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301 - 320 of 634 Comments Last updated Jun 22, 2014
John

Chilhowee, MO

#321 Dec 2, 2008
You are so right on in your understanding.

I try so hard. I cannot even get a hug or a cuddle.

I am so miserable.

Since: Oct 08

Rockdale, Australia

#322 Dec 2, 2008
enhance your sex life http://www.herbalsexshop.com
Mr Woodcock

East Lansing, MI

#323 Dec 2, 2008
Most of my friends who are married and whose wives have stop pleasing them are having affairs. They are much happier now and some even got divorces.

Don't waste years trying to get your wives to change their ways, it ain't going to happen. Life's too short to be frustrated like that. You can still love your wife and be a good husband and get some on the side. Most men in Europe have a mistress on the side who'll take care of them when the wife becomes a dud in bed.

“Italian and proud of it!”

Since: Nov 08

Location hidden

#324 Dec 3, 2008
John,

Without having opportunity to really sit down and talk to you it's hard to know your partcluar cirumstances, or your wives. There's much that goes into your decision. Your age and willingness to live alone while recuperating financially and emotionally, whether you have children, how much, and it appears quite a bit, you love your wife, etc.

Can I ask you; how old are you, and how long have you been married?

My assumption is that you have been married for many years and you are in self doubt as to whether you can seek another partner, and go it alone. I also suspect you hold on because you feel that you need your wefe's company and fear being alone. This is part of what imprisons a person in an emotinally or physically abusive relationship. Frankly, a person who suffers with a lack of intimacy really is suffering emotional abuse, which is as painful and harmful as physical abuse.

Have you asked your wife to seek counseling, jointly with you? I would always suggest that this, after communicating your needs while assuring your spouse you lover her, is the first step. If that fails, then counseling should be pursued, along with a visit with a gynecologist or sexologist.

John, if these steps fail you will need to make a decision as to whether you can close this life out feeling emotionally starved. The sad fact is that for the majority of healthy spouses, this isn't an issue about sex, it's an issue of experiencing love, intimacy, and the heat of a human body close to us. This is one of our basic needs. We are taught as children that those life needs are food, shelter, and clothing. I would add intimacy.

Please talk to your wife. Let her know that sex is not about your need to orgasm, it's about sharing a beautiful experience with the person you love, and you need that expereince with her. Explain you are a sensitive man who has emotional needs; I hope she responds. In my personal situation, and yes even mental health counselors expereince this stuff, I wrote an honest, forthright letter to my wife telling her these things. She responded because she loves me. If your wife cares about you, she will too.

Best wishes,
John wrote:
You are so right on in your understanding.
I try so hard. I cannot even get a hug or a cuddle.
I am so miserable.
Cock brain

New Plymouth, New Zealand

#325 Dec 15, 2008
Is it possible that your wife is just plain miserable/boring.frigid ect. I am in a similar boat...sex maybe 3 time ayear (and its bloody awfull then). I am just over 40 and whilst not a sexual animal a coupe of times a week would do me fine. I am in fairly good physical nick. My wife is physically shagged out. Not my fault!! Some women I believe are just not too interested (for all sorts of reasons). Thats not necessarily the current partners fault (although it could be). Once they have had babies they have finishestheir biological/emotional fob. Thats it. Some women dont enjit sex too much. So its no wonder that many men go elsewhere. Cant blame then. The women have you by the balls in terms of mney/ kids etc..........but I say bollox to them. If you need a shag , and your wife cant be arsed to help you out.go elsewhere..........you are entitled to some fun in life!!!
John

Harwich, MA

#326 Dec 15, 2008
I've got a friend in the same boat, and he found out his wife was raped when she was 13. Your's may need counseling, have you tried talking to her? Are you out of shape? Maybe she's not turned on by you anymore. Are you boring in bed, premature, not taking care of her needs?
Yorkie

Leicester, UK

#327 Dec 18, 2008
Been married to my wife for 3 years and been together for 5. Once a month is about our average these days if i'm particularily lucky. It's just one of those things if you love her enough you'll be faithfull and try not to let it bother you. However I do fully understand i'm extremely horny most the time (only cos I don't get enough, i'm not usually that bad) It's frustrating but that's the only complaint I have so I thank myself lucky. I love my wife and guess I just need to try calm down sexually.

“Rudeness is the weak man's”

Since: Nov 08

imitation of strength.

#328 Dec 18, 2008
Yorkie wrote:
Been married to my wife for 3 years and been together for 5. Once a month is about our average these days if i'm particularily lucky. It's just one of those things if you love her enough you'll be faithfull and try not to let it bother you. However I do fully understand i'm extremely horny most the time (only cos I don't get enough, i'm not usually that bad) It's frustrating but that's the only complaint I have so I thank myself lucky. I love my wife and guess I just need to try calm down sexually.
You should still have your needs met. You shouldn't have to settling for once a month. Have you tried talking to her? Maybe she doesn't realize how important it is for you.
Join Free
Yorkie

Leicester, UK

#329 Dec 19, 2008
She knows and feels bad about it which in turn makes me guilty. She is busy all the time and falls asleep instantly when her head hits the pillow, it helps if i get her drunk lol then she's very receptive she says its cos she doesn't ache when she's had a drink.
RealityDealer

Columbus, OH

#330 Dec 19, 2008
Yorkie wrote:
Been married to my wife for 3 years and been together for 5. Once a month is about our average these days if i'm particularily lucky. It's just one of those things if you love her enough you'll be faithfull and try not to let it bother you. However I do fully understand i'm extremely horny most the time (only cos I don't get enough, i'm not usually that bad) It's frustrating but that's the only complaint I have so I thank myself lucky. I love my wife and guess I just need to try calm down sexually.
Stop fooling yourself and making yourself miserable.

