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frustrated husband

San Francisco, CA

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#1
Nov 10, 2006
 
married 20 yeas, sex drive down to less than 5 times per year. Wife is not interested in sex anymore..how sad!!! Please post your frustation. I wish i gone back to pre-marriage year
A R McGillvray aka Rudy

Ketchikan, AK

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#2
Nov 10, 2006
 
Find another woman!!! My 2nd wife refused me during the week and would only screw me on the weekends, after 2 years of every other day sex. Boy oh boy!! did I get frustrated, and finally we got divorced.
There were also other reasons, but that no sex thing was foreground.
Rudy
franko

Port Coquitlam, Canada

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#3
Nov 10, 2006
 
bin there, dun that!!!

Good sex before marriage, lousy sex a couple of years after. And that was before the kids, which is the usual excuse women have about losing sex drive.

Basically I put up with it too long and should have put my foot down long ago.

She had her beefs too, don't get me wrong ... that should also have been worked out early rather than tolerating it for years.

Hindsight is 20-20 vision, but I can put this knowledge into use for the next time. The key is, identify and resolve the issues early on.

The result would have been that, either we settled our issues and move forward, or we divorce, but that would have been better for both of us so that we could then find a more compatible mate.
Yada

Humble, TX

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#4
Nov 11, 2006
 
franko wrote:
bin there, dun that!!!
Good sex before marriage, lousy sex a couple of years after. And that was before the kids, which is the usual excuse women have about losing sex drive.
Basically I put up with it too long and should have put my foot down long ago.
She had her beefs too, don't get me wrong ... that should also have been worked out early rather than tolerating it for years.
Hindsight is 20-20 vision, but I can put this knowledge into use for the next time. The key is, identify and resolve the issues early on.
The result would have been that, either we settled our issues and move forward, or we divorce, but that would have been better for both of us so that we could then find a more compatible mate.
I have a few things to say on this. Now, I haven't been married. But I did have certain experiences and I've observed people who have been happily marreid scores of years.

I think I tried to touch on it in the bad boy good boy thread. This is not a criticism of men. This is just to explain something, okay.

It seems men think sex begins in the bedroom. Hell No. For us it begins all day long way before we get to you and the bedroom. Women take time to get aroused. How aroused we are depends on how nice the man is to us all the time, not just when he want to pop his peni$ into a place we possess.

Do things for her all the time. Show her you think of her in the natural course of your day. She'll be wet and waiting for you then. It could be little things like doing dishes instead of waiting to be asked. Kind of do the housework as though you're friends sharing chores to get enough time and energy for play. That way we are not angry at you, stressed out and dry.

My Mel was the sweetest thing. I made a wonderful choice in him. He was cut out for long term love. He would water my plants with me or for me. He would start dinner if he got there first. Take out the laundry and start folding before I could ask him. We usually ended up doing chores side by side forming the fool. What can I say. I like to play and fool. But we got it done and had fun doing them. There was quickie sex play and sex often while doing them. I probably stayed wet for that man. I know I stayed at least moist because I was never internally bruised if he came in heated and through me up against a wall without foreplay.

But you get my drift, I hope. If the lady is annoyed, stressed and overburdened, you'll not pop your peni$ into her. She wouldn't feel desire to suck you and please you. You could just forget it. If you force it you'll just add resentment and damage to her. If your goal is love you can receive it fairly easily and enjoy it long.
Been There Done That

Elmer, NJ

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#5
Nov 11, 2006
 
When my wife and I startd dating many many years ago we had sex everyday for like the first three weeks, then it was a few times a week. Married with kids has slowed that down alot. There are times when we say tonite we are going to have fun and then we both crash. Two married people working full time jobs with kids, homework and baths takes its toll when the day starts at 5am. The intentions are there but at the end of the day sex takes another rain check. You deal and see how u r both feeling the next nite.
franko

Port Coquitlam, Canada

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#6
Nov 11, 2006
 
Yada wrote:
<quoted text>
I have a few things to say on this. Now, I haven't been married. But I did have certain experiences and I've observed people who have been happily marreid scores of years.
I think I tried to touch on it in the bad boy good boy thread. This is not a criticism of men. This is just to explain something, okay.
It seems men think sex begins in the bedroom. Hell No. For us it begins all day long way before we get to you and the bedroom. Women take time to get aroused. How aroused we are depends on how nice the man is to us all the time, not just when he want to pop his peni$ into a place we possess.
Do things for her all the time. Show her you think of her in the natural course of your day. She'll be wet and waiting for you then. It could be little things like doing dishes instead of waiting to be asked. Kind of do the housework as though you're friends sharing chores to get enough time and energy for play. That way we are not angry at you, stressed out and dry.
My Mel was the sweetest thing. I made a wonderful choice in him. He was cut out for long term love. He would water my plants with me or for me. He would start dinner if he got there first. Take out the laundry and start folding before I could ask him. We usually ended up doing chores side by side forming the fool. What can I say. I like to play and fool. But we got it done and had fun doing them. There was quickie sex play and sex often while doing them. I probably stayed wet for that man. I know I stayed at least moist because I was never internally bruised if he came in heated and through me up against a wall without foreplay.
But you get my drift, I hope. If the lady is annoyed, stressed and overburdened, you'll not pop your peni$ into her. She wouldn't feel desire to suck you and please you. You could just forget it. If you force it you'll just add resentment and damage to her. If your goal is love you can receive it fairly easily and enjoy it long.
GOod morning Yada.

