Is my 13-year-old son gay? @ Salon

Is my 13-year-old son gay? @ Salon

There are 636 comments on the story from Apr 9, 2007, titled Is my 13-year-old son gay? @ Salon . In it, reports that:

I have a 13-year-old son who has been visiting gay porno sites . . . So what should I think about the gay porn sites? via

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Roswell, GA

#1 Apr 9, 2007
he is curious...dont sweat it if he was 18 lookin at gay porno sites then you have to think about it

Honolulu, HI

#2 Apr 9, 2007
Well, I guess he denies it because he's ashamed that he got caught and he feels that if he is gay, it might be a bad thing. You, in your part have to let him know it's ok to come out and be who you are.

Burlington, NJ

#3 Apr 9, 2007
At thirteen every ones a little gay. Wheter or not everyone admits it is another story. when your thirteen your body and mind is going through a lot of changes your exploring yourself noticing things you never noticed before developing in many ways. No offence but wheter or not you bring this up at poker night im sure you snuck a couple of peeks at the guys in the shower. your idea might not have been to think of them sexually (or maybe it was again with the wondering about stuff) but the point is you looked maybe he was just lookin to compare sizes maybe hes a lil bi curious what ever the reason you should support him and see what happens but chances are that hes not gay wait till puberty has finished its rath of terror and see if hes still checking out the shlongs
ps i dont get what you mean by what should i do about the porno site because short of invinting a plug in that scans your face then a picture id that states your 18 or older i dont think there is much you can do

Santa Ana, CA

#4 Apr 9, 2007
he is either gay, wants to be gay or confused so just talk to him bout it...
tell him bout the birds and the bees.. tell him bout sexuality....

Memphis, TN

#5 Apr 9, 2007
yeah ur son may be gay if he visited the same website twice. how does he act does he show that he is femmine in any kind of way

Boston, MA

#6 Apr 9, 2007
im nOt sure. cause by that aqe i already knew my sexual preference. sO it's a fifty-fifty. he miqht just be curiOus Or he miqht already knOw.

United States

#7 Apr 9, 2007
well after raising 4 kids = 3 girls 1 boy and non appear to be gay. I would tell a parent of any child that might be gay.
Well so what! As an adult who has been gay a long time, just confirm to them if they are, you will love them what or whoever they become. But youth is full of changes. And being gay or telling people that you are gay is like getting a permamant tatoo. It will be withyou longer than you plan. So before being or saying you are, make damn sure that's what you are.
In our circle of friends (most in mid to late 40's) we decided that your true sexuality doesn't really come in to clear focus, until your older. I'd guess in your early 20's.
even if you are feeling or know that that is what you are, I would wait until your social circle is old enough to understand and accept it, though there will always be some that don't).
I knew in my mid teens I was differant, but children and teens are the cruelist. So blowing the doors off your closet at a young age will make the built-in problems of adolesence even worse.
As for the porn sites, well porn, in my opinion, cheapens and distorts the act(s) of love, gay or straight. That seems like a long talk after dinner, with concers about what porn represents and how it rarely applies to most peoples real lives. That it is venue for those to experence without particpating. Like playing video games where people/characters die or beaten without the viewer suffering or being truely effected.

Monterey, CA

#8 Apr 9, 2007
Well, he's 13, and kids are naturally curious. But if he is gay, there is not anything you can do about it. And if he is not only going through adolescense, but trying to come to terms with an alternate sexuality, he's probably having a tough time. If you try and change him, you will only succeed in making him hate himself for the way he feels, and he will hide his life from you in the future. Be supportive. He's your kid, no matter what. A 13 year old shouldn't be at porn sites though. Put up some security on your computer, and talk to him about it.

United States

#9 Apr 9, 2007
What does acting femmine have to do with being gay. That is a stereotype. I know many gay men who do not act Femmine. Just as I know many straight women who do not act femmine. Get real !
lottie wrote:
yeah ur son may be gay if he visited the same website twice. how does he act does he show that he is femmine in any kind of way

Detroit, MI

#10 Apr 9, 2007
Ok your 13 year old is visiting a gay porn site...his mind maybe wonderin, when your young your mind wonders about certain things. I was fully gay when i turned 14, as a child i explored different things. But how do you know if your son is gay? You cant assume anything, because you may jus assume wrong. So jus talk to him

Orinda, CA

#12 Apr 9, 2007
lottie wrote:
yeah ur son may be gay if he visited the same website twice. how does he act does he show that he is femmine in any kind of way
Gay males do not always act feminine, just as lesbian females do not act masculine. This is a stereotype and is not how to determine if someone is gay or not.

