When Did You First Realize You Weren't Straight?

Nov 27, 2012 | Posted by: Rick in Kansas | Full story: www.huffingtonpost.com

Remember that lunch buddy in second grade who made you tingle when she played footsie under the table and shared her snacks with you? How about that pivotal afternoon of playing "house" with your best friend that culminated in an innocent-enough session of "you show me yours and I'll show you mine"? ... (more)

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#43
Nov 28, 2012
 

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Not Yet Equal wrote:
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I disagree. The expectations to be straight experienced in the 50's and 60's remained strong through the rest of the century and while less intense in some areas of the country, remains today. Kids and adults as well still give out those messages as evidenced by the lingering popularity of demeaning phrases like "that's so gay" and others. We still see kids killing themselves because they have been taught since early childhood it is better to be dead than to be gay. I worked closely with school aged youth until recently, and I saw the peer pressure and pressure from adults to be straight on a daily basis. While true there is more room for acceptance in many university settings, for most in a regular public school and especially in a religiously run private school, the pressure to be straight remains strong. For those who went into the military, that social expectation was encoded in law until a year ago.
But acceptance in adult years has improved greatly, and now that gay people can have legal recognition and protections for their marriage in 10 states, more are feeling comfortable having their own children. Parents need not give up the hope of grandchildren just because a child turns out to be gay.
Nicely put.

The hard part is getting the gay teens THROUGH the rough years before adulthood.

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#45
Nov 28, 2012
 

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Leftatalbuquerque wrote:
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"Wasn't the correct one"??? Who the hell are you? Are you gay or just another str8 idiot who chooses to deny fact to serve his own worldview? People here are telling their story, their truths, and all you are doing is nit-picking and denying the facts you are being presented with.
Tell your own story, and let others tell theirs. You don't know me, or my life, or my desires. You only know yours, and are trying to force others to conform to your paradigm. Not every relationship is based on a male/female top/bottom passive/dominant arrangement. That's one thing being gay frees us to: the idea that two people could actually be phsyically as well as socially EQUAL.
lol...you should see someone for that anger dude, not healthy at all.
First, my post had nothing to do with anyone telling their story so you're wrong stating that was my purpose in writing.
Second, the question is totally misleading and no one seems to understand it's actual implication, that people who were under the impression of being one sexual orientation found out they were wrong.
The question is actually making fun of those that don't understand it's true meaning. And I understand people (as usual) don't care and that's sad their being made fun of and don't know it.

Since: Dec 08

Toronto, ON, Canada

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#46
Nov 28, 2012
 

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NoQ wrote:
When did you Queers first realize you were perverted freaks????
When did you first realize you were living under a Norwegian bridge?

Since: Jun 11

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#48
Nov 28, 2012
 

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No Surprise wrote:
<quoted text>
... the question is totally misleading and no one seems to understand it's actual implication, that people who were under the impression of being one sexual orientation found out they were wrong.
The question is actually making fun of those that don't understand it's true meaning. And I understand people (as usual) don't care and that's sad their being made fun of and don't know it.
You are looking at the question from the perspective of a heterosexual. While I realize it was intended to be demeaning, it actually reveals a painful truth most gay people experience. Gay people didn't think they were straight, and then find out differently. We are taught from early childhood that we must be straight to be acceptable. Most of us try to be straight so we can be loved and accepted by our parents, family, friends, and society.

But eventually the walls of denial start to fall away, and we are faced with the reality than no matter how much we may wish to be straight, pray to be straight, no matter how hard we try, or how many ways, it just isn't going to happen. We have to face the reality that we are not now, never have been, and never will be straight.

For many that is a long, painful process, not an "ah ha" moment. Some never make it. I can tell you stories of kids as young as 11 who, in this century, have killed themselves because they realized they were not straight. The social pressure is still so strong, many young gay people still grow up believing it is better to be dead than to be gay. If they could be choose to be straight, they would. Another way to state it, is; when did you have to accept the fact you are that person who will be hated by many, rejected by others, and told by your government that you aren't worthy of equal treatment under the law. As our resident hate troll and laws around the world tell us all, society still wants to harm us because we aren't straight.

So yes, our worst fears do come true and often through a long, painful process, we accept that we are not straight, or we die, either fast or slow.

