Global Warming Forum

Global Warming Standup Comedy

Posted in the Global Warming Forum

mememine69 of Near Detroit on Apr 8, 2007

Is it just me or does anyone else here wish David Suzuki and Al Bore would just shut the %$#@ up? Like is the weather channel too designed to scare the living %$#@ out of us?“A note of precaution to our viewers, as we are expecting dangerously pleasant weather so please exercise caution and prepare yourself with the proper personal protective equipment; sunglasses, sunscreen, an umberella and a safe place to hide. This evening we can expect an invading army of locusts. Today’s high will be a blistering 30 degrees, that’s 86 F on the old scale and with the humidity factor, that's 186 degrees F. Of course we also have a high UV warning, a humidex advisory, a high temperature alert, a smog advisory,(summer haze on the old scale), a wind warning, a potential for the possibility of developing dangerous thunderstorms, an acid rain alert, a West Nile and Lime disease alert, a flu and cold alert and an allergy warning. And don’t forget that temperatures prove that global warming is unquestionably and distinctly and potentially probably possible given that the conclusions are certain under certain controlled circumstances according to selected studies released today.
If any of you are not convinced that global warming is real and your fault, allow me to persuade you. Repeat after me; “You are getting warmer. It is your fault. Your feet are getting wet and sea levels are rising to your knees. You are getting sleepy. You are getting stupid. You are now a believer. Fear the unknown.“
Ya right I believe in Global Warming. As in CO2 and Methane? The $hithouse gasses? One comes out of my mouth and the other comes out of my A$$! Ya like that’s going to make the planet boil.
But! According to the United Nations, the effects of Global Warming are worse than originally predicted. Interesting considering that they originally predicted the END OF THE FREAKING WORLD!

mememine69 of Near Detroit on Apr 8, 2007

Will you stand before the committee and answer Senator McCarthy’s question:
Are you or are you not a Global Warming non-believer, sketpic and athiest?

kuhliloach of San Jose, CA on Apr 8, 2007

i think that then scientific approach to this oppinion/theory is to listen to what the democrats say and see if our conditions get any better, and by athiest if u been beleiver in science not god than yes...

mememine69 of Near Detroit on Apr 8, 2007

kuhliloach wrote:
i think that then scientific approach to this oppinion/theory is to listen to what the democrats say and see if our conditions get any better, and by athiest if u been beleiver in science not god than yes...
WOW, CREEPY!
Anyways, here is another:
I heard Californian is going ban beer and soda's because of the CARBONATION, fireworks, candles, inscense and BBQ's.

Sam of United States on Apr 8, 2007

I hope you're not seriouse. Carbonated sodas don't add to co2 in the air, fireworks have been banned for years because of fire hazards, candles? BBQs?

This is a serious discussion forum lol.(even though things you've said before are almost as ubsurd as this) I really hope you're not serious, but with you I never know.

mememine69 of Near Detroit on Apr 9, 2007

Sam wrote:
I hope you're not seriouse. Carbonated sodas don't add to co2 in the air, fireworks have been banned for years because of fire hazards, candles? BBQs?
This is a serious discussion forum lol.(even though things you've said before are almost as ubsurd as this) I really hope you're not serious, but with you I never know.
Of course I'm not serious. Global warming is a joke ya silly. History will laugh at you climate scartycats.
Why is Canada spending almost as much on new icebreaking ships for it’s "melting" arctic as it is spending on Kyoto?

mememine69 of Near Detroit on Apr 9, 2007

Why is there not an equivalent shortage of global oxygen if excess CO2 is caused by human combustion that uses oxygen?

mememine69 of Near Detroit on Apr 9, 2007

It can’t be too late to stop global warming because we should be able to stop something we started shouldn’t we?

mememine69 of Near Detroit on Apr 9, 2007

That’s what I find so FUNNY and pathetic about this whole CO2 melting the planet emergency because with the Internet, you hysterical panickers can copy and paste to your heart’s delight. The Internet is a source of finding opinions that are presented as fact just because someone pushed enter enough times. Marshal McLuhan is rolling in his grave as his global village has turned out be nothing more than village idiots.(just a phrase, no personal insult intended, ok?)
Progressive liberals play a valuable role in our society by doubting, questioning and challenging authority at ALL levels, not just Exxon’s. Corporate media is the source of the world’s longest emergency called global warming.
CO2 is going to destroy our planet after billions of years of evolution? You can’t be serious. If so, it’s funny.

