Even for a completely non-sexual, therapeutic massage? I mean, maybe the husband is spending money on massages the couple really can't afford. Should a therapist ask every client, "is your spouse or partner OK with you being here?"
Should a bartender ask a man who stops in for a drink, "hey does your wife know you are here?"
I apologize for what your husband has done to you. And HE is the one that may have performed an unethical act. I say "may" because I don't know if I agree that the simple act of getting an undraped massage is breaking a marriage vow. I mean, I can see how you wouldn't be happy about it, obviously; and undraped massage can certainly lead to other things.
But the therapist didn't know he was married, most likely -- and it wasn't any of her business to ask.
Besides -- do you really think a man getting an undraped massage, sexual or not, would be honest in answering the question?
If a man is getting a massage his wife wouldn't be too happy about, he'll either (1) tell the therapist he's not married; or (2) tell the therapist his wife doesn't have a problem with it. What does the therapist do, call his wife? Ask for a notarized permission slip?
Regardless, those of us who are single don't have these same concerns, and so the ethics of informed consent from a partner or spouse doesn't apply.
I completely disagree about the statement, "if therapist and client agree, what is the harm?". I can tell you from personal experience that it does harm the relationship with the client's significant other or spouse, especially if that significant other has not been consulted or informed about the type of massage that is being given. I just discovered that my husband has been receiving undraped massages from his therapist for the past 10 months. He had not told me until I questioned his professional and personal relationship with his young, attractive, 20-something therapist.
In this case, the therapist has known for 3 months that I had an issue with her and her friendship with my spouse. To me it is unethical not to also ask a client "is your spouse or significant other aware of your request for an undraped massage? Is he/she OK with that as well?
Nothing I have read about undraped massage addresses the informed consent of the spouse or significant other as well as the client.