Fortunately, many can and do go through this process quickly and with very little pain and scaring. Support from family, friends, church, community, make a world of difference. But again, some others don't have support and don't make it. Prejudice and discrimination cause needless suffering and death.

Since: Jun 11

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#49
Nov 28, 2012
 

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American Psychological Association: "Research has shown that feeling positively about one’s sexual orientation and integrating it into one’s life fosters greater well-being and mental health. This integration often involves disclosing one’s identity to others; it may also entail participating in the gay community. Being able to discuss one’s sexual orientation with others also increases the availability of social support, which is crucial to mental health and psychological well-being. Like heterosexuals, lesbians, gay men, and bisexual people benefit from being able to share their lives with and receive support from family, friends, and acquaintances. Thus, it is not surprising that lesbians and gay men who feel they must conceal their sexual orientation report more frequent mental health concerns than do lesbians and gay men who are more open; they may even have more physical health problems. Where problems occur, they are closely associated with experiences of bias and discrimination in their environments."
(American Psychological Association)
david traversa

Cordoba, Argentina

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#50
Nov 28, 2012
 
JohnInToronto wrote:
<quoted text>
It's called changing into swimsuits, dummy. And no one touched me - I was the one doing the looking.
You trolls have less intelligence than a jellyfish.
Right! Though the jellyfish might think your comparison unfair..
david traversa

Cordoba, Argentina

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#51
Nov 28, 2012
 
Jimmy wrote:
How can a man prefer to have sex with another man instead of a hot chick? IT JUST DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!
That's because you're basically effeminate yourself.. You feel more comfortable with your own kind and are afraid of masculine sexual aggression and incapable of returning it.. Homosexuals are so virile they can only go for their own kind.. But since you find "chicks" so hot (and why not?) how about starting to refer to them as "girls" or "women" and stop comparing them to poultry? You pretend to admire them, so why resort to this kind of belittlement?
Knowledge for Homophobes

Alpharetta, GA

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#52
Nov 28, 2012
 
NoQ wrote:
When did you Queers first realize you were perverted freaks????
Wrong playpen; baby
.
This is the TOPIX Gay/Lesbian chat room
.
For queers and perverted freaks; click here
http://www.topix.com/religion/list

“Good day to you!”

Since: Oct 08

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#54
Nov 28, 2012
 
Not Yet Equal wrote:
<quoted text>
You are looking at the question from the perspective of a heterosexual. While I realize it was intended to be demeaning, it actually reveals a painful truth most gay people experience. Gay people didn't think they were straight, and then find out differently. We are taught from early childhood that we must be straight to be acceptable. Most of us try to be straight so we can be loved and accepted by our parents, family, friends, and society.
But eventually the walls of denial start to fall away, and we are faced with the reality than no matter how much we may wish to be straight, pray to be straight, no matter how hard we try, or how many ways, it just isn't going to happen. We have to face the reality that we are not now, never have been, and never will be straight.
For many that is a long, painful process, not an "ah ha" moment. Some never make it. I can tell you stories of kids as young as 11 who, in this century, have killed themselves because they realized they were not straight. The social pressure is still so strong, many young gay people still grow up believing it is better to be dead than to be gay. If they could be choose to be straight, they would. Another way to state it, is; when did you have to accept the fact you are that person who will be hated by many, rejected by others, and told by your government that you aren't worthy of equal treatment under the law. As our resident hate troll and laws around the world tell us all, society still wants to harm us because we aren't straight.
So yes, our worst fears do come true and often through a long, painful process, we accept that we are not straight, or we die, either fast or slow.
Fortunately, many can and do go through this process quickly and with very little pain and scaring. Support from family, friends, church, community, make a world of difference. But again, some others don't have support and don't make it. Prejudice and discrimination cause needless suffering and death.
Looking at the question from the perspective of a heterosexual? lol...you're nuts! I've never been a "heterosexual" a day of my life.
I was dissecting the question as it was purposefully written by it's author.
Let's try this again in simpler terms. Asking when did you first realize you weren't straight, is like asking when did you first realize you weren't a homosexual. Understand? It's like asking when did you first realize you weren't a runner, or a jogger, or a race car driver, or a stripper, or a genius, or a musician etc.
The question implies a person was one thing before realizing they really weren't that thing.
In this case, the question implies that a person was a heterosexual before coming to a realization that they weren't a heterosexual but were in fact another sexual orientation altogether.
It's a trick question if you just take a moment to think about it. Yeah it's promoted some stories. Well and good. But it proves people don't read things well and assume it means as they read into it, not as it was actually written.

