Diana

Zejtun, Malta

#28 Mar 7, 2008
Thanks alot for your help, I know that sometimes I fantisize things..I have to admit that I like this person a lot but deep down I know that he is not interested in women. He once told me that with me he feels much different than with any other girl for the reason that he talks about sex nearly all the time and that he needs some love and cuddling. I cannot understand why he's always saying the same thing. Is he expecting something from me? I have alot of gay friends and I surely can say that for me, they are the most closest friends I have. This is a bit embarrasing, but he once told me that he enjoys watching a man and a woman having sex..is it normal for a gay person?? Thanks.
Dara

United States

#29 Mar 9, 2008
This is something that has put me in pain for almost two years now. My best friend is a gay man, and ever since we met we've been inseparable. He's never done anything sexual with a man, and he's been in one friendship with a girl before me for about half a year that was almost exactly the way that we are together. We always walk arm in arm, hold hands, kiss each other on the cheek/face, tell eachother we love eachother. We're basically in a relationship, but he still says he's gay, and we've never actually kissed on the lips or anything more. It's so unbelievably confusing. It's nice to know that there are others out there in a similar sort of situation.
SCW

Newington, CT

#30 Mar 10, 2008
I googled to find out if other women (people) where going through the same situation as me..and i'm glad to see i'm not alone. My 'gay' best friend and i have been inseperable for 3 years (and we work together) recently, about 2 months ago, we where drunk and we made out..this has occured about another 4 or 5 times, he said he was aroused, but by the sensation, not by me (or women) physically. This past weekend, we went on a 2 day getaway, he bought me roses, had romantic music, candels, kissed me on the lips, and this time we went furthur then just make out (i'll leave that to the imagination, we where high) but still he says 'nothing' is there toward being 'in love 'with me. Through out these passed 2 months, he has been sending me mixed messages, like maybe one day he could be bi, get married and have kids (with me), he get jelous if another guy comes into the picture (will take me away from him). But at this time he says he does not want a 'relationship' with neither a guy(or a girl). I have to admit that since all these sexual encounters have occured, it has opened up a pandora's box on my side, I think i'm falling in love with him, and i find i always want to kiss, hug, wrap my arms around him (pretty much like a bf) becuase my feelings, and our behavior has changed, but he says he wants me to stop doing that..just act like best friends again..however its easier said then done..is he confused about his sexuality? scared? whats going on?
Diana

Zejtun, Malta

#31 Mar 11, 2008
First of all, thank you all for your reply. This is very strange and when I read other stories, I truly believe that I am not alone. I think the problem is here, please correct me if I'm wrong.. I think some of the gay people discover that they are more bisexuals than gays. I am not saying that everyone is like that but what I am going through says it all. Gays get along very well with girls, the reason being that they feel more comfortable talking with a girl then with a boy but then they feel more sexually attractive to men. But the mystery is this: why do most of them fall in love with a girl? Is it because they couldn't find the right man? This is a very strange situation, although I have to admit that I liked it but from the other end, I wish to help him find the right direction. Thanks!
abou

United States

#32 Mar 12, 2008
I am married to a man who is probably gay. I have been asked if I'm a lesbian more than once. I know I'm not. I married my husband for many reasons, and I beleive he does love me for who I am, but some of those reasons are because I do act like a guy and I happened to be the closest thing to a guy out actually being one. There's the problem: If your gay, and not really ready to face it, you pick the next best thing. But it's sorta like having a Pepsi when your really looking forward to an ice cold Coke. It'll do, but not really. I know who I am. My husband has been hinting to me lately and I know he's been "dating" although he doesn't call it that. I'm also pissed as hell because if he ever had the slightest doubt about his preferences, don't you think that should have come up before the marriage? People discuss every little detail about thier lives together, where to live, how many kids, ect. but sexually? That's kinda a huge one! It's nice to think loves can cure all, but how many realationships have broken up over one of them being a slob?- and that's just dumb stuff! To quote Dolly Parton," A fish and a bird can fall in love, but where are they going to live?"
Niketa

South Africa

#33 Mar 14, 2008
I'm really confused about this question because it's not clear cut but what I can say is that it's the worst thing in the entire world when u love somebody and they r not attracted to you.I wish I cud find the answer to this question because I have just ended my friendship with my gay best friend because my feelings for him wont go away and I have tried everything...I want him to be happy and I dont wanna b the fairy collector who cant get over her feelings. It's a very messed up situation but at the end of the day you need to love yourself first before you can love anybody else...
anna

United States

#34 Mar 15, 2008
Niketa wrote:
I'm really confused about this question because it's not clear cut but what I can say is that it's the worst thing in the entire world when u love somebody and they r not attracted to you.I wish I cud find the answer to this question because I have just ended my friendship with my gay best friend because my feelings for him wont go away and I have tried everything...I want him to be happy and I dont wanna b the fairy collector who cant get over her feelings. It's a very messed up situation but at the end of the day you need to love yourself first before you can love anybody else...
how did you do it? i need to figure out how I'm going to do this but i am so deeply in love with him and im so scared. its like what i need to do is so far away from waht makes me happy... but i need to do it for both of us. i'm sure you understand. god, its so nice to know im not the only straight girl in love with a gay man. so nice.

DNF

“Judge more and you love less”

Since: Apr 07

Newark OH-Baltimore MD-S.Fla

#35 Mar 15, 2008
Leslie wrote:
<quoted text>What I meant was this: Love and sex are really two separate things. Do some gay men just want to only have sex with men, but not fall into romantic love with them? Are there any "gay" men whose romantic feelings fall to women, but only want to have sex with men?
back in the day, the gay men I knew referred to these men as "trade".

For myself, I know I am gay. Always did. But I had several female girlfriends in High School. I even wanted to marry one. They all knew I was gay.

