SomeRandomDude Vs ILLMORTAL (semi-fin...
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“Dropping Bars Of Knowledge”

Since: Feb 14

Syracuse New York

#172 Jul 26, 2014
Basically ill won
SomeRandomDude

United States

#173 Jul 29, 2014
Shini and Phaze, give your feedback. I'll feed you guys sometime within the next couple of weeks.

Since: Oct 13

Location hidden

#174 Jul 29, 2014
So can we close this match , already ?

“always”

Since: Jun 12

Connecticut

#175 Jul 29, 2014
Ikr

“Dropping Bars Of Knowledge”

Since: Feb 14

Syracuse New York

#176 Jul 29, 2014
That would be nice but he's probably going on crying on the voting system lol.
SomeRandomDude

United States

#177 Jul 29, 2014
Good to know you don't read.. Lovely...*shakes head* Iight Shini, Phaze give that feedback. I'll feed Ill's too.

I'll give an expo if asked too.:)

“Dropping Bars Of Knowledge”

Since: Feb 14

Syracuse New York

#178 Jul 30, 2014
No one cares SRD lmao
Shini

Seoul, Korea

#179 Jul 30, 2014
SomeRandomDude wrote:
Good to know you don't read.. Lovely...*shakes head* Iight Shini, Phaze give that feedback. I'll feed Ill's too.
I'll give an expo if asked too.:)
Actually I did read it. I haven't had a chance to respond. I am going to give general feedback though. Tbh I will get to it this weekend. I have internet on my computer so I will post it.
SomeRandomDude

United States

#180 Aug 1, 2014
Shini, I didn't aim that at you, haha. I know you actually take the time to read stuff. I was aiming it at the lazy individuals who believe that the world owes them something. Instead of actually giving proper give and take with things they participate in.

“Dropping Bars Of Knowledge”

Since: Feb 14

Syracuse New York

#181 Aug 1, 2014
SomeRandomDude wrote:
Shini, I didn't aim that at you, haha. I know you actually take the time to read stuff. I was aiming it at the lazy individuals who believe that the world owes them something. Instead of actually giving proper give and take with things they participate in.
You're such a cocky douche bag
Shini

Westerville, OH

#182 Aug 2, 2014
This was a good battle but it is apparent as to why Ill got the W after closing. First of all his was using the same level of vocab with a cleaner flow. Second his punches were heavier hitting. Therefore people are probably going to give Enjoyment to him by de facto. You had some funny sh!t especially with the whole ostrich scheme at the end. You got him in multis but some of your multis compromised your flow,(e.g. illmortal and corn snow were not good examples) Rhyme scheme wise he was on par with you as well as his metaphors. Originality you might have got him. Against someone else this level might have been okay. Ill has been a bit more active on Rap Dogs, so I think that if you saw that material, you might have approached him differently. Best thing to do is move on and improve your craft.
Ya lines are Illess, rhymes are killess and you bars are fill with less
Punches then dikes,'Fighting,' on top of a mattress. You're Mortal and skilless
Honestly you could of axed that whole Frozen scheme (or reworded it differently). Those hit, but they landed soft.
SomeRandomDude

United States

#184 Aug 5, 2014
Trying to jndrstand why it seems they all hit soft. Can you take some of these bars and reword them in your own way and explain how and why? I would like to help others enjoy my work, but I am not sure how.
Shini

UK

#185 Aug 5, 2014
SomeRandomDude wrote:
Trying to jndrstand why it seems they all hit soft. Can you take some of these bars and reword them in your own way and explain how and why? I would like to help others enjoy my work, but I am not sure how.
It is more of a feeling I get when I read his versus yours. He has that "oh sh!7" feeling when I read his. If he were to say that material in KOTD Ground Zero he would get a reaction. He also layers the intensity of his punchlines well so that he builds up to the haymakers. You're getting better at writing Punchlines. I am starting to read less awkward stuff from you. Sometimes you wow me with a scheme, but the material he had was consistently brutal.
SomeRandomDude

United States

#186 Aug 5, 2014
I feel I am starting to hit a rut, like I am under the floor of the next level. I can't surpass that level, because I am missing something, the ability to REALLY connect. I might throw out some haymakers, but I want to get some real contact punches out. I think just from the beginning of this year to now, I should have the punches set in stone, this is like shooting a sawed off in the dark. I am not quite sure what people need to make it quick and understandable. I want to toss some complexity for accessability and I'm not sure how to do that. From my eyes, if I saw this drop I would freak and go, "Yo that was sick!" However, others really are not feeling it. I am just not sure how to progress, failure isn't my problem, the lack of information on how to move forward on this one is kicking my arse.
Shini

UK

#187 Aug 5, 2014
SomeRandomDude wrote:
I feel I am starting to hit a rut, like I am under the floor of the next level. I can't surpass that level, because I am missing something, the ability to REALLY connect. I might throw out some haymakers, but I want to get some real contact punches out. I think just from the beginning of this year to now, I should have the punches set in stone, this is like shooting a sawed off in the dark. I am not quite sure what people need to make it quick and understandable. I want to toss some complexity for accessability and I'm not sure how to do that. From my eyes, if I saw this drop I would freak and go, "Yo that was sick!" However, others really are not feeling it. I am just not sure how to progress, failure isn't my problem, the lack of information on how to move forward on this one is kicking my arse.
Maybe have people look at some of your drops in certain drops. For the longest time I would just keystyle battle bars and try punchline tutorials/cyphers.

“Life's a monopoly”

Since: Nov 13

Houston

#188 Aug 5, 2014
Shini wrote:
<quoted text>Maybe have people look at some of your drops in certain drops. For the longest time I would just keystyle battle bars and try punchline tutorials/cyphers.
What do you think I lack the most in? So I can start improving in that aspect...
Shini

UK

#189 Aug 7, 2014
IllMortal wrote:
<quoted text>
What do you think I lack the most in? So I can start improving in that aspect...
I say you're fairly well rounded. I would try experimenting with adding concepts to material.

Like I don't just write punchlines and put them together. They usually have a theme to them. Well, usually I don't.

“Dropping Bars Of Knowledge”

Since: Feb 14

Syracuse New York

#190 Aug 7, 2014
Shini wrote:
<quoted text>I say you're fairly well rounded. I would try experimenting with adding concepts to material.

Like I don't just write punchlines and put them together. They usually have a theme to them. Well, usually I don't.
Same with me what do I lack
SomeRandomDude

United States

#191 Aug 7, 2014
I don't usually get a straight answer to that question. I believe people can't relate, so I can't connect. However, if I could get actual feedback, this is supposed to be given in votes... I would love to know what others think I should work on. Votes when done proper can tell you a lot about what you are lacking in, if you are lacking... They'll give you a low vote.
Shini

San Jose, CA

#192 Aug 21, 2014
SomeRandomDude wrote:
I don't usually get a straight answer to that question. I believe people can't relate, so I can't connect. However, if I could get actual feedback, this is supposed to be given in votes... I would love to know what others think I should work on. Votes when done proper can tell you a lot about what you are lacking in, if you are lacking... They'll give you a low vote.
Sorry to go on a tangent here, but you have a call out on Rap Dogs.

As far as the connections go, try running punchlines in cyphers/text drops and have people rate them. You are just missing the oomph that makes a good punchline into a great one. Experiment and test different formatting styles.

As for Lenox, I feel you need to try to add more depth and angles to your material. SRD's problem is often being a little to wordy, but sometimes your punches are too simple (aka it's already been used or it has been said before.)

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