“Good day to you!”

Since: Oct 08

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#55
Nov 28, 2012
 
Not Yet Equal wrote:
American Psychological Association: "Research has shown that feeling positively about one’s sexual orientation and integrating it into one’s life fosters greater well-being and mental health. This integration often involves disclosing one’s identity to others; it may also entail participating in the gay community. Being able to discuss one’s sexual orientation with others also increases the availability of social support, which is crucial to mental health and psychological well-being. Like heterosexuals, lesbians, gay men, and bisexual people benefit from being able to share their lives with and receive support from family, friends, and acquaintances. Thus, it is not surprising that lesbians and gay men who feel they must conceal their sexual orientation report more frequent mental health concerns than do lesbians and gay men who are more open; they may even have more physical health problems. Where problems occur, they are closely associated with experiences of bias and discrimination in their environments."
(American Psychological Association)
The question really pertained to people in their older childhood years going through puberty and can be applied to those understanding whom they're physically attracted to at an earlier age.
And you missed an important point in the above information. It's referencing adults, not children. Children usually don't know how to feel positive about a sexual orientation that hasn't been established in their immature mentality. Neither do children with immature minds know how to integrate their un-established sexual orientation into their daily life to foster a greater well-being and mental health.
Nice try :)

“Luke laughs at hypocrites!”

Since: Sep 10

Palm Springs, California

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#56
Nov 28, 2012
 
RalphB wrote:
<quoted text>
Back in the very early 60's my best friend convinced me to go to a dying burlesque theater. Of course they had 2 comics to make it seem like the old days, but the star attractions were the strippers. The last one, the "Star of St. Louis", was a fifty-something woman with bleached blonde hair and tending to be somewhat chunky in the middle. She was wearing a g-string and pasties, and grinding to some verrrry loud music. It sickened me, and I actually pitied the woman, as I just knew she was doing the only thing she could to bring in money. I guess she went on to turn tricks after the place closed down. Some years later, 1968, I met Evelyn West, the Woman With The Million-Dollar Chest. She had her own nightclub, but had been a fixture in burlesque for many, many years. She told me stories that would curl your hair.
About 20 years ago I went to yet another bachelor party and they had a stripper show up at this restaurant party room. She was kind of trashy pretty. she did a cute strip in a cute outfit. Then she got BUSY.

She rolled out a little rug like the Muslims do at prayer and took off EVERYTHING but her high heels and began the most AMAZING writhing and rolling and making strange noises that were supposed to be sexual. The guys were throwing money onto her. I think a street walker would NOT put up with such a humiliating job.

Some drunk squirted massage oil on her and her sexy voice was GONE and out came a huge stream of profanity and cursing. Her escort calmed her down and she began the fake purring again. Finally it was over. If I had ANY heterosexuality in me, it was gone forever at that moment. Even the straight guys told me they were disturbed by it, by the lack of self respect or healthy self image to even want to do such a job.

End of story, after she left, I found a five dollar bill on the floor, I kept it to be of SOME compensation to have to sit through such an upsetting display!

“Equality First”

Since: Jan 09

St. Louis, MO

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#57
Nov 29, 2012
 
Curteese wrote:
<quoted text>About 20 years ago I went to yet another bachelor party and they had a stripper show up at this restaurant party room. She was kind of trashy pretty. she did a cute strip in a cute outfit. Then she got BUSY.
She rolled out a little rug like the Muslims do at prayer and took off EVERYTHING but her high heels and began the most AMAZING writhing and rolling and making strange noises that were supposed to be sexual. The guys were throwing money onto her. I think a street walker would NOT put up with such a humiliating job.
Some drunk squirted massage oil on her and her sexy voice was GONE and out came a huge stream of profanity and cursing. Her escort calmed her down and she began the fake purring again. Finally it was over. If I had ANY heterosexuality in me, it was gone forever at that moment. Even the straight guys told me they were disturbed by it, by the lack of self respect or healthy self image to even want to do such a job.
End of story, after she left, I found a five dollar bill on the floor, I kept it to be of SOME compensation to have to sit through such an upsetting display!
That is a totally disgusting story. Thank my lucky stars, I have never attended a bachelor party. And if that is what happens, I certainly will never even consider attending one. Although your story was disgusting, I am thankful you told it.

