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Jenny

Davenport, IA

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#1
Nov 14, 2009
 

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After 25 yrs of marriage my husband left me for a man whom he'd been cheating with behind my back for yrs.We have 2 children that have also been duped I'm more mad at myself for being so blind I didn't have a clue. I feel dirty and disguted.
Anybody else have this happen to them and how do you cope?
Thanks in advance for any real comments.
Judy G

Chevy Chase, MD

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#3
Nov 16, 2009
 
It's not your fault.
Short Left Index Finger

Scarborough, Canada

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#4
Nov 16, 2009
 

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He sounds like a bisexual to me.If your over forty,then there's a generation gap going on here,because he might have thought that marrying you would make him totaly straight.

“Even an Ice Princess can melt.”

Since: Apr 09

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#5
Nov 16, 2009
 

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No its not your fault. He just did what many LGBT men and woman do. Thought well if i get married maybe it will fix me. It is something that many of us fall into. I've seen it happen way too many times. Then they fight it until they either become suicidal or what you had happen to you.
Samantha

Davenport, IA

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#6
Nov 16, 2009
 

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Did he take on the role as the woman in his new relationship? just wondering?
Now that you look back wasn't there some kind of sign.something?
Judy G

Chevy Chase, MD

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#7
Nov 16, 2009
 
Samantha wrote:
Now that you look back wasn't there some kind of sign.something?
Does it matter? Her only mistake was trusting the person she loved.
Short Left Index Finger

Scarborough, Canada

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#8
Nov 16, 2009
 

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Pick yourself up and dust the dirt off your boots,and go on LAVALIFE.
Guardian Angel

Alpharetta, GA

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#9
Nov 16, 2009
 

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Jenny wrote:
After 25 yrs of marriage my husband left me for a man whom he'd been cheating with behind my back for yrs.We have 2 children that have also been duped I'm more mad at myself for being so blind I didn't have a clue. I feel dirty and disguted.
Anybody else have this happen to them and how do you cope?
Thanks in advance for any real comments.
Your husband was born with the same sexual orientation you were born with. You both are attracted to the same thing; men!

The idea of a gay person marrying a straight person is something the christians push on people. Here is a little video of a woman who was told by her church that if she married a gay man it would turn him straight. 23 years of the prime of her life has been lost to the ages while she waited for something that never happens
http://www.youtube.com/watch...
Short Left Index Finger

Scarborough, Canada

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#11
Nov 16, 2009
 

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Magnus Hersfeld said that 1 in 13 is gay.Go on wikipedia.

“Marriage=Love+Co mmitment.....”

Since: Oct 07

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#15
Nov 17, 2009
 

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Jenny, I know people this has happened to. First, as has been said, remember that it's not your fault. It really is not about you at all. He just couldn't live a lie anymore. Not that your marriage with him was a lie, I'm sure he wanted that very much and wanted it to work when he married you. He was just pretending to be someone he was not.
I would not defend his cheating though, there is no excuse. There is an awful lot of internal stress involved with living in the closet, and if you hang around these message boards, you will learn about the kind of hatred your husband faces now that he is out.

As for you, all you can do is try you move on.
Cynthia

Miami, FL

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#17
Nov 21, 2009
 
my husband just moved out after 30 years of marriage, three young adult kids. The reason depressed , midlife and had to solve personal problems. I confronted him at his new place, where we found evidence of an affair. yes, It is with a Gay..... we were told to no longer can live with you, I am happiest alone and had to move on, goodluck to your wonderful lives.... Bisexual, or gay, never saw a real sign .He was having this relationship for two years. Perfect father, husband and catholic active. Did he got drugged and failed into his arms or did he just let it go. Remeber all the kids are adults no more responsabilities, but me. I am so hurt... the fact is that he ignores all communication he just moved on to a new beginning. He took all his belongings all records and of course he planned all in advanced. We are sad, devastated, depressed and lonely. How do you cope with this separation or divorce??
Please need your advice.
Cynthia

Miami, FL

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#18
Nov 21, 2009
 
Jenny wrote:
After 25 yrs of marriage my husband left me for a man whom he'd been cheating with behind my back for yrs.We have 2 children that have also been duped I'm more mad at myself for being so blind I didn't have a clue. I feel dirty and disguted.
Anybody else have this happen to them and how do you cope?
Thanks in advance for any real comments.
Just happened to me, please also advice how you are coping??

“Marriage=Love+Co mmitment.....”

Since: Oct 07

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#19
Nov 21, 2009
 
Cynthia wrote:
my husband just moved out after 30 years of marriage, three young adult kids. The reason depressed , midlife and had to solve personal problems. I confronted him at his new place, where we found evidence of an affair. yes, It is with a Gay..... we were told to no longer can live with you, I am happiest alone and had to move on, goodluck to your wonderful lives.... Bisexual, or gay, never saw a real sign .He was having this relationship for two years. Perfect father, husband and catholic active. Did he got drugged and failed into his arms or did he just let it go. Remeber all the kids are adults no more responsabilities, but me. I am so hurt... the fact is that he ignores all communication he just moved on to a new beginning. He took all his belongings all records and of course he planned all in advanced. We are sad, devastated, depressed and lonely. How do you cope with this separation or divorce??

