Teen Pregnancy Education
Posted in the Abortion Forum
#1 Sep 11, 2012
In order to try and prevent the occurrence of teen pregnancy and teen parenthood as much as humanly possible, more information on teen pregnancy needs to be made available in more places. I strongly believe that a separate thread devoted entirely to this topic is a step in that direction.
IMO one of the most effective ways to prevent more cases of unwanted teen pregnancy is to help teen girls know what to say. Some girls may not be very sure about what to say to boyfriends who pressure them to have sex. They may be afraid a boyfriend would break up with them if they say no. What these girls need to know is that a boyfriend who pressures a girl to have sex with him can just as easily break up with her anyway, right after she tells him she's pregnant.
Also, NO birth control method is 100% guaranteed against unwanted pregnancy, including BC pills or condoms. Although birth control must always be used to reduce the pregnancy risk as much as possible, it does NOT eliminate the risk entirely. It is a serious mistake for a teen girl to believe she can never get pregnant because she's on birth control. She CAN.
The following is a script that might help more teen girls say NO to having sex:
GUY: I think it's time for us to have sex.
GIRL: I don't think so.
GUY: Why not?
GIRL: I don't want to get pregnant, that's why not. I don't want to get an STD either.
GUY: You worry too much. I can use a condom.
GIRL: Condoms can break. I could still get pregnant if that happens.
GUY: Okay, so you can get on birth control pills or something.
GIRL: Birth control pills can fail sometimes, so I could still get pregnant. So forget it. I want to finish high school, get my diploma, go to college and then have a career. No way am I going to risk getting pregnant and get stuck being a teen mom. That would wreck everything for me.
GUY: Well if you won't have sex with me, I'll have to look for someone else.
GIRL: Fine. You can get another girl pregnant, not me. If that happens, have fun being a teen dad. I'll be celebrating my freedom and watching you give up yours. And we're DONE. Good bye and good luck.
Then the girl walks away, free and NOT PREGNANT.
A guy who pressures a girl for sex isn't worth keeping as a boyfriend. A girl is NOT a loser if she doesn't have a guy in her life while still in high school.
#2 Sep 11, 2012
Girls, if you want to avoid getting pregnant in the first place, you need to THINK SEX THROUGH. Think past the moment before you are IN the moment.
- Think about how you'll feel losing your virginity.
- Think about missing your period.
- Think about having to tell your parents that YOU ARE PREGNANT.
- Think about having to give away a baby so you can go on with your plans.
- Think about giving birth.
- Think about having an abortion
- Think about putting your plans on hold maybe forever.
- Think about how much it will cost to raise a baby to adulthood ($100,000 or more)
- Think about what you'll be giving up (all your FREEDOM)
- Think about colic (anywhere from 1 to 6 months of it)
- Think about trading in your cute teenage outfits for dumpy maternity clothes
- Think about painful, drippy breasts
- Think about raising a child with a disability
- Think about changing lots of stinky diapers, day AND night.
- Think about losing lots of sleep
- Think about "What if he leaves me."
- Think about getting a HUGE belly and gaining a lot of weight
- Think about morning sickness, anywhere from 1 to possibly 6 months of it
- Think about suffering through painful hours (possibly days) of labor
- Think about getting almost no sleep at night after bringing the baby home
- Think about a baby possibly vomiting all over you (that happened to me more than once when DS was an infant)
- Think about listening to a crying, screaming baby instead of being out having fun with your friends
- Think about missing out on prom, graduation, college and dream career
- Think about the next 18 years of GIVING THINGS UP
The more girls THINK about the very real hardships of motherhood before having sex in the first place, they might be far LESS likely to take the risk of having sex and possibly ending up pregnant.
#3 Sep 11, 2012
This might help girls see the difference between the two lifestyles of being a free teenager and being a teen mom BEFORE they make the mistake of having sex and possibly ending up pregnant.
If anyone can think of more benefits of lifestyle #1 or negatives of lifestyle #2, please go ahead and add them.
