Wife cheated, now all sorts of problems

Wife cheated, now all sorts of problems

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Since: Dec 11

Location hidden

#1 Dec 13, 2011
My wife cheated on me and I since discovered all these texts and online chats she had with the guy. She was going to be a huge slut for him while at home she was ignoring me.

She eventually decided to stay with me and stop talking to this guy. I win. But now the problems.

I'm having problems getting it up because I know this guy was some huge stud and I feel inadequate. And when we have gotten it on, she doesn't appear to be enjoying it. Even has her eyes closed which makes me think she is thinking of him and wishing for him.

We've also had some drunken discussions about making things more exciting which in this case means having a threesome with another guy. I could do that as long as it is some stranger. It can't be this guy or some other guy she knows.

I guess I am just really confused because I never thought she'd cheat on me and she did. Now I'm not sure if I should change my attitude about things to stay with her.

And there is part of me that is turned on about her being with other guys. I thought if that ever happened it would be us together not her running around behind my back.
upkink

Munising, MI

#2 Dec 13, 2011
As I read your post, I got the impression your wife is in the driver's seat and you're only along for the ride as longs as she's okay with it.

"She eventually decided to stay with me and stop talking to this guy. I win."

You didn't win anything but the prize everyone gets just for showing up.
Jack

Oil City, PA

#3 Dec 13, 2011
sjones314 wrote:
My wife cheated on me and I since discovered all these texts and online chats she had with the guy. She was going to be a huge slut for him while at home she was ignoring me.
She eventually decided to stay with me and stop talking to this guy. I win. But now the problems.
I'm having problems getting it up because I know this guy was some huge stud and I feel inadequate. And when we have gotten it on, she doesn't appear to be enjoying it. Even has her eyes closed which makes me think she is thinking of him and wishing for him.
We've also had some drunken discussions about making things more exciting which in this case means having a threesome with another guy. I could do that as long as it is some stranger. It can't be this guy or some other guy she knows.
I guess I am just really confused because I never thought she'd cheat on me and she did. Now I'm not sure if I should change my attitude about things to stay with her.
And there is part of me that is turned on about her being with other guys. I thought if that ever happened it would be us together not her running around behind my back.
All women are sluts, buddy. Sorry you had to have your illusions shattered like that.
pure lad

UK

#4 Dec 13, 2011
I got married she went too be with some waste of space so I packed up and divorsed her arse if she was open and we both were in on it then it would of been different
a guy

United States

#5 Dec 13, 2011
Have to agree you didn't win. Make a stand any stand. As for the threesome, seems bad motivation to do that at this point.

Since: Dec 11

Location hidden

#6 Dec 14, 2011
Thanks everybody. It helped writing something out rather than staring at the ceiling with my thoughts at 3:00 AM.

@a guy, I agree the threesome would definitely be bad at this point. I need her to refocus her life on me.

@upkink, you're 100% correct on all your points. I need our relationship to be about us, not just her.

It doesn't help that she's not putting out, so I'm in their weird hypersexual mode.

“Free Spirit”

Since: Nov 11

Whitecourt, Canada

#7 Dec 14, 2011
sjones314 wrote:
Thanks everybody. It helped writing something out rather than staring at the ceiling with my thoughts at 3:00 AM.
@a guy, I agree the threesome would definitely be bad at this point. I need her to refocus her life on me.
@upkink, you're 100% correct on all your points. I need our relationship to be about us, not just her.
It doesn't help that she's not putting out, so I'm in their weird hypersexual mode.
You gotta be on the same page. Trust is hard to get back. If you plan to swing - then make sure it is with another couple only - and on mutual terms. If you can not trust her anymore and things are going south - go to counselling or cut your losses. You gotta be happy too. Or you will go nuts.
achyfi

Arlington, MA

#8 Dec 14, 2011
I agree with Carlos, this is clearly a situation for marital counseling. Sex here is just the symptom, not the problem.

I would sit down with your wife and say, "Look, clearly our love life isn't what either one of us would like it to be, and I think counseling might help us." If she loves you she'll be willing to go to a therapist with you. If not, then you're just prolonging the inevitable.

Hope it works out!
Join Free

Since: Dec 11

Location hidden

#9 Dec 16, 2011
It has gotten worse. We are already in a bad financial situation and we got into a big fight about it. Next thing I know, I see on the computer that she registered on sugar daddy web sites trying to find some rich guy.

She refuses to do counselling. It would be so good for us. It does feel like I'm prolonging the inevitable.

I'm completely confused on what is right/wrong, good/bad for me.
lollipop

Ellicott City, MD

#10 Dec 16, 2011
sjones314 wrote:
It has gotten worse. We are already in a bad financial situation and we got into a big fight about it. Next thing I know, I see on the computer that she registered on sugar daddy web sites trying to find some rich guy.
She refuses to do counselling. It would be so good for us. It does feel like I'm prolonging the inevitable.
I'm completely confused on what is right/wrong, good/bad for me.
WOW so many unanswered questions here!!!

why won't she go to counseling? Why did she cheat? What let her to cheat? How long have u been married? How old r u both? Do u have children?

“GERONIMO!”

Since: Nov 11

Location hidden

#11 Dec 16, 2011
File for divorce on the evidence of infidelity. She loses. Simple. Unfit guess who ends up on the streets?
pete

Peru

#12 Dec 18, 2011
Mike from Mt Gambier has now registerd as Mike, Adelide, or Mike,,Murray. MUltle personalityguy who is other thread turns into a merciless troll; so beware.

“GERONIMO!”

Since: Nov 11

Location hidden

#13 Dec 18, 2011
"Don't feed the trolls..."