mememine69 of Near Detroit on Apr 9, 2007

Global Warming Bumper Stickers:
GLOBAL WARMING: YOU ARE GETTING WARMER, YOU ARE GETTING SLEEPY, YOU ARE GETTING STUPID……
I Love GLOBAL WARMING
enviroMENTALism

GLOBAL WARMING DENIER ONBOARD
GLOBAL WARMING IS POP CULTURE
GLOBAL WARMING IS WEATHER
I LOVE (heart logo) GLOBAL WARMING
I AM THE GOD OF HELL FIRE
I BID YOU TO BURN
I’M MELTING!
HOT AIR CAUSES GLOBAL WARMING
SACRIFICE VIRGINS TO STOP GLOBAL WARMING
BAKED BEANS TO BE BANNED
DON’T LET SANTA DROWN
MY GIRLFRIEND CAUSED GLOBAL WARMING SAYS SCIENTIST
I SOLD A REFRIGERATOR TO AN ESKIMO
GLOBAL WARMING TEN, PUBLIC IQ ZERO
"Global Warming is a Weather Channel Conspiracy!"
STOP COW FARTS SAVE THE PLANET NOW
CLIMATE CHANGE@MEDIA POLLUTION
WWW.MEDIA POLLUTION/CLIMATECHANGE
I Love GLOBAL WARMING
DISCO Y2K BURNING WITCHES KILLER BEES COLD FUSION
CLIMATE CHANGE IS MEDIA POLLUTION
CLIMATE CHANGE = MEDIA POLLUTION

STOP GLOBAL WARMING OR DIE FRYING
STOP GLOBAL WARMING TURN OFF THE SUN
STOP GLOBAL WHINING
Alaskans For Global Warming
I'M DROWNING A POLAR BEAR -
Ask me how

mememine69 of Near Detroit on Apr 9, 2007

AC130driver
Joined: Feb 6, 2007
Comments: 146
Buncombe/Henderson border
ISP Location: Asheville, NC Reply »
|Flag |#17 1 hr ago
Higher temperures = good looking women wearing less clothes

Let's go for this global warming thing.

kuhliloach of Seattle, WA on Apr 9, 2007

well there must be a difference between natural and artificial CO2

mememine69 of Near Detroit on Apr 9, 2007

Some Silly GW Headlines:
Planting trees 'contributes to global warming
Northern Forests May Increase Temperatures by 10 Degrees by 2100, New Study Says; Deforestation Could Cool the Planet
No Such Thing As a 'Perfect' Temperature By Richar...
Trees to offset the carbon footprint
Love & Music? Yes. Carbon? No.
Is "Climate Change" Really About the Temperature?
$100 MILLION FUND Endowment created for global-warming studies To scientists: Don’t stifle dissent

mememine69 of Near Detroit on Apr 9, 2007

kuhliloach wrote:
well there must be a difference between natural and artificial CO2
Now THAT'S funny. Natural and artificial elements like there is a difference between the oxygen in the air and the oxygen in my grandfathers oxygen tank in his hospital room. What is that, grade 9 chemistry?
Hey, there is nothing more organic than bull$hit.

Sam_GW_IS_HAPPEN ING of United States on Apr 9, 2007

No co2 is co2. It's a molecule, it's chemical and physical properties never change... mememine has been doing extensive studies on co2 properties that contradict what scientists have known for years. Mememine, what are your findings? I'm interested. By the way mememine, since you're so qualified on the subject.

mememine69 of Near Detroit on Apr 10, 2007

Sam_GW_IS_HAPPENING wrote:
No co2 is co2. It's a molecule, it's chemical and physical properties never change... mememine has been doing extensive studies on co2 properties that contradict what scientists have known for years. Mememine, what are your findings? I'm interested. By the way mememine, since you're so qualified on the subject.
I don't go around quoting people I don't know OR trust. I think for myself because after billions of years, a basic element that plants need will not affect anything. Pay me to show it will and I'll agree and laugh all the way to the bank like these god-like scientists you love and respect so obediently.