Which freaked me out at the time since I hadn't been "out" except to a few friends. That's when I learned friends gossip. And some "friends" really like to talk about people behind their back.

Luckily one of my girlfriends clued me in to what was being said. I stammered a bit, until she said, "D.... I knew you were gay when you first asked me out. I said yes because you're a great guy. I just don't know why you hang around with certain two faced A-Holes like O**n and Al*n".

DNF

“Judge more and you love less”

Since: Apr 07

Newark OH-Baltimore MD-S.Fla

#36 Mar 15, 2008
She went on to tell me the whole school knew about me. And most didn't really care. This was in 1974!

“We're here! ”

Since: Apr 07

Location hidden

#37 Mar 16, 2008
DNF wrote:
<quoted text>back in the day, the gay men I knew referred to these men as "trade".
Wow, I havn't heard that particular phrase in more than 2 years. I feel like I've gone through some type of slip stream and landed back a few years. Now I really feel old, thanks DNF..........LOL.

“We're here! ”

Since: Apr 07

Location hidden

#38 Mar 16, 2008
Sorry, that should read "20 years".
Blond Prince

Chattanooga, TN

#39 Mar 16, 2008
Leslie wrote:
Are there gay men who fall in love with women but only want to have sex with men? That is, are there people who just want to keep their romantic love separate from their sex?
That is called bi-sexuality

Real gays would never eat pie. They like the hotdog only and maybe a bun with mayo.
Blond Prince

Chattanooga, TN

#40 Mar 16, 2008
Diana

Zejtun, Malta

#41 Mar 25, 2008
I think he is more bi-sexual than gay. The strange part is that he says that he misses my company when I'm not with him and that I am so sweet but at the same time, he wishes to be in a relationship with a man. He always says that he feels alone, what does this person want? Do you guys think he likes me or is he trying to be the center of attention just because he's feeling alone? I really respect gay men but I truly don't know where I stand with them :(

“I wanna be free...”

Since: Mar 08

Happyville

#42 Mar 25, 2008
I don't think you can label love and romance. Sometimes I observe that gays do what non gays do, and that is label and catagorize.

“I wanna be free...”

Since: Mar 08

Happyville

#43 Mar 25, 2008
Kinda like walking into a kennel, you don't immediatly react to the animals based on what gender they are, your usually drawn to a kennel either by the personality of the animal or by how it looks, then you worry about the gender part later.

“We're here! ”

Since: Apr 07

Location hidden

#44 Mar 25, 2008
Diana wrote:
I think he is more bi-sexual than gay.
You may think what you want to, but the thing is, ask him, and don't assume.
Diana wrote:
The strange part is that he says that he misses my company when I'm not with him and that I am so sweet but at the same time, he wishes to be in a relationship with a man.
I also have a friend, she is my best friend, outside of my relationship with Dave. I miss her company as well, when we havn't seen eachother in a while, so we make it a point to see eachother at least once a week. That doens't mean that I want a romantic relationship with her, just means that I love her like a friend and sister.
Diana wrote:
He always says that he feels alone, what does this person want? Do you guys think he likes me or is he trying to be the center of attention just because he's feeling alone?
I really think he loves you as a friend and sister, nothing more.
Diana wrote:
I really respect gay men but I truly don't know where I stand with them :(
Then you need to talk with him and get the facts, instead of assuming he MAY be interested.
cuckoo

Philippines

#45 Mar 30, 2008
please help me!!! i think i fall in love with my bestfriend who is bisexual or GAY..weve been friends since highschool upto now..i have a crush on him way back highschool but just ignored it and just be a good friend to him..but now im so bombarded and confused becoz i think i fall in love with him in a way that i always think of him,and get jealous to anyone attached to him..i just acted that im not affected but deep inside i think my heart squeezed tightly everytime his with other man or girl..i dont know why i feel this way...is it normal?do i have to tell him what i feel?but i noticed that he feels the same way,but im not quite sure,maybeits all friendship that his showing with me..but i can since that he also likes me..but i want to end this feeling because it kills me inside,but watever i do to forget him i cant even erase him in my thoughts and mind,,...i need your advise..please help me..

“I wanna be free...”

Since: Mar 08

Happyville

#46 Mar 30, 2008
cuckoo wrote:
please help me!!! i think i fall in love with my bestfriend who is bisexual or GAY..weve been friends since highschool upto now..i have a crush on him way back highschool but just ignored it and just be a good friend to him..but now im so bombarded and confused becoz i think i fall in love with him in a way that i always think of him,and get jealous to anyone attached to him..i just acted that im not affected but deep inside i think my heart squeezed tightly everytime his with other man or girl..i dont know why i feel this way...is it normal?do i have to tell him what i feel?but i noticed that he feels the same way,but im not quite sure,maybeits all friendship that his showing with me..but i can since that he also likes me..but i want to end this feeling because it kills me inside,but watever i do to forget him i cant even erase him in my thoughts and mind,,...i need your advise..please help me..
Sounds like you have a 'crush' on them. This kind of attraction has been going on for 1000s of years. Its a combination of physical and emotional attraction.

Only you can sort this one out, but let honesty be your guide.
Diana

Zejtun, Malta

#47 Apr 1, 2008
cute guys wrote:
<quoted text>Sounds like you have a 'crush' on them. This kind of attraction has been going on for 1000s of years. Its a combination of physical and emotional attraction.
Only you can sort this one out, but let honesty be your guide.
I totally agree with the last post, I am going through the same situation. I really like him and I know he is gay but I just couldn't control my emotions. It's better if you tell him so you will know where you stand with him. I know that from his side, he is just acting as a friend but deep down we both know that there is more than just being friends but I am finding it very hard to ask him for the reason that he is quite a sensitive person. I'll just wait for the right time!!

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