Is it possible for a str8 guy to have...

Is it possible for a str8 guy to have a relationship with a Bicurious g

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Bobby

Dublin, Ireland

#1 Apr 13, 2014
Is it possible for a straight guy to have a non-sexual relationship with a younger Bicurious guy?
I'm a straight, married guy. I have a younger friend who told me recently he thinks he is Bicurious. I work nights delivering across the country. Over the last few months he has been texting me during the night. Sometimes his texts can be quite explicit. Other times, a littke "naughty". For example, he would often say how horny he is feeling etc. I'm very comfortable with my sexuality, and have no problem with him as a good friend. Even chatting about sexual matters, or a bit of banter is cool with me. I value his friendship, and I know he values me as a very good friend. But I don't want to lead him on if he hopes to explore his curiosity further.
19uklad

Liverpool, UK

#2 Apr 13, 2014
tell him that instead of topix
Bobby

Dublin, Ireland

#3 Apr 14, 2014
19uklad wrote:
tell him that instead of topix
I did already. Obviously I can't keep telling him every time we talk. As I said, we are very good friends and I want that to continue,

Just wanted to get someone else's views, which may be helpful.

Since: Nov 13

Arlington, MA

#4 Apr 14, 2014
I would suggest that you avoid "sexual banter" with him from now on if you don't want to lead him on. That will make it easier to remain friends.
Bobby

Dublin, Ireland

#6 Apr 14, 2014
achyfi wrote:
I would suggest that you avoid "sexual banter" with him from now on if you don't want to lead him on. That will make it easier to remain friends.
Most times I can steer the conversation away from sexual banter. I dont really mind having a laugh and a joke and thats really not much of a problem, Usually I change the subject after a while.
But its been the late night texts over the last few months while I'm working thru the night. He would say things like he was watching porn and is horny, or he made out with a girl earlier that night and is still feeling turned on. Sometimes he just asks for advice, relationship/sexual. I really dont mind our chats, and I've been clear tham im straight. He just says he is very straight too, just a little curious when he is horny
Heather

Dandenong, Australia

#7 Apr 14, 2014
Bobby wrote:
<quoted text>
Most times I can steer the conversation away from sexual banter. I dont really mind having a laugh and a joke and thats really not much of a problem, Usually I change the subject after a while.
But its been the late night texts over the last few months while I'm working thru the night. He would say things like he was watching porn and is horny, or he made out with a girl earlier that night and is still feeling turned on. Sometimes he just asks for advice, relationship/sexual. I really dont mind our chats, and I've been clear tham im straight. He just says he is very straight too, just a little curious when he is horny
Are you sure the 'bi curious guy' isn't really you?
Bobby

Dublin, Ireland

#8 Apr 14, 2014
Heather wrote:
<quoted text>
Are you sure the 'bi curious guy' isn't really you?
Yes, I'm sure. I do have to admit that I'm flattered by all this attention, but the sexual attraction is one way. Im very fond of this boy and dont want to spoil our friendship.
Just a guy

Whitby, Canada

#9 Apr 14, 2014
If the 'banter' gets to a point where you're starting to wonder.. or cannot change the subject.. just tell him to "bust that nut" and text you when he's not so distracted. lol
Costs you nothing to throw him an outlet you can both be comfortable with. He might even get a thrill out of "know you know what he's doing".
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Bobby

Dublin, Ireland

#10 Apr 14, 2014
Just a guy wrote:
If the 'banter' gets to a point where you're starting to wonder.. or cannot change the subject.. just tell him to "bust that nut" and text you when he's not so distracted. lol
Costs you nothing to throw him an outlet you can both be comfortable with. He might even get a thrill out of "know you know what he's doing".
Yes, that seems like a plan. I'm working tonight so I'll give that a try. Maybe after he knocks one out he'll calm down a bit :-)
Its worth a try, thanks.
Just a guy

Whitby, Canada

#11 Apr 14, 2014
Bobby wrote:
<quoted text>
Yes, that seems like a plan. I'm working tonight so I'll give that a try. Maybe after he knocks one out he'll calm down a bit :-)
Its worth a try, thanks.
Once he finds a regular sexual outlet WITH someone (not you), then you'll likely find the friendship goes back to a lesser degree of sexual innuendo.. but don't expect it to stop completely.. We're GUYS after all.. lol
Bobby

