Comments
1 - 20 of 407 Comments Last updated Mar 22, 2012
First Prev
of 21
Next Last

JMO

“Follow the Yellow Brick Road!”

Since: Oct 07

Irving, TX

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#1
Jan 27, 2008
 
So I thought I would start a thread for us to share a few laughs ;) I have a few I wanted to share so enjoy

JMO

“Follow the Yellow Brick Road!”

Since: Oct 07

Irving, TX

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#2
Jan 27, 2008
 
YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2008 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years..

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 50) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile.

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself.

Go on, forward this to your friends. You know you want to!

JMO

“Follow the Yellow Brick Road!”

Since: Oct 07

Irving, TX

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#3
Jan 27, 2008
 

JMO

“Follow the Yellow Brick Road!”

Since: Oct 07

Irving, TX

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#4
Jan 27, 2008
 

Judged:

1

DADDY'S GONNA EAT YOUR FINGERS..
This one is for everyone who ...
a) has kids,
b) had kids,
c) was a kid,
d) knows a kid
e) is going to have kids.
I guess that means all of us!!

DADDY'S GONNA EAT YOUR FINGERS ..

I was packing for my business trip and my three year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said, "Daddy, look at this" , and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers," pretending to eat them.

I went back to packing, looked up again and my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

I said, "What's wrong, honey?"

She replied, What happened to my booger?

JMO

“Follow the Yellow Brick Road!”

Since: Oct 07

Irving, TX

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#5
Jan 27, 2008
 
Have you ever wondered what idiots look like?


Well, wonder no more!

http://i57.photobucket.com/albums/g240/dolphi...

YES THAT IS A POWER CORD FLOATING ON FLIP FLOPS

JMO

“Follow the Yellow Brick Road!”

Since: Oct 07

Irving, TX

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#6
Jan 27, 2008
 
To quote the great Maxine: "This contains adult material. Read it, delete it, but don't give me any crap about it." ;)

To make it stand, you wet it.

To make it wet, you suck it.

To make it stiff, you lick it.

To get it in, you push.

DAMN!!!



Threading a needle when you're older is a *BITCH*...NO JOKE!!!

And shame on you for thinking what you did.

“JRW 88 Fan 4 Life!!”

Since: Jul 07

EARNHARDTVILLE

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#7
Jan 27, 2008
 
JMO wrote:
Have you ever wondered what idiots look like?
Well, wonder no more!
http://i57.photobucket.com/albums/g240/dolphi...
YES THAT IS A POWER CORD FLOATING ON FLIP FLOPS
WOW..THAT IS PLUM STUPID!!!!!!!! LOL

“JRW 88 Fan 4 Life!!”

Since: Jul 07

EARNHARDTVILLE

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#8
Jan 27, 2008
 
JMO wrote:
DADDY'S GONNA EAT YOUR FINGERS..
This one is for everyone who ...
a) has kids,
b) had kids,
c) was a kid,
d) knows a kid
e) is going to have kids.
I guess that means all of us!!
DADDY'S GONNA EAT YOUR FINGERS ..
I was packing for my business trip and my three year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said, "Daddy, look at this" , and stuck out two of her fingers.
Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers," pretending to eat them.
I went back to packing, looked up again and my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.
I said, "What's wrong, honey?"
She replied, What happened to my booger?
rotflmao..Now thats funny!
TB Chief

Decatur, IL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#9
Jan 27, 2008
 
Jrsredneckwoman wrote:
<quoted text>rotflmao..Now thats funny!
Hey woman, who in the hell is this Glen Bernie guy anyway? You aure must like that guy. He is on every post you make!

“JRW 88 Fan 4 Life!!”

Since: Jul 07

EARNHARDTVILLE

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#10
Jan 27, 2008
 
TB Chief wrote:
<quoted text>Hey woman, who in the hell is this Glen Bernie guy anyway? You aure must like that guy. He is on every post you make!
Huh?...

JMO

“Follow the Yellow Brick Road!”

Since: Oct 07

Irving, TX

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#11
Jan 27, 2008
 
Who says Today's Kids aren't smart ??

I wish I'd thought of this...

At a high School in Montana a group of high schoolers played a prank on the school. They let three goats loose in the school.

Before they let them go they painted numbers on the sides of the goats. 1,2,4.

Local school administrators spent most of the day looking for #3.

“JRW 88 Fan 4 Life!!”

Since: Jul 07

EARNHARDTVILLE

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#12
Jan 27, 2008
 
TB Chief wrote:
<quoted text>Hey woman, who in the hell is this Glen Bernie guy anyway? You aure must like that guy. He is on every post you make!
I have a husband...Glen Burnie is my hometown..what you drinking? lmao

JMO

“Follow the Yellow Brick Road!”

