freestyle battle, spit it! (raps only)

“Life's a monopoly”

Since: Nov 13

Houston

#37164 Dec 29, 2013
Ill take any feedback I can get. No matter if its good or bad. I know I could have used more "punches" in it. So that's one thing I can still work on but I just want to get as good as I can before I put something out for people to hear.
Hannibal Barca

Singapore, Singapore

#37165 Dec 29, 2013
Woah immortal that was actually sick. I enjoyed it. It had flow and multiple syllable rhyming.
Hannibal Barca

Singapore, Singapore

#37166 Dec 29, 2013
Well to be honest towards the end it wasn't really rhyming well but you jumped onto many points so it seemed like there was no single aim. But still the whole thing is better then something that I can come up with...

Anyway, I came up with this on the spot. I need to try to do multiple syllable rhyming with punches. Well mainly need to stretch my verses. But this ones freestyle so I'll hit you with it

I'm a rapper and an adapter
I adapt then I write it out in stanzas
My life in verses, little by little that's what it's about
But bitch I flood you with lyrics dont worry bout a drought
I'll be there don't worry about me I'll be there when I say I will cuz I've got integrity
Downing bottles and bottles of Bacardi but I'm still sober
You say you're a millionare but you got it by sucking dicks for 50cent each
Suck 2 and you can get a packet of Eminem(M&M) bitch
You're acting subliminally cuz that shit runs in your genes and in your family
Mommy and Daddy reacts the same almost instantly
Look, you'll never get laid you're forever alone
They say there are plenty of fish in the sea but look around, you're in the desert can't you see
Bitch you can never be as good as me
My boundaries are infinity
My spits are magic likes its wizardry
You talk back and I'll make you my bitch to be
Hang your head on a stake in a park
People will be oblivious to the beautiful scenery
It'll killing me that you're so blind
You don't even know that you are your own enemy
MBb

Europe

#37168 Dec 29, 2013
IllMortal wrote:
Ill take any feedback I can get. No matter if its good or bad. I know I could have used more "punches" in it. So that's one thing I can still work on but I just want to get as good as I can before I put something out for people to hear.
That was insane man and keep up the great stuff....
Finner the winner

Addlestone, UK

#37169 Dec 29, 2013
Hey aha here we go aha

Yo boy I'm about to own you , pone you and your mama will disown you for it.

Wow you got yourself in deep kid you'll never be able to sleep again counting sheep while this rap repeats in your head scaring you with what I said.

I'm your worst nightmare so you got to prepare to live your life in fear cause I'll be in you ear telling you how much you suck and you can kiss my rear yah big queer†

OH

Did that hurt your feelings this rap will leave your head reeling from the celing after you'll be on your knees kneeling saying I'm the king think not I'm a god your worshiper your interpreter.

but I make up my own shit by the way your in shit cause last night I feasted on your moms tits.

†she alright, an easy target ,a whore who I fucked in your bedroom closet...

Oh how's it feel to know your mom's a milf that's filled with guilt because her child's a failure and go out of the house the next time I nail her.†

So I'm done son , I've won,†I even fucked your mom.†

Since: Dec 13

Canada

#37170 Dec 29, 2013
I creep up to ur household,
Kick in a Window an see if ur spouse home,
Seeming kinda doubtful,
So I hit up ur fridge for a mouthful,
That's when ur wife heard a noise,
Shit eh...Musta bin my voice,
So I caught the bitch but she struggled like she was on steroids,
So I hit her with a kitchen appliance,
She woke up strap to a chair missing her eye lids,
Maybe next time she won't be so defiant,
And realize non compliance will just cause more violence,
So I leave her silent to prepare for my next assignment,
Ima kill her family and make her watch,
She's got no eyelids so she can't stop,
An look away as I make her sons blood drop,
He kept screaming so I took his voice box,
And do what ever my sinister mind plots,
Like cut off his face an wear it,
Walk up to the momz an say...u scared bitch?
Then I took his face off an put it on her an said it's okay we can share it,
Then her husband comes home,
So I wait behind the door and as soon as he walks in I got the glock cocked to his dome,
Tell em let's take a walk to ur throne,
He sat down an issue offered him some his sons finger bone,
But he refused to eat so I cut off his feet,
Let the blood run out and leak, for a bit until I put his stumps on some heat,
It's a good thing I put plastic on the floor,
Latches on the doors, An ofcourse caskets for the corpse,

Since: Dec 13

Canada

#37171 Dec 29, 2013
Gimme tips ^^. Bin working on structure and story tellin

“Life's a monopoly”

Since: Nov 13

Houston

#37172 Dec 29, 2013
MT Bic wrote:
Gimme tips ^^. Bin working on structure and story tellin
I see the improvement already. Its looking good. Try adding some more similes and metaphors or even some imagery into it. It'll make it even more gruesome for a horror story. Read some edgar allen poe, he has a lot of vivid descriptions in his stories.

Since: Dec 13

Canada

#37173 Dec 29, 2013
I find its hard to work in metaphors wen ur trying to tell a story

“Divide and conquer ”

Since: Mar 13

Brooklyn, New York

#37175 Dec 29, 2013
just broke outta the asylum, took my straight jacket off.
a machete in one hand, the other on the wheel with jason's mask and caw with satan's massive claws.
I'm here to replace the rappin flaws, and to state the facts and all. Phaze is back and raw!

