Follow these basic rules when visiting terminally ill

DEAR ABBY: I have just returned from visiting a close friend in the next town. She was exhausted from caring for her husband, who has terminal cancer -- but even more so from the many visits from loving friends ...

[Polarity]

LW2's letter may be fake. Something about it just seems ... off to me.

If the letter is for real, I disagree with Abby: "treatment of addiction" by a "licensed professional" would be overkill and may even be counterproductive. I base my conclusion on the absence of any obvious and significant adverse consequences in LW2's letter -- the worst such consequence LW2 appears worried about is losing her computer.

(Continued compulsive behavior in the face of adverse consequences is a key component of addiction.)

Rather, I think the better approach is for LW2 to increase her socialization and interaction with real people, rather than having mostly online friends. Getting involved with school activities, being out and about, getting to know real boys -- these will help.

[Dienne]

"The best friends I have are online. I'll be isolated if she takes it away."

That, more than the pornography, is the best reason for her mother to take away the computer. For heavens sake, get out and meet real people!

And I agree with Polarity (geez, I've been saying that a lot lately)- something about this letter smells funky.

[jennifer]

LW2: The girl feels like she has a problem and from the sound of it to me porn has become a compulsion for her. She says she is religious and so I'm sure the porn causes her alot of guilt feelings. She ought to speak with a spiritual advisor or a clergy person since porn addiction is a common problem and they may help her to achieve some insight.

Also, as Polarity and Dienne have said, there are youth groups in virtually every religious denomination, and I'm sure she could find some friends there.

[jennifer]

I also think she's addicted to porn because she's lonely and has no other activities.

[Maruska]

That letter reminds me of another one a couple weeks ago where the girl was thinking about having sex... sounds like it was written by a parent trying to create a situation that will warn their children about the evils of porn...

I would also hesitate to call this an addiction. Unless Abby edited this letter quite a bit, I don't think the LW has given nearly enough information, except her own use of the word, to classify her looking at porn as an "addiction to porn".

I'm not a huge porn fan, simply because it doesn't really do it for me. Not a fan of the violent stuff, period. And I agree that some porn can give inexperienced persons misconceptions of what sex is supposed to be like.

However, most fantasties that one has at 16 (and beyond) aren't exactly accurate depictions of what sex would be like and usually are about wildly improbable situations (teachers, etc). That's why they're fantasies.

So yeah, she should get out more. Hang out with real, live people. Meet boys through different activities. As long as she balances the fantasy of porn with real-world experience with the opposite sex, she shouldn't necessarily have to stop looking at it.

[Vic]

LW2. Haha! for real? IF this is real...she probably just feels "guilty" because this suject might be soemhting new to her. But Addiction?! No way!

[lame]

I am so sick of all the fake letters from high schoolers. "I'm one step from acting out." Come on! What 16 year old says that?!

Anyways, if this "kid" wanted to stop, you can always get parental controls on internet access.

[Angelique]

LW2. I wonder if there is a stressor in this sixteen year old girl's life that is causing her to displace her anxiety about said stressor onto what she perceives to be an addiction to porn. There is not enough information in her letter to indicate whether or not she truly has an addiction problem; however, given that she is worried enough about this to write to Abby, it would be useful for her to be evaluated if only to reassure her.

[Bored]

Maruska wrote:

That letter reminds me of another one a couple weeks ago where the girl was thinking about having sex... sounds like it was written by a parent trying to create a situation that will warn their children about the evils of porn...

Bingo! Some mom caught her daughter looking at some porn and wrote in so she could show her the letter and say "this is what will happen to you if you look at porn"

However, I like the fake letters. Keeps everyone guessing

[EEE]

"I'm a 16-year-old high school girl. I'm friendly, cheerful, religious and an honors student. I am also addicted to pornography."

Man! I almost choked on my coffee! This totally made my day!!!

Where's Rational?

[Rational]

EEE wrote:

"I'm a 16-year-old high school girl. I'm friendly, cheerful, religious and an honors student. I am also addicted to pornography."
Man! I almost choked on my coffee! This totally made my day!!!
Where's Rational?

Morning EEE, Im right here.

I have to say: At first I thought the letter could be a fake too but on second thought I think it is a real letter. Lots of guilt and not a lot of experience to go on at the age of 16. The way things are now, she does a lot online so curiousity getting the best of her once and leading her to some porn, and then again, and again, this is very feasable. I can see the guilt side of this equation too if she has a strict religious background. I think we should take the letter seriously and since she has talked with her mother about it she should advise mom to figure out how to put parental controls on the computer so she cant surf it.