LIFESTYLE #1 - LIFE AS A FREE TEENAGER:
- Keeping up grades, studying, doing homework
- Participating in after-school activities
- Going to school dances and parties
- Relaxing during summer vacation
- Having fun at the junior or senior prom
- Graduating high school and attending after-graduation parties
LIFSTYLE #2 - LIFE AS A TEEN MOM:
- Missing school, falling behind in classes
- Getting up two or three times at night to feed a baby
- Endless diaper changes, including stinky ones
- Losing friends who don't want to be around crying babies
- Staying home with a crying baby while friends are out having fun
- Missing high school graduation, or even having to drop out of school
As a teenager who is happily NOT pregnant, which lifestyle do YOU want? Wouldn't you rather have the first lifestyle instead of the second?
You can keep Lifestyle #1 very easily, just by saying NO to any guy who pressures you to have sex. If your boyfriend says he'll break up with you if you won't have sex with him, don't cave in. Break up with HIM instead.
Keeping your freedom to BE a teenager; there's no better reason to say no.
#4 Sep 13, 2012
While teens will make their own decisions regarding sex, they need to know one important fact. Chiefly, if some teen girls risk the possibility of pregnancy by having sex and end up pregnant as a result, these girls will LOSE the freedom they have now and won't get it back for a very long time.
Being pregnant and then having a baby imposes a huge amount of restrictions on a girl's freedom that she simply DIDN'T have when she wasn't pregnant. If a girl gets pregnant and decides to raise a baby as a teen mom, just about all her freedom will be GONE, for the next six years at least. If she is still in high school, her ability to concentrate on homework and studying for tests will be severely affected, especially if her baby is sick or colicky. Her freedom to just "hang out" with her friends will also be gone, and if she wants to go out, she may have to take the baby with her.
By contrast, a girl who enjoys the benefits of being sexFREE (meaning free FROM sex, aka "abstinent") will be free to do everything she needs to as a high school student, and free to have fun outside school as well. She DOESN'T have to worry about paying for diapers and formula. She DOESN'T have to watch or hear about her friends having fun without her. She DOESN'T have to miss out on things like prom, graduation, college, and her dream career. She doesn't have to miss out on anything because she DIDN'T have sex and therefore she didn't get pregnant.
Given the choice between being sexFREE (again, that means free FROM sex) and being pregnant, I'd say the decision for any teen girl is an easy one. It certainly was an easy one for ME when I was a teenager. I enjoyed all the benefits of being sexFREE, which meant keeping all my freedom to be a normal, carefree teenager too.
#5 Sep 17, 2012
And remember girls, if you do accidentally get pregnant abortion is totally legal in the US & you needn't tell your parents, it's your business, if you can't get the help you need near you there are groups which will help you get to a more woman friendly city/ state. Check the Internet & dont let anyone stop you, some church groups will pretend to love & care for you, they don't. As soon as you give birth your on your own sister, they'll disappear faster then a baptist preacher with the collection plate. Your body your choice.
#6 Sep 17, 2012
Birth control is your right & your responsibility, don't let a guy touch you without a condom, if he says otherwise bin him fast. But again this isn't a perfect world and mistakes happen so educate yourself on your options, there's a morning after pill which if you can't get near you there are women's groups who will post it to a safe address for you, every girl should get a few of these pills prior to becoming sexually active, hide them and keep em just in case. Abstinence is best, but sometimes mistakes happen. Remember your body your choice
#7 Sep 17, 2012
I totally agree with the above. Here's a list of good rules to help teen girls avoid unwanted pregnancy and STD's as much as possible.
Helpful Rules For Teens In PREVENTING Pregnancy and STD's
1. NEVER consent to sex if you know you aren't on birth control and a guy tells you he doesn't have or use condoms (make sure you ask him about condoms BEFORE having sex).
2. ALWAYS use protection, whether it is condoms, the pill, or both, any and EVERY time you decide to have sex. Not using protection even ONE time will result in an unwanted pregnancy sooner or later.
3. ALWAYS be aware that all contraceptive methods can fail and that pregnancy could result.
4. NEVER assume you can't get pregnant because you're on birth control, even the pill.
5. NEVER let yourself be pressured into having sex if you really don't want to do it.
6. NEVER believe a guy who says "trust me, you can't get pregnant." Don't have sex with this guy either.
7. NEVER have a child if you have any doubts about or unwillingness to be a mom or a dad.
8. NEVER be afraid to dump a boyfriend or girlfriend if he/she pressures you to do things you don't want to do.
9. NEVER assume that having anal sex cannot cause pregnancy or a sexually transmitted disease. It can do both.
10. ALWAYS ask exactly what a guy means when he says "I'm old fashioned." It could mean he believes that girls are ONLY meant to be wives and mothers and nothing else. Don't have sex with this guy, as it could be a trap.
