Grandma's "Best Friend" Was More Than Just A Friend

Apr 2, 2013 | Posted by: Gay And Proud | Full story: www.slate.com

Dear Prudence: My grandmother passed away recently, and as my mother and I were cleaning out her house I came across a box of photos, letters, and other mementos. I haven't shown my discovery to anyone because it's a shocking revelation that would forever change the way my (very conservative) mom, aunts, and uncles remember their mom. It turns out that "Maude," who also passed on a few years ago, was much more to grandma than a close friend. Although everyone in the family knew that they were childhood friends, we had no idea that they were lovers. It seems they both got married to conceal their true sexuality and lived their secret double life together for over 50 years. It makes me so sad that Grandma felt she had to live that way pretty much her entire life. And it also hurts that much more whenever I hear my mom, aunts, and uncles using homophobic slurs at family gatherings. Should I ever let them know what I found?

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Since: Dec 08

Toronto, ON, Canada

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#1
Apr 2, 2013
 

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Hopefully her relatives will shit all over their panties and then die of heart attacks when they find out. They deserve it. If, of course, this letter to Prudence is real.

“DON'T TREAD ON ME”

Since: Nov 12

Coolidge, AZ

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#4
Apr 2, 2013
 

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Sounds similar to Eleanor Roosevelt.

Would the press today cover up a First Lady having the White House hire her lover, give her a job at taxpayer's expense and move her into The White House ? The press certainly covered things tings up at the time. Oh wait. They were democrats. You're allowed ot do that then.

Nevermind.

“... from a ...”

Since: Mar 09

GREAT HEIGHT

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#5
Apr 2, 2013
 

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This was the way it was done back in the day.

Since: Mar 07

The entire US of A

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#6
Apr 3, 2013
 

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Just about every family has this type of story in their back round.

My wife's family has an "Uncle Raymond" who was JUST a confirmed bachelor that often went on trips with male friends, never married, and had a male roommate that "rented" a spare bedroom for years, until Ray died.

Never a suggestion that he was gay.

And they say that my Wife's cousin is just like Ray. And yes, I suspect he is.
Anonymous

Philadelphia, PA

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#7
Apr 3, 2013
 

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Pierre wrote:
Hopefully she does the right thing and let's grandma's disgusting secret stay buried with her.
go put on some deodorant and STFU

“Headed toward the cliff”

Since: Nov 07

Tawas City, Michigan

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#9
Apr 3, 2013
 

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snyper wrote:
This was the way it was done back in the day.
So true.

I don't know whether this particular story is real, but I found similar things when I started researching my family ancestry. There were 2 great aunts who married but never had kids and a couple of "bachelor farmers" who lived with their "hired hand".

Turns out my parents knew all about it but as was the norm they just didn't talk about it.

“Equality First”

Since: Jan 09

St. Louis, MO

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#10
Apr 3, 2013
 
Quest wrote:
Just about every family has this type of story in their back round.
My wife's family has an "Uncle Raymond" who was JUST a confirmed bachelor that often went on trips with male friends, never married, and had a male roommate that "rented" a spare bedroom for years, until Ray died.
Never a suggestion that he was gay.
And they say that my Wife's cousin is just like Ray. And yes, I suspect he is.
You sure his name was "Ralph". My cousin told her kids that my "room-mate" rented from me. I straightened them out when they mentioned it to me.

“Common courtesy, isn't”

Since: Nov 07

Location hidden

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#11
Apr 3, 2013
 

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My mother's cousin never married. The story told for many years was that he went off to serve his country in World War II and the only girl he ever loved married someone else while he was overseas.

Flash forward almost 50 years later to a family reunion. The cousin's eyesight was failing due to an injury he had sustained back in the war. He couldn't see well enough to drive so a "friend" drove him to the reunion. It turns out that the "friend" and the cousin met in the hospital while both were recovering from war wounds, and that had quietly been living together as a couple for the past 45 years. Mom's cousin died just a few months short of what would have been their 52nd anniversary.
Rainbow Kid

Alpharetta, GA

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#12
Apr 3, 2013
 
Conrad wrote:
<quoted text>
And this is the way it should be. KEEP IT OUT OF SIGHT AND OUT OF MIND!
If you want to be gay then be gay but keep it the hell out of everyone else's face!
No

“DON'T TREAD ON ME”

Since: Nov 12

Coolidge, AZ

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#13
Apr 3, 2013
 
Conrad wrote:
<quoted text>
And this is the way it should be. KEEP IT OUT OF SIGHT AND OUT OF MIND!
If you want to be gay then be gay but keep it the hell out of everyone else's face!
No

“Equality First”

Since: Jan 09

St. Louis, MO

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#14
Apr 3, 2013
 

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Conrad wrote:
<quoted text>
And this is the way it should be. KEEP IT OUT OF SIGHT AND OUT OF MIND!
If you want to be gay then be gay but keep it the hell out of everyone else's face!
I have a better idea. Since you are on Topix Gay & Lesbian forum, why don't you keep the hell out of our face. Go somewhere where your hate is more in line with the other posters. I suggest some religion forum.

