Since: Dec 06

Cathedral City, CA

#23 Dec 22, 2006
Herm wrote:
Why not choose a happier, healthier lifestyle?
This must be JimBill.
Rob in AZ

Santa Clara, CA

#24 Dec 22, 2006
OO - Openly Okie wrote:
<quoted text>
This must be JimBill.
I don't actually think Herm is JimBill, but it is hard to distinguish between these people who use the same FRC, AFA "arguments" over and over again. ;-(
LRT

White Plains, NY

#25 Dec 30, 2006
I'm gay and i know it but i dont know how to tell other people.i've kept this secret for about a year thats when i realized it.I'm just afraid to tell other people.how do i deal with it.
Mel

Mickleton, NJ

#26 Dec 30, 2006
LRT wrote:
I'm gay and i know it but i dont know how to tell other people.i've kept this secret for about a year thats when i realized it.I'm just afraid to tell other people.how do i deal with it.
Age can play a major factor here. Your parents should be the first. If you tell others and it gets back to them that could be more hurtful then telling them yourself. Remember not everyone has a need to know so be selective when you start talking to others. Do you have a sister or brother you are close to, that is a good start or even a close friend.

You should be prepared, rehearse what you would like to say to yourself... or write it down. You will be nervous when the time comes rehearsing may help the words flow easier. Is there a GLBT or P-Flag group in your area? Sometimes it's best to talk to someone who has gone thru it rather then gain advice from a forum. This really isn't the best venue for advice.

Take your time....best of luck in the New Year

“I am cholesterol!”

Since: Dec 06

Hartsville, SC

#27 Dec 30, 2006
Dena wrote:
I'd like to know something, if your an adult, and to me that's 18, why do any of you have to explain or tell that your gay to anyone? Even your parents. Seems to me, if you want equal rights, isn't not explaining yourself, for who you are, the first step.?? Really it's nobodies business who you sleep with. And if your not an adult. then your underage, then you shouldn't be sleeping with anyone. So let them have their equal rights, so they can be happy, I really don't see the big deal. their not hurting anyone. LOVE ONE ANOTHER. live and let live!!!
Oh, because we thought it might soften the blow a bit when our parents catch us making out/find out we're living with/sleeping with/dating someone of the same sex.

I guess that was silly of us.
Dena

Marlinton, WV

#28 Dec 31, 2006
Lani wrote:
<quoted text>
Oh, because we thought it might soften the blow a bit when our parents catch us making out/find out we're living with/sleeping with/dating someone of the same sex.
I guess that was silly of us.
I just don't see the big deal and why anyone has to tell anyone anything. I never told my parents what sex I prefer. That to me is personal. maybe I'm wrong. it's only my opinion. I just feel that if gays want equal rights then isn't that the placed to start. And I firgure they already know.

Since: Dec 06

Cathedral City, CA

#29 Dec 31, 2006
Dena wrote:
<quoted text> I just don't see the big deal and why anyone has to tell anyone anything. I never told my parents what sex I prefer. That to me is personal. maybe I'm wrong. it's only my opinion. I just feel that if gays want equal rights then isn't that the placed to start. And I firgure they already know.
Dena, go to your parents and friends and tell them you are a lesbian. MAKE THEM understand you are serious. Then report back here to use and let us know if it's no big deal with you parents and friends. Don't kid around. Do this in the interest of science. Be adament about it and stick with what you say for, oh, 6 months. Don't date any boys. Once you've done this, you'll then understand that being gay or lesbian isn't just about sexual activity. It's also about how you perceive the world, who you are drawn to emotionally, who matters to you in terms of having a life-long committed relationship. I would caution you that you might get thrown out onto the streets, dumped or even attacked physically by your friends. That's one of the reasons to come out, because you really need to know who your friends are, who will accept your choice of partner, who will support your decision, who will understand they you are NOT attracted to men AT ALL beyond friendship.

