Is my wife a lesbian?

Since: Aug 09

Wilmington, NC

#86 Aug 9, 2009
I appreciate you replying to my post. I am more than willing to let my wife have a freind. I beleave that she needs freinds. But I don't want it to go any further than that. I just want to make one thing clear from my first post. When I said they sleep together I didn't mean sexually. We still communicate there have been times after all this happened that I started to feel insecure about something one of them did. And when I tell her my feelings she gets mad and just says "I guess I can't be freinds with her" and I tell her that is not what I want. I like her freind she is very nice. I just don't want it to turn into anything else. I guess I'm just looking for some neutural opinion as to if I'm crazy or normal reaction. There are times when she is with her freind and she gets so descriptive as to what she wants to do to me sexually and then we are alone and never carries threw with it. I feel like she gets turned on being around her and then its just me and the drive dies. It's so hard for me to not feel insecure when they are together, I try to tell myself she would never do anything to hurt me. But it gets hard to keep my feelings at bay sometimes. And she sences it and gets mad at me saying I don't trust her. How can I hide what my gut is telling me that this is not a normal relationship I don't think as much on my wifes side but from her freind wanting more.

“Marriage=Love+Co mmitment.....”

Since: Oct 07

Location hidden

#87 Aug 9, 2009
Paul,
I don't think you are being crazy about this at all. In fact, it sounds like you are reacting calmly and reasonably. You are right, your wife does need a friend, more than one in fact, as do you. To expect your partner to fulfill all your social needs would be putting just too much pressure on your relationship.

I think it is normal to feel some insecurity, even jealousy, even of a friendship, but your feelings about that are yours to deal with, not hers. I mean she cannot be responsible for your feelings or you for hers. She should not change so that you don't have to deal with your insecurity; you should deal with it. Insecurity grows from fear. Are you afraid she will leave you? Are you afraid she doesn't love you? Are you afraid your relationship with her will change?

You should be able to express your feelings without her getting angry. Working on the communication skills between you would be a very good thing for both of you to do. Discuss your feelings at a time when you are both relaxed and comfortable, not in the heat of the moment. Work on using statements like, "When you do........, I feel.......... I want to understand why I feel that way. Can we discuss it?" If those kind of conversations can't happen between you, seek a professional counselor who can help.

“Marriage=Love+Co mmitment.....”

Since: Oct 07

Location hidden

#88 Aug 9, 2009
It sounds like your wife may be bisexual. That usually means a person can be attracted to either gender, and can switch from a relationship with a man, then have a relationship with a woman or the other way around. But it can also mean in some cases that you really want a relationship with a man and one with a woman at the same point in your life. If that is the case, it is just not possible to suppress one sexual desire while acting on the other. I mean that if she is suppressing her desire to be with a woman, it may be getting in the way of her sexual desire to be with you.

Communication and honesty are essential in a relationship, but both parties need to feel safe being honest.
Those are just my opinions from my personal experiences though, remember.

Think about this:
If she could assure you that she loves you deeply and has no desire to leave you, would it harm you in any way if, on those times when they slept together, it became sexual between them?

“too gay to function! lol”

Since: Jul 09

no where special

#89 Aug 9, 2009
confused wrote:
I'm not here to judge. I support gay rights, okay? But my marriage has been on life support for 10 years and it's time to pull the plug after 30 years. We have not had sex in ages. My wife has developed this relationship over the past several years with "Jill." They spend 30 to 60 hours a month on the phone, call each other 10 times a day and spend about 40 hours a week together. They write love letters to each other with words like "remember the day we fell in love? "In love" was double underlined. Discovering you, discovering me, then discovering us. You are my whole life and you have my whole heart." Among text messages I saw to/from her girlfriend:
"I love holding you, kissing you"
"I want to take time tonight to touch you"
"Can't sleep without you"
"Tomorrow is a big day for us - our first event as a couple"
"You'll always be my girl"
Still my wife is in full denial that it's nothing more than a deep friendship - that she's just bored with me and also has a long list of my faults which "made her lesbian" as she blurted out one night - today she said she never said that. My wife dresses like her girlfriend now and even though my wife is very sexy, slim and attractive, she always used to dress boring and wore "granny panties" and boring bras and lingerie. Suddenly, she wears leopard print skimpy panties (I know - I do the laundry), shaves 'down there' and wears push-up bras - as if she needed them. We sleep in separate rooms and she always closes the door when she changes clothes and sleeps. She turns on this soft sexy voice on the phone with her when she thinks I can't hear her. She says this is how it will be until I accept that it's only a friendship and I re-join them (her, her girlfriend and husband). The three of them think I'm crazy.
So tell me - am I being played like a flute or what? She wants it both ways - the security of our home and finances AND her lover. My youngest son found the first text message above and went nuts for a month before he finally told my older son who told me.
no question in my mind, she is lesbian or bisexual.