11. ALWAYS keep busy with studies and school or extracurricular activities that you really like and don't want to GIVE UP.
#8 Sep 20, 2012
Here's quite a long list of excellent career options for girls:
Clothes design and production (like famous designer Vera Wang)
Jewelry making and design
Information Technology Analyst
Market Research Analyst
Medical and Health Services Management
Occupational Health Therapy
Sales Engineer;Social Work
Alcohol and Drug Counselors Nurse Practitioners
Architects, Nursing Home Administrators
Athletic Trainers, Occupational Therapy Assistants
Opthalmology, Optometrists, Pharmacy
Boiler Operators Pharmacy Technicians
Charitable Solicitations, Physical Therapists
Chiropractors, Physicians (MD)
Complementary Health Care Providers, Physicians (Osteopath)
Propane & Natural Gas Technicians
Dietitians Professional Engineers
Dental Hygienists, Professional Fundraisers
Dentists, Psychologists Radiologic Technologists
Electricians, Real Estate Appraisors
Elevator Inspectors and Mechanics Real Estate Professionals
Foresters, Respiratory Care Practitioners
Geologists, Scientists Speech-Language Pathologists
Interior Designers, Engineers
Clothes design and production (like famous designer Vera Wang)
Jewelry making and design
#10 Sep 21, 2012
Fact: Motherhood is HARD WORK, especially for teen girls.
Some of the hardships mothers of all ages will face once a baby arrives include -- but are not limited to -- the following:
LOSS OF FREEDOM - Having a baby really DOES change everything, including the freedom that girls used to have in abundance. Once the baby arrives, that freedom will be gone, for at least the next five or six years and possibly longer. Teen girls who become moms can forget about going out with friends, whether to the movies, to hang out at their favorite restaurant or coffee shop, or anywhere else for that matter. If they do go out, theyll have to take the baby with them if their parents refuse to babysit. If the baby is sick or very cranky for any number of reasons, girls will end up staying home instead of going out. Girls who are still in middle or high school will find it much harder to do their homework assignments or study for exams when they have to care for a baby as well. It will be a very long time before girls get any of their former freedom back.
LOSS OF SLEEP - The first thing girls have to know about motherhood is that newborn babies do NOT sleep eight hours a night. All mothers, myself included, can honestly say that babies can and do wake up during the night as many as two or three times. Each time the baby wakes up, mom has to get up with the baby, feed the baby, change the babys diaper (which could be a messy one), and then get the baby back to sleep. When my son was a newborn baby, there were nights where I got NO sleep whatsoever. Luckily for me, I had completed high school and post-high school education long before I became a mother, so I didnt have to get up at 5:00am to go to school after having almost no sleep. Teen moms will not be so lucky.
LOSS OF MONEY - Whatever money a girl used to spend on herself will have to be spent on the baby, and that cost is far more than most girls could begin to anticipate. These costs include diapers, food, clothing, baby equipment (car seat, crib, stroller, baby carriers, baby and child toys, etc.) and so much more. Anyone who wants to do the math can begin their research by going to their local grocery store and checking out the baby food and diaper sections. Just make sure you have a notebook and calculator, because you will need to multiply those costs for each item several times per week. Thats just for food and diapers, you havent even started on the costs for clothing, baby equipment and toys. That will add a staggering amount to your calculations, and the sum will be far higher than you could imagine. If you plan to put the baby in day care for any amount of time during the week, you will have to add up those costs too. Get the picture now? Having a baby costs a HUGE amount of money, which many girls and young women simply do not have, unless they have wealthy parents.
The ONLY way for teen girls and guys to avoid the trap of teen pregnancy/motherhood entirely and keep their freedom to be teenagers is to avoid having sex with partners while they are in high school. If they decide to have anyway, despite the risks, they need to use protection EVERY TIME they have sex to minimize the risk as much as they possibly can. Even if a girl has sex without protection just ONE time, she can still get caught in the teen pregnancy trap.
