothers me is He will answer questions about himself if I ask specifically but He won't offer information about Himself like He instructed I do. And I am so intimidated by Him that I fear upsetting Him by asking questions about Him or asking for an explanation of where He disappears to. Thank you for your advice and I am certain I will heed it in future endeavors.
Don't feel intimidated! If your needs aren't being met you literally have nothing to lose! Next time he disappears you should ask him what happened. If he goes off or avoids answering, tell him you just don't feel like things are working out the way you had hoped. Read up on the lifestyle and decide what you do and don't want to try.. id also suggest joining something like fetlife and talking to others and meeting people that way?
Join Free
pleasure93

Escalon, CA

#9 Dec 19, 2013
Bright_Eyes wrote:
I have recently gotten involved with a Dom who seems really nice and understanding. I am completely new to the community, so I was unaware (until yesterday) that fake Doms were rampant online. Nothing seems off except for his disappearances, that happen a bit too often for my comfort, leaving me insecure and wondering if I've upset him. He didn't jump straight into sexual tones. In fact, he was great with making sure we negotiated everything including boundaries. I may be a bit too paranoid, but I refuse to be played. I really wish intelligent, loving, experienced Doms were easy to find. I feel really lost and it's frustrating to try to find someone real anymore, especially when everyone feels they can take advantage of you because you're a female, submissive or new. I may be all of those things, but what I'm not is ignorant, blind, or na´ve. If you have advice, I could really use it. I'm confused of what's going on, and I'm scared that I'm being used. I don't want to and I won't be someone's booty call, physically or otherwise. Help, please?
this is what you do you come to me and everything will be ok i promise im just what your looking for and your just what im looking for
pleasure93

Escalon, CA

#10 Dec 19, 2013
pleasure93 wrote:
<quoted text> this is what you do you come to me and everything will be ok i promise im just what your looking for and your just what im looking for
bright eyes k ik messenger me if you'd like to have a real dom who can make it all better lol

K ik name: Faber..

Since: Dec 13

United States

#11 Dec 19, 2013
Gary wrote:
<quoted text>
So sorry to hear that, you need some one real and good
At the moment, what I need is to sort my priorities, learn more about the culture and decide if He is who I believe He is. If He is the kind, understanding man I believe and trust Him to be, He will explain to me these things, and we will renegotiate so that my needs are met. Thank you for the sentiment.
Gary

Indianapolis, IN

#12 Dec 19, 2013
Bright_Eyes wrote:
<quoted text>
At the moment, what I need is to sort my priorities, learn more about the culture and decide if He is who I believe He is. If He is the kind, understanding man I believe and trust Him to be, He will explain to me these things, and we will renegotiate so that my needs are met. Thank you for the sentiment.
You sound like you know what you have to do. Good luck. Hope it goes well. Sorry again that you have to go through this. It sucks I can only imagine.

Since: Dec 13

United States

#13 Dec 19, 2013
Gary wrote:
<quoted text>
You sound like you know what you have to do. Good luck. Hope it goes well. Sorry again that you have to go through this. It sucks I can only imagine.
Thank you. I just hope I'm right about Him. It sucks more than you can imagine.

Since: Dec 13

United States

#14 Dec 19, 2013
insertnamehere wrote:
<quoted text>
Don't feel intimidated! If your needs aren't being met you literally have nothing to lose! Next time he disappears you should ask him what happened. If he goes off or avoids answering, tell him you just don't feel like things are working out the way you had hoped. Read up on the lifestyle and decide what you do and don't want to try.. id also suggest joining something like fetlife and talking to others and meeting people that way?
Thank you. You've helped so much. When He turns up, I will ask Him about everything. I give Him the respect of being completely honest, and I don't feel like it's too much to ask in return. If He cannot or will not explain, I plan to ask for an and of arrangement. If I feel He's being honest and understands my concern, I plan to ask for a renegotiation of terms so that my needs are met. I've heard both negative and positive things about fetlife and collarme, so I am a little reluctant to bother with them if they're more hassle than they're worth.
Gary

Indianapolis, IN

#15 Dec 19, 2013
Bright_Eyes wrote:
<quoted text>
Thank you. I just hope I'm right about Him. It sucks more than you can imagine.
may I ask, how old are you?

im 37

if you wanna chat more I am here

Since: Dec 13

United States

#16 Dec 19, 2013
Gary wrote:
<quoted text>
may I ask, how old are you?
im 37
if you wanna chat more I am here
I'm 21, but I am not looking for anything more than friendship. If you are looking for an easy girl, you should move along. I'm sorry if that's harsh, but considering the circumstances of what I'm going through, it's fair for me to be a little defensive.
Gary

Indianapolis, IN

#17 Dec 19, 2013
Bright_Eyes wrote:
<quoted text>
I'm 21, but I am not looking for anything more than friendship. If you are looking for an easy girl, you should move along. I'm sorry if that's harsh, but considering the circumstances of what I'm going through, it's fair for me to be a little defensive.
As much as I wish I was with some one... maybe true, but an easy girl... no not really want something real just the same.

I'm not offended, I was not looking for anything more than friend from ya even more so considering your circumstances. Just letting you know there are people out there who do care, if that does make sense....

if you wanna email any time
gb763789gb at gmail dot com (since you are over 18 then does not matter lol)
OlderDom

Birmingham, UK

#18 Dec 19, 2013
Let me start by saying I am 54 years old and experienced in On Line Dom / sub relationships. The important lessons to remember is the sub chooses to give herself to the Dom not the other way around. It is a relationship like no other but at the same time it is a relationship based on trust, openess and honesty. The sub has to want to please and gets pleasure from pleasing her Dom.
There are many forms of Dominant's I a guiding Dom who likes to help my sub in all aspects of her life to me it is not about bondage etc although all should be discussed and the subs wishes are important to a Dom.
I am happy to discuss any aspect you wish in a less public areana if you wish to learn more.
Yours Respectfully
Euan

Since: Dec 13

United States

#19 Dec 19, 2013
Gary wrote:
<quoted text>
As much as I wish I was with some one... maybe true, but an easy girl... no not really want something real just the same.
I'm not offended, I was not looking for anything more than friend from ya even more so considering your circumstances. Just letting you know there are people out there who do care, if that does make sense....
if you wanna email any time
gb763789gb at gmail dot com (since you are over 18 then does not matter lol)
Thank you for understanding and for your sentiment. I'd like to think there are decent people out there, but I'm starting to think being pessimistic is the better way to be.

Since: Dec 13

United States

#20 Dec 19, 2013
OlderDom wrote:
Let me start by saying I am 54 years old and experienced in On Line Dom / sub relationships. The important lessons to remember is the sub chooses to give herself to the Dom not the other way around. It is a relationship like no other but at the same time it is a relationship based on trust, openess and honesty. The sub has to want to please and gets pleasure from pleasing her Dom.
There are many forms of Dominant's I a guiding Dom who likes to help my sub in all aspects of her life to me it is not about bondage etc although all should be discussed and the subs wishes are important to a Dom.
I am happy to discuss any aspect you wish in a less public areana if you wish to learn more.
Yours Respectfully
Euan
I am not looking for a new Dom, nor am I looking for another relationship at the moment, but I would like to discuss how you see different forms of D/s relationships and hear more about your way of training if for nothing else than to learn another's view. I'm sure I'll learn something from your experience if you would like to talk about the community and it's culture and your experiences and opinions of it. You may send me a private message or leave your email, but I will not write my email here.

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