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31,901 - 31,920 of 36,460 Comments Last updated 4 hrs ago

Since: Sep 12

Dongola, IL

#37158 Dec 28, 2013
Im back on for awhile guys.. I see we still got a lot of newbies thinking they the shit.. So hit me up if ya wanna battle... Gotta make sure I aint getting rusty.

“Divide and conquer ”

Since: Mar 13

Brooklyn, New York

#37159 Dec 28, 2013
MT Bic wrote:
Iil bitch keeps ducking me,
So ima play the king like uz the fuckin queen,
Cops r coming for me bringing in another team,
So im puffin green an making sure the girl can't get enuff of me,
Cuz wen I get to the unit ima be all tuff an mean,
So gangsters ain't trying to fuck with me,
Cuz if they do I be loving beef,
Drive me over the edge an ima attack now,
Like a white boy beefing at a pow wow,
Ppl be bobbin heads when my lyrics surround crowds,
Why...
Cuz my lyrics grow some legs an race for days,
An wen they stuck in ya mind they got a place to stay,
So don't be a hater and have some mace to spray,
Only cuz my words don't like being chased away,
Not when they creep an slither like a snake in hay,
If u don't wanna get bit u better know how to quake an slay,
Saying " go ahead punk make my day"
I'm the opposite of death I got some fate to lay,
Like I choose whether or not ya shud shave ya face,
I'll ruin ur personality and rape ya taste,
Then. Ima make u tie the knot and kick the chair,
Wondering why shits so unfair,
Wishing before u did tht u asked me for some cigs to spare,
But if u did the day say I don't give a shit or care,
Now tht ur dead u got a bitch to spare,
Have her tease then strip to bare,
Get then lips to tear,
And Wtf u gonna do ur all ghost all u can do is sit an stare,
Cuz compared to me ur shits just square,
So I gave her the Dick to share,
And she pulled out some big ass tits with hair,
I've never seen something so gross that did compare,
So I left her dead ripped with snares!!!!
Another beat by:
MTsikcydeBic
you have some stuff to work on but yet you dropped something better than most rookies. You used simple Sentences with 3 syllable rhyming. Like:
I can't sit here and do nothing.
They think I'm weak, I just prove something.

See? Simple sentences with multis. You know how to rhyme 3 syllables which is good, now try working on some metaphors, similes, puns or maybe try a storyline with your piece. I'm not saying your weak, if you put in some thought, give you a couple of months or maybe a year and you'll be a respected mc on here. Guaranteed it!
ARLECK MC

Europe

#37160 Dec 28, 2013
u aint competition
U just a stepping ladder to completition
I am just a beginner
But i make u look like u drank a bottle of gin
Bitterness flow oveur,house made of tin
Freestyle aint my thing
U got me to step up,start to think
For that tanx dog
Nw i left u behind cant see me in this fog
Log-management clearing mc off the list
U tap my ego i will fuck urs with my fist
Tanx dogs for opportunity
Like none but try smothered in it
Trying out my beginner skills
Till my verse kills
Surround me,step on me now
What goes around comes around
The bitch that's called karma
ARLECK MC

Europe

#37161 Dec 28, 2013
somebody give me pointers please

“RRC (previous name).”

Since: Jun 13

Huntsville

#37162 Dec 29, 2013
ARLECK MC wrote:
u aint competition
U just a stepping ladder to completition
I am just a beginner
But i make u look like u drank a bottle of gin
Bitterness flow oveur,house made of tin
Freestyle aint my thing
U got me to step up,start to think
For that tanx dog
Nw i left u behind cant see me in this fog
Log-management clearing mc off the list
U tap my ego i will fuck urs with my fist
Tanx dogs for opportunity
Like none but try smothered in it
Trying out my beginner skills
Till my verse kills
Surround me,step on me now
What goes around comes around
The bitch that's called karma
More complex rhymes, stop using single syllabled words you sound like a kindergarten class. Use words that have multi rhyming parts.
Aquaman
Soccer fan
Walkers plan

Deconstruction
Dead one jumpin

Just more syllables, these won't very good examples but they had more syllables.