Since: Dec 11

Location hidden

#14 Dec 19, 2011
lollipop wrote:
<quoted text>
WOW so many unanswered questions here!!!
why won't she go to counseling? Why did she cheat? What let her to cheat? How long have u been married? How old r u both? Do u have children?
She won't go because well, she's probably nuts and doesn't want to hear about it.

She cheated because she's bored because she doesn't do anything all day and that she was looking for excitement/attention (I have to work a lot because she doesn't).

I'm 38, she's 33. No children.

Since: Oct 11

Dover, DE

#15 Dec 19, 2011
sjones314 wrote:
<quoted text>
She won't go because well, she's probably nuts and doesn't want to hear about it.
She cheated because she's bored because she doesn't do anything all day and that she was looking for excitement/attention (I have to work a lot because she doesn't).
I'm 38, she's 33. No children.
Get out while you can. A good divorce lawyer can get her out. Save yourself!
metoo

Richardson, TX

#16 Dec 19, 2011
my situation is not as bad, but it feels like it. caught my wife texting, emailing, messaging a 'gay' co-worker. she told him that she Loved him. i found one of the texts and then read all of them. they have been chatting all summer, telling each other how much they love each other and how much they miss each other. he eventually left that job for another, and she threw a going away party. at the party she was crying her eyes out, kissing and hugging him. the love was obvious to me and all their co-workers.

i finally confronted her about it and she denied everything, i said she was lying and she just questioned how could she be. i finally let it be known that i read all her texts and then started to recount them verbatim. she was shocked and knew she was caught.

i want to divorce her and probably will eventually when finances allow it. i was crushed, because i was always faithful. we have kids so it will be tough. but i think after sometime, my love for her will eventually disappear. it already has a little.

if i was u, i'd get out now or later, but don't kid yourself, things will not be the same. i feel this way and they never had sex, as far as i know. i'm on the 2 year plan. grin and bear it, let my feelings for her dissolve, then divorce, or find someone else. but either way i dont care anymore to be with her. you should find someone else too.
Centaur

Philadelphia, PA

#17 Dec 19, 2011
sjones314 wrote:
My wife cheated on me and I since discovered all these texts and online chats she had with the guy. She was going to be a huge slut for him while at home she was ignoring me.
She eventually decided to stay with me and stop talking to this guy. I win. But now the problems.
I'm having problems getting it up because I know this guy was some huge stud and I feel inadequate. And when we have gotten it on, she doesn't appear to be enjoying it. Even has her eyes closed which makes me think she is thinking of him and wishing for him.
We've also had some drunken discussions about making things more exciting which in this case means having a threesome with another guy. I could do that as long as it is some stranger. It can't be this guy or some other guy she knows.
I guess I am just really confused because I never thought she'd cheat on me and she did. Now I'm not sure if I should change my attitude about things to stay with her.
And there is part of me that is turned on about her being with other guys. I thought if that ever happened it would be us together not her running around behind my back.
As bad as it sounds, she is aching for you to be a jerk. Go out and bang some Strange to clear the air and let her know that your not f'en around. She wants the bad boy in you. I'm a girl and know these feelings. It was a huge turn on when my ex bf got back at me and basically put the pants back on.
Wife Attacks The Balls

Anonymous Proxy

#18 Dec 19, 2011
I was in a similar position five years ago. I had an affair, cuckolded my husband night after night, and loved every minute of it. Then my husband foolishly tried to force me to stop seeing my bull. I had no intention of stopping seeing him and I told my husband he had either to accept being my second preference or to leave. Furthermore I would use the slipper whenever I chose to use it, and he would learn the hard way.

He chose to stay with me, and I let him f--k me whenever I had no-one better to satisfy me. I started work as a stripper and lap dancer, which resulted in my being approached for sex by many men. I chose the best of them as bulls and I spent more nights away from home than in bed with my husband. I felt marvellous and constantly happy in the panty area.

I have a heavy rubber soled slipper (it's a deliberate BDSM design, built for pain) with which I wallop my husband's bare backside soundly any time he makes any complaint about my sleeping with my bulls. After a particularly ungracious complaint I even arranged for two of my bulls to visit. They made love to me repeatedly in the living room for my husband to see, front and back and mouth. Then as I watched they pulled down hubby's pants. One bull held hubby's wrists behind his back, and the other slapped his balls a few times and then gave him an agonising squeeze in his clenched fist.

I recommend that your wife do the same as I do. She dominates you, you are her subordinate weakling and she must treat you accordingly. She can start by having her boyfriends tenderise your balls.

Since: Dec 11

Location hidden

#20 Dec 19, 2011
@metoo: I feel your pain. It has to be worse for you with kids involved.

@Centaur: At times, I've been showing my anger about the situation, then she tells me to get over it, that it isn't about me, etc. I suspect if I cheated on her now, it would cause the complete end of our relationship and I would lose any moral/legal high ground.

@Wife Attacks The Balls: strangely enough, my wife and I always had the relationship where I was the dominant one. I don't think that changing roles at this point would make sense, especially considering that I'm not built mentally to be a subordinate weakling.

@wetwo: Very succinct. And you appear to be another voice in the growing consensus.
Bryan

United States

#21 Dec 19, 2011
DUDE! Use it to your advantage! If you have any balls at all you can walk all over the bitch now and get away with it! You should do the whole swinging thing with her and just use her as bait to get other couples to join and fuck every piece of ass you can get! When you get it all out of your system and want to settle down kick the bitch to the curb and find a nice lady that has respect for you and you can respect her. I would totally use this to get a good run on all the pussy you can get and then spit in her face as you slam the door in it! LMAO!

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