For the man wondering if his son is gay, I would be more worried about him being prey to internet creeps than about him being gay. How about going to talk to him about how he could get hurt if he gives out info on-line etc, and not be so worried about whether he is gay or not. He is probably just figuring out sex in general right now, so don't pin him down on sexuality at 13. JMHO

United States

#13 Apr 9, 2007
As uncomfortable as you may be about all this, I think it is time for you to have "the talk" with him. Privately and in a very caring way. Please don't wimp out and get some book like my Dad did. Talk to him as openly and honestly as you can about sex. Maybe you should even rent the Movie "Kinsey". Watch it with your wife first so the two of you are prepared and then view it a second time with him.(Mom can take the little ones out to Chuckky Cheese). And do as the author says. Let him know that the number one rule in your house is that you love your children and always will.

Seattle, WA

#14 Apr 9, 2007
I think he is just curious about human sexuality. Please do not make a big fuss about the porn. He just might get bored with it on his own. Just encourage him to make friends, both male and female, and let him know that you love him regardless of his watching porn, and especially, regardless if he happens to be gay.
Love is the answer to this situation.
Gentle instruction about ALL aspects of human sexuality might also help. Witn all the media attention about gayness, raised by the anti-gay crowd, any young teen-ager might develop curiousity about his/her sexuality. By the way, I believe, personally, that a person being gay is perfectly normal and ok.

Orinda, CA

#15 Apr 9, 2007
Laurie wrote:
Be supportive. He's your kid, no matter what. A 13 year old shouldn't be at porn sites though. Put up some security on your computer, and talk to him about it.
I agree with you. Great response. Every child needs support at that age no matter what their sexual orientation. Growing up is hard, and if the son is gay it will be even harder. and protect him, right now that means acceptance, no labeling as to his sexual orientation, and protecting him from the internet junk. Bravo!

Auburn Hills, MI

#16 Apr 9, 2007
When my hetero son, now nearly thirty, was 13, one of his closest friends hanged himself in a barn on his parents' property. I am convinced now that he killed himself because he was starting to realize he was gay and couldn't deal with it. So whatever you do, be careful! Would you rather have a gay son who commits suicide, or a living son who has accepted a hetero identity?

United States

#18 Apr 9, 2007
I know this must feel very awkward to you but I think it is nearly time for you to have "the talk" with your oldest son. Just the two of you in private and in confidence. Let him know he is becoming an adult and that he can now ask you about adult things. Please don't wimp out like my Dad did and give him a book to read like "Everything you always wanted to know about Sex...(which IMO is a lousy book on sex education). He is obviiously old enough to have questions about sex, his body and all that other stuff. This may not be easy for either of you. But do as the author says and let him know that the #1 rule in your family is that you and your wife love him and his brothers. May I also suggest you rent the movie "Kinsey", watcg it alone with your wife (to be prepared) and then watch it with your son (let Mom take the younger kids to Chuck E Cheese or something). Kids are ready for more information a lot sooner than we adults like to admit. My best wishes for you and your family.

North Zulch, TX

#19 Apr 9, 2007
Well my intial thought...
would that "matter"? Do you "love" your son? If we checking out websites that was of a straight content would this posting even be up?
And who would that "matter" to? Define love? The would you love him less? Of course love is unconditional, like there is more than one kind of love. lol
What is the worse that will happen if he is?
What do you think and what do you know?
start there, there is no point is living in a reality that isn't.


Since: Mar 07

Wenonah, NJ

#20 Apr 9, 2007
Son might be gay?

Here's how one family responded.

It's a story about fantastically good child rearing. A family that truly has family values -- to protect, grow and help integrate their children into society.

Parenting - Accepting Gay Identity, and Gaining Strength
Published: April 1, 2007

Effingham, IL

#23 Apr 9, 2007
yo yo yo wrote:
i still say check his face for cold sores and blisters the fewer there are the better chance u have of bringing him back...stop censoring my's an open forum for petes sake
That is jsut abusrd. sores and blisters on the mouth has nothing to do with gay or straight but more with vd..

Springboro, OH

#24 Apr 9, 2007
This will be hard to say this politely and get the appropriate point across. yo yo yo is a total idiot. Sorry. Somebody had to say it.

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