Dreamer1

Phoenix, AZ

#1 Oct 14, 2009
Love my husband dearly, but he has no interest in sex. Hes wonderful except for that. we are both 50 now its been this way for several years and it's beginning to make me crazier than ever. only so much self gratification can do. he has had problems in past with maintaining his erection and I think he has just drifted away.He still kisses me and is a great guy otherwise. Don't want to cheat but I'm so very depsperate for physical contact that I'm afraid I will lose perspective and put myself in a situation I shouldnt be in.
SO_TRUE

Toronto, Canada

#2 Oct 14, 2009
You're a human being, first and foremost. It seems you care about hubby's feelings. But has he considered yours! A woman in her 50s is still in her peak years sexually and you are missing what you most crave and what is rightly yours. Is that reason enough to cheat? Depends on your values and your desires.
Moondancer

Northeast Harbor, ME

#3 Oct 14, 2009
Have you talked to him and explained your needs. He may be anxious about performance but you can explain that there are lots of ways to get the job done and they you are willing to work with him so that you both can achieve more intimacy

Since: Jan 09

Minot, ND

#4 Oct 14, 2009
Hi Dreamer,

I was curious what happens if you try and seduce your husband? Does he respond negatively? I've always thought that intimacy in a relationship is the 'Cushioning Bond' that makes everything work. You might try telling him flat out that you are desperate for the physical contact and see how he reacts to that. It didn't work for me, but it's worth a try ...
caitlin

Gymea, Australia

#5 Oct 14, 2009
Dreamer1 wrote:
Love my husband dearly, but he has no interest in sex. Hes wonderful except for that. we are both 50 now its been this way for several years and it's beginning to make me crazier than ever. only so much self gratification can do. he has had problems in past with maintaining his erection and I think he has just drifted away.He still kisses me and is a great guy otherwise. Don't want to cheat but I'm so very depsperate for physical contact that I'm afraid I will lose perspective and put myself in a situation I shouldnt be in.
Sad, but common. It sounds like your hubbie has had so many problems in this area that he has decided to avoid the embarrassment. Perhaps it is his blood pressure meds or something.

I know you still need it, but don't want to leave the marriage because you love him. Really, you need counselling for him to express his feelings in a non judgement way. And he needs to hear about your sexual requirements as well.
It would be a pity if you guys broke up because of an infidelity. Please consider the consequences before doing this, because you'll probably never find another guy to love as much.

Good luck.
hanky panky 3

Houston, TX

#6 Oct 15, 2009
Dreamer1 wrote:
Love my husband dearly, but he has no interest in sex. Hes wonderful except for that. we are both 50 now its been this way for several years and it's beginning to make me crazier than ever. only so much self gratification can do. he has had problems in past with maintaining his erection and I think he has just drifted away.He still kisses me and is a great guy otherwise. Don't want to cheat but I'm so very depsperate for physical contact that I'm afraid I will lose perspective and put myself in a situation I shouldnt be in.
I know of several females in the same situation. Has he ever gone
to a urologist? maybe with viagra or cialis, he will gain his
confidence back. if your husband has no interest in it, perhaps
he would allow you to have a friend with benefits.
Dreamer1

Phoenix, AZ

#8 Oct 16, 2009
Thanks to all who tried to give me so me insight. Not quite sure what to do. Most medical has been tried to no avail. but he says he still loves me. I don't want to be confrontational, demanding bec ause he is such a great person in all other aspects. Wolfie ND, you said you were/are in the same situation. Anything changed for you yet? The only thing here is he tries to ov ercome by buying me things. Don't want things, want him, but that is getting a bit old too. Just wish I had the guts to pull a one nighter. Never have probably never will. Again, thanks for the venting space and the friendly advise

Since: Jan 09

Minot, ND

#9 Oct 16, 2009
Hi Dreamer,

Nothing has changed for me. My situation is a bit different than yours. You are at least getting the closeness and affection without the physical contact that you desire. I think I would rather be totally alone than to live with someone and still be alone. It's very hard to do ...
Join Free
Dreamer1

Phoenix, AZ

#10 Oct 16, 2009
WolfieND, sorry to hear of your plight. Yes, I do believe it would be even more difficult in your situation. But sometimes, I just think I'm this close, and then it's like someone took away the lollipop before I even got to lick it. Your situation, painful mine, frustrating. Hang in there, we will find a way, just kon't know if it will be something that we can live with.

Since: Jan 09

Minot, ND

#11 Oct 16, 2009
Hi Dreamer,

My question is though ... Is this really living? I can not understand how someone can treat someone else this way. Just doesn't seem fair, especially when the other person is supposed to love and honor ...
Dreamer1

Phoenix, AZ

#12 Oct 16, 2009
WolfieND Maybe make yourself less available. Otherwise, do like I did and at least build a personal life, be it celibate, outside of your life with him. It makes things bearable except on those occasions when you are just sooooo very very lonely for the physical touch that it hurts. I surround myself with friends, mostly female albeit, but still company. Its the nights that are painful when you have all gone home. WHo knows, I have been aproached and maybe I might just throw it all away and go for it, but probably not. Not raised that way. Thinking about desperation, how tacky is phone sex? Sorry not funny, but humor helps
bill

Taylor, AZ

#13 Jul 18, 2012
TO DREAMER1 in SCOTTSDALE, AZ

Hi! My wife & i live up here in Northern
AZ (175 miles N, of PHOENIX. GET THIS:
WE haven't had any sex in at least 20 years!
Yes, 20 years. We don't even kiss each other
& she refuses to go to a Marriage Counselor!
I DO love her & I know she Loves me! She has NOT
had sex with anyone else & I know this for sure.
He Mother is still living & somehow I think my
wife was taught that sex was dirty? I am over 60 years
of age & STILL have a very strong sex drive, I have to
"play with myself" for gratification when she is not
home. I see other women & sometimes I say to myself,
wow, would I ever like to make out with that woman!
AS we all know, SEX is a great relief. SOUND like you
& I are missing out on good sex, doesn't it!
**********

I don't know how often you check this site, but,
would like to hear from you, DREAMER1
YOU sound like a very good person!
tom

Chilliwack, Canada

#14 Jan 16, 2013
Bill: I also live in a sexless marriage. Been that way for years. I masturbate a lot...Because I dont want to deal with other female. And its safe that way. Without any problems....So play with your love stick. There is more to married then sex...
Bear

United States

#15 Jan 16, 2013
Me any women want a married man
tom

Chilliwack, Canada

#16 Jan 16, 2013
I finally found something that work.... We both got naked and relaxed in the hot tub.... We both got sexually aroused and I try to enter. with her help... Finally we went to bed naked ..And my gift of love to my wife was my sperm....
Mr6X6

United States

#18 Jan 19, 2013
I have just the opposite situation. At 52, you would think your sex drive would deminish, but mine is a strong as ever. My wife on the other hand has lost all interest in sex. At best, we have sex maybe once every three months now. Don't waant to step out on her, but taking care of myself is getting old.

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