Pat Nicols

San Francisco, CA

#25 Sep 5, 2010
Jan Whitacre wrote:
<quoted text>I came out during the 90's and haven't looked back since. I experienced mixed reactions from family and friends since announcing I'm a lesbian, but I've learned to deal with it. I'm older now and not in a relationship. I make freinds easily, but cannot find a serious love connection. One night stands, while temporarily sexually satisfying, leave me feeling unfullfilled. I'm afraid of my tomorrows. I'm a professional, home owner, attractive, but lonely. How do other unconnected gay/lesbians find fulfillment during their September years? Please advise.
We live in a very self serving society these days. I have not known many long term gay relationships that were monogamous. I have seen a lot of gay relationships that have introduced porn or other people into their relationship. In any respect, I have very little confidence in the relationships of gays.

Common to the gay lifestyle! Most never find the love they long for.

So true! This is one of the sad realitites of being queer. Most die alone, full of regret, and unanswered questions. Depsite the attempts to deny this and appear happy and fulfilled, the grim truth is most of us never achieve acceptance and understanding.

Kat Williams

San Francisco, CA

#26 Sep 5, 2010
Jan Whitacre wrote:
<quoted text>I came out during the 90's and haven't looked back since. I experienced mixed reactions from family and friends since announcing I'm a lesbian, but I've learned to deal with it. I'm older now and not in a relationship. I make freinds easily, but cannot find a serious love connection. One night stands, while temporarily sexually satisfying, leave me feeling unfullfilled. I'm afraid of my tomorrows. I'm a professional, home owner, attractive, but lonely. How do other unconnected gay/lesbians find fulfillment during their September years? Please advise.
Pat Nicols wrote:
<quoted text>Common to the gay lifestyle! Most never find the love they long for. This is one of the sad realitites of being queer. Most die alone, full of regret, and unanswered questions. Depsite the attempts to deny this and appear happy and fulfilled, the grim truth is most of us never achieve acceptance and understanding.
I so agree! Despite periods of self-acceptance, most of the time I am sad. Sad and aware I'm different and abhored by the straight community. I love queer sex, but found very few emotional connections. Mostly it's temporary. Lots of fantasy keeps the connection alive briefly but not long term. I can't live on fantasy for long, I need a solid emotional foundation that is extremely hard to find as a lesbian.

“I'm not gay, I'm celisexual!”

Since: Jul 10

Location hidden

#27 Sep 5, 2010
Frank Stanton wrote:
<quoted text>
And do you have an answer to that observation ?
No, he's just going to pretend that by not answering your question it means you never asked it.
Danella Curtis

San Francisco, CA

#28 Sep 5, 2010
Jan Whitacre wrote:
<quoted text>I came out during the 90's and haven't looked back since. I experienced mixed reactions from family and friends since announcing I'm a lesbian, but I've learned to deal with it. I'm older now and not in a relationship. I make freinds easily, but cannot find a serious love connection. One night stands, while temporarily sexually satisfying, leave me feeling unfullfilled. I'm afraid of my tomorrows. I'm a professional, home owner, attractive, but lonely. How do other unconnected gay/lesbians find fulfillment during their September years? Please advise.
Kat Williams wrote:
<quoted text>I so agree! Despite periods of self-acceptance, most of the time I am sad. Sad and aware I'm different and abhored by the straight community. I love queer sex, but found very few emotional connections. Mostly it's temporary. Lots of fantasy keeps the connection alive briefly but not long term. I can't live on fantasy for long, I need a solid emotional foundation that is extremely hard to find as a lesbian.
Texas has much greater prejudice than California. Its no wonder that Jan Whitacre is feeling isolated. You to Kat. You need to settle for less fantasy and recognize that most lesbians have different body types than straights. While true that some lesbians are very fem and pretty, they are the exception. Many of us , fem or butch, aren't as attractive as fantasy makes us imagine. We do it to ourselves by the way we dress, talk, act, use or not use make-up and hairstyles. We make ourselves targets rather than just blending in. I've changed and found that blending in gives me much more acceptance. Especially with family members
His Own

Wilmington, OH

#29 Sep 8, 2010
Pat Nicols wrote:
<quoted text>
We live in a very self serving society these days. I have not known many long term gay relationships that were monogamous. I have seen a lot of gay relationships that have introduced porn or other people into their relationship. In any respect, I have very little confidence in the relationships of gays.
Common to the gay lifestyle! Most never find the love they long for.
So true! This is one of the sad realitites of being queer. Most die alone, full of regret, and unanswered questions. Depsite the attempts to deny this and appear happy and fulfilled, the grim truth is most of us never achieve acceptance and understanding.
Pat...Your experience is very simular to my own. I have observed such as well.
Long Time Lonely