Since: Aug 09

Wilmington, NC

#90 Aug 9, 2009
I am not afraid of her leaving me at all. I guess I'm just nervous as to if something did happen between the two of them I would feel no longer needed. There have been numorous times my wife has said " I can see why girls go for other girls because they know what feels good to a girl" I am always up for suggestions from her as to how to please her and I guarantee 9 out of 10 see gets a climax.

I know she loves me as I do her, but I feel like I am loved equally as her freind maybe I'm just over reacting but its hard not to when she goes out of her way to make dinner when her freind is coming over and if her freind doesn't I have to fend for myself because shes on a diet. And when I text her it takes upwards to 10 mins to write me back and when I'm with her and she gets a text she writes back right away.

Since: Aug 09

Wilmington, NC

#91 Aug 9, 2009
Trust me I am not a Homophob ""no offence intended!!"" but I have never thought of a three way with another man at all, or alone with a guy.
As to if it would be alright with me if it turned sexually...... I just think I would be devastated, I think no matter how secure I felt in my relationship I would always have in the back of my mind "Does she want to be with her right now instead?" I know that a girl and a man have different anatomy but that can easily be overcome at any adult book store. And if she is falling in love with her what cards do I have left in my hand besides that fact that I'm a very good father that helps my wife with everything and most things I even do more than my wife. And the fact that if she came out, my wifes family would be pissed!

I just want you to know that talking to you is making me see alot and I could never thank you enough. It is releaving a lot of built up anger talking to someone thank you so much!!!!!!

“Marriage=Love+Co mmitment.....”

Since: Oct 07

Location hidden

#92 Aug 10, 2009
You are welcome. Now it's time to talk to your wife.And talk to a professional, together or alone. Let us know how it's going.
And keep in mind, it doesn't have to be the end of your marriage. It is your marriage, you two can decide between you two how to define it, you don't have to make it by the same rules as someone else's marriage.

“Marriage=Love+Co mmitment.....”

Since: Oct 07

Location hidden

#93 Aug 10, 2009
Paul Jr 9 wrote:
I know that a girl and a man have different anatomy but that can easily be overcome at any adult book store. And if she is falling in love with her what cards do I have left in my hand besides that fact that I'm a very good father that helps my wife with everything and most things I even do more than my wife. And the fact that if she came out, my wifes family would be pissed!
No adult book store can sell you something that can overcome the difference between a man and woman. It is just totally different being with a man and being with a woman. Let's say just for the sake of discussion that your wife was having sex with her friend, and with you, separately of course. She would be getting totally different needs met with each of you. As a man, you can fulfill needs that no woman could, even after a trip to the adult store. And a woman would be fulfilling needs that you just can't, no matter how sensitive and attentive a lover you are. It's just different.

You can't live for other people. Your wife's families' feelings cannot determine your actions. They would get over it.....or they wouldn't, it would be their problem. But does it really have to be their business?
Crushed