Dublin, Ireland

#12 Apr 14, 2014
Just a guy wrote:
<quoted text>
Once he finds a regular sexual outlet WITH someone (not you), then you'll likely find the friendship goes back to a lesser degree of sexual innuendo.. but don't expect it to stop completely.. We're GUYS after all.. lol
We were chatting via text during the night. As expected, he was in bed and feeling horny. As suggested, I told him "to take matters in hand" lol.
But you were right, that did give him a bigger thrill. It was like I gave him permission to fantasise. After a short break, he proceeded to tell me how great it was coz I told him, best explosion etc. I think it just fanned the flames lol.
Like I said before, if I'm perfectly honest it was very flattering ,'-)
But this boy is 19 yo and needs to get himself a girlfriend.
Caleb

Spruce Pine, NC

#13 Apr 14, 2014
The same thing happened to me before ..I'm a 28 yr old married guy. Happily married.:-) a younger guy 19 yr old to be exact- he and I had became really close through a church situation- and he had just had a bad break up with a girl friend..! I feel like he may have tried to replace his relationship with his x with me. The sexual banner was normal as it was usual with any of my bro.. Even as much as sexual experiences- I never really saw it coming so to speak - why would good looking kid who could have any girl he wanted - football player and wrestler all the way through high school. Be attracted to a older average non-athletic guy married guy. One time he even started pulling to pull up straight porn and show me his fav videos.. It felt a little weird at first but then made it known his advances I continued to make comments that there would be no way in hell..!! I finally realized he was trying to seduce me - so I had to defuse the sexual banner for a while..it even caused him to try harder.. Got really comfortable walking around naked in front of me ect.. Which I would normally not think anything if it.. But because of his behavior.. I could tell his intentions. Like u I honestly felt flattered and it even confused me a little of how I could feel that way.. It made me feel like a dirty old man. The final straw one night after tossing a few back with friends he spent the night with me because he was too drunk to drive home. I feel asleep on the couch and I guess he was drunk enough to have a little bravery.. I woke up to him with his hands going up my shorts and pulling it out to what appear he was gonna try to suck it. As I woke up I sorta freaked out on him.. He almost looked like he was gonna cry. I threatened to kick his ass..!! I sort of felt bad for my reaction because I felt like it was partly my fault., he apologized for a week.. It made things awk for a while - he got back with his x gf..!! He later told me - now that we can laugh about it.. That he has several straight friends and team mates he heard that would often get each other off.. He was just really horny. lonely. And use to getting sex regularly with his gf..And couldnt help him self anymore.! It was a strange feeling for me to be woken up that way... To be really aroused somewhat and the completely repulsed at how u had gotten arroused.. Sorry for so long..never told the story to anyone :-)
Just a guy

Whitby, Canada

#14 Apr 15, 2014
Bobby wrote:
<quoted text>
We were chatting via text during the night. As expected, he was in bed and feeling horny. As suggested, I told him "to take matters in hand" lol.
But you were right, that did give him a bigger thrill. It was like I gave him permission to fantasise. After a short break, he proceeded to tell me how great it was coz I told him, best explosion etc. I think it just fanned the flames lol.
Like I said before, if I'm perfectly honest it was very flattering ,'-)
But this boy is 19 yo and needs to get himself a girlfriend.
LOL - Well, tell him to do it again? Seems he STILL had a fair bit of pent up "energy".
You're comfort level may be different than mine - or maybe not. Seems we 'older guys' are a bit less 'meterosexual' than the current generations - they seem much more comfortable with sex and specifically less 'gender role' and 'label' specific.(I THINK that just means a lot more people comfortable exploring being "bi'. lol)
Anyway, if he's just using you for fantasies and getting off, what's the harm? Every Playboy center fold since they first came out has had to carry that particular burden.
That being said, have you had a blunt conversation with him? I'm thinking something along the lines of,
"I'm flattered you get your rocks off thinking about me, but let me be clear. I'm ok you having fantasies. Do not ever, ever try to make any of those a reality. If you grab my dick or try to make our real relationship sexual you'll make me massively uncomfortable and unhappy and put our entire friendship at risk."
Obviously, tailor the statement to your own comfort level.
Try to avoid risky (drunken sleepover) situations. If you let that happen, odds are good he'll try something.. so don't pretend you didn't see it coming..
I think I may be somewhat able to empathize with your lad.. devastated by a broken relationship, feeling safe in the 'male bonding' type relationships, perhaps a dash of exhibitionism, and all the massive horniness of a young healthy male.
Assuming you're at the limit of your comfort level, then just tell him to jerk off again every time he hits your threshold. Who cares if he just finished? Eventually he HAS to calm down for a bit. lol
You have all the control, but he will push whatever limit you set. Not in a bad way. Just the enthusiasm of youth.
Bob