Discuss having an open-relationship and getting some sex on the side.

Open-relationships don't have to have everything out in the open either. You can just agree to a kind of "Don't ask, don't tell" policy where she does not nag you if you spend the night out.
Yorkie

Leicester, UK

#331 Dec 19, 2008
Not an option, took some vows and I take em seriously, not in a religious way but I am part Scandinavian and as such I am bound by honour. I'm not really looking for answers as such just wanted to get it off my chest and share.

“Rudeness is the weak man's”

Since: Nov 08

imitation of strength.

#332 Dec 19, 2008
Yorkie wrote:
Not an option, took some vows and I take em seriously, not in a religious way but I am part Scandinavian and as such I am bound by honour. I'm not really looking for answers as such just wanted to get it off my chest and share.
You and I seem to be in the same boat. Does she work long hours? Try having her get up earlier and having before work whoopie. If that doesn't work, she surely has a day off now and then. If she's having aches maybe she should see a doctor. There could be a medical condition that can be treated. I understand keeping your marriage sacred. I couldn't have an affair either, although there are days it's tempting.
John

Harwich, MA

#333 Dec 19, 2008
Could be her libido is not as strong as yours. Be happy if you still have a decent marriage, and masturbate. As you both age, an affair may be the answer, with her permission.
Yorkie

Leicester, UK

#334 Dec 20, 2008
Dear Pamela, I think we could be in a similar position also. She has been to the Doctors and has come off the pill (it can reduce libido) and she's taking B vitamin supplements so she is trying very hard to find the cause. She has self esteem issues too which i do my best to heal, lots of affection and compliments everyday. When we do manage to grab some time together it's still great, i just want it more than my wife at the moment, theres always masturbation which i do frequently but it does get a bit borin after a while. Satisfying my wife truly satisfies me, masturbating just calms me down a bit.

“Rudeness is the weak man's”

Since: Nov 08

imitation of strength.

#335 Dec 21, 2008
Yorkie wrote:
Dear Pamela, I think we could be in a similar position also. She has been to the Doctors and has come off the pill (it can reduce libido) and she's taking B vitamin supplements so she is trying very hard to find the cause. She has self esteem issues too which i do my best to heal, lots of affection and compliments everyday. When we do manage to grab some time together it's still great, i just want it more than my wife at the moment, theres always masturbation which i do frequently but it does get a bit borin after a while. Satisfying my wife truly satisfies me, masturbating just calms me down a bit.
You might see if she's willing to let you rub against her rear. I'm not sure what it's called. We did it after childbirth and I couldn't do much else besides oral and this. You can use lube, but you don't have to. Just rub against her butt until you ejaculate. You have to closeness and release without the insertion. Not sure what part of it she's not into. Just an option.
Yorkie

Leicester, UK

#336 Dec 21, 2008
She's into most things when i can get her in the mood, It's her energy levels more than anything, persistence and patience is my approach. Might try being more forceful ( but still understanding....somehow) tricky manouever i imagine will report back lol

“Rudeness is the weak man's”

Since: Nov 08

imitation of strength.

#337 Dec 21, 2008
Yorkie wrote:
She's into most things when i can get her in the mood, It's her energy levels more than anything, persistence and patience is my approach. Might try being more forceful ( but still understanding....somehow) tricky manouever i imagine will report back lol
If she's saying she's tired she can just lay there. I suspect there's more to this than she's telling. Hang in there and stay persistent.
yorkie

Leicester, UK

#338 Dec 22, 2008
Let her have a long lie in yesterday morning, she "woke ME' this morning. She wants some later too..think she just needed to charge her batterys a little. Doubtless i'll be on here complaining again in a few weeks lol, I really hope your situation gets better pamela, you're obviously a loyal wife and your husband should be proud to be with you. You're an attractive intelligent lady with needs like the rest of us. I'm not very religious but I will offer tribute to Freyja for you.
yorkie

Leicester, UK

#339 Dec 22, 2008
I let her lay in for two mornings and she has rested well, boy can I tell...Having trouble keeping her off me now. Famine to feast, I've been keeping my hands off her a bit too and giving her slightly less attention, still kissin her everyday at least just less bum grabbing etc lol I hope you and your husband work things out because you're a pretty, intelligent woman and you seem to have lots of sexual energy laying dormant (thats not good for you). I'm not religious but I will offer thanks to Freyja and hope she pays your husband a visit. I'l no doubt be back complaining in a few weeks lol take care pamela and everyone else
Sidney Z

Kanata, Canada

#340 Dec 22, 2008
It may be that she has some deep sexual issues that she doesn't even know about. Sometimes a trigger can wake up this type of reaction and the person doesn't know why or what is happening. Find a way to help her let go of her sexual frustrations. I can highly recommend this cd that I got on howtohavesupersex.com Give it a try, it really does work.

Good Luck,
Sidney

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