Coachella, CA

#94 Apr 2, 2011
separated at birth wrote:
Confused- I am an a similar situation. Married 20+ years, multiple kids but something in the back of my mind has suspected my wife is bi/les for a LONG time. I guess it seemed so unlikely I brushed it off. Not the only bad observation I made back in my 20's. Sex 3 or 4 times a year. It is misery, always exactly the same and takes about 15 minutes. I, too am hoping she fesses up and runs off with her GF but it ain't gonna happen as long as she has access to a nice home and my checking account. The denials come so often, it's almost comical. It's funny because she denies when nobody accuses. I know how you feel, having a wife and no life, but we both need to act. My biggest issue is the affect on the kids. They respect me and it will probably be ok eventually. I do all around the house, too and she doesn't work. It may sound selfish but I would like a life, too. I will move on when the time is right for my kids.
Sounds a little like my situation.
Married my hs sweetheart 15 years ago (she was pregnant with our daughter) we were 20. She has been an incredible mom, and partner (but not such a great lover). We have infrequent sex but never intercourse.(been over 10 yrs since we have had intercourse.) The lack of intimacy has really driven a wedge between us and I switched my focus to my career where I felt needed and wanted. She never had a lot of friends and spent most of her time with my daughter or alone. We were like passing ships, mainly interacting on weekends.

A few months ago i discovered (through text messages) that she had been involved with a lesbian woman at her work. My heart was crushed. I love this woman with my entire heart and soul and I am devastated. I cannott imagine life without her. She is confused, says she dosen't want to leave her family but thinks she may be gay. We are just starting to work through everything to see if the marriage is salvageable.
Franklin Stantoni

New York, NY

#95 Apr 2, 2011
This happens more often than many people believe. I know 2 guys who unknowingly married lesbians and each had children with them before finding out, and divorcing.

This demonstrates the need for HONESTY in a relationship.

“Marriage=Love+Co mmitment.....”

Since: Oct 07

Location hidden

#96 Apr 2, 2011
Crushed wrote:
<quoted text>
Sounds a little like my situation.
Married my hs sweetheart 15 years ago (she was pregnant with our daughter) we were 20. She has been an incredible mom, and partner (but not such a great lover). We have infrequent sex but never intercourse.(been over 10 yrs since we have had intercourse.) The lack of intimacy has really driven a wedge between us and I switched my focus to my career where I felt needed and wanted. She never had a lot of friends and spent most of her time with my daughter or alone. We were like passing ships, mainly interacting on weekends.
A few months ago i discovered (through text messages) that she had been involved with a lesbian woman at her work. My heart was crushed. I love this woman with my entire heart and soul and I am devastated. I cannott imagine life without her. She is confused, says she dosen't want to leave her family but thinks she may be gay. We are just starting to work through everything to see if the marriage is salvageable.
Crushed, it sounds like you have a pretty mature grasp of what happened. She may be bisexual, but I think the problem might have started when you confused sex with intimacy. I'm not saying sex is not important for a marriage to work, but women and men have different ideas of what intimacy is.
girl

Denmark

#97 Mar 31, 2012
Paul Jr 9 wrote:
A couple of years back my wife out of the blue admitted to me she wanted to have sex with a girl and I said I would not be ok with that. And now she has made friends with a girl and it seems out of the ordinary. They text each other while we are all in the same room. They call each other "Babe", "Honey" and "Love". My wife cleares here phones text messages numorous times a day. They go to her house and drink together and sleep in the same bed. There was a time I came home and my wife asked me to take the kids to the playground because both of them were tired and they slept together. Her freind wrote an email saying my wife held the key to her heart. And one night I was out with my wife and she got a little drunk and she called her friend and went on for 20 mins on how bad she missed her and wanted to be with her. And then we get home and my wife got numorous texts from her and she called her back asking "What the secret was?" so I looked at her texts and it said "that my wifes freind wished that I wasn't there so she can tell my wife what she wanted to do to her" I got pissed and confronted my wife about it and she said she didn't know what she meant. So I called her freind and she said all she wanted was a bear hug. I get mad and leave the room and I come back and my wife cleared her text messages. The next morning my wife claimes she doesn't remember clearing her texts. There are alot of times where my wife will go sit by her while we are all on the couch. There are so many things that I feel she treats us (Me and her freind) as equals. And I really am having some doubts. I try to forgive because her freind wasn't shown alot of affection growing up as a kid. And the text about wishing I wasn't there her freind was drunk that night also. Even my wifes lesbian Aunt and the rest of her family thought her freind was a lesbian by her always clinging to my wife and acting like she is jealous or something when my wife was giving someone else the time of day. Me and my family went on a vacation and the whole time she was texting her freind and saying I miss you so much I can get sick and stuff like that. Tell me please am I crazy and reading into things or what?
no you are not knowing yourself well enough so you are denying or doubting the truth, you have to trust yourself and what you see, dont let words confuse you,
words are nothing when it comes to love
you have to feel, feel that she isnt into you, and never has been,
find a woman that is a woman inside, and you´ll be the happiest man
tony