By the time you go through this process, you'll have found that you might need to choose NEW friends, a NEW family and try and forget the old friends and family who will abandon you when they cannot get you to conform to their idea of how you should live YOUR live. Coming out is about saying "I will live MY life, and everyone else can live THEIR life".
Dena

Marlinton, WV

#30 Dec 31, 2006
OO - Openly Okie wrote:
<quoted text>
Dena, go to your parents and friends and tell them you are a lesbian. MAKE THEM understand you are serious. Then report back here to use and let us know if it's no big deal with you parents and friends. Don't kid around. Do this in the interest of science. Be adamant about it and stick with what you say for, oh, 6 months. Don't date any boys. Once you've done this, you'll then understand that being gay or lesbian isn't just about sexual activity. It's also about how you perceive the world, who you are drawn to emotionally, who matters to you in terms of having a life-long committed relationship. I would caution you that you might get thrown out onto the streets, dumped or even attacked physically by your friends. That's one of the reasons to come out, because you really need to know who your friends are, who will accept your choice of partner, who will support your decision, who will understand they you are NOT attracted to men AT ALL beyond friendship.
By the time you go through this process, you'll have found that you might need to choose NEW friends, a NEW family and try and forget the old friends and family who will abandon you when they cannot get you to conform to their idea of how you should live YOUR live. Coming out is about saying "I will live MY life, and everyone else can live THEIR life".
I would do this, but I can't, I'm married to a wonderful man. who I love so much. now I've been criticized for this. I'm not lesbian, I love my two sons, and if either one of them came and told me they were gay. I wouldn't throw them out. I hate to hear that there are parents who would do that. I except my children for who they are. and who in the world would abandon their child just because they are gay/lesbian.

“I am cholesterol!”

Since: Dec 06

Hartsville, SC

#31 Dec 31, 2006
Dena wrote:
<quoted text> I would do this, but I can't, I'm married to a wonderful man. who I love so much. now I've been criticized for this. I'm not lesbian, I love my two sons, and if either one of them came and told me they were gay. I wouldn't throw them out. I hate to hear that there are parents who would do that. I except my children for who they are. and who in the world would abandon their child just because they are gay/lesbian.
It's a sad fact, but MANY parents do such things. Even the most liberal of parents. And the ones who don't throw them out will treat it as if they were attacked by their children.

Truth of the matter is, if you're just having SEX with someone of the same gender, then no, telling someone isn't necessary. But when it comes right down to it I don't want just sex; many other gay and lesbian people feel the same way. We want relationships. We want love. We want to build a life together. We want to include them in our family. We want to hear them bicker about how our mothers criticize them because no one's good enough for their baby. We want to laugh and have fun at social gatherings without being stared at.

And trust me, just randomly showing up with a same-sex date will make people stare. And possibly evoke an even stronger reaction from friends, family, and peers.

You say you don't see the point. It's too bad you can't live just a day in our shoes; I think then you would see every point why it's important that we come out.
Dena

Marlinton, WV

#32 Dec 31, 2006
Lani wrote:
<quoted text>
It's a sad fact, but MANY parents do such things. Even the most liberal of parents. And the ones who don't throw them out will treat it as if they were attacked by their children.
Truth of the matter is, if you're just having SEX with someone of the same gender, then no, telling someone isn't necessary. But when it comes right down to it I don't want just sex; many other gay and lesbian people feel the same way. We want relationships. We want love. We want to build a life together. We want to include them in our family. We want to hear them bicker about how our mothers criticize them because no one's good enough for their baby. We want to laugh and have fun at social gatherings without being stared at.
And trust me, just randomly showing up with a same-sex date will make people stare. And possibly evoke an even stronger reaction from friends, family, and peers.
You say you don't see the point. It's too bad you can't live just a day in our shoes; I think then you would see every point why it's important that we come out.
I,m still learning, and I guess your right, until you have those shoes on you really don't know.

Since: Dec 06

Cathedral City, CA

#35 Dec 31, 2006
Dena, it's very complex. You CAN hide it and not tell anyone, but it FEELS like you're hiding something important. People HATE being deceived. So gays get this double-edge complaint: 1) The complaint that says "why do you tell others?" and 2) The complaint that says "why did you HIDE it from us like you had something to be ashamed of?"

What gay people know as the most freeing experience is to be HONEST. ALWAYS. Don't lie. That's a highly treasured moral value: telling the truth. People hate it when you deceive them. They don't like to be played for fools. But gay people are almost always ALONE in their experience. They don't know anyone who is gay, so they have no one to confide in. The keep it inside all the time and they pretend to be one thing when they feel like something else. It's a cycle of self-deception that makes you miserable. As you can see with this very discussion, someone has questions about what to do. They don't know the right answer, and they have to come on here anonymously to ask because if their family and friends found out about them, who knows what kind of negative backlash could occur. Would it be like what happened to me and their sibling simply never would speak to them again? Would their parents throw them out, beat them up? Who knows? All we do know is that it's a terribly lonely experience to deal with and it helps if you have even one person to talk to who is not going to react negatively. I can be a straight person or gay person and just anyone who is willing to be a friend.

