When Did You First Realize You Weren't Straight?

Nov 27, 2012 Full story: www.huffingtonpost.com 85

Remember that lunch buddy in second grade who made you tingle when she played footsie under the table and shared her snacks with you? How about that pivotal afternoon of playing "house" with your best friend that culminated in an innocent-enough session of "you show me yours and I'll show you mine"? ... (more)

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Since: Jun 11

AOL

#22 Nov 27, 2012
No Surprise wrote:
<quoted text>
Yeah okay, but you didn't reply to my point.
The question is when did you realize you weren't straight. If you don't know whom you're attracted to, then it is feasible that you'll have an "awakening" one day that reveals to you whom your attracted to.
But the question implies a person already has "evidence" for their attraction when they later discover more evidence for a different attraction that over rides the first one.
The question should have been "When did you realize whom you were attracted to?" not "When did you first realize your initial attraction wasn't the correct one?"
We were all raised with the expectation that we would grow up and marry the opposite sex. The expectation is that we will become straight. No evidence is required for the expectation to remain. In fact, the expectation often remains despite all evidence to the contrary. For gay men and women, that expectation isn't fulfilled and at some point, we reach the realization we are not and never will be straight.

“ WOOF ! ”

Since: Nov 12

Coolidge, AZ

#23 Nov 27, 2012
when I was walkin thru the highschool locker room and the big black tight end on the football team said to me: "Hey there, sailor, new in town ?:)"

“Good day to you!”

Since: Oct 08

Earth

#24 Nov 27, 2012
Not Yet Equal wrote:
<quoted text>
We were all raised with the expectation that we would grow up and marry the opposite sex. The expectation is that we will become straight. No evidence is required for the expectation to remain. In fact, the expectation often remains despite all evidence to the contrary. For gay men and women, that expectation isn't fulfilled and at some point, we reach the realization we are not and never will be straight.
If you were referencing the 60s or earlier, I agree about expectations from family. But for the last 40 years here in America, the word "expectation" hasn't been used or enforced much regarding one's sexual attraction. So for the last 40 years, most kids grow to be what they want and if they can't act on it when at home, they act on it when not at home and become it when they leave to be on their own.
But I will agree that no matter how "modern" our society becomes, most parent(s) hope for off spring. It's not about sexual attraction and what a child does sexually as they grow. It's about a parent(s) hoping for grand children, nature sticks us with that want, know what I mean?
david traversa

Buenos Aires, Argentina

#25 Nov 28, 2012
Chance wrote:
No, as children you weren't different. Kids develop same-gender crushes and go through the show me yours and I'll show you mine stage. They also have aversion for the opposite gender. It is a natural part of childhood. The difference is most people grow out of that stage. Gays, however, get stuck in it - arrested development. I believe it often times happens because of having sex too early (sometimes because of predators). Your earliest sexual experiences determine what turns you on. Then you create your own identity around your sexual activity. It isn't hard to see how people become gay. What is tragic is all avenues of correcting the problem are closed down and marginalized by the need to have society validate your choice. I have news for you though. No matter what society does or says, that nagging voice in your head will keep talking. It is your conscience.
You take a lot for granted.. The trouble with your conclusions is that they are not supported by even one shred of valid evidence.. My conscience is not and has never been in the least troubled by my being a homosexual and I'm not prone (like you obviously are) to hearing the sound of "nagging voices" in my head.. It's all wishful (and presumptuous) thinking on your part, triggered by your all too clear mortification over the gays' recent victories.. Get over it and start looking for a more constructive way to spend your time.. As of now your just a parasite..
david traversa

Buenos Aires, Argentina

#26 Nov 28, 2012
Gabe wrote:
<quoted text>
This explains it. You were 17 and kissing a MAN. Homosexual child molestation rears it's ugly head AGAIN in your story!
Stupid and confused reasoning.. Typical..

Since: Mar 07

United States

#27 Nov 28, 2012
Chance wrote:
.. Gays, however, get stuck in it - arrested development. I believe it often times happens because of having sex too early (sometimes because of predators). Your earliest sexual experiences determine what turns you on......
That's simply not the case. Where did you get this from?

Since: Dec 08

Toronto, ON, Canada

#28 Nov 28, 2012
Donald wrote:
<quoted text>
What kind of camp did you go to were grown men were naked around five year olds? No wonder you turned gay! Those queers molested you don't you know that? KEEP QUEERS AWAY FROM KIDS !!!
It's called changing into swimsuits, dummy. And no one touched me - I was the one doing the looking.