Dublin, Ireland

#15 Apr 15, 2014
Caleb wrote:
The same thing happened to me before ..I'm a 28 yr old married guy. Happily married.:-) a younger guy 19 yr old to be exact- he and I had became really close through a church situation- and he had just had a bad break up with a girl friend..! I feel like he may have tried to replace his relationship with his x with me. The sexual banner was normal as it was usual with any of my bro.. Even as much as sexual experiences- I never really saw it coming so to speak - why would good looking kid who could have any girl he wanted - football player and wrestler all the way through high school. Be attracted to a older average non-athletic guy married guy. One time he even started pulling to pull up straight porn and show me his fav videos.. It felt a little weird at first but then made it known his advances I continued to make comments that there would be no way in hell..!! I finally realized he was trying to seduce me - so I had to defuse the sexual banner for a while..it even caused him to try harder.. Got really comfortable walking around naked in front of me ect.. Which I would normally not think anything if it.. But because of his behavior.. I could tell his intentions. Like u I honestly felt flattered and it even confused me a little of how I could feel that way.. It made me feel like a dirty old man. The final straw one night after tossing a few back with friends he spent the night with me because he was too drunk to drive home. I feel asleep on the couch and I guess he was drunk enough to have a little bravery.. I woke up to him with his hands going up my shorts and pulling it out to what appear he was gonna try to suck it. As I woke up I sorta freaked out on him.. He almost looked like he was gonna cry. I threatened to kick his ass..!! I sort of felt bad for my reaction because I felt like it was partly my fault., he apologized for a week.. It made things awk for a while - he got back with his x gf..!! He later told me - now that we can laugh about it.. That he has several straight friends and team mates he heard that would often get each other off.. He was just really horny. lonely. And use to getting sex regularly with his gf..And couldnt help him self anymore.! It was a strange feeling for me to be woken up that way... To be really aroused somewhat and the completely repulsed at how u had gotten arroused.. Sorry for so long..never told the story to anyone :-)
Yes, I fully undersrand what you are saying, and thank you for sharing.
There are quiet a few similarities in our experiences. I know this boy for a few years and we have become good friends. I always had the feeling that he looked up to me in a way, and valued my advice on many matters. The normal "boys will be boys" sexual banter has been going on for some time without any issues. And he has been very comfortable being naked around me. And he has always been comfortable discussing sexual matters on a serious level, aside of the "sexual banter". To be honest, I found that quite refreshing.
But more recently, he would take longer to get changed, walk around a little more than is necessary, and sometimes I would even notice that he had a semi.
We could just laugh that off and carry on I guess. I've made it clear on more than one occassion that I am his friend and will always be there for him, but that is all. He is a straight guy, with lots of "macho" straight friends. And like your friend, he tells me that his friends sometimes jerk off together watching porn etc. So I guess this is all pretty usual. Its only in recent months that he has confided in me that he is slightly curious at times. Although he says that mostly when he is very horny. And usually by text.
I dont expect that he will "try it on" with me, but at the same time I dont want to send him mixed signals. Getting the balance right is difficult. I also dont want to seemnlike I am rejecting him, or his friendship.
Bob