Since: Oct 07

Irving, TX

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#13
Jan 27, 2008
 
Not a joke but worth sharing anyway :)

Mental Feng Shui

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR. When you say,'I love you,' mean it.

FIVE. When you say,'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN!.. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask,'Why do you want to know?'

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.(Oh Happy Day...this one must have been coined before the days of telemarketers!!!)

TWENTY- ONE. Spend some time alone.

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

“Nipsy, Chica's pillow”

Since: Nov 07

Romeoville, IL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#14
Jan 27, 2008
 
Jrsredneckwoman wrote:
<quoted text>Huh?...
You must be REALLY tired if he got you on that one! LOL!

JMO

“Follow the Yellow Brick Road!”

Since: Oct 07

Irving, TX

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#15
Jan 27, 2008
 
Zen of Sarcasm

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone .

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips
are moving.

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a
laxative on the same night.

JMO

“Follow the Yellow Brick Road!”

Since: Oct 07

Irving, TX

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#16
Jan 27, 2008
 

Judged:

1

THE PANTS
Brett was going to be married to Angela -
so his father sat him down for a little chat.
He said, "Brett, let me tell you something.
On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite,
I took off my pants, handed them to your mother,
and said, here - try these on."
She did and said, "These are too big, I can't wear them."
"Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will."
Ever since that night, we have never had any problems.
Hmmm., thought Mike.
He thought that might be a good thing to try on his
honeymoon.
Brett took off his pants and said to Angela,
"Here - try these on."
She tried them on and said, "These are too large.
They don't fit me." Brett said, "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family
and I always will.
I don't want you to ever forget that."
Then Angela took off her pants and handed them to Brett.
She said, "Here- you try on mine."
He did and said, "I can't get into your pants."
Angela said, "Exactly. And if you don't change your smart-ass attitude, you never will."

JMO

“Follow the Yellow Brick Road!”

Since: Oct 07

Irving, TX

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#17
Jan 27, 2008
 
Don't fart in Bed

If this story doesn't make you cry for laughing so
hard, let me know and I'll pray for you.

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.

The only friction in there marriage was the husband's
habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.

The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make
her eyes water and make her gasp for air.

Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping
them off because it was making her sick.

He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural.

She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that
one day he would blow his guts out.

The years went by and he continued to rip them out!

Then one Thanksgiving morning, as she was preparing
the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at
the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard,
liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.

She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband
was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled
back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of
turkey guts into his shorts.

Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting
which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic
footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.

The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor
laughing, tears in her eyes!

After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his
bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face.

She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.

He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and
I didn't listen to you."

"What do you mean?" asked his wife.

"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts
out, and today it finally happened.
But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I got
most of them back in!!!"
TB Chief

Decatur, IL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#18
Jan 27, 2008
 
JMO wrote:
Who says Today's Kids aren't smart ??
I wish I'd thought of this...
At a high School in Montana a group of high schoolers played a prank on the school. They let three goats loose in the school.
Before they let them go they painted numbers on the sides of the goats. 1,2,4.
Local school administrators spent most of the day looking for #3.
That's funny! Where the hell is number 3?
TB Chief

Decatur, IL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#19
Jan 27, 2008
 
Jrsredneckwoman wrote:
<quoted text>I have a husband...Glen Burnie is my hometown..what you drinking? lmao
Glen Bernie? Where the hell is that? I can see it when you tell people you are from Glen Bernie and and they say "Who"?

“JRW 88 Fan 4 Life!!”

Since: Jul 07

EARNHARDTVILLE

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#20
Jan 27, 2008
 
b kind 2 animals wrote:
<quoted text>
You must be REALLY tired if he got you on that one! LOL!
or too dumb one....i still don't get it..will someone ring my bell...lmao im serious i dont get it!

Tell me when this thread is updated: (Registration is not required)

Add to my Tracker Send me an email

First Prev
of 21
Next Last
Type in your comments below
Name
(appears on your post)
Comments
Characters left: 4000
Type the numbers you see in the image on the right:

Please note by clicking on "Post Comment" you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Other Recent Dale Earnhardt Jr. Discussions

Search the Dale Earnhardt Jr. Forum:
Title Updated Last By Comments
Why did Dale Earnhardt, Jr. switch to Hendrick ... (Mar '10) 7 hr annie 67
dale jr comes out of the closet and admits love... (Oct '06) Jul 10 ug2bn2win 84
Just let Dale come on my face Jun 30 Jr Boyfriend 1
good luck Jun '14 dale jr 1
Dale Jr Fans Only (Aug '07) Jun '14 Hey Its Emma 10,739
for sale, #2271 of #4000 dale earnhardt sr. sna... (Nov '06) May '14 Roger Clark 10
Will Dale Earnhardt Jr. Finally Contend for a N... (Jan '14) May '14 They all worry about it 221
•••
•••
•••
•••
Enter and win $5000
•••
•••