You trolls have less intelligence than a jellyfish.

Since: Dec 08

Toronto, ON, Canada

#29 Nov 28, 2012
Gabe wrote:
<quoted text>
This explains it. You were 17 and kissing a MAN. Homosexual child molestation rears it's ugly head AGAIN in your story!
Go have sex with a rattlesnake, troll.

“Equality First”

Since: Jan 09

St. Louis, MO

#30 Nov 28, 2012
I had the usual romps with boys my own age from age 5. It was so natural to me that as I entered puberty I didn't even realize I was different. That came at age 14, and I discussed it with my parents at age 15. That was when I could put a name to it, with their help. From that day on I was open with my friends and family about it. I did try sex with a couple of girls in my teens, at the urging of my father and my friends. They convinced me by telling me, "how can you be sure, if you don't try it with the opposite sex"? I tried it and didn't like it. Never again did I make that mistake.

“Equality First”

Since: Jan 09

St. Louis, MO

#32 Nov 28, 2012
Jimmy wrote:
How can a man prefer to have sex with another man instead of a hot chick? IT JUST DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!
We wonder the same thing about straights, only in reverse.

“Child of the Universe”

Since: Aug 09

Toronto, Ontario, Canada

#33 Nov 28, 2012
RalphB wrote:
I had the usual romps with boys my own age from age 5. It was so natural to me that as I entered puberty I didn't even realize I was different. That came at age 14, and I discussed it with my parents at age 15. That was when I could put a name to it, with their help. From that day on I was open with my friends and family about it. I did try sex with a couple of girls in my teens, at the urging of my father and my friends. They convinced me by telling me, "how can you be sure, if you don't try it with the opposite sex"? I tried it and didn't like it. Never again did I make that mistake.
And, having sex, regardless of what the porn rags try to push, DOES involve feelings of affection, intimacy and trust. I would never play with another person's emotions that way, especially a woman's, who doesn't deserve to be nothing but an "experiment". I've had enough women attracted to me over the years, and they are fine people who only deserve someone who can return their desires, as do we all!

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#34 Nov 28, 2012
I think it should be rephrased as "When Did You First Realize You Weren't Hetero?"

Most heteros aren't all that "straight".

“Child of the Universe”

Since: Aug 09

Toronto, Ontario, Canada

#35 Nov 28, 2012
No Surprise wrote:
<quoted text>
Yeah okay, but you didn't reply to my point.
The question is when did you realize you weren't straight. If you don't know whom you're attracted to, then it is feasible that you'll have an "awakening" one day that reveals to you whom your attracted to.
But the question implies a person already has "evidence" for their attraction when they later discover more evidence for a different attraction that over rides the first one.
The question should have been "When did you realize whom you were attracted to?" not "When did you first realize your initial attraction wasn't the correct one?"
"Wasn't the correct one"??? Who the hell are you? Are you gay or just another str8 idiot who chooses to deny fact to serve his own worldview? People here are telling their story, their truths, and all you are doing is nit-picking and denying the facts you are being presented with.

Tell your own story, and let others tell theirs. You don't know me, or my life, or my desires. You only know yours, and are trying to force others to conform to your paradigm. Not every relationship is based on a male/female top/bottom passive/dominant arrangement. That's one thing being gay frees us to: the idea that two people could actually be phsyically as well as socially EQUAL.

“Equality First”

Since: Jan 09

St. Louis, MO

#36 Nov 28, 2012
Leftatalbuquerque wrote:
<quoted text>
And, having sex, regardless of what the porn rags try to push, DOES involve feelings of affection, intimacy and trust. I would never play with another person's emotions that way, especially a woman's, who doesn't deserve to be nothing but an "experiment". I've had enough women attracted to me over the years, and they are fine people who only deserve someone who can return their desires, as do we all!
I would agree with that, but you must remember I was extremely young at the time, and raised in an environment and time when women (or girls in this instance) were not viewed as equals, but were there for our pleasure. This was in the early 60's, after all. Yeah, I found out subsequently that that view was wrong, but that enlightenment came some time later. I'm not excusing my actions, but simply putting them into context. I was wrong to do it, but there is no way to make up for it, other than to admit it, and to learn from it.