Dublin, Ireland

#16 Apr 15, 2014
Just a guy wrote:
<quoted text>
LOL - Well, tell him to do it again? Seems he STILL had a fair bit of pent up "energy".
You're comfort level may be different than mine - or maybe not. Seems we 'older guys' are a bit less 'meterosexual' than the current generations - they seem much more comfortable with sex and specifically less 'gender role' and 'label' specific.(I THINK that just means a lot more people comfortable exploring being "bi'. lol)
Anyway, if he's just using you for fantasies and getting off, what's the harm? Every Playboy center fold since they first came out has had to carry that particular burden.
That being said, have you had a blunt conversation with him? I'm thinking something along the lines of,
"I'm flattered you get your rocks off thinking about me, but let me be clear. I'm ok you having fantasies. Do not ever, ever try to make any of those a reality. If you grab my dick or try to make our real relationship sexual you'll make me massively uncomfortable and unhappy and put our entire friendship at risk."
Obviously, tailor the statement to your own comfort level.
Try to avoid risky (drunken sleepover) situations. If you let that happen, odds are good he'll try something.. so don't pretend you didn't see it coming..
I think I may be somewhat able to empathize with your lad.. devastated by a broken relationship, feeling safe in the 'male bonding' type relationships, perhaps a dash of exhibitionism, and all the massive horniness of a young healthy male.
Assuming you're at the limit of your comfort level, then just tell him to jerk off again every time he hits your threshold. Who cares if he just finished? Eventually he HAS to calm down for a bit. lol
You have all the control, but he will push whatever limit you set. Not in a bad way. Just the enthusiasm of youth.
Thanks again for your advice.
My comfort levels with boys and girls are pretty good. Yes, you are right, as a teen myself I would have been less open in the way I interacted with my peers when it came to sexual matters. Of course there was the normal "bravado", but discussing boners and jerking off were a no no, unless in jest. These days young people are up front about these things. Im totally cool with that. Over the years I've heard it all at this stage and its to be welcomed. And like in the other post, he has said that some of his "macho" friends have no problem jerking off together watching porn.
I've always enjoyed the chats with my young friend, even his late night texts. Yes, I laid it out clearly to him that our friendship was valuable, but would remain a close friendship only.
It's only more recently that he declared his "curiousity", but only when he is really horny. Of course it is flattering to be the object of his fantasies, I'm not made of stone. In fact, it is really no problem for me, it's just getting the balance right. I dont want to appear to reject the guy, and I don't want to encourage him either,
Just a guy

Whitby, Canada

#17 Apr 16, 2014
Tough line to walk for sure between "not rejecting" and "encouraging" since most guys (when horny) will interpret a lack of rejection as encouragement. ;)
Just kinda thinking out loud as I type - see if this comes out right..(sorry if I flub it).
Recap: You and the lad (he's a grown man, just younger than you) have a real friendship based on a bunch of stuff that isn't sex.
Some of your activities result in nudity (you don't specify - could be gym, sports, swimming) Sometimes he may be semi aroused - but that could be anything from random chance to exhibitionism to aroused by you.(I enjoy being naked - even hiking if I can - and sometimes things are 'firmer' than others. So nothing of concern so far.)
The lad is post breakup with a girlfriend.(Leads to loneliness and sexual 'bread and water')
Some of the lads friends watch porn and jerk off together or in front of each other.
You are flattered (I would be too), but want to limit your 'sexual involvement' with the lad. So far, the furthest extent has been encouraging him to bust a nut via text. He VERY MUCH enjoyed that experience.
Clearly, you WANT to help your friend. He's a healthy young man, so his sex drive is not going to 'go away' or calm down until he gets another girlfriend. I think it is fair to suggest he'll keep encouraging you to help him get relief until then. He's not an idiot. Obviously you and he will never 'be a couple' or have kids.. he just needs some relief.
So, cutting to the chase, I think you need to decide exactly where your 'line' is for his sexual relief. We know you seem to be ok with texting him a "green light". That may be it. Or, you may decide you wouldn't mind watching porn (with pants off) with him? Where ever your line is, you should probable decide that and then let him know in clear blunt terms that "this is ok".. anything past that is not. He likely has some line of his own.. although he may not be sure where it is exactly.. and this way he would feel good - you're doing what you can for him, he's getting some relief, and your still good friends. If you're not sure where your own line is, that's ok too. I think the key points are 1) Your friendship is more secure than his last relationship 2) You understand his frustration and are helping to the best of your ability... given you lack the appropriate parts.. lol 3) The is a nice girl out there somewhere for hi,.. this is just a rough patch. 4) Don't let his sexual frustration hijack your friendship. If he's 'riled up', have him take 5 mins and deal with it asap and then get on to your normal (non sexual) fun activities. Sort of place it in the category of all the other normal bodily functions that need dealing with from time to time. A big crap is very important as long as it's denied. Once it's taken care of it's pretty much forgotten.
Sorry for the 'long and rambling'. I hope something in there will count as 'helpful'. I've got more empathy for the 'lad' than I'd care to admit. Kinda been there..
Bobby