“Luke laughs at hypocrites!”

Since: Sep 10

Palm Springs, California

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#59
Nov 29, 2012
 
RalphB wrote:
<quoted text>
That is a totally disgusting story. Thank my lucky stars, I have never attended a bachelor party. And if that is what happens, I certainly will never even consider attending one. Although your story was disgusting, I am thankful you told it.
I don't even know why these so called "parties" are legal. They were feeding the groom alcohol with a funnel and the cake was a lovely sexual 'picture' and the behavior, the screaming, the taunts, them all driving home in such a state. I recall the groom being ill for 2 days afterwards, he's lucky he did NOT get alcohol poisoning.

the best part of this sordid tale? Why was I at such a Bacchanal? The groom was GAY. For whatever reason, he thought he might get married to this woman who LOVED the gays and was a pro fruit fly. He told me a couple of years later he was absolutely MISERABLE and missed his true life constantly. He stuck around for by now they had a kid, but good lord. He also told me that to have sex he had to imagine men while doing it.

We lost touch, but I seriously doubt if they are together anymore.
NoQ

Southbury, CT

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#60
Nov 29, 2012
 
Knowledge for Homophobes wrote:
<quoted text>Wrong playpen; baby
.
This is the TOPIX Gay/Lesbian chat room
.
For queers and perverted freaks; click here
http://www.topix.com/religion/list
We dam sure know what you are since you posted it. You perverted Freak.

Since: Jun 11

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#61
Nov 29, 2012
 
No Surprise wrote:
<quoted text>
Looking at the question from the perspective of a heterosexual? lol...you're nuts! I've never been a "heterosexual" a day of my life.
I was dissecting the question as it was purposefully written by it's author.
Let's try this again in simpler terms. Asking when did you first realize you weren't straight, is like asking when did you first realize you weren't a homosexual. Understand? It's like asking when did you first realize you weren't a runner, or a jogger, or a race car driver, or a stripper, or a genius, or a musician etc.
The question implies a person was one thing before realizing they really weren't that thing.
In this case, the question implies that a person was a heterosexual before coming to a realization that they weren't a heterosexual but were in fact another sexual orientation altogether.
It's a trick question if you just take a moment to think about it. Yeah it's promoted some stories. Well and good. But it proves people don't read things well and assume it means as they read into it, not as it was actually written.
As you realize, the question is open to interpretation. You have chosen your interpretation, but unless you are the author, you don't know for sure that is the interpretation and motivation of the author. While I suspect you are correct, that is not clear from the question, and your interpretation is not the only one possible.

As demonstrated, some of us chose to interpret the question in a more benign way. The question as written does not require the assumption of change. Again, that is your interpretation. If you are not straight, you should be able to understand most people are enculturated as if they are all straight. And while usually a process, there is a point where most gay people realize they do not fit the role they were taught to fulfill. They realize they never were and never will be straight.

Since: Jun 11

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#62
Nov 29, 2012
 
No Surprise wrote:
<quoted text>
The question really pertained to people in their older childhood years going through puberty and can be applied to those understanding whom they're physically attracted to at an earlier age.
And you missed an important point in the above information. It's referencing adults, not children. Children usually don't know how to feel positive about a sexual orientation that hasn't been established in their immature mentality. Neither do children with immature minds know how to integrate their un-established sexual orientation into their daily life to foster a greater well-being and mental health.
Nice try :)
The question did not specify any age, and many don't understand and accept their sexual orientation until well into their adult years.

Nowhere in the quotation does it specify it only pertains to adults. It applies to anyone who has come to the realization they are physically and emotionally attracted to members of the same sex. Being able to discuss their attractions in a non-judgmental, accepting environment is healthy for humans of any age, while having no social support and condemnation can be devastating for some. For some, awareness happens early in life and for others it happens much later, while some, like George Rikkers or Ted Haggard, may never accept it.

