Friday morning chuckle

[PEDDLE FASTER]

When I die, I want to go nice and peaceful in my sleep like Grandpa did - NOT SCREAMING LIKE THE OTHER PASSENGERS IN HIS CAR.

[lilbit88]

PEDDLE FASTER wrote:

When I die, I want to go nice and peaceful in my sleep like Grandpa did - NOT SCREAMING LIKE THE OTHER PASSENGERS IN HIS CAR.

lol
True Story:
My daddy died of a massive heart attack laughing at a dirty joke he had just told.
He was still grinning when I went saw him at the funeral home.

[Carolyn]

The obituaries always say the person died peacefully. Heck, not me. I'm going to raise all kiinds of racket when I go. And, I have told my family that when I die to bury me upside down. That way, people who don't like me can kiss my you know what.

[Health Alert]

Here is a solution to the health care dilemma. Since the idiots in Washington do not have a clue, here you go:

When you turn 70, you get a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot 2 senators and 2 representatives. Of course you will be sent to prison, where you will get 3 meals a day, a roof over your head, and all the health care you need. New teeth, great. Need glasses, no problem. New hip, kidney, lung, heart? Well bring it on. And who will be paying for this? The same government that just told you that you are too old for health care. And since you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any income tax. If we all do our part, we can end up in the same prison and have one heck of a social life.

Just don't drop the soap.
:P

[anderson 24]

Nobama wrote:

<quoted text>I was thinking about that.. the guy who shot people in the holocaust museum intended on killing himself.. he was saved so that he could go to trial.. and now I am sure he is undergoing counseling to make him hate even more.. spreading that hate throughout the prison system even more.. crazy..America is suicidal

an your the first one on the list'lol'''''

[Health Alert]

Most politicians are like dirty diapers. They both need changing regularly and for the same reason.

difference is they give us a rash

[Holy Handgrenade]

lilbit88 wrote:

<quoted text>lol
True Story:
My daddy died of a massive heart attack laughing at a dirty joke he had just told.
He was still grinning when I went saw him at the funeral home.

Dayum! Must have been one HELLUVA
dirty joke! Can you post it, or is it TOO raunchy?

[Lugnuts]

Clocks

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the pearly gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

He asked, "What are all those clocks?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are lie clocks. Everyone on earth has a lie clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh", said the man, "Whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never lied."

"Incredible" said the man."And whose clock is that one?"

St. Peter told the man it was Abraham Lincoln's and the hands had only moved twice, indicating Honest Abe had only told two lies in his entire life.

"Where's President Obama's clock?" asked the man.

"President Obama's clock is in Jesus' office. It's being used as a ceiling fan."

[PEDDLE FASTER]

Lugnuts wrote:

Clocks
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the pearly gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
He asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are lie clocks. Everyone on earth has a lie clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh", said the man, "Whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never lied."
"Incredible" said the man."And whose clock is that one?"
St. Peter told the man it was Abraham Lincoln's and the hands had only moved twice, indicating Honest Abe had only told two lies in his entire life.
"Where's President Obama's clock?" asked the man.
"President Obama's clock is in Jesus' office. It's being used as a ceiling fan."

Great Joke! But it's not Friday yet.

[Amy W]

PEDDLE FASTER wrote:

<quoted text>Great Joke! But it's not Friday yet.

LOL I thought maybe I lost a day somewhere.

[PEDDLE FASTER]

Amy W wrote:

<quoted text>LOL I thought maybe I lost a day somewhere.

I've been working on my jokes this week for tomorrow and Lugnut jumped the gun!

[Amy W]

PEDDLE FASTER wrote:

<quoted text>I've been working on my jokes this week for tomorrow and Lugnut jumped the gun!

So you only do stand-up on Fridays? LOL

BTW How is the DD and grandbabies?

[PEDDLE FASTER]

Amy W wrote:

<quoted text>So you only do stand-up on Fridays? LOL
BTW How is the DD and grandbabies?

She's doing the best she can.She's finally realizing that her husband isn't coming back. She's attending grief counseling at the church every wk,I think that helps. G-kids are fine. The girl was in Vanderbilt Childrens Hospital last wk. Thought we were in for the long haul with her. But she recouped faster than anyone expected. So she was still able to perform with the Tenn Titans Cheerleaders last wk-end in N,ville. G-son is staying busy. Too busy IMO. They are on the go all the time. I'm just waiting for them to crash.

Thanks for asking. Take Care!

[Nascar Ph03nix]

When I die bury me upside down so the world can kiss my a**

[Amy W]

PEDDLE FASTER wrote:

<quoted text>She's doing the best she can.She's finally realizing that her husband isn't coming back. She's attending grief counseling at the church every wk,I think that helps. G-kids are fine. The girl was in Vanderbilt Childrens Hospital last wk. Thought we were in for the long haul with her. But she recouped faster than anyone expected. So she was still able to perform with the Tenn Titans Cheerleaders last wk-end in N,ville. G-son is staying busy. Too busy IMO. They are on the go all the time. I'm just waiting for them to crash.
Thanks for asking. Take Care!

I am glad the g-daughter is doing good. How fun is that to get to preform with the cheerleaders. I bet she had a great time.

Maybe they need to keep going for now. When they are ready they will slow down and take care of the grief they need to deal with. Your DD is the one that needs to make sure she is taking care of herself. She will be no good to those kids if she doesn't. It sounds like she is dealing with the grief. My heart breaks for her and those babies. I'm sure it is hard on her. Time will heal and she will have him in her heart for a life time.

[happy]

I was about ready to go to happy hour:) The jokes are wonderfullmao

[PEDDLE FASTER]

Amy W wrote:

<quoted text>I am glad the g-daughter is doing good. How fun is that to get to preform with the cheerleaders. I bet she had a great time.
Maybe they need to keep going for now. When they are ready they will slow down and take care of the grief they need to deal with. Your DD is the one that needs to make sure she is taking care of herself. She will be no good to those kids if she doesn't. It sounds like she is dealing with the grief. My heart breaks for her and those babies. I'm sure it is hard on her. Time will heal and she will have him in her heart for a life time.

Yes I am worried about my daughter. She has gone from a size 8 to a size 2 in 2 months. She probably fit in a zero. She eats but basically it's just snacking. She tries to do everything. Plus their anniv. is coming up in a week, so that's gonna be real bad.

[Amy W]

PEDDLE FASTER wrote:

<quoted text>Yes I am worried about my daughter. She has gone from a size 8 to a size 2 in 2 months. She probably fit in a zero. She eats but basically it's just snacking. She tries to do everything. Plus their anniv. is coming up in a week, so that's gonna be real bad.

Not good. I hope she can pull out of this soon. The kids need her and she can't be any good to them if she gets sick. I wish there was someway you could help her thru this. It is going to be a hard year for all of them.

[PEDDLE FASTER]

Amy W wrote:

<quoted text> Not good. I hope she can pull out of this soon. The kids need her and she can't be any good to them if she gets sick. I wish there was someway you could help her thru this. It is going to be a hard year for all of them.

Yeah I know. I don't know why I got such mean and ugle skittles, but whatever. Their Anniv.is next wk also, so it's a double yammy.I'm going up latter part of the week, just in case.

[Amy W]

PEDDLE FASTER wrote:

<quoted text>Yeah I know. I don't know why I got such mean and ugle skittles, but whatever. Their Anniv.is next wk also, so it's a double yammy.I'm going up latter part of the week, just in case.

Yeah I saw we both got mean skittles. I am glad you are going up to be with them. I hope that it will be easier for them all next year.