Once again you have mentioned something that brings back memories for me. Your description of spending the day together doing chores, but laughing and giggling and throwing around little sexual hints about "WHen we're done we're going to jump each other" were a part of my marriage, even after 6 or 7 years.

Sadly, more often than not, days like this would end in disspointment. BY the time we actually got the things done we had to do, she would not be in the mood any more. IN retrospect, I think she used up the physical and sexual energy on the long-term foreplay. I'd be ready and she'd be ready for bed.

IN my case I think I just had bad luck. I too know of relatoinships that have great sex after more than 20 years, and a loving feeling that seems stronger than ever. THese people KNOW how lucky they are to have each other and they know what it takes to keep it alive.

NExt time, I hope l have better luck.
Yada

Humble, TX

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#7
Nov 11, 2006
 
franko wrote:
<quoted text>
GOod morning Yada.
Once again you have mentioned something that brings back memories for me. Your description of spending the day together doing chores, but laughing and giggling and throwing around little sexual hints about "WHen we're done we're going to jump each other" were a part of my marriage, even after 6 or 7 years.
Sadly, more often than not, days like this would end in disspointment. BY the time we actually got the things done we had to do, she would not be in the mood any more. IN retrospect, I think she used up the physical and sexual energy on the long-term foreplay. I'd be ready and she'd be ready for bed.
IN my case I think I just had bad luck. I too know of relatoinships that have great sex after more than 20 years, and a loving feeling that seems stronger than ever. THese people KNOW how lucky they are to have each other and they know what it takes to keep it alive.
NExt time, I hope l have better luck.
I hope so too Franko. Make sure you pick a really nice lady of good character and not just flashy looking. Of course, you already know this. When I tell my brother this he rolls his eyes because he already knows. Then of course, I have to chase him and hug him.

“Spring is here, ”

Since: Sep 06

next comes summer! Yippee!!

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#8
Nov 11, 2006
 
hey franko and yada..i'm so gone...maybe i need sex huh.. but its gotta be good..
Join Free
Daryl

Houston, TX

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#9
Nov 11, 2006
 
i have gf and we have a great relationship until it comes to sex. we are on two different planets, she is into having sex twice or three times a month and i want it everyday. i like what we have just need more sex and affection and dont want to go outside the relationship and cheat. we have sat down and talked about it but nothing changes. i keep fit, i make sure i smell good and everything
Yada

Humble, TX

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#10
Nov 11, 2006
 
Daryl wrote:
i have gf and we have a great relationship until it comes to sex. we are on two different planets, she is into having sex twice or three times a month and i want it everyday. i like what we have just need more sex and affection and dont want to go outside the relationship and cheat. we have sat down and talked about it but nothing changes. i keep fit, i make sure i smell good and everything
I'm letting Franko and Falcon handle you, buddy. This is probably a man thing.
franko

Port Coquitlam, Canada

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#11
Nov 11, 2006
 
Yada wrote:
<quoted text>
I'm letting Franko and Falcon handle you, buddy. This is probably a man thing.
Do YA think so?

Maybe later ....

After reading all the stuff going on with Sunshine right now, somehow I'm not in the mood to write much ... I feel real bad for her right now.

At a time like this, what she needs is just lot's of hugs and a shoulder to lean on ... sex would not be the appropriate thing to sooth her now ....
Yada

Humble, TX

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#12
Nov 12, 2006
 
franko wrote:
<quoted text>
Do YA think so?
Maybe later ....
After reading all the stuff going on with Sunshine right now, somehow I'm not in the mood to write much ... I feel real bad for her right now.
At a time like this, what she needs is just lot's of hugs and a shoulder to lean on ... sex would not be the appropriate thing to sooth her now ....
Oh Franko! Just when I thought I had you pegged as a tomcat, you go and act all wonderful on me. You do have a mature perspective there. No, sex is not best right now just a lot of affection, attention and time.
You must be a very special father to sound like this. I like.'Twould seem you are able to not grab for yourself and take advantage of people; to be considerate and sometimes wait a little for your own needs to be met. That's extremely praiseworthy. To be a great dad you have to possess this quality. To be a great husband you have to possess this quality.
Some lady is probably going to snap you up soon, Franko.
Groucho AKA Falcon 68