#11 Sep 22, 2012
More hardships that teen girls would face if they get pregnant and become mothers are:
LOSS OF EDUCATION AND JOB/CAREER OPPORTUNITIES - As hard as it is to acknowledge, a working mother of any age cannot have the same kind of freedom, flexibility or mobility as a woman without children has. If a girl cannot complete high school due to the demands of motherhood, she will not be able to go to college or vocational school, as both typically require a high school diploma first. That will seriously limit her ability to find good employment, and she may well have to settle for a minimum wage job, which pays far less than what is needed to raise a child comfortably. Girls who complete high school may find that many jobs require a college degree or vocational school certificate, and without those, she may still not be able to get a job that pays a decent salary. A high school diploma alone is no guarantee of good employment, but all girls need one if they hope to advance to higher levels of education that their chosen job or career requires.
LOSS OF MOBILITY Those who dont have children have a rather naïve idea that parents can just as easily take a baby with them whenever they go out. They are half right. Yes, parents can take a baby out with them, but it is far from easy. Even going to the grocery store with a baby can be a huge hassle. First they have to get the baby dressed, which can be difficult when the little one is happy being home and doesnt want to be dressed to go out. After getting baby dressed, which can take much longer than mom expected, mom then has to put baby into the car seat, get baby out of the car seat when she arrives at the store, then carry baby around until she can find a cart with an infant carrier. Most grocery stores have very few of those, as I personally discovered long ago. Some may not have any. Going to a restaurant with a baby can also be very stressful, especially if baby suddenly begins crying or screaming for unknown reasons. Mothers who walk into restaurants with screaming or crying babies will find themselves the object of hostile stares, which usually last until they finally have to leave.
LOSS OF PRIVATE TIME When a baby arrives, a girl turned mom will quickly find that she doesnt have privacy any more. If she used to read books for hours with few or no interruptions, that will no longer be an option for her. If she needs quiet time to complete her homework assignments or study for important final exams, that wont be possible either. A baby will demand her attention many times during the day, so she wont have private time for doing the things she enjoys or needs to complete.
#12 Sep 22, 2012
Last, but certainly not least of the hardships teen girls would have to fact if they become mothers is:
COLIC For girls who are unaware, colic is a long period of crying, screaming and shrieking that can last for many hours a day, and even all night. It can begin when the baby is as young as three weeks old, and it can go on until the baby is five months old. My son had colic for almost two months as an infant. For me, it seemed more like two years. During that time, the crying usually began in the early evening and would last until past midnight. I would walk around the small apartment, carrying him in my arms, for hours trying to comfort him, but nothing I did really worked. He wouldnt eat, and he most certainly didnt sleep, and I was a wreck as a result. Being deprived of sleep, with a colicky baby on top of that, can really feel like torture for a mom after a while. I was no exception.
There is no escaping the fact that becoming a mother makes a girls life much harder and she loses most, if not all, of the benefits and comforts she had before she got pregnant. Also, many guys who get a girl pregnant walk out, either when they find out the girl is pregnant or after the baby arrives. Many find that they don't want any of the HARD WORK that being a teen dad requires, and the teen mom is left struggling on her own.
That is another reason why girls would be wise to say a very loud NO to boyfriends who keep pressuring them for sex. No matter what a boyfriend may say, there is NO WAY he can guarantee that sex wont result in an unwanted pregnancy. Any guy who would pressure a girl to have sex isn't worth keeping as a boyfriend.
#13 Sep 24, 2012
REALITY SUCKS FOR TEENAGE MOTHERS
by Melody Landeros, February 1, 2011
Many people read with disbelief the recent story of ninety teenage mothers or mothers to be at one school in Tennessee. Others walk by the checkout counters and see headlines such as one MTV mother doesn't know who exactly is the father of her baby. More people tune into MTV and watch the latest installment of Teen Mother 2. Ask a teenager and they know of at least one pregnant person in high school. With a country that has so much information and supplies about pregnancy prevention, how do we explain this atmosphere that condones, and encourages young girls to get pregnant as young as twelve.
Many people will say blame the media that projects this illusionary picture of teen motherhood as though it is tough, the pregnancy will workout some way in a positive manner for the young mother. Maybe the pregnancy will and maybe the opposite outcome will occur, but once the cameras are turned off the question becomes how did these young women end up in such life changing situations?