mememine69 of Near Detroit on Apr 12, 2007

What part of climate cleans the air? In other words how does the atmosphere recover from volcanoes, forest fires and comets etc.?
Why after years of humans polluting our air do we still find clear sunny blue-sky days with fresh air? They do exist.
Canada’s Al Gore; David Suzuki says that we must stabilize our planet’s climate. What does this mean? Like the inside of a shopping mall?
Why do insurance companies not lead the way Global Warming as they have the most to lose? My neighbor pays higher life insurance because he scuba dives but I don’t pay any more despite being a licensed pesticide applicator. Why?
What is a hybrid BBQ?
Why are plastic recycling boxes made of plastic and not recycled-waxed cardboard?
Why does a giant diesel powered recycling truck pick up discarded leaves in plastic bags that we are too lazy to compost ourselves?
Will CO2 in COKE be banned?

mememine69 of Near Detroit on Apr 13, 2007

I have read that this cold trend is caused by Global Warming as it will produce variability in the atmospheric conditions where our summers are warmer than our winters and fall will lead into winter and spring will lead into summer. Al Gore is going to call this new theory; “Weather”.

mememine69 of Near Detroit on Apr 14, 2007

The reason we are having this cold snap is because the air is falling down from the arctic because of Global Warming. You see cold air sinks and since the cold air is UP north, it FALLS down to the south now because humans have filled the air with CO2.

geezer of UK on Apr 14, 2007

Sam wrote:
I hope you're not seriouse. Carbonated sodas don't add to co2 in the air, fireworks have been banned for years because of fire hazards, candles? BBQs?
This is a serious discussion forum lol.(even though things you've said before are almost as ubsurd as this) I really hope you're not serious, but with you I never know.
It is the warmistas who make the jokes. They are like (and in most cases the same) as the PC freakers. Nothing is too stupid for them to propose or want to ban. They are now desperate to prove that we cause earthquakes and tsunamis. I fonly they could do that, they would be really happy.

mememine69 of Near Detroit on Apr 14, 2007

what these vegan nutcakes don't understand is if we stopped eating animals, using leather, and using milk and wool, there woudn't BE any animals for then to protect!

only rattlers, alligators and sharks , and other animals that eat vegans.

ginin of Lima, Peru on Apr 14, 2007

mememine69 wrote:
Why is there not an equivalent shortage of global oxygen if excess CO2 is caused by human combustion that uses oxygen?
Who says that there is no shortage? The media? Some ungrounded opinion or claim? Or a scientific study?

http://www.nature.com/nature/journal/v358/n63...
http://bluemoon.ucsd.edu/publications/ralph/1... Page 3

mememine69 of Near Detroit on Apr 15, 2007

ginin wrote:
<quoted text>
Who says that there is no shortage? The media? Some ungrounded opinion or claim? Or a scientific study?
http://www.nature.com/nature/journal/v358/n63...
http://bluemoon.ucsd.edu/publications/ralph/1... Page 3
Ha ha ginin but my point is that these environuts who's theory is obsurd enough, are not willing to follow the progression of logic in their illogical thinking. An excess in something will produce an shortage in another in this so-called "delicate" balance of nature.Sleep tight.

ginin of Lima, Peru on Apr 15, 2007

mememine69 wrote:
<quoted text>
Ha ha ginin but my point is that these environuts who's theory is obsurd enough, are not willing to follow the progression of logic in their illogical thinking. An excess in something will produce an shortage in another in this so-called "delicate" balance of nature.Sleep tight.
You say you have a point, but you are not proving it with evidence. I provided evidence of the opposite and you only deny the information. I will let the forum readers decide.

