“Get money ”

Since: Sep 11

Chicago

#21 Feb 21, 2013
Keep it up flames you have gotten a lot better since joining. I have as well you should of seen when I first came on the scene lyrics were recklessly scattered and coming at everyone. The website I got it from one of your post

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#22 Feb 21, 2013
Yea I understand

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#23 Feb 21, 2013
Good luck to u
Shini

Seoul, Korea

#24 Feb 21, 2013
Ya'll need this

http://forum.rapdogs.com/showthread.php...

I will review this to see if there are any punchlines here. To make things easier, you should emphasize your set phrases and punch phrases.

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#25 Feb 21, 2013
What so u mean shini?
Shini

Seoul, Korea

#26 Feb 21, 2013
This dude [blows] more [flames] than a "bomb"
That's why this fags favorite website is allflamerz."com"

This one's alright. I'd say 4/5 for the personal.

First round ima take you out "quick"
Don't got a license (to-drive)so he Sits between (two-guys)as he learns how to ride "stick"

This one's good. This is what we need. You have a potent set-up and punch here with an entendre mixed in.(5/5)

One more thing for I change the "subject",
before you take (this-lost),
you starting to look "susbect" similar to (Chris Bosh)

Didn't know Chris Bosh throws matches. You should provide an expo here. lol I would have went with a Lil Wayne adultry reference here.(3/5)

You hot well I'm colder than liquid "nitrogen",
had to murder this dude cuz The only way to put a [flame] out is by suppressing its "oxygen"

Nice allusion. This is 2nd hardest hitting line. It is still a hay maker nonetheless.(4/5)

Judge 1: Point Value 16/20

That's actually a pretty good score. On to the next guy.
Shini

Seoul, Korea

#27 Feb 21, 2013
This weirdo always on that W.W.E nude
If rap was wrestling I would slam this dude

This is not a punchline. If you would have changed the your set-up and punchline it would have been. It would also have better impact.(0/5)

"If rap was wrestling I would slam this dude
Cause this weirdo's always on that WWE nude."
^
That actually stings too. That would have been 4/5 right there.

check the time it's 12 o'clock gotta go to bed soon
But this dumbass always on that red tube
Not a punchline, but nice entendre. This is a funny ass battle btw.(0/5)

This dude got 2 kids never learned how to use protection
He sounds like a player probably got an HIV infection

Again reverse the lines to get the punchline. That's a nasty personal my dude. Also add punctuation to imply another meaning. lol
VVV
He sounds like a "player", probably got an HIV infection
This dude got 2 kids never learned how to use "protection"
(0/5)

This dude needs to brush his teeth going threw toxication
Breathe smelled so bad he could never have an conversation

This is a personal, not a punchline bar.(0/5)

Sorry, bro. No hating, but these aren't true punchlines.
Not bad though. I think you just need to try to look up what a punchline is. Please look at these bars; they are good examples.

http://forum.rapdogs.com/showthread.php...

“serious about music , love rap”

Since: Oct 12

Huntsville

#28 Feb 21, 2013
MrFlames wrote:
Wait what site.

WWE
Or
Allflamerz
Red tube

“serious about music , love rap”

Since: Oct 12

Huntsville

#29 Feb 21, 2013
chi-town lover wrote:
Keep it up flames you have gotten a lot better since joining. I have as well you should of seen when I first came on the scene lyrics were recklessly scattered and coming at everyone. The website I got it from one of your post
You remember when I first joined lol that was crazy!

“serious about music , love rap”

Since: Oct 12

Huntsville

#30 Feb 21, 2013
Shini you mind doing that for my drop I think King is a no show!

“serious about music , love rap”

Since: Oct 12

Huntsville

#31 Feb 21, 2013
RappinRollerCoaster wrote:
Shini you mind doing that for my drop I think King is a no show!
I mean the break down lol please if you don't mind!

“Get money ”

Since: Sep 11

Chicago

#32 Feb 21, 2013
RappinRollerCoaster wrote:
<quoted text>
You remember when I first joined lol that was crazy!
Yea I remember lol I was ignorant when I first got on started by coming at white rabbit cuz my nephew said he was the best. Me and rabbit went at it for weeks like everyday lol

“Get money ”

Since: Sep 11

Chicago

#33 Feb 21, 2013
Shini are you the only one voting on these rounds or we doing a 3 vote thing. By the way if you haven't been on instagram/facebook/Twitter there's a bunch of meme makers on chris bosh being a suspect gay dude. Lol funny pics too. Came back to light after he looked like a creep in the all star game. I'll try to find a pic and post its funny

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#34 Feb 21, 2013
*sighs* congrats chi town guess u win ...........
chitown-lover

Chicago, IL

#35 Feb 21, 2013
Good battle once again flames your lyrics had a lot of humor to them
Shini

Seoul, Korea

#36 Feb 21, 2013
chi-town lover wrote:
Shini are you the only one voting on these rounds or we doing a 3 vote thing. By the way if you haven't been on instagram/facebook/Twitter there's a bunch of meme makers on chris bosh being a suspect gay dude. Lol funny pics too. Came back to light after he looked like a creep in the all star game. I'll try to find a pic and post its funny
Oh I didn't know about that. lol Sometimes, I am out of the loop over here in Korea. I try my best to stay relevant with certain stuff.
Shini

Seoul, Korea

#37 Feb 21, 2013
MrFlames wrote:
*sighs* congrats chi town guess u win ..........
Don't beat yourself up over it. You just got to make sure you have your bars dynamically in place to be a punchline bar. You had a lot of stuff that was better in the set-up place than the punch place. Overall, your writing is pretty good. A punchline bar however takes a certain amount of finesse to pull off. But you need them to progress to the beginning to intermediate stages. I have yet to see a Emcee win a battle without have a good punchline bar in his repretoire.
Shini

Seoul, Korea

#38 Feb 22, 2013
RappinRollerCoaster wrote:
Shini you mind doing that for my drop I think King is a no show!
Im sorry but I will give him the benefit of the doubt and wait 72 hours. If I was to judge it then suddenly he shows up, it would look bad. I hope you understand.

“Get money ”

Since: Sep 11

Chicago

#39 Feb 22, 2013
Shini wrote:
<quoted text>
Im sorry but I will give him the benefit of the doubt and wait 72 hours. If I was to judge it then suddenly he shows up, it would look bad. I hope you understand.
Shini I respect your hip hop, rap, verse, bar breakdown can you judge that long as post I.wrote in the.freestyle forum and send.it to me via inbox message. It's cool if ya can't. It was my first real story and I'm curious to see howit came across

“serious about music , love rap”

Since: Oct 12

Huntsville

#40 Feb 22, 2013
Shini wrote:
<quoted text>Im sorry but I will give him the benefit of the doubt and wait 72 hours. If I was to judge it then suddenly he shows up, it would look bad. I hope you understand.
Yea I do but if he doesn't show up can you tell me how I did on my punch lines and stuff?

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