Does peer pressure cause young girls to become women too fast? When the mentality of everyone doing it or an acceptance that somehow being sexually active is a rite of passage at such an early age, many girls have intimate relationships long before they are mentally and emotionally ready to handle the responsibility and the consequences of these choices. Many mistaken sex for love and instead of realizing that sex is an expression of love.
Their need for acceptance and love is so great that if that relationship doesn't fill that void in them, they mistakenly believe a baby will fill that void, when the void can truly only be filled by themselves. Self-love and acceptance will fill the void, not sexual trysts or babies. These young women do not realize that a baby is a life altering event and once mothers, all the self-centeredness of teenage years, the parties, the dances, the going out, are gone and life revolves around the baby who is completely dependent on a mother.
Not only does the expectant mother have a life altering event, so do the family and friends that surround them. Friends may be excited in the beginning with their pregnant friend, eagerly anticipating the birth and the few weeks that follow, but life will again flow for their friends. These friends will continue to be teenagers and have that semi-carefree life, and not wish to be tied down with a friend with a baby. Sounds cruel, but this choice is a reality many teen mothers experience.
Other friends will drop them when they learn of this pregnancy not wishing to be associated with the poor choices of a friend. For some young people, reputation still plays an important part of their social status in high school. These young people may be polite, but will exclude them from events surrounding them. This young woman who may have made a poor choice may find herself a complete outcast, with programs like "The Secret Life of the American Teenager" portrays them as having good friends who stick with them through all these events, including one young man who loves the new mother though he isn't the father.
These young women do not realize that their parents are NOT built in babysitters. Many young mothers believe their parents will take care of this child while they live their lives and discover their parents refuse to help with childcare. Some parents reject their daughter, disappointed and angry with her pregnancy. Other parents will make the young mother solely responsible for her child. Some young mothers will find they are suddenly homeless and have to seek assistance from their state welfare systems.
Click on link below to read the story in its entirety.
Saint Augustine, FL
#14 Sep 24, 2012
I concur that sexual health education is so important.
I do not concur with the undercurrent of the posting that it's the boys coercing the girls into sex. It takes two to tango. They are both responsible for their own part.
Sex is natural. People have natural sexual urges. We should teach people how to deal with those feelings and urges in a healthy way besides just trying to deny these feelings and urges exist. Repression lends to rebellion and that can have some pretty bad reprocussions in this situation.
#15 Sep 24, 2012
Well, it looks like we will have to agree to disagree on this issue. I believe that in many cases, it IS the boy who tries to pressure the girl into having sex, usually with an implied threat that he'll break up with her if she doesn't. To me, that is a form of coercion.
Yes, I believe sex education is crucial for teenagers, and any teen that takes the risk of having sex must use protection EVERY TIME. However, teens also need to know that NO form of contraceptive is a 100% guarantee that a girl will never get pregnant. Condoms can break. Birth control for girls can fail for a number of reasons, so pregnancy is still a possibility.
Being sex-FREE (meaning free FROM sex) is the ONLY way for a girl to make sure she doesn't end up pregnant. I don't agree that pointing this out is "repression." I think it's simple common sense.
Saint Augustine, FL
#16 Sep 25, 2012
I am sure some girls may be coerced into sex. That part of education needs to happen before they begin dating. A parent should be talking to their girls and making sure they are mature enough to handle themselves by the time they get to dating.
On the whole, I think a lot of girls and boys are naturally drawn to it through their urges and forget about protecting themselves.
#17 Sep 25, 2012
I agree on both points. Unfortunately, a lot of parents don't talk to their daughters enough about WHY it's so important to avoid sexual activity while in middle or high school, either due to religious beliefs or because it makes the parents uncomfortable.
So the girls who only get the "just say no" speech and nothing else begin dating with almost NO information about how their own biology works. If they have had no sex education classes in school either, and then decide to have sex with NO protection at all, the odds of a pregnancy happening go way UP.
#18 Sep 25, 2012
DOING THE MATH
One of the most overlooked factors of being a teen mom or teen dad is how much it really costs to care for a baby and child. Many teens have no idea whatsoever how truly EXPENSIVE it is to buy all the supplies a baby will need, even in the first two months.