San Francisco, CA

#30 Oct 15, 2010
I too am Lesbian. Hear me roar. Only now days I roar softly. I tried being militant but got beat down way too often. I am butch, but mildly so. I am sooooo tired of having to defend my sexual practices. I give up. I wear a dress and lipstick now. Mostly I'm celibate because I can't find love. I have friends who know and friends who don't. I live in two worlds and masturbate a lot because I can't reconcile both. I'm very lonely because I don't have anyone to talk with, or fantasize with. I want to be held as much as licked and fingered. I'm 58 and past my prime. I have lots to give but I want to get a little too. Who will ove me? No one it seems.
Love to Lick

San Francisco, CA

#31 Oct 15, 2010
Oh just suckit up! No one promised you love. Maybe your unloveable because your an oddball not because your a lesbian. I get depressed to. We all do. Life is hard enough being queer. Worse if your butch or ugly. OK so you hate being poked instead of licked. Get a dog. Dogs love to lick and will do so without question. Then make a friend. Not the sexy kind, but one who can talk with you. Buy a book - read alot. this will drive off depression. Take a pill or drink some booze. Get used to it, this is are lot in life. yeah, the dress and lifstick is cool, just don't get a mohawk and ware a spiked collar anymore.
Lovely beginning

San Francisco, CA

#32 Oct 15, 2010
Don't tell. The military has it right. I suggest you get a straight boyfriend. As as long as you let him "poke around" a little bit, and occasionaly give him a BJ, he will be happy. No need to tell. And truthfully its not so bad. A mans fingers are just as flexible as a womans. You can teach him how. He will love it. The only thing is his lips arent as soft and he's harder to lay on on top. No cushion at all. Make him cum on your chest instead of in you mouth. Laugh and tease and have fun.

then discretely advertise for a part-time lesbian lover and meet at remote locations. If we have to live a lie in two different worlds anyway, make these worlds of your own choosing. At least this way you can find acceptance and love even if part-time.
Pat

San Francisco, CA

#33 Oct 15, 2010
This is getting ridiculous. The search for love is hard enough, we don't need to make it seem vile. Although most lesbians live a life of quiet desperation, there is no need to make it worst. There's an old saying "don't shit in your own nest." Someday the love you find might come from the very source you are taunting.

Lovely beginning wrote:
Don't tell. The military has it right. I suggest you get a straight boyfriend. As as long as you let him "poke around" a little bit, and occasionaly give him a BJ, he will be happy. No need to tell. And truthfully its not so bad. A mans fingers are just as flexible as a womans. You can teach him how. He will love it. The only thing is his lips arent as soft and he's harder to lay on on top. No cushion at all. Make him cum on your chest instead of in you mouth. Laugh and tease and have fun.
then discretely advertise for a part-time lesbian lover and meet at remote locations. If we have to live a lie in two different worlds anyway, make these worlds of your own choosing. At least this way you can find acceptance and love even if part-time.
Jan Whitacre

Alameda, CA

#34 Jul 15, 2011
Some of these comments are very cruel, especially from members of the gay community. I sincerely asked for a little advice, shared a few public tears and frustrations, and get grief in response. It's hard enough being an unloved lesbian, and worse when the haters emerge to add their two cents.

“The Buybull is innerrrent.”

Since: Jun 08

Silver Spring, MD

#35 Jul 15, 2011
Jan Whitacre wrote:
I came out during the 90's and haven't looked back since. I experienced mixed reactions from family and friends since announcing I'm a lesbian, but I've learned to deal with it. I'm older now and not in a relationship. I make freinds easily, but cannot find a serious love connection. One night stands, while temporarily sexually satisfying, leave me feeling unfullfilled. I'm afraid of my tomorrows. I'm a professional, home owner, attractive, but lonely. How do other unconnected gay/lesbians find fulfillment during their September years? Please advise.
You're a defaming liar fer jeebus who is a troll. No one will ever love you.

Why don't you write Dear Abby instead of spreading your homophobic hate here, you talibangelical nutcase?

Praiz!
Palm beach bound

Lake Worth, FL

#36 Jul 1, 2012
Ethan wrote:
I'm really afraid to have gay sex, even though I want to.
wats yur number
Jo Ann

Alameda, CA

#37 Sep 15, 2012
Jan Whitacre wrote:
I came out during the 90's and haven't looked back since. I experienced mixed reactions from family and friends since announcing I'm a lesbian, but I've learned to deal with it. I'm older now and not in a relationship. I make freinds easily, but cannot find a serious love connection. One night stands, while temporarily sexually satisfying, leave me feeling unfullfilled. I'm afraid of my tomorrows. I'm a professional, home owner, attractive, but lonely. How do other unconnected gay/lesbians find fulfillment during their September years? Please advise.
Sometimes you have to leave family and friends behind and find your own way. They can hold you back from achieving your full potential as a gay woman and having a satisfactory and less than lonely life. Sometimes the life of a lesbian is one of wanton abandonment. You can tell that by reading some of the comments on this forum. Sometimes it is a life of quiet desparation. But sometimes you can find a partner who understands and wants to share the rest of her life with you too. This may not bring real happiness, but its a compromise thats better than living your life in fear and desparation. You may have to settle for not so pretty or not a PhD. But you increase your chances by not setting your expectations too high or seeking a "princess on a white horse." Also, don't look for a 20 or 30 something anymore. If you are a older woman, settle for a older woman back. You both will be more happy and the relationship may go into October or December together. Try running an ad in the "women seek women" papers.