“I am cholesterol!”

Since: Dec 06

Hartsville, SC

#37 Dec 31, 2006
Just in Time wrote:
<quoted text>Holy Cow what an explination! Why not keep your mouth shut!
'Cause I don't want to.

And you spelled "explanation" wrong.
tim

Plant City, FL

#39 Jan 4, 2007
bremerton_bum wrote:
<quoted text> hi i am "...." i am not giving you my real name i live in bremerton....i think i am gay i like guys more then girls but see i am only 13....please help me!i knoe my name in
-13 and thinking i am gay
look the only way to know is over time im only 13 but i positive i have feelings for guys more than girls its all up to you
laura

UK

#40 Jan 7, 2007
im 15 years old and in love with a 20 year old. were mad about each other but i think my parents will kill me. ive loved her 4 2years now n she loves me. i dont think my mams as bothered about me being a lesbian as she is about the age. what shall i do?

“Dream a little dream with me”

Since: Dec 06

Peoria, Arizona

#41 Jan 7, 2007
Be patient.
laura

UK

#42 Jan 7, 2007
Vyxyn wrote:
Be patient.
how u mean?

Since: Dec 06

Indio, CA

#43 Jan 7, 2007
laura wrote:
im 15 years old and in love with a 20 year old. were mad about each other but i think my parents will kill me. ive loved her 4 2years now n she loves me. i dont think my mams as bothered about me being a lesbian as she is about the age. what shall i do?
Well, first of all, you too young to be in a romantic relationship with someone who is 20 years old. You should end it now. The law is clear. You put this person in jepordy of being sent to prison because you are NOT of the age of consent. End the rationship and DO what every 15 year old should be doing: focus on your education. The adult world is a rewarding one, and you don't want to jump into it by means of putting an adult in jail. Tell that 20 year old adult to BACK OFF, and if she doesn't, tell you parents AND call the cops. Don't screw up two lives by doing something that is clearly over your head.

You should NOT be dating an adult.

“Dream a little dream with me”

Since: Dec 06

Peoria, Arizona

#44 Jan 7, 2007
You are underage, a minor.

Until you are of legal age, you have to be patient, and create the foundation for the rest of your life.

Since: Dec 06

Indio, CA

#45 Jan 7, 2007
tim wrote:
<quoted text>
look the only way to know is over time im only 13 but i positive i have feelings for guys more than girls its all up to you
My advice to you is to get a grip on the fact that you are 13 years old and while dating is enticing and intriguing, you're waaaaaaay to young to spend any time obsessing over it. What you should really be doing is working HARD in school, actually read the assigned lessons, do the homework, and enjoy your friendships with the other kids.

Look, Tim. You are too young to realize that it is you EDUCATION that will be most important when you are an adult. If you want economic freedom to finally act on your adult opportunities, you need to prepare for adulthood NOW, so that you won't be flipping burgers when you finish high school. Focus on your education and the friends you attract will be those who see, and appreciate your mature approach to life. If people ask you about your attractions, be honest and say you are undecided. By being honest you will build friendship that are REAL, and not based on other people imagination of what you are. Use good judgement about whom you confide in. Unfortunately, the real world is still filled with people who will deliberately hurt and reject you if you find it impossible to fit their expections of what is supposedly 'normal'. So you have to be careful.

I was in the same position as you at your age, and in all truth, I didn't find it that stressful to just wait for my day to come when I could go out and live the life I wanted to. I waited. I stayed focus on school work and activities, and I then joined the Air Force and got the hell out of Dodge, just so I could get away from the influence of family. It's not that hard, and if you'll really dig in to your school work, when you do finish high school and go off to college, you'll be waaaaaay ahead of the game, will be prepared to earn a living, and will be ready to handle real-life adult choices.

Chill out.
laura

UK

#47 Jan 8, 2007
OO - Openly Okie wrote:
<quoted text>
Well, first of all, you too young to be in a romantic relationship with someone who is 20 years old. You should end it now. The law is clear. You put this person in jepordy of being sent to prison because you are NOT of the age of consent. End the rationship and DO what every 15 year old should be doing: focus on your education. The adult world is a rewarding one, and you don't want to jump into it by means of putting an adult in jail. Tell that 20 year old adult to BACK OFF, and if she doesn't, tell you parents AND call the cops. Don't screw up two lives by doing something that is clearly over your head.
You should NOT be dating an adult.
how old should i be?

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