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41 - 60 of 62 Comments Last updated Jun 19, 2010
Tommy

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#46
Jan 22, 2009
 
This Question is for Pamela in red, perhaps I should ask this, but I am just so curious. OK here it comes. In the 27 years youve been married have you ever had a extramarital affair?, did you ever consider it ever in the 27 years. Is your husband older by a few years(i.e. more mature) and may I ask roughly how old were your when you get married, and finally did you have lots of partners while still single. LOL thanks. OK now dont answer any if you dont want to or inappropriate. But darn I am curious. Thank you Pamela in Red.
Tommy

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#47
Jan 22, 2009
 
correction "shouldn't"
Tommy

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#48
Jan 22, 2009
 
Just noticed Andrea from Mol, Belgium hasnt been posting for a while, what's happening Andrea. From all the different opinions, I's say Pamela's sounds the most reasonable and sincere. So maybe consider her "advice"

And going to a Physician is a great idea, it wouldnt hurt to rule out health problems if there are any.

“Rudeness is the weak man's”

Since: Nov 08

imitation of strength.

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#49
Jan 22, 2009
 
Tommy wrote:
This Question is for Pamela in red, perhaps I should ask this, but I am just so curious. OK here it comes. In the 27 years youve been married have you ever had a extramarital affair?, did you ever consider it ever in the 27 years. Is your husband older by a few years(i.e. more mature) and may I ask roughly how old were your when you get married, and finally did you have lots of partners while still single. LOL thanks. OK now dont answer any if you dont want to or inappropriate. But darn I am curious. Thank you Pamela in Red.
My, my such an extensive list.

No, I have never had an affair and neither has he. My husband was a virgin when we met. He was 21 and I was 19 when we started living together. We lived together 1 and a half years before we got married. We didn't have any arguments for the first two years. I am a very agreeable person for the most part. Before we married I did have a few partners. I was a bit of a wild flower. For years we had sex every night sometimes more often. I think lots of sex helps bind a marriage. If you are getting plenty at home there's no reason to look elsewhere.
Mr Lucky

Tacoma, WA

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#50
Jan 22, 2009
 
Whew, I have to agree that you haven't had much in the way of useful responses here Andrea, partner swapping, sex toys, Viagra? Ridiculous!

Damn, what evidence do you have that your husband has any sexuality at all? Does he seem to have an eye for guys or behave differently around an attractive guy? But somehow this doesn't sound like he's gay. Just all work no play for you. Hmmm...he was a virgin before you so there's no recourse to anything that ever succeeded sexually with him. He's going to have to talk, do you think you could get him to level with you about what turns him on?

He's hesitant to see a Urologist, seems to make half-hearted effort at best...wow terrible to say but I'm glad you had your "fling"...might be what it takes for you to make a needed change.

By the same token, you love the guy, and the numerous failures may have really "psyched" him out and made him very insecure about further attempts. But you know what, at some point he has to willing to man it up and at least participate with you in working toward a solution. Or I admit I don't know what you will ever have to look forward to.

Take the intercourse element out of the equation for awhile, too much scary performance association for him with that at present. Just work with his erection. Coax it, admire it etc, work with reinstituting his comfort with that, in and of itself and getting it to stay. Don't let him jump in with it even if he wants to. Until that thing has some resilience to it.

DON'T encorage him to do porn, the last thing he needs is more of a hair trigger than he has now.

A word of encoragement, I was in a very insecure place about sexuality at one point, and I can tell you that if you can have even one "encounter" with him that works, he will be a changed man.
Tommy

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#51
Jan 23, 2009
 
Hi "Pamela in Red" Thanks for your straight answers. Sure sounds like your have a happy hubby and family. I ve been enjoying all your comments. Including the humorous kinds. Ha ha ha !
Dave

United States

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#52
May 4, 2009
 
As read through these comments and idea's on how to solve the problem...I seen the swinging option. The other options might work...and maybe might not. So I wouldn't put all the eggs in one basket..so to speak. I would consider the swinging option. But first can the wife enjoy making love to other men and still love and respect her husband? And can she make love to other men without feelings of guilt or shame? If the answer is yes to these questions...then she should consider this option. All men have a voyeur side. So maybe she should get a prono flict and start talking to him. Start out by making it sound like it would be a fantasy of hers and a turn on to have him watch. By the use of hidden camera's her husband wouldn't even have to be in the same room making things more comfortable for everyone. Since she has always made him believe that she is very mongamous, by telling him she wants to have sex with other men because he can't satisfy her....this would hurt him. But by starting it out as a fantasy....making him think she would enjoy this for herself rather than because of him...he will look at it differently. And because us men do enjoy our voyeur side...it might be a huge turn-on for him...and maybe very exciting and satisfying for her. But the swinging lifestyle isn't for everyone. Its just an option that I wouldn't rule out.
flyboy

Richmond, VA

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#53
May 6, 2009
 
Give him a night with me and Ill figure out the answer.