“Divide and conquer ”

Since: Mar 13

Brooklyn, New York

#37176 Dec 29, 2013
something small haha
if you want something longer just ask

Since: Dec 13

Canada

#37177 Dec 29, 2013
I'll shove a lit cigeratte up ya snatch an close ya legs,
Suck the smoke oucha ya ass ina haze,
Hahahahhah

“Life's a monopoly”

Since: Nov 13

Houston

#37178 Dec 29, 2013
Swords to your adams apple, til I turn it to apple sauce,
Eve checking out the view, gettin happy, tryna jack me off,
I'm to the point where I blow, but man she cackled wrong,
Now she turned me off, and I'm sittin here sad as f*ck,
Cuz I have blue balls...

Haha something I just came up with, had to share

“Life's a monopoly”

Since: Nov 13

Houston

#37179 Dec 29, 2013
Thanks to @Hannibal and @MBb for the feedback btw.

Since: Dec 13

Canada

#37180 Dec 29, 2013
Word easier to improve when u got someone who knows what their doing hooking up feedback

“Life's a monopoly”

Since: Nov 13

Houston

#37181 Dec 29, 2013
I'm so deranged h*e, you took an arrow, to the knee, and so,
I scooped you up in the back of trunk, took a slug, stuck it in the shotgun, pumped, and let the blood spray all over the rug,
I'm not done, the nights just begun, I go back to your house to find the man you love, asleep in his bed, so I creep up,
With you in my hands, and put you next to em, so when he wakes up, he'll see this beautiful woman, covered in blood,
And while he's still scared and shocked, ill stab him in every body part, hardly missing a vein, and then going after the jugular,
So I can get what I want, two broken souls, as you both pose, I hold eyes open, and let the my face show,
Next house, next family, another time to take out the liars and deceivers I hate so,
Much I wanna kill em, so that's what I've begun, a chance to kill the men and women, who prance around showing off their benjamins,
And sinning like its nothin, damn, what have I gotten into so criminally original,
F*ck it, this is my principle, I kill first, never greive, never believe in anything other than a dead sea,
Now its on to the next family, I slither my way over, looking up to the third story, making sure I'm not seen, like chameleons camoflauged
As I make my way past the front door I pause, then lead myself up to the second floor halls,
Its too easy as I chloroform the daughter with more kids already than a man on maurys caused ,
Never sorry as I open her up and leave her looking like a gory doll, moving on to the parents upstairs I hear pouring voss,
And a glass of wine and tapping them together, I'm patiently waiting for the chance to finally explore the frauds,
Oh and the ways of a human body, and how the organs of each one is sitting perfectly like its never been touched,
They're sound asleep now as I slide in to lay them to rest,
I shoot them both with an .357 in the head ,
Now I can open them up and do an autopsy on their dead remains for med,
Ain't it a crazy story as I let the blood stain the lavish carpets and leave each limb detatched from it proper placing,
My mind is racing as I hear the baby crying from the room next door, and I start pacing,
Asking how I'm gonna do this one, I can already see the headlines like I'm gonna be famous,
I walk over open the door, take off my mask, and start changing,
The babies pamper since it so full of shit, I can stand it, I lift her up and put the bottle in her mouth, you know the basics,
Then I do the unthinkable, call the cops and tell I just killed some folks,
Give em the addresses and let them know the babies gonna be gone,
since ima take her with me and raise her as my own,
She'll be the next killer to be known nationally across the globe,
Abstract Swankerist

Europe

#37184 Dec 30, 2013
Wass'up ya'll?
-I'm new, tryna do it big like ya'll.
Hannibal Barca

Singapore, Singapore

#37185 Dec 30, 2013
Iiimortal, you start of nice always makes me want to read more but as you go down and down you start cutting corners and your rhymes drop(some). I can bet you write these when you are just thinking of raps then you come up with one line then 2 then bam, you get your first 5-6 lines then you write it down but then you don't know how to continue then you just fill it in just so you can post it. If you actually take your time to write out and think carefully of the rest of the spit I'm so sure it'll be awesome. Comparable to Phaze and dj hell no(silent striker) if you you add in other aspects I think you can take them on... Yet again my words don't mean shit if it doesn't have too but hey, who else agrees with me?
Hannibal Barca

Singapore, Singapore

#37186 Dec 30, 2013
A lot of these bitches around you be acting
Who do they really think they're attracting
They're rapping like they know shit, rapping like they own shit
But they don't know how bad they really are,
it's a sad thing
Just imagine
Lil Wayne in the future, you can buy a burger that he be selling
for just 10 pins
And thats it
The economy is dropping dude it's happening
Sell my golden ring
When I where it, bitches will all be seeking
I was once the king of the 3 sins
When I told people they be retreating to the sea then
I said look at all the sea men
Like what your mom said to me last night when she was barely breathing
Right before I slaughtered dad in front of you and cut off his penis
Took Cletus' meat cleaver and chopped the meat clean off
'Jesus!'

Wow I'm so fucked up right now... I just read it to myself lol!!!
Hannibal Barca

Singapore, Singapore

#37187 Dec 30, 2013
But hey it rhymed and I managed to morph the first to become the last. Flow was complete shit I don't even remember what I was thinking about. Punchlines so lame like that's what your mom said last night lol. But last line had Multies but not the Multies I can do. But most of these raps are freestyle I don't even think when I'm writing them down sometimes. But I do re check to find errors or shitty sounding ones... Sorry if I made you go blind with that spit...

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