We would first have to sedate him. Perhaps Pat Boone could sing a few hymns to put old Fred in the mood. If that didn't work, I could bring a hammer (not a rubber one) as Fred's head is comparable to a block of cement. We could also hire some bouncers just in case Fred's sermons becomes louder than ours.<quoted text>I say, in that case, that we don't invite Mr. Phelps to give the sermon...but if he'd like to attend services, I suppose that would be fine - maybe he'll convert.
Any other ideas are welcome, as long as we don't kill him in the name of God. That's the old Christian way, and I'm not fond of repeating that way of converting others to my faith.
Of course when it concerns Fred ... temptation might just push me from my evil nature into a state of holiness, as I burn him at the stake in the quest to serve God.