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Since: Nov 12

Location hidden

#1 Dec 5, 2013
Lets post our dirty jokes here :)

A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $20."
"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman angrily gets off the elevator.
The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.
"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"
"Sperm bank," she says with her mouth full.

Since: Nov 12

Location hidden

#2 Dec 5, 2013
This made me larf lol :)
A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. It's about 10 feet long. The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that son of a b*tch outta here. It's going to bite one of my customers and I'm going to get sued."
The guy says, "No no no, it's a tame alligator. I'll prove it to you."
He picks up the alligator and puts it on the bar. Then he unzips his pants, pulls out his package and sticks it in the alligator's mouth. The alligator just keeps his mouth open. After about 5 minutes, he pulls it out of the alligator's mouth and zips up his pants and says, "See, I told you it was a tame alligator. Anybody else want to try it?"
The drunk down at the end of the bar says, "Yah, I'd like to try it but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long!"

Since: Nov 12

Location hidden

#3 Dec 5, 2013
(Dad's daughter walks up to him)
Daughter- Dad i gotta tell u something...
Dad- Whats tht?
Daughter- I'm a lesbian.
Dad- Okay.
(Dad walks around then his other daughter comes up to him)
Daughter #2- Dad i gotta tell u something...
Dad- Whts tht?
Daughter #2- I'm a lesbian.
Dad- Damn, does anybody in this house like dick?
Son- I do!!!!

“no longer active”

Since: Sep 13

Chatham, UK

#4 Dec 5, 2013
nelsonnn69 wrote:
(Dad's daughter walks up to him)
Daughter- Dad i gotta tell u something...
Dad- Whats tht?
Daughter- I'm a lesbian.
Dad- Okay.
(Dad walks around then his other daughter comes up to him)
Daughter #2- Dad i gotta tell u something...
Dad- Whts tht?
Daughter #2- I'm a lesbian.
Dad- Damn, does anybody in this house like dick?
Son- I do!!!!
I've heard this and the alligator one before.

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

Since: Nov 12

Location hidden

#5 Dec 5, 2013
DirtySlutUK wrote:
<quoted text>
I've heard this and the alligator one before.
Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"
ha that's a goodun :)

“no longer active”

Since: Sep 13

Chatham, UK

#6 Dec 5, 2013
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"

A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter. After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."

And now I have to go to work...:-(

Since: Nov 12

Location hidden

#7 Dec 5, 2013
DirtySlutUK wrote:
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter. After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."
And now I have to go to work...:-(
Haha i liked the second one!! have a nice day lady :)

“no longer active”

Since: Sep 13

Leeds, UK

#8 Dec 5, 2013
nelsonnn69 wrote:
<quoted text>Haha i liked the second one!! have a nice day lady :)
Nice lady??? Thanks

A police officer was patrolling the highway when he sees a guy tied up to a tree, crying. The officer stops and approaches the guy. "What's going on here?", he asks. The guy sobs, "I was driving and picked up a hitchhiker. He pulled a gun on me, robbed me, took all my money, my clothes, my car and then tied me up." The cop studied the guy for a moment, and then pulled down his pants and whipped out his dick. "I guess this isn't your lucky day, pal!"
Join Free
Hey

Hobbs, NM

#9 Dec 5, 2013
A man was sunbathing at a beach. For the sake of civility he wore a hat over his penis.
A woman walks by and says if you we're a gentle you would take of the hat. The man then says if you weren't so damn ugly It'd lift itself!

“no longer active”

Since: Sep 13

Leeds, UK

#10 Dec 5, 2013
How is it I have heard all of these before??
Am I REALLY that bad?? lol

A guy goes to the store to buy condoms.'Do you want a bag?', the cashier asks 'No', the guy says,'she's not that ugly'

“All of my pm's are monitored. ”

Since: Sep 13

Location hidden

#11 Dec 5, 2013
Three bloody tampons are walking down the street, which one of them turns around and waves first?

None of them, they are all stuck up bitch.s !!

“no longer active”

Since: Sep 13

Portsmouth, UK

#12 Dec 5, 2013
Lovescocks wrote:
Three bloody tampons are walking down the street, which one of them turns around and waves first?
None of them, they are all stuck up bitch.s !!
lol that's funny....

A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis, her mom said you should have asked me last night it was at the tip of my tongue.

“The Witch of the South....”

Since: Jan 13

In the house of Hera....

#13 Dec 6, 2013
A man and a woman were in a elevator together,,, the man says to the woman,, excuse but can I smell your vagina ?? The woman says certainly not,, so the man says,, Oooh im sorry,, it must be your feet then....

“All of my pm's are monitored. ”

Since: Sep 13

Location hidden

#14 Dec 6, 2013
Lovescocks wrote:
Three bloody tampons are walking down the street, which one of them turns around and waves first?
None of them, they are all stuck up bitch.s !!
By the way!! I have to call joke foul on me! The punch line should say!!!
None of them, They are stuck up c*nts!!!

Since: Nov 12

Location hidden

#15 Dec 9, 2013
Thousands are said to be gathering outside Nelson Mandela's house, Del Boy and Rodney have told them to f@#k off!!:)

“The Witch of the South....”

Since: Jan 13

In the house of Hera....

#16 Dec 9, 2013
What did the drunk say when he walked into the bar ???

(ouch)!!!

K not dirty or very funny....

Sorry bout that,,,,

“no longer active”

Since: Sep 13

Gosport, UK

#17 Dec 9, 2013
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."

Since: Nov 12

Location hidden

#18 Dec 9, 2013
DirtySlutUK wrote:
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."
Pmsfl!!!!! that's class!:)

Since: Nov 12

Location hidden

#19 Dec 9, 2013
This one tickled me :

A loser is having a hard time picking up chicks, so his well traveled friend takes him to a nightclub in Daytona where he tells him that he will score for sure. The loser enters the bar, sees his prey, and begins to barrage her with pick up lines that he acquired from his friend. The young lady continues to ignore him but finally gives in. She says " OK, Iíll spend the night with you, but Iíve got to let you know up front that Iím on my menstrual cycle. The loser looks at her and says " Thatís OK. Iíll follow you on my Moped.
randy andy

Sydney, Australia

#20 Dec 9, 2013
sisterhere wrote:
What did the drunk say when he walked into the bar ???
(ouch)!!!
K not dirty or very funny....
Sorry bout that,,,,
ok so it was a nice tr S! here,s one from andy!

if you think 7 years for breaking a mirror is bad? you get life for breaking a condom:(

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