UK

#99 Apr 29, 2012
How could she make out that you made her a lesbian. Even psychologists cant agree on why people turn out gay. That,s the way she is. If it walks like a duck and it quacks like a duck then guess what, chances are it's probably a duck.
so very true

Toms River, NJ

#100 Jul 4, 2012
it it very sad nowadays to hear that many women are leaving their husbands and boyfriends for another woman. they are VERY DISGUSTING PIGS, the way i see it. what is the ATTRACTION that you women have with other women anyway. then they wonder why so many STRAIGHT GUYS like us are single today. i had been married at one time, and my wife CHEATED on me with another woman, and i was a VERY CARING AND LOVING HUSBAND, that never MISTREATED her in anyway. i was VERY COMMITTED to her as well, and i really thought that i was going to spend the rest of my life with her since i did love her VERY MUCH at the time. now alone and single again, really SUCKS for me. going out and trying to meet another GOOD STRAIGHT WOMAN for me is very hard, especially that many of the women today have that SHIT DON'T STINK OF AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM, and many of the women today are FILTHY LESBIAN PIGS. i certainly can't BLAME MYSELF for so many GARBAGE WOMEN that are out there now, since all the good STRAIGHT WOMEN seem to be taken. even the STRAIGHT WOMEN THINK THAT THEY ARE ALL THAT, and play very hard to get. since GOD CREATED so much FILTH like them, too bad he can't ELIMINATE IT.
Husband

Dallas, TX

#101 Aug 9, 2012
My wife and I have been married for 8 months. We have a 3 month old little girl. She said I am free to check her facebook. I didn't want to, but did because of friends she has on there that had "close" relationships with her in the past. At her job a woman came out and told her she wanted her from the moment she saw her. We were dating at the time they met and apparently she had a crush on this woman to date. At this time she told me she loved me. I came to her aid when no one else did and brought her into my family. I love her dearly. She stated that she should have told her before my wife bore a child and got married. I know she loves me, but she stated that she regretted past decisions she made in not pursuing certain individuals. Should this regret be there if she says I am the only one that can make her happy? She says recently told me she likes woman, but not in a sexual way. Apparently she is afraid of the truth or has told me otherwise in order to spare me. I believe she is bisexual. She also stated that if I died, because of what I have given her, she would not date or marry again. She told one of these past relationships that she regretted not pursuing him further and that she would come for him if "this didn't work out. She recently stated that she is bored with her life, the thing is, we are both undergrads with full loads and a new child. I am trying to get us out on dates as much as possible, but the time is so scarce. I am afraid she may cheat on me. I will trust her with all of my life until, and if, this happens. Lastly she stated that she is poly-amorous at nature, but stays monogamous simply for the benefit of her current partner. Any help appreciated. AS for your situation, your wife sounds as if she is in love with another. Why stay if she has cheated in the past and is currently and blatantly cheating. True it is her home to, but why would she deserve to keep it if she is not willing to work at your relationship? Home is where the heart is and apparently her heart is not there.

“Always wear your makeup!”