Dublin, Ireland

#18 Apr 19, 2014
Any advice anyone?
Bobby

Dublin, Ireland

#19 Apr 19, 2014
Just a guy wrote:
Tough line to walk for sure between "not rejecting" and "encouraging" since most guys (when horny) will interpret a lack of rejection as encouragement. ;)
Just kinda thinking out loud as I type - see if this comes out right..(sorry if I flub it).
Recap: You and the lad (he's a grown man, just younger than you) have a real friendship based on a bunch of stuff that isn't sex.
Some of your activities result in nudity (you don't specify - could be gym, sports, swimming) Sometimes he may be semi aroused - but that could be anything from random chance to exhibitionism to aroused by you.(I enjoy being naked - even hiking if I can - and sometimes things are 'firmer' than others. So nothing of concern so far.)
The lad is post breakup with a girlfriend.(Leads to loneliness and sexual 'bread and water')
Some of the lads friends watch porn and jerk off together or in front of each other.
You are flattered (I would be too), but want to limit your 'sexual involvement' with the lad. So far, the furthest extent has been encouraging him to bust a nut via text. He VERY MUCH enjoyed that experience.
Clearly, you WANT to help your friend. He's a healthy young man, so his sex drive is not going to 'go away' or calm down until he gets another girlfriend. I think it is fair to suggest he'll keep encouraging you to help him get relief until then. He's not an idiot. Obviously you and he will never 'be a couple' or have kids.. he just needs some relief.
So, cutting to the chase, I think you need to decide exactly where your 'line' is for his sexual relief. We know you seem to be ok with texting him a "green light". That may be it. Or, you may decide you wouldn't mind watching porn (with pants off) with him? Where ever your line is, you should probable decide that and then let him know in clear blunt terms that "this is ok".. anything past that is not. He likely has some line of his own.. although he may not be sure where it is exactly.. and this way he would feel good - you're doing what you can for him, he's getting some relief, and your still good friends. If you're not sure where your own line is, that's ok too. I think the key points are 1) Your friendship is more secure than his last relationship 2) You understand his frustration and are helping to the best of your ability... given you lack the appropriate parts.. lol 3) The is a nice girl out there somewhere for hi,.. this is just a rough patch. 4) Don't let his sexual frustration hijack your friendship. If he's 'riled up', have him take 5 mins and deal with it asap and then get on to your normal (non sexual) fun activities. Sort of place it in the category of all the other normal bodily functions that need dealing with from time to time. A big crap is very important as long as it's denied. Once it's taken care of it's pretty much forgotten.
Sorry for the 'long and rambling'. I hope something in there will count as 'helpful'. I've got more empathy for the 'lad' than I'd care to admit. Kinda been there..
This guy is 19yo. He moved into the area a couple of years ago. After some time he startd to call around, asking about the best local gym, sporting events etc. He was always very pleasant, polite and friendly.
I took him to my gym, and let him tag along on a few errands and outings.
It is really only in recent months that the late night texts started to become more raunchy. At the gym, or changing after a shower he now stays nude much longer than necessary, often just standing and making small talk. I'm cool with all this, nudity is not an issue with me. Even when he is obviouly semi arroused, I can put that down to hormones and youthful exuberance. I'm very open and comfortable about sexual matters. As I said, ive seen and heard it all by this stage and nothing shocks me anymore.
Really, my only concern is keeping this boy on the straight and narrow without rejecting him. He has experienced rejection in his life before.
Bobby

