Help! My boyfriend thinks he owns me

Posted in the Human Sexuality Forum

“He started it :P”

Since: May 10

Location hidden

#1 May 15, 2010
I was browsing around looking for answers and found this forum. Looks like some pretty weird topics here, lol!

Okay, here's my dilemma. I'm 18, and I've been with my bf for 3 years. He's my only guy. I love him but I feel smothered. He's always checking on me, where I've been who I talk to, who phones me.

I feel like I want to escape, but I don't want to hurt his feelings. What can I do??? I want to experiment with different guys!

“Just takin' it easy”

Since: Mar 10

Owensville, Mo.

#2 May 15, 2010
ChrissieLee wrote:
I was browsing around looking for answers and found this forum. Looks like some pretty weird topics here, lol!
Okay, here's my dilemma. I'm 18, and I've been with my bf for 3 years. He's my only guy. I love him but I feel smothered. He's always checking on me, where I've been who I talk to, who phones me.
I feel like I want to escape, but I don't want to hurt his feelings. What can I do??? I want to experiment with different guys!
Hey ChrissieLee!

I understand how you feel. Iíve had a few women who thought they owned me. Not a pleasant feeling, is it.

Possessiveness isnít something thatíll just go away. You have to tell him how you feel. Remember, you have feelings too and he needs to understand that your feelings are as important as his. If he doesnít get it, then maybe you should fish in another pond for your companionship.

If youíd like to talk further on it, you can reach me at gwbetts61@yahoo.com and I have Messenger.

Old Hoot

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#3 May 15, 2010
If you experiment with different guys behind his back you will definitely hurt him.

I see 2 paths:

1. stay with him, stay faithful, talk to him about jealousy issue to get this in check... maybe you can experiment more with him

2. talk to him, and discuss the need for experimenting (he might like the idea, or he might not, but if this is what you must do, you might as well be honest about it)

Communication and honesty are key in a good relation ship. I do think you can have some small naughty secrets, as long as it doesnt interfere with your relation or your personal conscious.

“He started it :P”

Since: May 10

Location hidden

#4 May 15, 2010
Old Hoot wrote:
<quoted text>
Hey ChrissieLee!
I understand how you feel. Iíve had a few women who thought they owned me. Not a pleasant feeling, is it.
Possessiveness isnít something thatíll just go away. You have to tell him how you feel. Remember, you have feelings too and he needs to understand that your feelings are as important as his. If he doesnít get it, then maybe you should fish in another pond for your companionship.
If youíd like to talk further on it, you can reach me at gwbetts61@yahoo.com and I have Messenger.
Old Hoot
Hey thanks Old Hoot. I've thought of talking to him about taking a break over summer, it would be easier if I could travel away but we are at college, so, kind of difficult. When I get calls on my cell he hangs around to listen, and when I told him I found it annoying we had a huge fight. He doesn't seem to think he's doing anything wrong.

Anyway let's see what the summer break brings.

“He started it :P”

Since: May 10

Location hidden

#5 May 15, 2010
TonyFilton wrote:
If you experiment with different guys behind his back you will definitely hurt him.
I see 2 paths:
1. stay with him, stay faithful, talk to him about jealousy issue to get this in check... maybe you can experiment more with him
2. talk to him, and discuss the need for experimenting (he might like the idea, or he might not, but if this is what you must do, you might as well be honest about it)
Communication and honesty are key in a good relation ship. I do think you can have some small naughty secrets, as long as it doesnt interfere with your relation or your personal conscious.
Hi Tony, thanks. I wasn't thinking of cheating on him or anything. It would have to be in the open, and I might try your number 2. We may have to split for a while.
truth

United States

#6 May 15, 2010
Uh,if you think you can go screw around with other guys and then expect to return again-think again.Thats not the way the world works.If your actually thinking that you've got rocks in your head.

“Just takin' it easy”

Since: Mar 10

Owensville, Mo.

#7 May 15, 2010
ChrissieLee wrote:
<quoted text>
Hey thanks Old Hoot. I've thought of talking to him about taking a break over summer, it would be easier if I could travel away but we are at college, so, kind of difficult. When I get calls on my cell he hangs around to listen, and when I told him I found it annoying we had a huge fight. He doesn't seem to think he's doing anything wrong.
Anyway let's see what the summer break brings.
Hey CrissieLee!

The problem with folks like that is they DONíT think what theyíre doing is wrong. Thatís where the rub comes in. They think theyíre fine with what they are doing.

Youíve got to point it out to him in a way heíll hear you. Iím not suggesting that you do something equally as annoying to him (entertaining as the thought may be). Two wrongs never made one right. But, you need to make sure he KNOWS that youíre not happy with it.

Sounds to me as if youíre heading for a break-up. If thatís the case, better it happens now as opposed to years down the trail. Think about it. Iím still open to chat, if you want.

“Rudeness is the weak man's”

Since: Nov 08

imitation of strength.

#8 May 15, 2010
ChrissieLee wrote:
I was browsing around looking for answers and found this forum. Looks like some pretty weird topics here, lol!
Okay, here's my dilemma. I'm 18, and I've been with my bf for 3 years. He's my only guy. I love him but I feel smothered. He's always checking on me, where I've been who I talk to, who phones me.
I feel like I want to escape, but I don't want to hurt his feelings. What can I do??? I want to experiment with different guys!
Your last sentence answers your question. It's why he doesn't trust you and why you need to leave him.
Join Free

“He started it :P”

Since: May 10

Location hidden

#9 May 15, 2010
Pamela in red wrote:
<quoted text>
Your last sentence answers your question. It's why he doesn't trust you and why you need to leave him.
You may have a point. Do you think a guy would sense that I'm not settled? He could be reacting to my feelings I guess.
OliveOil

Allentown, PA

#10 May 15, 2010
Just let him know you want to be treated like a lady.
seymour

Christchurch, New Zealand

#11 May 15, 2010
It is normal to be 18 and to not feel settled with your high school BF.

It is OK if you break up with this guy, spread your wings, and fly. Especially if you are about to start college.

NOBODY owns a girl when she's only 18. And you don't own him either. It is fine if your acquire new friends, new interests, new hobbies.

If you have sex, though, please use a condom. To keep yourself clean and healthy for the Special Man you want to meet someday, to love and cherish completely.
Mister Mister

United States

#12 May 16, 2010
Level with him about wanting to take a break. He sounds too possessive. I've had girls be possessive of me; it goes both ways. It's not a good feeling, and he has no right to control you.

Be honest with him about where you're at. If you need a break from him, you have to tell him and be honest about that. If you go behind his back with other guys, he will be totally peeved. If you want your freedom to be with other guys and experience other things in life too, you have to let him know where things stand.

“He started it :P”

Since: May 10

Location hidden

#13 May 16, 2010
Thanks everyone for you help. I think I made up my mind. I'll let you know what happened :)

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