Niahtro vs Phaze META/PUN tourney
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“RRC (previous name).”

Since: Jun 13

Huntsville

#21 Jul 24, 2013
Niatroh wrote:
This site is space I'm a meteorite and the vets the planets
But phaze is the smallest barely capable Pluto sized that's how I planned it

How can you speed past with out me I'm highly needed
Nitro on the speed (scene) checking on things to see that I'm rightly conceited

Phaze you blew the chance you had to come on back and be great
You've whaled it up now you've gotta work your way back up you bi mate (primate)

Let me take the big picture and cutting up so you get the new perception
That it's a puzzle how you think you near perfection
Bar 1: metaphor between topix and space all the lessers are meteorites and the greats are planets... Basically saying phaze is barely a vet. Also pun on planet - planned it

Bar 2: saying I'm needed highly to win (like nitrous) nitro on the speed is a pun because nitro causes speed so I'm say in on the speed or scene... Checking to see my if status is upheld

Bar 3: okay metaphor and pun here: the pun is saying he's a whale in the punch and that he blew it in the set up. Pun 2 is bi mate which I'm saying he likes both girls and boys.. Punned off primate.. Metaphor called him a whale

Bar 4: pun: saying ill take the big picture (phaze is a vet and I'm not) and cut it up into a new picture or new perception of the picture.. That it's a puzzle(the pun being cutting up picture into puzzle) that he thinks he's near perfect or being good or however you perceive the word perfection.

“RRC (previous name).”

Since: Jun 13

Huntsville

#22 Jul 24, 2013
Niatroh wrote:
This site is space I'm a meteorite and the vets the planets
But phaze is the smallest barely capable Pluto sized that's how I planned it

How can you speed past with out me I'm highly needed
Nitro on the speed (scene) checking on things to see that I'm rightly conceited

Phaze you blew the chance you had to come on back and be great
You've whaled it up now you've gotta work your way back up you bi mate (primate)

Let me take the big picture and cutting up so you get the new perception
That it's a puzzle how you think you near perfection
How was that?

“RRC (previous name).”

Since: Jun 13

Huntsville

#23 Jul 25, 2013
To this dead or what??!!
Some Random Dude

United States

#24 Jul 25, 2013
Honestly, it really isn't a pun metaphor like I was saying... Although I did prefer the space line.. It just seems... Maybe Shini can explain.

“RRC (previous name).”

Since: Jun 13

Huntsville

#26 Jul 27, 2013
Some Random Dude wrote:
Honestly, it really isn't a pun metaphor like I was saying... Although I did prefer the space line.. It just seems... Maybe Shini can explain.
???? What? Dang man idk then I looked up puns and got the idea of what a pun was.... Then created the whale and puzzle bars.. And the metaphors what's wrong with them?
Shini

Seoul, Korea

#27 Jul 27, 2013
Phaze the Great wrote:
Alright but can you give me an example of a metaphor?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metaphor

Here are some they are usually graphic and visual depictions/descriptions involving two things or associations of ideas or thoughts.

Punchwise you're there. If you need it in a poem, a good one is
" Hope " is the thing with feathers by Emily Dickenson.
Shini

Seoul, Korea

#28 Jul 27, 2013
Niatroh wrote:
<quoted text>
???? What? Dang man idk then I looked up puns and got the idea of what a pun was.... Then created the whale and puzzle bars.. And the metaphors what's wrong with them?
Not all your bars are true punches. But you have it right in your 3rd bar. When you right punches, you can brag in the set-up but you need your diss to fall in the punchline. It is perhaps better to have a solid set-up with a solid punch. You can sound conceited in a rap song or in lyrics, but battle rap is a different beast. Think of it like boxing. If you showboat you get knock out usually. Actually metaphor to punch bars are hard to write or at first, but you'll get used to them.

“RRC (previous name).”

Since: Jun 13

Huntsville

#29 Jul 27, 2013
Shini wrote:
<quoted text>Not all your bars are true punches. But you have it right in your 3rd bar. When you right punches, you can brag in the set-up but you need your diss to fall in the punchline. It is perhaps better to have a solid set-up with a solid punch. You can sound conceited in a rap song or in lyrics, but battle rap is a different beast. Think of it like boxing. If you showboat you get knock out usually. Actually metaphor to punch bars are hard to write or at first, but you'll get used to them.
Hmm okay I think I see it...
Shini

Seoul, Korea

#30 Jul 28, 2013
Nevermind what I said (although it is good advice). SRD meant to create a pun and metaphore tourney. Not a punch and metaphor tourney.

“RRC (previous name).”

Since: Jun 13

Huntsville

#31 Jul 28, 2013
Shini wrote:
Nevermind what I said (although it is good advice). SRD meant to create a pun and metaphore tourney. Not a punch and metaphor tourney.
So how does that change my drop?
Some Random Dude

United States

#32 Jul 28, 2013
It means you followed the rules, even if you didn't know what a metaphor was. You did try, valiant effort.
Shini

Seoul, Korea

#33 Jul 29, 2013
So should I even bother judging this? I haven't seen a re-do from Phaze.

“RRC (previous name).”

Since: Jun 13

Huntsville

#34 Jul 29, 2013
Shini wrote:
So should I even bother judging this? I haven't seen a re-do from Phaze.
If you don't mind I'd like a break down of mine so I can see what is good and bad? Please and if you have time I really liked the first diss I made but it was metaphorical with zero puns. I'd like to know what you though?
Some Random Dude

United States

#35 Jul 29, 2013
Leave it to Shini, he's good at breakdowns.

Epitaph and Niatroh will be moving on so far.
Shini

Seoul, Korea

#36 Jul 29, 2013
This site is space I'm a meteorite and the vets the planets
But phaze is the smallest barely capable Pluto sized that's how I planned it

Planet/Planned it is an okay multi. I like the metaphor here mainly. Although this isn't about punches this was a pretty good punchline bar, because the metaphor is strong.

How can you speed past with out me I'm highly needed
Nitro on the speed (scene) checking on things to see that I'm rightly conceited

This was a better multi scheme. There's no pun here. This may have a double entendre, but it isn't clear. Also if this was a punchline contest, this would be a throwaway bar.

Phaze you blew the chance you had to come on back and be great
You've whaled it up now you've gotta work your way back up you bi mate (primate)

This is your best bar. You "whaled it up" was a great pun finished with a nice multi. You got a chuckle from me for this one. This resembles a Fresh Coast bar that I would hear from someone like Illmaculate or The Saurus.

Let me take the big picture and cutting up so you get the new perception
That it's a puzzle how you think you near perfection

This would have been okay as an opener, but this is a weak closer. The triple rhymes work. There are no witty puns or anything to work with here. The punchline bar should be your setup bar and vice versa. The saving grace here is that you have an decent metaphor (comparing thoughts to puzzles and pictures.)

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