Dont let the jerks like the post before this discourage you. There are lots of kooks and nut jobs wanting to keep us repressed.
Judith

Castro Valley, CA

#38 Sep 15, 2012
Get your self a Pet Penis. These are lots of fun to have around and will keep you and your girlfriends laughing when they see it. It will help remind you that you have pudding cups to eat and not a hunger for penis breath. It will let your family and friends know that you can laugh and not take things so seriously. They will be more accepting of your lebianism if you laugh and joke about it, not cry. Maybe stick a few pins in this pink penis cushion too.

http://images.search.yahoo.com/images/view;_y...
Lindsy

South San Francisco, CA

#40 Sep 15, 2012
Funny. I want a pet penis. Where can I buy one?
Loraine

San Carlos, CA

#44 Sep 16, 2012
Check out the Adam and Eve catalog. They have a few items like this.
Trisha

San Francisco, CA

#48 Sep 17, 2012
Pat Nicols wrote:
<quoted text>
So true! This is one of the sad realitites of being queer. Most die alone, full of regret, and unanswered questions. Depsite the attempts to deny this and appear happy and fulfilled, the grim truth is most of us never achieve acceptance and understanding.
Yes. All the denying isn't going to change the truth. We all want acceptance, but if it were as easy as eveyone says then this forum wouldn't exist and there woundn't be so many regrets and complaints. I'm lesbian, but unlike many of my sisters, I want to have a baby so I can have someone to share my life with. A child is better than a loveless existence. None of my lesbain relationships ever work out. All they want is lust fulfillment. I enjoy sex a lot, but not at the sacrifice of a life of purpose and harmony. I jsut can't seem to get this as a lesbian.
Junebug

San Francisco, CA

#49 Sep 19, 2012
It is very difficult for a single lesbian to adopt a child, but if you want to avoid sex with a man and the pain of childbirth, you might explore this. Its like difficult for 2 lebians to adopt a child to, even for a chinese or jamican baby, but I've heard of better success that way. You could also get a surrogate mother and father, but thats almost the same as adoption accept you use one of your eggs. expensive, but a private matter seems to me. Raising a child is hard but you do get comfort and a long term relationship. a child could also give you grandchildren for when your older assuming the child isnt gay or lesbian herself. Don't laugh but maybe a cat or dog or even a monkey isn't so bad an idea. No conversation though. Anyway, just a thought.
Sandra

San Francisco, CA

#50 Sep 19, 2012
There is no way that I would ever stretch my vjay out of shape by having a baby. I don't have any motherly feelings what so ever. I could probably take the pain (with drugs and alcohol), but not the months of carrying a baby and then shoot out something as big as the proverbial watermelon. I am built small and my vjay is small. I would need to be cut and my clit would probably get damaged too. No f$%#ing way! There are too many babies in this world anyway. Let the hetros continue to populate without me adding to the misery of overpopulation. I can always find a lover. There are lots out there to choose from who want to tickle and laugh. I never have trouble finding a kissing partner to F#%k. Not always the best looking, but I just close my eyes and lay back. Its great. I don't need those long, passionate glances. I'm 57 and can find 20 sometings all the way up to 70 somethings. I've had them all. "A glass of wine, a loaf of bread, and thou." works for me. Maybe a good box of toys and a selection of long wigs too (short hair gets old. I like to feel long hair tresses on my butt and thighs).
Virginia - Yes really

San Francisco, CA

#51 Sep 19, 2012
How about a C section? This is better than getting your perineum cut ( that section of flesh between your vagina and anus). I understand its much easier (you still get cut) but your vagina desn't get touched or stretched, and certainly not your clitoris. No loss of pleasure. Small scar, but this can be hidden by your pubic hair line as long as you don't go bare. I thought about having a baby too, but I'm too old at this stage in my life(64)+ I dont want to die before my child is grown and leave wihtout care. Sure, I would like the security and companionship, but now its too late. My lot is already cast. I'm not real happy, but not overly sad either. I don't have a relationship and sex is mostly a choice between my vibrator or fingers. I don't go to the bars, clubs, or sex parties anymore, but I do have a few freinds. My family is mostly gone. I do have a cat and dog. I would never use them as sex objects although my dog gives me regular sniffs and shows lots of interest. Thats a dog for you! I'm lonely much of the time, but I put my mind elsewhere when I can. I go to lots of movies and read lots of books to occupy my time. I long for good conversation and wish I could share my memories and experiences with someone sometimes. Being a lesbian has never been easy. Its always a struggle. I don't know why I'm this way and wish I could change. But change is too late now. I could have married several swell boys when I was younger, but I passed up this opportunity. In hindsight I think I should have and probably would have been very happy if I set my mind to it. They were all sweet and protective and very in love with me. Oh well, whats past is past.

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