“Equality First”

Since: Jan 09

St. Louis, MO

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#63
Nov 29, 2012
 
Curteese wrote:
<quoted text>I don't even know why these so called "parties" are legal. They were feeding the groom alcohol with a funnel and the cake was a lovely sexual 'picture' and the behavior, the screaming, the taunts, them all driving home in such a state. I recall the groom being ill for 2 days afterwards, he's lucky he did NOT get alcohol poisoning.
the best part of this sordid tale? Why was I at such a Bacchanal? The groom was GAY. For whatever reason, he thought he might get married to this woman who LOVED the gays and was a pro fruit fly. He told me a couple of years later he was absolutely MISERABLE and missed his true life constantly. He stuck around for by now they had a kid, but good lord. He also told me that to have sex he had to imagine men while doing it.
We lost touch, but I seriously doubt if they are together anymore.
"Yuck", to the whole sordid thing is all I can say.

“Good day to you!”

Since: Oct 08

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#64
Nov 30, 2012
 
Not Yet Equal wrote:
<quoted text>
The question did not specify any age, and many don't understand and accept their sexual orientation until well into their adult years.
Nowhere in the quotation does it specify it only pertains to adults. It applies to anyone who has come to the realization they are physically and emotionally attracted to members of the same sex.
BS. Did you even read it?
American Psychological Association: "Research has shown that feeling positively about one’s sexual orientation and integrating it into one’s life fosters greater well-being and mental health."
Show where in the above it pertains to a child. Show me a child that has learned how to feel "..positively about one’s sexual orientation and integrating it into one’s life.." That's a statement about an adult, not a child. Are you mentally blind?
..
Then the paragraph ends describing it's been referring to ADULT males and females...
"Thus, it is not surprising that lesbians and gay men who feel they must conceal their sexual orientation report more frequent mental health concerns than do lesbians and gay men who are more open; they may even have more physical health problems. Where problems occur, they are closely associated with experiences of bias and discrimination in their environments."
(American Psychological Association)
Read your own information better next time :)

Since: Jun 11

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#65
Nov 30, 2012
 

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No Surprise wrote:
<quoted text>
BS. Did you even read it?
American Psychological Association: "Research has shown that feeling positively about one’s sexual orientation and integrating it into one’s life fosters greater well-being and mental health."
Show where in the above it pertains to a child. Show me a child that has learned how to feel "..positively about one’s sexual orientation and integrating it into one’s life.." That's a statement about an adult, not a child. Are you mentally blind?
..
Then the paragraph ends describing it's been referring to ADULT males and females...
"Thus, it is not surprising that lesbians and gay men who feel they must conceal their sexual orientation report more frequent mental health concerns than do lesbians and gay men who are more open; they may even have more physical health problems. Where problems occur, they are closely associated with experiences of bias and discrimination in their environments."
(American Psychological Association)
Read your own information better next time :)
Where in there do you find an age cut off?
What age are you using for "adult" and "child"?

Can you interact without resorting to abuse?

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#66
Nov 30, 2012
 

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The idea that homosexuality is a mental disorder or that the emergence of same-sex attraction and orientation among some adolescents is in any way abnormal or mentally unhealthy has no support among any mainstream health and mental health professional organizations.

Despite the general consensus of major medical, health, and mental health professions that both heterosexuality and homosexuality are normal expressions of human sexuality, efforts to change sexual orientation through therapy have been adopted by some political and religious organizations and aggressively promoted to the public. However, such efforts have serious potential to harm young people because they present the view that the sexual orientation of lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth is a mental illness or disorder, and they often frame the inability to change one’s sexual orientation as a personal and moral failure.

Because of the aggressive promotion of efforts to change sexual orientation through therapy, a number of medical, health, and mental health professional organizations have issued public statements about the dangers of this approach. The American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Counseling Association, the American Psychiatric Association, the American Psychological Association, the American School Counselor Association, the National Association of School Psychologists, and the National Association of Social Workers, together representing more than 480,000 mental health professionals, have all taken the position that homosexuality is not a mental disorder and thus is not something that needs to or can be “cured.”

The American Academy of Pediatrics advises youth that counseling may be helpful for you if you feel confused about your sexual identity. Avoid any treatments that claim to be able to change a person’s sexual orientation, or treatment ideas that see homosexuality as a sickness.
Just the Facts About Sexual Orientation and Youth [APP]

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