the problem with polynormativity

the problem with polynormativity

There are 9 comments on the sexgeek.wordpress.com story from Jan 30, 2013, titled the problem with polynormativity. In it, sexgeek.wordpress.com reports that:

Polyamory is getting a lot of airtime in the media these days. It’s quite remarkable, really, and it represents a major shift over the last five to ten years.

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Since: Jun 11

AOL

#1 Jan 30, 2013
Allowing otherwise legally qualified gay couples to participate under the laws currently in effect does not change anything for straight people. Their marriages remain the same. The social dynamics for them remain the same.

Poly arrangements are something very different. Yet they are often used as an excuse to deny equal treatment under the current laws to same sex couples.

As practiced, poly arrangements are usually unequal in structure, as the Jeffs cult among others demonstrates. They are not equal because they requires changing the rules for straight people, and changes in the social dynamics for straight people. While those opposed to marriage equality for gay people are free to argue for polygamy, it is a very different argument.

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#2 Jan 30, 2013
We used to call it just being a slut.
Chance

Grove City, PA

#3 Jan 30, 2013
snyper wrote:
We used to call it just being a slut.
You said it! I was thinking what a lot of words to talk about what can be summed up with one one - sluts.
David Traversa

Argentina

#4 Jan 30, 2013
Chance wrote:
<quoted text>
You said it! I was thinking what a lot of words to talk about what can be summed up with one one - sluts.
And what's wrong with sluts, pray..? Isn't that the equivalent of what is euphemistically called "hot chicks" ? Sheer hypocrisy..

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#5 Jan 30, 2013
David Traversa wrote:
<quoted text>And what's wrong with sluts, pray..? Isn't that the equivalent of what is euphemistically called "hot chicks" ? Sheer hypocrisy..
No. Those are called "unwed mothers".

Since: Mar 07

Location hidden

#6 Jan 31, 2013
Chance wrote:
<quoted text>
You said it! I was thinking what a lot of words to talk about what can be summed up with one one - sluts.
Well, based on the stats on the percentages of people having sex before marriage, wouldn't that make the vast majority of the male and female population "sluts" as well?

“ reality, what a concept”

Since: Nov 07

this one

#7 Jan 31, 2013
Where are all our defenders of polygamy that hang out on the forum? I give em a place to play and they don't show.

Since: Jun 11

AOL

#8 Jan 31, 2013
Rick in Kansas wrote:
Where are all our defenders of polygamy that hang out on the forum? I give em a place to play and they don't show.
That is because they don't really support polygamy. They just want to use it as an excuse to deny equal rights to gay people. It is an irrational, slippery slope fallacy, used to generate fear.
(As I'm sure you realize)

Since: Jun 11

AOL

#9 Jan 31, 2013
While one can imagine poly arrangements that aren't abusive, history and current practice have clearly demonstrated many ways in which, as most often practiced, poly arrangements are often abusive and harmful, and result in unequal and unfair distribution of resources as well as women among men.

As practiced, it restricts the availability of women, denying some men the opportunity for marriage, which would have a destabilizing effect on society, whereas allowing gay people to marry has a stabilizing effect on society.

As it is usually one man and as many women as he can afford, it results in rich, often older, men having many wives, while young, poorer men have none. That results in putting pressure on women to marry younger, often before they can understand the arrangement they are entering, as is currently the practice. This dynamic also limits the ability of women to have equal opportunities for education and employment, as well as equal status in the relationship.

It also changes the genetic balance by limiting the gene pool, which history has shown is not in the interest of survivability of the species. Allowing gay people to marry does not limit the gene pool, but possibly expands it, as gay people can and do reproduce with the same help some straight couples use.

Additionally, gay couples often adopt, and often take in the hard to place children that have been abused and discarded by their straight parents, which provides another stabilizing influence on society.

There are other problems with polygamy including problems with child abuse, spousal abuse, and inequality of relationships, distribution of resources, and child custody among others.

While there are other arguments, these should help anyone who wants to use the polygamy excuse to deny marriage equality for same sex couples, understand the difference between allowing gay people to participate under the rules in effect, and poly arrangements which would require changing the rules as well as the family and relationship dynamics for straight people and their children.

While not intended to be a discussion of the merits of poly arrangements, the harm that usually results has been consistently ruled to be sufficient legal justification for not recognizing those relationships legally, while same sex relationships under the current structure harm no one.

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