Dublin, Ireland

#21 Apr 19, 2014
Thanks guys
This guy is 19yo. He moved into the area a couple of years ago. After some time he startd to call around, asking about the best local gym, sporting events etc. He was always very pleasant, polite and friendly.
I took him to my gym, and let him tag along on a few errands and outings.
It is really only in recent months that the late night texts started to become more raunchy. At the gym, or changing after a shower he now stays nude much longer than necessary, often just standing and making small talk. I'm cool with all this, nudity is not an issue with me. Even when he is obviouly semi arroused, I can put that down to hormones and youthful exuberance. I'm very open and comfortable about sexual matters. As I said, ive seen and heard it all by this stage and nothing shocks me anymore.
Really, my only concern is keeping this boy on the straight and narrow without rejecting him. He has experienced rejection in his life before.
Just a guy

Whitby, Canada

#22 Apr 19, 2014
Bobby wrote:
<quoted text>
This guy is 19yo. He moved into the area a couple of years ago. After some time he startd to call around, asking about the best local gym, sporting events etc. He was always very pleasant, polite and friendly.
I took him to my gym, and let him tag along on a few errands and outings.
It is really only in recent months that the late night texts started to become more raunchy. At the gym, or changing after a shower he now stays nude much longer than necessary, often just standing and making small talk. I'm cool with all this, nudity is not an issue with me. Even when he is obliviously semi aroused, I can put that down to hormones and youthful exuberance. I'm very open and comfortable about sexual matters. As I said, I've seen and heard it all by this stage and nothing shocks me any more.
Really, my only concern is keeping this boy on the straight and narrow without rejecting him. He has experienced rejection in his life before.
So what do you consider the "straight and narrow"?
I totally agree that being naked is nothing. Semi aroused is really something we have little control over.. just happens to be more obvious if the aroused guy is naked. Also no big deal I agree.(Although there is no harm at all in teasing him a bit about it! lol)
I guess the question more or less boils down to what does he REALLY want to do and what are you ok with doing/experiencing with him? There is not right or wrong answer to those, just information. I'm not certain how to pull it off - privately for sure - and in person.. I'm thinking a very straight forward conversation may be the way to go. If you are comfortable with that? You may not be, and that's ok too.
I'd likely ask some very blunt yes/no questions about various sexual acts you suspect he may want to explore. But I'd ask 'gently' in a way that won't make him afraid or feeling rejected. You'd need to have set in your mind what - if any - bones you're willing to throw him. If you ask a bunch of questions and reject everything, he's going to end up feeling like crap. That may be unavoidable depending on your comfort level and what he wants. Although I'm sure you can guess, these are the questions that leap to mind (speaking as you).
"So, Would you like to jerk off in front of me?
Would you like to see me jerk off?
Do you want us to jerk each other off?
Do you want to share a girl?
Do you want to blow me?
Do you want me to blow you?
Do you want to fuck me?
Do you want me to fuck you?"
I'm thinking you can deal with each response uniquely, and at least one of them won't be a total "no". If it's all "no", then he's screwed and I see no way out that he isn't going to have at least a brief period of pain. Remember, he is a grown man and capable of making his own decisions. I'd likely be ok with about half of those questions..(just an fyi).
I'm not saying I know what you should do. Can't even say I'm giving good advice.. but if I were in your situation, this is likely what I would do. I certainly would progress slowly and determine after the pressure is released if that step was "a bad idea" or if it was "ok". i.e star with a jerk off, not double anal! And reassure him if you (plural) try something and after he (or you) feels it was a mistake, it's no big deal.. he's just getting things straight in his head. I mean really, we all jerk off. In the grand scheme of the universe it really doesn't matter if either of you sees the other doing it.
Again, I hope this is in some way helpful. I can't claim I'm "right" or giving "good advice", just giving what I think is the best advice I have. Sorry if I was too blut/graphic, but we're guys and there comes a point where one need to speak plainly. ;)
I hope you'll let me know how things play out and I hope it ends with everyone happy.

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