Dearborn, MI

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#13
Nov 12, 2006
 
Yada wrote:
<quoted text>
Oh Franko! Just when I thought I had you pegged as a tomcat, you go and act all wonderful on me. You do have a mature perspective there. No, sex is not best right now just a lot of affection, attention and time.
You must be a very special father to sound like this. I like.'Twould seem you are able to not grab for yourself and take advantage of people; to be considerate and sometimes wait a little for your own needs to be met. That's extremely praiseworthy. To be a great dad you have to possess this quality. To be a great husband you have to possess this quality.
Some lady is probably going to snap you up soon, Franko.
Good morning, Yada!
Yada

Humble, TX

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#14
Nov 12, 2006
 
Groucho AKA Falcon 68 wrote:
<quoted text>Good morning, Yada!
Goodmorning Falcon. You are a man sorely missed by the offbeat ladies. We have not seen hide nor feather of you in some time. Come talk with us today.(Dimples)
Groucho AKA Falcon 68

Dearborn, MI

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#15
Nov 12, 2006
 
Yada wrote:
<quoted text>
Goodmorning Falcon. You are a man sorely missed by the offbeat ladies. We have not seen hide nor feather of you in some time. Come talk with us today.(Dimples)
I'll be at the desk most of the day till 2:45 pm est...Mind if I speak to you over here about a few things? Especially the AA forums...I totally agree with you on many issues that you've posted very recently...and if I say so, it seems like the black men that post there label me as a lover of black women and a hater of black men! Crazy...

Then there's Valerie..(from New Mexico, not the one from New York!)...She wants to be a black separatist. She doesn't want to be "assimilated" into the white culture. Now, I like her as a freind, but I thought that way of thinking went out years ago...I'm also not real crazy about the way you've been treated over there...
Yada

Humble, TX

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#16
Nov 12, 2006
 
Groucho AKA Falcon 68 wrote:
<quoted text>I'll be at the desk most of the day till 2:45 pm est...Mind if I speak to you over here about a few things? Especially the AA forums...I totally agree with you on many issues that you've posted very recently...and if I say so, it seems like the black men that post there label me as a lover of black women and a hater of black men! Crazy...
Then there's Valerie..(from New Mexico, not the one from New York!)...She wants to be a black separatist. She doesn't want to be "assimilated" into the white culture. Now, I like her as a freind, but I thought that way of thinking went out years ago...I'm also not real crazy about the way you've been treated over there...
Sure. Talk to me. I always wnat to hear whta you have to say. I don't know about these other people you mentioned though. I have had no relationship on here with them. Over there where?
Groucho AKA Falcon 68

Dearborn, MI

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#17
Nov 12, 2006
 
Yada wrote:
<quoted text>
Sure. Talk to me. I always wnat to hear whta you have to say. I don't know about these other people you mentioned though. I have had no relationship on here with them. Over there where?
I'm talking about the African American forum...not here on the sex forums. I'd just prefer to speak to you over here about it, instead of answering your posts on AA...even though it's a totally different forum.
Yada

Humble, TX

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#18
Nov 12, 2006
 
Groucho AKA Falcon 68 wrote:
<quoted text>I'm talking about the African American forum...not here on the sex forums. I'd just prefer to speak to you over here about it, instead of answering your posts on AA...even though it's a totally different forum.
Am I on the AA forum? What thread?
Yada

Humble, TX

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#19
Nov 12, 2006
 
Look that is not me. That's the guy that's the pseudonym thief. I'm not AA.
Franko has noticed him for some time now. This guy goes around stirring strife on all the forums by adopting other people's pseudonyms. He makes personal attacks on people and all that. He is not worth your time.
Talk about what you will Falcon so long as you do it in the appropriate manner I've come to expect from you.
Groucho AKA Falcon 68

Dearborn, MI

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#20
Nov 12, 2006
 
Yada wrote:
Look that is not me. That's the guy that's the pseudonym thief. I'm not AA.
Franko has noticed him for some time now. This guy goes around stirring strife on all the forums by adopting other people's pseudonyms. He makes personal attacks on people and all that. He is not worth your time.
Talk about what you will Falcon so long as you do it in the appropriate manner I've come to expect from you.
I guess it threw me off because there can't be that many people on the forums named Yolanda...But once I went back and reread them it really didn't sound like you at all...the elegance wasn't there.

Valerie (the one on offbeat from NYC) sent me an e-mail regarding my relationship with Sweet Cheeks...she feels that Grace is feeling rejection from me. Grace made it clear to me a while back that what we were indulging in was mere fantasy...nothing to be taken seriously. You've been in the offbeat forums long enough to get a feeling for what's been said. Is Grace feeling rejected? It's just that our circumstances require a bit of, how I may say, sober reality...There's maybe a one in a million chance that I'll ever find myself in Ireland, while Sweet Cheeks lives in Georgia...and I could drive straight down I-75 from Detroit to go see her...Sweet Cheeks and I call each other up on the phone daily, and we talk about everything, and we e-mail each other at least half a dozen times a day...There's something to be said about open lines of communication!!

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