“Equality First”

Since: Jan 09

St. Louis, MO

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#17
Apr 3, 2013
 

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Willis wrote:
<quoted text> Irregardless of what the United States Supreme Court rules, queer marriage will always be just that, queer marriage and not accepted as a real marriage by normal and decent people!!!
And what, pray tell, would you know of "normal and decent people"?
Rainbow Kid

Alpharetta, GA

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#18
Apr 3, 2013
 

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Willis wrote:
<quoted text> Irregardless of what the United States Supreme Court rules, queer marriage will always be just that, queer marriage and not accepted as a real marriage by normal and decent people!!!
GOD is not making any more people like you

We're the 'new and improved' normal and decent people
.
We have six additional neurological connectors that you do not have
.
and we never have unplanned pregnancies or abortions
.
You were the last of the obsolete people
.
The world is safe now

DNF

“A seat at the family table”

Since: Apr 07

Born in Newark, Ohio

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#19
Apr 3, 2013
 

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Conrad wrote:
<quoted text>
And this is the way it should be. KEEP IT OUT OF SIGHT AND OUT OF MIND!
If you want to be gay then be gay but keep it the hell out of everyone else's face!
No. I have as much right to be as open and honest as your Mom and Dad were.

DNF

“A seat at the family table”

Since: Apr 07

Born in Newark, Ohio

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#20
Apr 3, 2013
 
I really liked the response Prudence gave:

Though it's understandable she couldn't bear to toss these memories, she must have known that leaving such a box behind would almost surely lead to the revelation you have now stumbled upon. Consider that that may have been your grandmother's intention, conscious or not. I think that without commentary you should tell your mother you found something interesting of your grandmother's and you'd like to go through it with her. It will be something to watch her face as she comes to understand the story in the box. There's a possibility your mother will want to discard the contents, so tell her since you discovered the box you feel obligated to make sure it is preserved. I think it would be fine at the next family gathering, when a disparaging comment is made about homosexuals, that you explain there's a dear, departed family member who knew too well the high cost of spending a life in the closet.

DNF

“A seat at the family table”

Since: Apr 07

Born in Newark, Ohio

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#21
Apr 3, 2013
 
Willis wrote:
<quoted text> Queers need to keep their perverse deviancies in the closet where they belong!!!
You remind me of those clueless parents that say to their gay and lesbian children, "You never see or hear your father and I flaunting our sexuality".

“DON'T TREAD ON ME”

Since: Nov 12

Coolidge, AZ

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#22
Apr 3, 2013
 
DNF wrote:
<quoted text>You remind me of those clueless parents that say to their gay and lesbian children, "You never see or hear your father and I flaunting our sexuality".
LOL

I love that. "Flaunting".

LOL

DNF

“A seat at the family table”

Since: Apr 07

Born in Newark, Ohio

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#24
Apr 3, 2013
 
It doesn't matter if you're gay, straight, rock n' roll, R&B, funk, dance, electronica, jazz, country or western. This marriage proposal might make you cry.

And anyone who even SNIFFLES watching this can't deny they don't understand SAME SEX MARRIAGE isn't any different than what they see here in this AWESOME proposal (good lord I want to start forming flash mobs now!)!

It ain't the equipment any of us (gay or straight) want to commit to. It's the person INSIDE the body.

http://www.youtube.com/watch...

“DON'T TREAD ON ME”

Since: Nov 12

Coolidge, AZ

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#25
Apr 3, 2013
 

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DNF wrote:
It doesn't matter if you're gay, straight, rock n' roll, R&B, funk, dance, electronica, jazz, country or western. This marriage proposal might make you cry.
And anyone who even SNIFFLES watching this can't deny they don't understand SAME SEX MARRIAGE isn't any different than what they see here in this AWESOME proposal (good lord I want to start forming flash mobs now!)!
It ain't the equipment any of us (gay or straight) want to commit to. It's the person INSIDE the body.
http://www.youtube.com/watch...
Except that your post makes too much sense for most people to agree with.

Since: Dec 08

Toronto, ON, Canada

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#26
Apr 4, 2013
 
Wally wrote:
<quoted text>I agree, why put the family through the traumatic experience of learning Grandma was a perverted deviant?
Hopefully all your dead gay and lesbian relatives and ancestors (and don't kid yourself, you have some) will come to you by night and haunt you. Maybe they can curse you from beyond the grave too.

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