(JK)
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“Rudeness is the weak man's”

Since: Nov 08

imitation of strength.

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#54
May 6, 2009
 
flyboy wrote:
Give him a night with me and Ill figure out the answer.
(JK)
lol That used to be my job.

~did I say that out loud?~
George

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#55
May 6, 2009
 
flyboy wrote:
Give him a night with me and Ill figure out the answer.
(JK)
I bet you would ;)
George

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#56
May 6, 2009
 
Pamela in red wrote:
<quoted text>
lol That used to be my job.
~did I say that out loud?~
Well I am not gay but I still like to be "checked out" by you LOL
flyboy

Richmond, VA

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#57
May 8, 2009
 
Pamela in red wrote:
<quoted text>
lol That used to be my job.
~did I say that out loud?~
You sure did, and I appreciate you even more for it.
flyboy

Richmond, VA

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#58
May 8, 2009
 
George wrote:
<quoted text>
I bet you would ;)
Lets just say after a night with me he wont be wanting to eat fish anytime soon.
Susan Grace

Brisbane, Australia

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#59
Nov 15, 2009
 
It's not as bad as you think. You simply buy some herbal pills for him. That's what I did when my husband got a bit soft or could only get it up for a few minutes. It was very frustrating but the herbal pills work and he is like a new man and there are none of those blue pills side effects either. Some of the brands he has used with success are Lion Erect, Enduromax, Maxman ED, Maxman RX and Maxman Ultimate, but look out for the chinese maxman III that's got both viagra and cialis in it.
Maritza Oberta

Salamanca, Spain

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#60
Nov 15, 2009
 
Tell him to visit www.postova.com and you will find out...

Since: Aug 09

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#61
Jan 11, 2010
 
andrea wrote:
i am becoming desparate and need some advice. my husband and i have been married for 6 years now. when we met we became great friends with many common interests. i loved talking to him and even though i didn't really like the way he looked in the beginning, i fell deeply in love with him because of our mental connection. i truly thought i had met my soulmate...
the physical aspect of our relationship was never good though, but i didn't realize this completely until we were too far in the relationship. i was still a virgin when i met him and so was he, and since he comes from a more traditional background we didn't have a lot of sex before marriage. i wanted to, but since he didn't seem to feel comfortable with it i didn't push it too much.
the first time i touched him in a sexual way he started to giggle and said it felt ticklish. the first time we had penetrative sex he didn't do much himself. i finally had to sit on top of him and he came so quickly i didn't feel a thing. i had imagined my first time to be more romantic and was actually very disappointed. but i pushed my bad thoughts away and thought it would improve. that's what he told me too, he needed time to get used to it he said.
but our sex lives never really improved. he never seemed to feel any real desire or lust, and although he cuddles and carresses me all of the time and does want to have sex he never seems to get to the 'lust' phase. the insertion of his penis was always problematic. it would hurt him often and he would often come after a few seconds. i don't feel much when he's inside of me and i never experienced a vaginal orgasm with him. i lost my interest in sex for quite a while because of this, and i often pushed him away because of this. but since i had been a virgin until marriage i couldn't really pinpoint what was wrong. i had nothing to compare it with...
because of many other problems we split up for a while half a year ago and during that period i had sex with another man out of curiosity. at that moment i just couldn't believe what i had been missing. the sex was wonderful and lasted very long.
my husband and i came back together and i've tried to improve our sex lives but it doesn't seem to work. i explained to him what i missed and he did try a few evenings ago, but i think he just acted lusty and when i wanted to insert his penis i could feel it become smaller, he retracted and had an ejaculation before entering. this is how it often goes and the sex also often feels very clinical. now he says we should for one week before we try it again...
i'm desparate. i love this man very much but i dont want to remain in a sexless marriage for the rest of my life. i've often wondered whether he's gay or impotent. i'm a good looking woman and get hit on quite often by other man.
what should i do? i've suggested him to see a urologist but he seems hesitant to do so...
Andrea Invite your last lover over for drinks with you and your husband , After they have both had a few . Leave the room and strip naked . Return , And tell them both that you need to get fucked really hard right now ! Tell your husband that he can watch if he likes . Donna
Young white male