Sam_GW_IS_HAPPEN ING of United States on Apr 15, 2007

Umm, when has a scientist ever said that humans are causing tsunamis and earthquakes?

geezer of India on Apr 16, 2007

Sam_GW_IS_HAPPENING wrote:
Umm, when has a scientist ever said that humans are causing tsunamis and earthquakes?
just wait! the "scientists" who support Fat Al are longing for a chance to do it. Already, the President of Bolivia blamed a flood on the USA. Just watch out for the compo claims!

mememine69 of Near Detroit on Apr 16, 2007

ginin wrote:
<quoted text>
You say you have a point, but you are not proving it with evidence. I provided evidence of the opposite and you only deny the information. I will let the forum readers decide.
The evidence in your eyes is your propaganda; your facts, your paid studies........
Mine is that since the IPCC said that the world temperatures had started to climb with the increased CO2 levels BACK IN 1986. There. I'm not waiting. You are.

ginin of Lima, Peru on Apr 16, 2007

mememine69
Thank you for proving that you are a blind denier. I will rely on science, you rely on your religuos belief that virtually all the climate research centers are propaganda and all the massive amounts of studies pro GW are wrong and 'paid,' so that you and a handful are right.

Sam_GW_IS_HAPPEN ING of United States on Apr 17, 2007

geezer wrote:
<quoted text>
just wait! the "scientists" who support Fat Al are longing for a chance to do it. Already, the President of Bolivia blamed a flood on the USA. Just watch out for the compo claims!
Scientists do not support Gore, he supports the scientists. The rest of your post is not worth responding to.

geezer of India on Apr 18, 2007

Sam_GW_IS_HAPPENING wrote:
<quoted text>
Scientists do not support Gore, he supports the scientists. The rest of your post is not worth responding to.
he supports the scientists who agree with him, and the scientists who want the grants support his alarmist rhetoric.

ginin of Lima, Peru on Apr 18, 2007

GW scientific case was established long before Al Gore's documentary. For example:

http://www.heatisonline.org/contentserver/obj...

facts of Canada on Apr 18, 2007

"Gore to outlaw the coulor black "Since mars has been showing signs of global warming due to dust devils stirring up the dust exposing the darker surface below.This enables the temperature to rise and is melting the ice caps.Gore has been rumored to propose a bill banning anything black. The brothers shouldent be concerned however because they are inherantly cool, peace out.-

Sam_GW_IS_HAPPEN ING of United States on Apr 18, 2007

geezer wrote:
<quoted text>
he supports the scientists who agree with him, and the scientists who want the grants support his alarmist rhetoric.
Hmm... So where does Al Gore have the authority to give grants?

mememine69 of Near Detroit on Apr 18, 2007

More GW Bumper Stickers:
GLOBAL WARMING ATE MY SISTER
GLOBAL WARMING CAUSES CANCER
GLOBAL WARMING FOR PEACE

mememine69 of Near Detroit on Apr 18, 2007

ginin wrote:
mememine69
Thank you for proving that you are a blind denier. I will rely on science, you rely on your religuos belief that virtually all the climate research centers are propaganda and all the massive amounts of studies pro GW are wrong and 'paid,' so that you and a handful are right.
Ya, pretty much. And so, your point?

mememine69 of Near Detroit on Apr 18, 2007

facts wrote:
"Gore to outlaw the coulor black "Since mars has been showing signs of global warming due to dust devils stirring up the dust exposing the darker surface below.This enables the temperature to rise and is melting the ice caps.Gore has been rumored to propose a bill banning anything black. The brothers shouldent be concerned however because they are inherantly cool, peace out.-
Nice, not bad. Now try it again only this time without the ganja.:):)

facts of Canada on Apr 19, 2007

Over heard at the Annual General Meeting of Polar Bears.....Hey send more notices of this warming thing to those chinese people, I love those people but you eat one and your hungry again in an hour.

geezer of India on Apr 20, 2007

Sam_GW_IS_HAPPENING wrote:
<quoted text>
Hmm... So where does Al Gore have the authority to give grants?
the politicos and administrators who fall for his guff have the authority to give grants.

mememine69 of Near Detroit on Apr 20, 2007

I have a solution:

Let's just make the hole in the ozone bigger and let out some of the warming out.
Thanks to that contributor

Sam_GW_IS_HAPPEN ING of United States on Apr 20, 2007

geezer wrote:
<quoted text>
the politicos and administrators who fall for his guff have the authority to give grants.
And so I guess that you have better sources than these people. What sources do you have anyway? What evidence do you have that supports your position. Did you just make it up?
First Prev
of 140
Next Last