“Life's a monopoly”

Since: Nov 13

Houston

#37163 Dec 29, 2013
My assault aimed at the tallest of claims,
Critically acclaimed as being the hardest to tame,
When really you're the farthest from fame,
I know you hate it,'cause you're locked in the closet of shame,
Pardon the game, hit you hard with bars and cause the sharpest of pain,
Sharpest of brains, blanks getting shot like space bars from far away,
Retarded ass claims, seemingly obvious bars, my brother could make,
Sacrifice your mind and maybe you could some sense, like you worked today,
I blow at the push of a button, a bomber that makes you feel some typa way,
Write some lyrics come at me and then you can too feel the price they pay,
Its pretty expensive, I don't think you want it, you couldn't even pay attention,
You can keep talking about how hot you are, but you're facts are what's missin',
I got a frozen flow, ice cold, hypothermia will frost bite you, period,
Causing comatose to your body that's submissive,
So how could you survive the cold winter I spit called lyrics,
I'm serious, you're stuck in a blizzard, good thing nobodies gonna be missin ya,
You're all alone by yourself nobody on your side, no kiddin',
Stuck out in the abyss of these lyrics that are well written,
I didn't even wanna have this mind, I didn't plan it, I'm jack rippin',
The last image you're ever gonna see, like I'm deaths picture,
Born out in another galaxy I'm shooting for the stars not missin them, like I'm at the range with an AK to slay the wackest of rappers,
Who are trapped in the plastic of wrappers, wondering what's gonna happen when they all finish rappin,
With nothin to fall back on, a bunch of low lifes stuck in the game for forever,
Until they can retire with some benefits they can act on,
Now let me finish this with a little line you can all ponder about sons,
When its all said and done, will you have said more than you've done?

“Life's a monopoly”

Since: Nov 13

Houston

#37164 Dec 29, 2013
Ill take any feedback I can get. No matter if its good or bad. I know I could have used more "punches" in it. So that's one thing I can still work on but I just want to get as good as I can before I put something out for people to hear.
Hannibal Barca

Singapore, Singapore

#37165 Dec 29, 2013
Woah immortal that was actually sick. I enjoyed it. It had flow and multiple syllable rhyming.
Hannibal Barca

Singapore, Singapore

#37166 Dec 29, 2013
Well to be honest towards the end it wasn't really rhyming well but you jumped onto many points so it seemed like there was no single aim. But still the whole thing is better then something that I can come up with...

Anyway, I came up with this on the spot. I need to try to do multiple syllable rhyming with punches. Well mainly need to stretch my verses. But this ones freestyle so I'll hit you with it

I'm a rapper and an adapter
I adapt then I write it out in stanzas
My life in verses, little by little that's what it's about
But bitch I flood you with lyrics dont worry bout a drought
I'll be there don't worry about me I'll be there when I say I will cuz I've got integrity
Downing bottles and bottles of Bacardi but I'm still sober
You say you're a millionare but you got it by sucking dicks for 50cent each
Suck 2 and you can get a packet of Eminem(M&M) bitch
You're acting subliminally cuz that shit runs in your genes and in your family
Mommy and Daddy reacts the same almost instantly
Look, you'll never get laid you're forever alone
They say there are plenty of fish in the sea but look around, you're in the desert can't you see
Bitch you can never be as good as me
My boundaries are infinity
My spits are magic likes its wizardry
You talk back and I'll make you my bitch to be
Hang your head on a stake in a park
People will be oblivious to the beautiful scenery
It'll killing me that you're so blind
You don't even know that you are your own enemy
MBb

Europe

#37168 Dec 29, 2013
IllMortal wrote:
Ill take any feedback I can get. No matter if its good or bad. I know I could have used more "punches" in it. So that's one thing I can still work on but I just want to get as good as I can before I put something out for people to hear.
That was insane man and keep up the great stuff....
Finner the winner

Leeds, UK

#37169 Dec 29, 2013
Hey aha here we go aha

Yo boy I'm about to own you , pone you and your mama will disown you for it.