Okay, that being said. Im taking book on how many years it will be before she has to ask her mom to lock her in her room so that she wont go to the strip club and let men pay her to feel her up! Any takers? My guess is 3 years $5 will get ya $10!!

[J-Kat]

One thing I'd add to the first letter is to check and see if the people even want company right now.

When I had surgery several years ago, I wouldn't let my husband tell anybody until after it was over. To tell the truth, I didn't want friends with me at the hospital.

Even when I had my baby and stayed in the hospital for 5 blessed days, I enjoyed being alone with my baby, napping, reading and watching TV by myself.

The last thing I want, when I'm feeling horrible and looking terrible is to have a stream of people coming into my room that I have to entertain.

[Angelique]

Rational wrote:

<quoted text>
Okay, that being said. Im taking book on how many years it will be before she has to ask her mom to lock her in her room so that she wont go to the strip club and let men pay her to feel her up! Any takers? My guess is 3 years $5 will get ya $10!!

Come one, Rational, I think at least $20.00.

[EEE]

Rational wrote:

<quoted text>
Morning EEE, Im right here.
I have to say: At first I thought the letter could be a fake too but on second thought I think it is a real letter. Lots of guilt and not a lot of experience to go on at the age of 16. The way things are now, she does a lot online so curiousity getting the best of her once and leading her to some porn, and then again, and again, this is very feasable. I can see the guilt side of this equation too if she has a strict religious background. I think we should take the letter seriously and since she has talked with her mother about it she should advise mom to figure out how to put parental controls on the computer so she cant surf it.
Okay, that being said. Im taking book on how many years it will be before she has to ask her mom to lock her in her room so that she wont go to the strip club and let men pay her to feel her up! Any takers? My guess is 3 years $5 will get ya $10!!

Morning, lover.

Sorry I was such a poop yesterday!

I'm not so sure this letter is a fake, either. There's not a lot to do in Iowa, after all...

[Terri at home]

If LW2, if it is real -- I'm with you guys on that one -- tells her mother, what do you think the chances are of her mother taking this news well and approaching it in a thoughtful manner?

Well, I can hope for her sake.

[EEE]

J-Kat wrote:

One thing I'd add to the first letter is to check and see if the people even want company right now.....

An excellent point, Kat. I hope you're in the bloom of good health now???

L1 was nice and informative and I'll file it away for future use, but I'm just having a hard time staying away from the 16yo porn addict...

Help!!! I'm addicted to talking about porn online!!!

[Rational]

Angelique wrote:

<quoted text>
Come one, Rational, I think at least $20.00.

Oh, its a book term, what i am saying is I am laying two to one odds on anyone who will bet against me. So, its relative.

Rational writes in pad that Angelique is taking $20 of book.

[J-Kat]

EEE wrote:

<quoted text>
An excellent point, Kat. I hope you're in the bloom of good health now???

Oh yes, I'm fine. I had a suspicious lump that turned out to be benign, but I had to have a lumpectomy. It was a "drive-by" surgery, where I was in and out of the hospital in a few hours.

A friend of mine had the same surgery and her pastor insisted on being there while she walked around with a wire in her breast.(They run a wire to the lump and then you go across the street for the surgery.) She said he kept trying not to look. I didn't want that.

I enjoy being around people, but I have to be alone to recharge.

[EEE]

J-Kat wrote:

...I enjoy being around people, but I have to be alone to recharge.

Oooh! The classic sign of an introvert!!!

I'm an introvert, too, with a weird obsession for Myers-Briggs tests....

Um... Maybe I shouldn't get that second coffee...

[lamartrotti]

jennifer wrote:

I also think she's addicted to porn because she's lonely and has no other activities.

Loneliness has nothing to do with it.
She's just hor**y!

At that age all sorts of things are taking place and restritive religion can be the pits!

I'm a man and when Father told me "not to do it" I parted company with my religion, why? because this is natures way, that's why.

In this country this puritan attitude has messed up many a man's libido and in some cases has actually turned him into a "porn" abuser.

Myself. Well, I married, had a son and was none the worse for wear about "abusing myself."

And no, I'm not a porn abuser, for me, that's old hat, it served it purpose.

All in all I see raging hormones and confusion for this girl. I hope she see someone close to help her through this crisis.