retracting a comment

“This is me.”

Since: Dec 07

Hampton, Virginia

#1 Jun 13, 2008
I just called Orcutt Baptist School letting them
know I hearby retract the comment I made about them. It's no longer important to me. What's important is that none of us carry anymore regrets about the working there.

“This is me.”

Since: Dec 07

Hampton, Virginia

#2 Jun 13, 2008
I don't regret anything I've said on Topix, either.
After all, I've worked through, theraputically, I need to like and accept myself as being a nice person, and that's great! I'm insecure, but prayer
will help me overcome that, daily.

“This is me.”

Since: Dec 07

Hampton, Virginia

#3 Jun 13, 2008
We all have two faces, too, and I'm trying to narrow
it down to one.

“This is me.”

Since: Dec 07

Hampton, Virginia

#4 Jun 14, 2008
The men and women at Orcutt are nice, and godly, men, and women, and have never been anymore or less, people just like me. I don't hate them at all. I never could really hate anyone. I really did mean that phone call I made yesterday. I hope they have no regrets either, and pray for them to be happy. I've been a control freak, though, fighting against myself, being evil, sometimes, because I was envious sometimes, of others. I thought being evil would make me cool, somehow. It didn't, just a mean joke. I want people to like me, and I want to accept, and love myself for being the nice, strong person I really am.

“This is me.”

Since: Dec 07

Hampton, Virginia

#5 Jun 14, 2008
I pray I can. I need to accept that sometimes, bad times happen in life, too, just like highs, which is why I walked out on my last job, unable to accept the bad. What happened there, was wrong but I was
responsible for quitting, just like at Orcutt, and have missed it, sometimes, since quitting. I've been learning not to be afraid of, and keeping committments, too. I don't mind venting on Topix, or talking about myself on it. If others do, fine. Right now, though, I pray for it to be a nice, positive day, and for me to keep being a nice, positive person.

“This is me.”

Since: Dec 07

Hampton, Virginia

#6 Jul 5, 2008
In order to move forward, completely, I have to
admit that I did hate those people, and enjoyed hating them immensely for how they treated me, Mom, and our friends. I don't think it has to do with Mom or my childhood. I think it has to do with my insecure Aries personality, the feeling of wanting total control. That doesn't mean it always has to be, like that, though. I can forgive, and pray Mom does, too.

“This is me.”

Since: Dec 07

Hampton, Virginia

#7 Jul 10, 2008
Also the fact that I'm oversensitive has something to do with it. I must admit that it was
niave of me to just assume that the church were the good guys in the end. They weren't, always, either. In fact, that whole facility seemed to be good at basically saying get over it, and get out. It's so nice what that new principal wrote in tribute to all the staff whom worked at Orcutt, like Mom. She was like a good fairy soothing us all, not believing that there's any bad guys amongst us, that meanness is dissolved by more meanness which I should take a lesson from. I guess I also grew tired of the exclusion between us, all. I don't like feeling excluded. Nobody does.

“This is me.”

Since: Dec 07

Hampton, Virginia

#8 Jul 10, 2008
I just want to keep praying everyday to be a nice person, accept myself as a nice person, and like myself.

“This is me.”

Since: Dec 07

Hampton, Virginia

#9 Jul 11, 2008
The teacher
from the closed school. I don't think we're ever going to be friends, again. For one thing, she dislikes my mom. No matter what, we've always sensed that. For another, Mom dislikes her, too, no matter what. In addition, several times during a personal crisis in her life, I called her house because I was concerned about it. She/they refused to answer, as if coyly allowing me to dangle on the hook, thinking I was calling to chew her out, instead of sincere concern. I wrote her emails, and sent her gifts, apologizing for my past behavior, and all she did was act nervous with
this......... and acting hurt when I had to hang up, or go.

“This is me.”

Since: Dec 07

Hampton, Virginia

#10 Jul 11, 2008
I guess I was just doing that out of guilt, and
feeling sorry for her, her daughter, and the sick baby. After all, nobody likes hearing about a little one being real sick. I guess it wasn't me really, sincerely wanting to be her friend. Plus, I was lonely, too. I guess I also grew tired of Mom's constant dislike, of her, too, even after my attempting to reconcile, so I tried to, like Jonathan, on "Buffy", fix things, try to reconcile everyone, with one big gesture. That's wrong, though, like Buffy, told Jonathan, at the end of that episode. Things are complicated in life.
They take time, and work. For a long time, though, I've felt like a bad person, though, even thinking of Mom, sometimes, as one, too, for our dislike.

“This is me.”

Since: Dec 07

Hampton, Virginia

#11 Jul 11, 2008
I also recall, during a phone conversation, with
her, last year, her coyly delighting in thinking Mom
was working at just a daycare center, "Captain Kidds", which is much more than that now, instead, of a high-class christian school, which hurt itself,
unlike her. I just called "the Listening Ear" hotline, asking a woman if disliking someone makes
you a bad person. She said no. She believes there are actual reasons for people disliking one another,
which is okay. Thus, I guess, I, Mom, nor her, are "bad" people. I do feel better after hearing that.

“This is me.”

Since: Dec 07

Hampton, Virginia

#12 Jul 11, 2008
Another thing. I don't think I called that place, hanging up, sometimes, to be cute, or out of revenge, really. I think it was me wanting to vent my feelings, yet afraid, of a cold, unsympathetic, nastily, defensive answer, which probably would have occurred, if I had, the way I vent emotionally. I was scared, and lonely, really needing, someone to just listen. Also, I think it was another defensive trap, of theirs, to keep from apologizing, force me to come there, to, visit, beg, their forgiveness, and reapply, for a job. I'm not saying what I did was right, IT WAS very WRONG, but I am saying that my intentions weren't completely evil, either. Nor were theirs completely noble.

“This is me.”

Since: Dec 07

Hampton, Virginia

#13 Dec 17, 2008
Never again do I want to let the devil in again,
by making a fool of myself by impulsively inviting people in who don't like me, as I deep down feel vice versa towards them. You can't control those things just because you think that's the way you're supposed to feel.

“This is me.”

Since: Dec 07

Hampton, Virginia

#14 Dec 17, 2008
Huh's the first really decent, kind person I've ever encountered in a long time. I really appreciated her empathy, and honesty. I miss my kids, sometimes, like little Cole, and Ariston. They're the ones I really feel for, and they did learn spiritual things as well as academically.
Kamaleeka

Wichita, KS

#15 Dec 30, 2008
NewKelly, darling, you need to move on from this Orcutt school ordeal. Have you joined that co-ed softball team I suggested? And have you moved out of your mother's house yet. I really think for a woman your age, you need to live on your own and grow up some. Cut those apron strings.

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