Since: Jun 11

AOL

#37 Nov 28, 2012
No Surprise wrote:
<quoted text>
If you were referencing the 60s or earlier, I agree about expectations from family. But for the last 40 years here in America, the word "expectation" hasn't been used or enforced much regarding one's sexual attraction. So for the last 40 years, most kids grow to be what they want and if they can't act on it when at home, they act on it when not at home and become it when they leave to be on their own.
But I will agree that no matter how "modern" our society becomes, most parent(s) hope for off spring. It's not about sexual attraction and what a child does sexually as they grow. It's about a parent(s) hoping for grand children, nature sticks us with that want, know what I mean?
I disagree. The expectations to be straight experienced in the 50's and 60's remained strong through the rest of the century and while less intense in some areas of the country, remains today. Kids and adults as well still give out those messages as evidenced by the lingering popularity of demeaning phrases like "that's so gay" and others. We still see kids killing themselves because they have been taught since early childhood it is better to be dead than to be gay. I worked closely with school aged youth until recently, and I saw the peer pressure and pressure from adults to be straight on a daily basis. While true there is more room for acceptance in many university settings, for most in a regular public school and especially in a religiously run private school, the pressure to be straight remains strong. For those who went into the military, that social expectation was encoded in law until a year ago.

But acceptance in adult years has improved greatly, and now that gay people can have legal recognition and protections for their marriage in 10 states, more are feeling comfortable having their own children. Parents need not give up the hope of grandchildren just because a child turns out to be gay.

“ reality, what a concept”

Since: Nov 07

this one

#38 Nov 28, 2012
Heterosexuality being the predominant orientation of the species, all offspring are raised under the presumption that they are going to turn out that way. Those who aren't heterosexual aren't going to be living up to that presumption, but that's their problem, we're raising future heterosexuals here dammit. Just cross your fingers that you're born into a family where your eventual non-heterosexuality isn't going to be seen as a problem.

We grow up being taught about our presumed heterosexuality and when that doesn't happen, that is when we realize we aren't straight.
Advice for Jimmy

Alpharetta, GA

#39 Nov 28, 2012
Jimmy wrote:
How can a man prefer to have sex with another man instead of a hot chick? IT JUST DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!
Gay guys have no attraction or erection for women
http://www.well.com/user/aquarius/

“Luke laughs at hypocrites!”

Since: Sep 10

Palm Springs, California

#40 Nov 28, 2012
Jimmy wrote:
How can a man prefer to have sex with another man instead of a hot chick? IT JUST DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!
Neither does your changing your name every post and sniffing around gay sites like a pig digging up truffles morning noon and night MAKE ANY SENSE to any of us.

“Luke laughs at hypocrites!”

Since: Sep 10

Palm Springs, California

#41 Nov 28, 2012
RalphB wrote:
<quoted text>
We wonder the same thing about straights, only in reverse.
I got dragged onto a bachelor party with some hetero pals a few years ago and we went to several strip clubs. Oh, good lord. I just sat there, as far back as possible, and wondered about the girls, what led them to such a life? How much their poor dad paid for those ballet lessons when she was 11? Why was the air so SWEET smelling with cheap perfume. The worst part was there was a $10 cover! Humph. I could have spent that $10 on a nice Bombay martini at MY kind of bar.

“Equality First”

Since: Jan 09

St. Louis, MO

#42 Nov 28, 2012
Curteese wrote:
<quoted text>I got dragged onto a bachelor party with some hetero pals a few years ago and we went to several strip clubs. Oh, good lord. I just sat there, as far back as possible, and wondered about the girls, what led them to such a life? How much their poor dad paid for those ballet lessons when she was 11? Why was the air so SWEET smelling with cheap perfume. The worst part was there was a $10 cover! Humph. I could have spent that $10 on a nice Bombay martini at MY kind of bar.
Back in the very early 60's my best friend convinced me to go to a dying burlesque theater. Of course they had 2 comics to make it seem like the old days, but the star attractions were the strippers. The last one, the "Star of St. Louis", was a fifty-something woman with bleached blonde hair and tending to be somewhat chunky in the middle. She was wearing a g-string and pasties, and grinding to some verrrry loud music. It sickened me, and I actually pitied the woman, as I just knew she was doing the only thing she could to bring in money. I guess she went on to turn tricks after the place closed down. Some years later, 1968, I met Evelyn West, the Woman With The Million-Dollar Chest. She had her own nightclub, but had been a fixture in burlesque for many, many years. She told me stories that would curl your hair.

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