Since: Jul 12

Syracuse, NY

#102 Aug 9, 2012
confused wrote:
I'm not here to judge. I support gay rights, okay? But my marriage has been on life support for 10 years and it's time to pull the plug after 30 years. We have not had sex in ages. My wife has developed this relationship over the past several years with "Jill." They spend 30 to 60 hours a month on the phone, call each other 10 times a day and spend about 40 hours a week together. They write love letters to each other with words like "remember the day we fell in love? "In love" was double underlined. Discovering you, discovering me, then discovering us. You are my whole life and you have my whole heart." Among text messages I saw to/from her girlfriend:
"I love holding you, kissing you"
"I want to take time tonight to touch you"
"Can't sleep without you"
"Tomorrow is a big day for us - our first event as a couple"
"You'll always be my girl"
Still my wife is in full denial that it's nothing more than a deep friendship - that she's just bored with me and also has a long list of my faults which "made her lesbian" as she blurted out one night - today she said she never said that. My wife dresses like her girlfriend now and even though my wife is very sexy, slim and attractive, she always used to dress boring and wore "granny panties" and boring bras and lingerie. Suddenly, she wears leopard print skimpy panties (I know - I do the laundry), shaves 'down there' and wears push-up bras - as if she needed them. We sleep in separate rooms and she always closes the door when she changes clothes and sleeps. She turns on this soft sexy voice on the phone with her when she thinks I can't hear her. She says this is how it will be until I accept that it's only a friendship and I re-join them (her, her girlfriend and husband). The three of them think I'm crazy.
So tell me - am I being played like a flute or what? She wants it both ways - the security of our home and finances AND her lover. My youngest son found the first text message above and went nuts for a month before he finally told my older son who told me.
Yes, and she is smart too like I am. I married a man with a hundred million bucks and put out for three years and came out with 50 million and now live with my puddy cat.
Rob Knows All Says

Toms River, NJ

#103 Nov 14, 2012
it is very sad that much more women nowadays are into other women instead of us straight guys, and i know a friend that his wife left him for another woman. it is worse that they have two kids together, and how do you explain that one to them? they are certainly just too young to understand, and i do feel very bad for them. this seems to be a growing trend today, and within the next ten years most women will be with their own sex at the rate that we are heading. i was married at one time myself, and this happened to me a long time ago. lucky that i had no children, and that would have been a mess for me. now meeting another woman is very hard for me, especially where i am. this is the reason why it is so hard meeting another woman again for me, and even the straight ones play hard too get and have an attitude problem. we really can't blame ourselves for the garbage women that GOD seem to create today. and for a lot of us serious guys that are looking to meet a real good woman today, it will certainly be difficult now.

“Always wear your makeup!”

Since: Jul 12

Syracuse, NY

#104 Nov 17, 2012
Don't feel too bad about wife lesbian deal.

I'm a black person who was born in the body of a male with a female brain and I had the operation thinking I would be heterosexual but now, I'm trapped in the body of a female and lesbian and black and Jewish so am a real minority group and my husband is gay with lesbian tendency.

It all works out. We are all children of God. I just wish I could find my birth certificate to prove I was born in Key West or something.

“Always wear your makeup!”

Since: Jul 12

Syracuse, NY

#105 Nov 17, 2012
I'll be home to my hubby soon. My NE whom I always tempt to let him let me sit in his lap with our clothes on to kiss because, I have a trick for that.

You're in the lap kissing your love with clothes on knowing he wants to be in your lap and as kissing and around the ears and his one area on chest nipple that is so sensitive licking and kissing and then you put your had under his bottom and pick him up and turn him around in the chair and pull pants down so he is already in doggie style position and then you have your manly way with him until he is exhausted in pleasure for hours.

“Always wear your makeup!”

Since: Jul 12

Syracuse, NY

#106 Nov 17, 2012
Rob Knows All Says wrote:
it is very sad that much more women nowadays are into other women instead of us straight guys, and i know a friend that his wife left him for another woman. it is worse that they have two kids together, and how do you explain that one to them? they are certainly just too young to understand, and i do feel very bad for them. this seems to be a growing trend today, and within the next ten years most women will be with their own sex at the rate that we are heading. i was married at one time myself, and this happened to me a long time ago. lucky that i had no children, and that would have been a mess for me. now meeting another woman is very hard for me, especially where i am. this is the reason why it is so hard meeting another woman again for me, and even the straight ones play hard too get and have an attitude problem. we really can't blame ourselves for the garbage women that GOD seem to create today. and for a lot of us serious guys that are looking to meet a real good woman today, it will certainly be difficult now.
I'll give you a tip if you're really looking for a woman if you want let me know and will tell you a secret how it works now.

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