Wow you got yourself in deep kid you'll never be able to sleep again counting sheep while this rap repeats in your head scaring you with what I said.

I'm your worst nightmare so you got to prepare to live your life in fear cause I'll be in you ear telling you how much you suck and you can kiss my rear yah big queer 

OH

Did that hurt your feelings this rap will leave your head reeling from the celing after you'll be on your knees kneeling saying I'm the king think not I'm a god your worshiper your interpreter.

but I make up my own shit by the way your in shit cause last night I feasted on your moms tits.

 she alright, an easy target ,a whore who I fucked in your bedroom closet...

Oh how's it feel to know your mom's a milf that's filled with guilt because her child's a failure and go out of the house the next time I nail her. 

So I'm done son , I've won, I even fucked your mom. 

Since: Dec 13

Edmonton, Canada

#37170 Dec 29, 2013
I creep up to ur household,
Kick in a Window an see if ur spouse home,
Seeming kinda doubtful,
So I hit up ur fridge for a mouthful,
That's when ur wife heard a noise,
Shit eh...Musta bin my voice,
So I caught the bitch but she struggled like she was on steroids,
So I hit her with a kitchen appliance,
She woke up strap to a chair missing her eye lids,
Maybe next time she won't be so defiant,
And realize non compliance will just cause more violence,
So I leave her silent to prepare for my next assignment,
Ima kill her family and make her watch,
She's got no eyelids so she can't stop,
An look away as I make her sons blood drop,
He kept screaming so I took his voice box,
And do what ever my sinister mind plots,
Like cut off his face an wear it,
Walk up to the momz an say...u scared bitch?
Then I took his face off an put it on her an said it's okay we can share it,
Then her husband comes home,
So I wait behind the door and as soon as he walks in I got the glock cocked to his dome,
Tell em let's take a walk to ur throne,
He sat down an issue offered him some his sons finger bone,
But he refused to eat so I cut off his feet,
Let the blood run out and leak, for a bit until I put his stumps on some heat,
It's a good thing I put plastic on the floor,
Latches on the doors, An ofcourse caskets for the corpse,

Since: Dec 13

Edmonton, Canada

#37171 Dec 29, 2013
Gimme tips ^^. Bin working on structure and story tellin

“Life's a monopoly”

Since: Nov 13

Houston

#37172 Dec 29, 2013
MT Bic wrote:
Gimme tips ^^. Bin working on structure and story tellin
I see the improvement already. Its looking good. Try adding some more similes and metaphors or even some imagery into it. It'll make it even more gruesome for a horror story. Read some edgar allen poe, he has a lot of vivid descriptions in his stories.

Since: Dec 13

Edmonton, Canada

#37173 Dec 29, 2013
I find its hard to work in metaphors wen ur trying to tell a story

“Divide and conquer ”

Since: Mar 13

Brooklyn, New York

#37175 Dec 29, 2013
just broke outta the asylum, took my straight jacket off.
a machete in one hand, the other on the wheel with jason's mask and caw with satan's massive claws.
I'm here to replace the rappin flaws, and to state the facts and all. Phaze is back and raw!

“Divide and conquer ”

Since: Mar 13

Brooklyn, New York

#37176 Dec 29, 2013
something small haha
if you want something longer just ask

Since: Dec 13

Edmonton, Canada

#37177 Dec 29, 2013
I'll shove a lit cigeratte up ya snatch an close ya legs,
Suck the smoke oucha ya ass ina haze,
Hahahahhah

“Life's a monopoly”

Since: Nov 13

Houston

#37178 Dec 29, 2013
Swords to your adams apple, til I turn it to apple sauce,
Eve checking out the view, gettin happy, tryna jack me off,
I'm to the point where I blow, but man she cackled wrong,
Now she turned me off, and I'm sittin here sad as f*ck,
Cuz I have blue balls...

Haha something I just came up with, had to share

“Life's a monopoly”

Since: Nov 13

Houston

#37179 Dec 29, 2013
Thanks to @Hannibal and @MBb for the feedback btw.

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