Brighouse, UK

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#62
Jan 11, 2010
 
Slip some extacy and viagra in his drink!
demographer

Tallahassee, FL

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#63
Jan 11, 2010
 
Pamela in red wrote:
<quoted text>
My, my such an extensive list.
No, I have never had an affair and neither has he. My husband was a virgin when we met. He was 21 and I was 19 when we started living together. We lived together 1 and a half years before we got married. We didn't have any arguments for the first two years. I am a very agreeable person for the most part. Before we married I did have a few partners. I was a bit of a wild flower. For years we had sex every night sometimes more often. I think lots of sex helps bind a marriage. If you are getting plenty at home there's no reason to look elsewhere.
Your marriage definitely did go the distance. Most marriages fail in one way or another, but your is a positive example. Here in Florida I joked with a coworker about an analogy. He used to work as a marital therapist, and he is a Florida graduate. I said "The pursuit of a perfect marriage is like trying to go undefeated in SEC football. For most people, it's unrealistic." He laughed. The Gator fan agreed with the analogy. As a former marital therapist, he has seen many marriage fail. Your marriage is one of the rare positive examples. This year Alabama was the only team able to go undefeated in the SEC conference. Your marriage is analogous to Alabama - one of the rare to go the distance "undefeated." I wish there were more marriages like that. Child custody battles are the normal pattern.
Tell The Truth

Tokyo, Japan

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#64
Jan 11, 2010
 
andrea wrote:
i am becoming desparate and need some advice. my husband and i have been married for 6 years now. when we met we became great friends with many common interests. i loved talking to him and even though i didn't really like the way he looked in the beginning, i fell deeply in love with him because of our mental connection. i truly thought i had met my soulmate...
the physical aspect of our relationship was never good though, but i didn't realize this completely until we were too far in the relationship. i was still a virgin when i met him and so was he, and since he comes from a more traditional background we didn't have a lot of sex before marriage. i wanted to, but since he didn't seem to feel comfortable with it i didn't push it too much.
the first time i touched him in a sexual way he started to giggle and said it felt ticklish. the first time we had penetrative sex he didn't do much himself. i finally had to sit on top of him and he came so quickly i didn't feel a thing. i had imagined my first time to be more romantic and was actually very disappointed. but i pushed my bad thoughts away and thought it would improve. that's what he told me too, he needed time to get used to it he said.
but our sex lives never really improved. he never seemed to feel any real desire or lust, and although he cuddles and carresses me all of the time and does want to have sex he never seems to get to the 'lust' phase. the insertion of his penis was always problematic. it would hurt him often and he would often come after a few seconds. i don't feel much when he's inside of me and i never experienced a vaginal orgasm with him. i lost my interest in sex for quite a while because of this, and i often pushed him away because of this. but since i had been a virgin until marriage i couldn't really pinpoint what was wrong. i had nothing to compare it with...
because of many other problems we split up for a while half a year ago and during that period i had sex with another man out of curiosity. at that moment i just couldn't believe what i had been missing. the sex was wonderful and lasted very long.
my husband and i came back together and i've tried to improve our sex lives but it doesn't seem to work. i explained to him what i missed and he did try a few evenings ago, but i think he just acted lusty and when i wanted to insert his penis i could feel it become smaller, he retracted and had an ejaculation before entering. this is how it often goes and the sex also often feels very clinical. now he says we should for one week before we try it again...
i'm desparate. i love this man very much but i dont want to remain in a sexless marriage for the rest of my life. i've often wondered whether he's gay or impotent. i'm a good looking woman and get hit on quite often by other man.
what should i do? i've suggested him to see a urologist but he seems hesitant to do so...
You trapped yourself into making a mistake and not finding out if you were sexually compatible with your husband BEFORE marriage, due to social sexual repression and ideology.

Sadly, this combination of sexual prudishness and repression, has destroyed the lives of many people that fall victim to its trap.

Virginity means only what YOU make of it. It should be your personal decision to remain a virgin before marriage, not you trying to impress your family or live up to an unrealistic social ideal.

Waiting until you are married to have sex can come at a COST to your sex life and sexual happiness. If sex means very little to nothing to you, then staying a virgin and only having sex to get pregnant is fine. If however, you naturally ENJOY sex, then you could have trapped yourself into a BAD marriage and YEARS of suffering.
Tell The Truth

Tokyo, Japan

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#65
Jan 11, 2010
 
The reality is that people with LOW sex drives, are more easily able to live up to anti-sex social ideals.

When you get into a relationship with somebody, you can't separate physiologically related sexual dysfunction from anti-sex beliefs.

A person can say they are a virgin because they are waiting to find the "perfect" person.

This can be true, because they believe it OR this can be an JUSTIFICATION or LIE to hide their sexual DYSFUNCTION. Which could be erection failures, premature ejaculation, frigidness, abnormal fears of sex, etc...

Many people have realized that it is better to TEST for sexual compatibility, before trying to commit to a life long marriage or relationship.

Sex is one of the foundations of a relationship, along with looks, money, and personality. Failure in the sex department, can mean a lot of suffering and frustration.

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