If you're playing with me, and you're me, then you're just jerking yourself off. So, if public masturbation is your thing (which, apparently, it is), we should call the authorities, as there is a high probability that you are doing so in the presence of young children. And, obviously, it would be the authorities in Jamaica, as that's where these admissions are coming from. Anybody got the phone number for the police in Kingstown?
You are as funny as you are stupid.