So, just to do a little research myself, I took a notebook with me on my last shopping trip to the grocery store, and wrote down the costs for items that parents will need for a baby. Here's a short price list:
Diapers - Huggies (to 14 pounds) 40/pkg.$9.99
Formula - Enfamil, newborn, 6 2oz. btl/pkg.$7.99
Wipes - Pampers baby wipes, 72/pkg.$2.79
Bottles - Evenflo, 3/pkg.$5.69
Bottle cleaning brush, 1/pkg.$2.99
Pacifiers - Nuk, 2/pkg.$3.69
Diaper rash cream - Desitin, 1 tube $5.45
Baby powder - Johnson's lrg. economy size $4.59
Baby wash - Johnson's lrg.$2.79
Baby shampoo - Johnson's med. size $3.99
The above are just the BASE prices, which were priced on 3/26/12. The cost for diapers and formula will quickly multiply, depending on how much formula the baby needs and how many diaper changes the baby must have to keep his/her skin healthy. Diapers must be changed quite frequently to avoid diaper rash, which occurs as a result of babies being in a wet or stinky diaper for too long.
Let's assume, as an example, that the baby will have to be changed six times a day. The cost of diapers, which is $9.99 for a package of 40 can multiply as follows:
6 diapers per day, x 7 days = 42 diapers
42 diapers per week, x 4 weeks =$168 per month
The cost of formula can multiply a lot too, depending on how much formula is used per day. When my son was a newborn and infant, he could easily consume a bottle at each feeding, which could be 2 or 3 ounces. If the baby is bigger, he/she will need more at each feeding.
The base cost for a six-pack of Enfamil ready-to-use 2oz. bottles is $7.99, which is really $8.00 minus a penny. It can multiply as follows:
2 six-packs per week @$8.00 =$16.00 per week
$16.00 x 4 weeks =$64.00 month
Remember, these figures are just ESTIMATES. Parents may choose different types of formula, but they have to know what the cost is, and they'll have to multiply it for a monthly estimate.
Also, these costs are for diapers and formula ALONE. Parents will also have to buy clothes, a car seat (required by law), crib, stroller, infant seat, baby toys, and the list goes on.
It will be difficult, and in some cases impossible, for teen parents to buy all these necessities for a baby when they are too young to even work if they are younger than 16. Even for older teen parents, they still must graduate high school to be able to get better jobs.
Both teen girls and guys need to be aware just how EXPENSIVE raising a baby is, and why they need to think REALLY hard before having sex. That 20 or 30 minutes of "fun" could cost them a lot MORE than they ever thought possible.
#19 Sep 27, 2012
For all the prochoicers here; have you all noticed that in just about all cases of teen pregnancy, it is usually the girl who gets blamed for getting pregnant but almost never the guy who GOT her pregnant? I have, and it drives me nuts. The idea of blaming ONLY the girl is idiotic, but most anti-choice morons are BACKWARD enough to support it.
Personally, I think the question of WHOSE idea was it to have sex in the first place really needs to be asked in these cases. I believe it DOES matter, because after all, it takes TWO people, a girl AND a guy, to create a pregnancy.
That being said, I also think it is vital for girls to realize that whatever dreams they have of a college/vocational education and a job/career after that could easily be destroyed if they make the mistake of having sex and possibly getting pregnant.
IMO the most important question a girl who has dreams of education and career after high school must ask herself is: "is having sex worth having all my education and career dreams ruined if I get pregnant?" The obvious answer to that is "NO, it is NOT worth the risk of getting pregnant and then being stuck with a baby. It is NOT worth my having to give up all my dreams of a good education and career. So I will NOT do it, even if a guy says he'll break up with me."
Asking and answering that ONE vital question could make it much easier for a girl to dump an immature boyfriend who keeps pressuring her to have sex. Guys who keep pressuring girls to have sex before they've even graduated high school aren't worth keeping as boyfriends in the first place. So ladies, if a guy threatens to break up with you if you don't have sex with him, DON'T give in. Break up with HIM instead.
#20 Sep 27, 2012
Personally, based on my individual experience, I'd have to say that generally speaking, life tends to be much easier for any teen girl, myself included, who ISN'T (or wasn't) a teen mom. Why? Because she isn't overwhelmed with adult responsibilities before she's even completed high school, that's why. Because I DIDN'T get pregnant and become a teen mom, I was able to complete all my classes, assignments, and tests as a high school student. I enjoyed all my summers between school years, doing pretty much whatever I wanted. I never had to worry about paying for diapers and formula, and I kept my freedom to be a normal teenager.