Please need your advice.
I hope you got your fair share of the money!
Shoshana

Pikesville, MD

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#22
Oct 23, 2011
 
After 25 years of marriage and two great kids, my husband starting acting very strange four years ago. His best friend from college got divorced. From that point the two of them became inseparable. They went to dinner almost every night, to movies and ball games. They also vacationed together. My husband left the kids and me in his dust. Then he became confrontational and it was obvious that he could not bear to live with us any longer. No matter what we did or how nice we were, he hated being with us. He blamed his bad moods and mean behavior on us. Then one day, while we were away on a short holiday, he moved out on us. Obvious he had it planned because he took the money too. Since he left us a year ago, he has traveled numerous times with his bg. To this day, he denies that he is gay, but I know he is.

I wish he would fess up.
Petal

South Africa

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#23
Mar 19, 2012
 
i went trough the samething our son is 8mnths now, and the sad part is that he never admitted to anything i was told that he has been sleeping with other man before we even dated. and no one could tell me the past as i was excited about our realtionship. and he started using my perfume and when i would ask why he would just say he doesnt want weman next to him. and as naive as i was that didnt bother me up until his phone got answered by one og his gay friends and when i confanted him he say if he is also gay that is not my problem.I still love him though and i have moved on with my life and i think i am happy,but i cant help thinking about him from time to time.
i dont know if i am sick or what but thats really how i feel.
Free at last

Miller Place, NY

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#24
May 28, 2012
 
23 years married....same story! he was perfect...and he made me feel inferior all those years...yet he was the one with the big secret. I've since found evidence that he'd been cheating all along with men, at sex clubs, adult book stores, hotel rooms on business trips, participated in orgies, s&m, you name it! It is by the grace of God that i never had an std or worse!
he definately planned his departure, as well....suddenly making very little money...blames the economy....blames me...but this way he doesn't have to pay alimony and very little child support. amazing how he was always was so proud of his honesty and integrity but he was actually a cheater and a liar throughout.
I feel like a complete fool for believing in him all these years and for how long and how far i went to prove my love for him.
Obviously, i could never be what he wanted. I don't think he ever truly loved me. It makes all of the good memories seem like a complete farce. he has broken my heart, and continues to try to turn everything around on me. The sad thing is that the courts seem to be on his side because they feel sorry for him living a lie all those years.....well, what about me and our kids? doesn't anyone care about what he's done to us?
This is a sad state of affairs and unfortunately, this liberal nation is heading down a very slippery slope. my only advice is to fight for everything you can for you and your kids financially. then forgive yourself for the downfall of the relationship because you did nothing wrong. someone living a dual life is not right with themselves or anyone else. You will be better off without him. It will take time, faith, and the help of your friends and family but, you will survive.....then begin to thrive. Good luck. God bless!
What a coward

Jamestown, NC

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#26
Sep 25, 2012
 
This gay thing is becoming trendy. I just don't know what to think
Rosa Winkel

Sydney, Australia

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#27
Sep 25, 2012
 
Jenny wrote:
After 25 yrs of marriage my husband left me for a man whom he'd been cheating with behind my back for yrs.We have 2 children that have also been duped I'm more mad at myself for being so blind I didn't have a clue. I feel dirty and disguted.
Anybody else have this happen to them and how do you cope?
Thanks in advance for any real comments.
U're not the only one it's happened to. It used to be common in old days, probably not just among the famous.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/news/2006/mar/16/gu...
Elsie

Wilson, NC

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#28
Oct 24, 2012
 
My husband left me for a man after 22 years of marriage. He was 26 when we got married, I was 22. My entire adult romantic life was stolen, is how I feel about it. I do have two children, the only good that came from this marriage. He has told me recently that the marriage dying was entirely my fault. I never looked the right way, said the right thing....and apparently wasn't the right gender either. He says he is not gay, it just depends on who he is with. Huh, convenient.

“What Goes Around, Comes Around”

Since: Mar 07

Kansas City, MO.

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#29
Oct 24, 2012
 

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Elsie wrote:
My husband left me for a man after 22 years of marriage. He was 26 when we got married, I was 22. My entire adult romantic life was stolen, is how I feel about it. I do have two children, the only good that came from this marriage. He has told me recently that the marriage dying was entirely my fault. I never looked the right way, said the right thing....and apparently wasn't the right gender either. He says he is not gay, it just depends on who he is with. Huh, convenient.
Well, it takes 2 to make it work. He is bisexual then, if it depends on who he is with.

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