It's wonderful how much freedom a teen girl has when she ISN'T pregnant. Girls need to think very carefully about all they risk losing by having sex and possibly getting pregnant. They need to think about it BEFORE having sex for the first time, not afterward. If they only think of it afterward, it may already be too late.
After graduating high school and having a two-month summer vacation, I began a vocational program in September and successfully completed it nine months later. A few weeks after that, I accepted a job offer in a great city, and things just got better from there. Working at my job gave me chances to earn a good full-time salary with benefits, take classes to learn more job skills -- at company expense -- and advance to jobs with higher salaries.
NONE of that would have been possible if I had gotten pregnant as a teenager and become a teen mom. Having a baby would have made even doing homework and studying for tests in high school very difficult, if not impossible. I might even have had to drop out of school, as some teen girls have been forced to do, and wouldn't have gotten my high school diploma. It wouldn't have been possible for me to go to vocational school or work full-time at a top company either. For me to accomplish all that I had wanted and planned for myself, it required me to be a FREE TEEN rather than a teen mom.
Girls can do so much when they are encouraged by parents and community to pursue their educations including college or vocational school and then get good jobs and careers. I was very fortunate to have parents and a community that encouraged education and career for me and other girls rather than the "traditional" paths of marriage/motherhood and not much else. It is much easier for girls to have opportunities for a good education, good employment, and economic independence when they don't get pregnant and become mothers too soon.
#22 Oct 4, 2012
Here is yet another story of a mother who DOES regret having a child. So much for the "mothers never regret having their children" myth that the anti-choice crowd keeps pushing.
I hate motherhood
Jan. 11, 2008 at 1:10am
"Why is it that we are conned into thinking that motherhood is a blissful, satisfying, and rewarding blessing? I attend a mothers group for young mothers and the other day one of the social workers asked..."Who hates being a mom?" Everyone looked at each other as if they were afraid of the question and that admitting to it is a mortal sin. My hand shot up. After a year of being a mother I can't hate it more. It just prevents me being truly happy. I know some women out there have invested time and money into having a child and think its the most glorious and officious thing in the world. But I think that from little girls we are brain washed into thinking that being a mother is what our duty is. Its evident by the toys marketed towards girls: baby dolls that poop and pee with their carriages, little tiny kitchens, even vacuum and broom sets. JESUS!
Needless to say my pregnancy was unplanned and unwanted. I was 21, unmarried, and still in college with hopes of attending medical school. I dreaded being pregnant and the permanent scars it would leave on my already flawed body. I thought that once I had the baby I would love being a mother and a wife. The truth is I hate it. I couldn't love my child anymore, his smile touches a part of my heart that no one else can, but I don't like being his mother.
It is just a burden I don't want to deal with at this point of my life. The feeding, the changing, the constant neediness, which I know will perpetuate until the day I die. I decided to breastfeed him and still do and regret every day I decided to do this. It has been 14mo since he was born and I still have no ownership of my body. I have tried to ween him, but he become unbearable.
Before having him I was a straight A student, active in school, and I held up to two jobs. Now its seems I can't get my shit straight. My grades would be more that satisfactory for other students, but they just don't cut it for me. I feel like I have to choose between my dreams, and being a good mother, which isn't fair.
I have all the love and support from my husband, but its not enough because I feel like a failure, like I've failed myself. All these emotions have just turned into anger, and its just boiling inside of me because its turned into hate. I can't control my anger anymore. I can't stand being alone all day with my son. He wants to be all over me and all I want is my space. I try to play with him, but I'd rather be elsewhere. I feel like I have to give and give and give, but in return nothing.
To make things worse, I'm totally isolated. My mother lives in an other state. All my friends graduated 2 years ago and moved on with their lives. I have no friends I can relate to, even when I'm at school. I just feel thrusted into a position where I had no say, and I was pushed into it "because it was the right thing to do".
Now I'm filled with regrets, morn the loss of the life and the person that I was (which I really liked) and feel all alone in life. I hate being a mother. I hate my life. Most of all I hate what I've become. "
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