'I married a gay man' - It took a woman years to figure out her picture-perfect marriage was a sham

The doctor's words forced me to finally acknowledge what I'd suspected for a long time: My husband was most likely gay.

Read full story from gay_blog.blogspot.com

[Houyhnhnm]

Hesed and LOL Will, if you could take a moment out from trolling some bridge out there, check this story out:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23168113/

No, I really have no idea why I continue to try with you two.

[Gay Mom]

My marriage broke up for reasons other than my homosexuality. My husband knew all along that I was attracted to women, but was alright with it, as long as I didn't act on the urge. I stayed true to my wedding vows until other circumstances lead to the end of marriage and my freedom to be who I was meant to be.

[feetwister]

my heart goes out to all men, women and children that have been the victims of this type of societal destruction.
this story is just one example of one side of a story concerning societal/religious arm twisting, forcing humans to be someone other than themselves. the woman telling this story isnt the only victim here. there is an entire string of victims starting with her, her husband, the children and close relatives. all of this pain that didnt have to be.
and isnt it wonderful being a homosexual that at least has tried to appease everyone else and live in a heterosexual fashion. you cant be a homosexual because thats suppose to be wrong so you get married. you are miserable because you are with the wrong gender, which amplifies the misery you feel being a homosexual, self hatred is an awful thing. then when you cant live with yourself anymore or the sham is exposed and the marriage caves in. of course, then YOU are an awful person for lying to your spouse and children about everything.
talk about a lose/lose situation.

[Catholic created gay]

feetwister wrote:

my heart goes out to all men, women and children that have been the victims of this type of societal destruction.
this story is just one example of one side of a story concerning societal/religious arm twisting, forcing humans to be someone other than themselves. the woman telling this story isnt the only victim here. there is an entire string of victims starting with her, her husband, the children and close relatives. all of this pain that didnt have to be.
and isnt it wonderful being a homosexual that at least has tried to appease everyone else and live in a heterosexual fashion. you cant be a homosexual because thats suppose to be wrong so you get married. you are miserable because you are with the wrong gender, which amplifies the misery you feel being a homosexual, self hatred is an awful thing. then when you cant live with yourself anymore or the sham is exposed and the marriage caves in. of course, then YOU are an awful person for lying to your spouse and children about everything.
talk about a lose/lose situation.

It is also a shame that the majority of heteros can't see the truth in what you are saying. But, you are absolutely correct.

[Dyssonance]

and just think - if marriage wasn't denied them on the basis of their choice of spouse, then this might not have happened.

[Christy]

This story is a tragic example of what happens when people aren't allowed to be who they are. Everybody suffers in these situations.

[denise]

our whole society is based on the premise sex is dirty. at the same time sex is being screamed from every aspect of the media, music, entertainment. if you are gay all the more wrong. gays marrying is an attempt to give the shunners what they want. after all maybe they are right. if we just tried. well it's just like the adage, be careful what you wish for. beyond that, even if you are trying to be 'normal' be honest while you're at it. there's nothing like finding out years of your life have been a lie. what a waste.

[ScottyMatic]

I've noticed what seems to be an emerging attitude on the part of the heterosexual components of American society. Apparently, if one is LGBT, and, given an opportunity to "come-out," one fails to do so, then the perception is that one is either inherently dishonest, or in deep self-denial.

Coming out is a deeply personal, and inherently scary process. it's laced with "worst case scenarios," which all too often come true. Alienation from friends and family, risk of losing everything from child custody to career opportunities... being ostricized in church or social organizations. Even the fear of violence is all too real.

But there's something foundationally hypocritical about a culture which openly discriminates against and abuses LGBT people, but which also insists that "if you're gay, you have to come-out... NOW!" It's like an army whose policy is to fire when they see a white flag. If you want to know who's gay and who's not, then it might be a good idea to prevent LGBT people who come out from being socially and politically persecuted.

[gothikbekka]

If people are gsay why do they marry people who are not gay? Why don't they just marry their gay lovers and stop hurting innocent people that way.

www.hottopikgothiks.com

[Dasein9]

ScottyMatic wrote:

... If you want to know who's gay and who's not, then it might be a good idea to prevent LGBT people who come out from being socially and politically persecuted.

Good post, Scotty. I've picked out this bit to talk about. The whole demand to know is what's starting to bug me. Who does the public think it is, to demand such information? Yes, to be out is a good thing in my life. But that doesn't mean it is for everyone.

And this demand to know is everywhere, and covers a whole lot of things. Babies in my neighbourhood are always dressed in pink or blue. Always. Why? Because the public has the right to know whether the baby's a boy or a girl. Why? Why does the public have that right?

People who are transgender are accused of deception. For some reason, the public seems to think it has a right to know what shape everyone's genitalia are, and this information is to be broadcast by means of clothing choice and mannerisms 24/7.

Sexual orientation, sexual behaviour... everyone seems to believe not only they have a right to this information, but that we have an obligation to educate them, to confess our own experiences about this stuff for the sake of their education. For free, of course.

Since when did coming out mean we agreed to be lab animals?

[Willy]

gothikbekka wrote:

If people are gsay why do they marry people who are not gay? Why don't they just marry their gay lovers and stop hurting innocent people that way.
www.hottopikgothiks.com

Haven't you read all the above posts? They answer your question fully.

[denise]

just be honest with who you marry if you are gay. especially if you are having flings with a gay lover. people's health is at risk. that trumps people's private need to come out when they are ready. it's too bad it has to be contemplated whether to come or or not, it should just be matter of fact with no stigma. society...CATCH UP TO US!

[Dyssonance]

I do not grant a right to know my medical hisotry to anyone.

period.

For any reason.

So I'd like to see someone attempt to take up Das' points.

[TampaBob]

This article brings to light something that, i belive, is far more wide-spread than anyone could really fathom.

I read the so-called "religious" folks on here bemoaning the issue of gay marriage and their quips of, "We don't need gay marriage - we have it already - between a man and a woman."

Well, it's this very midset and pressure that it exerts on gay men and women to try to mask their true selves behind church, wife/husband, and children.

They go to great lenghts to put on a wonderful "show" to those around them - yet inside rages a typhoon of self doubt, self-loathing, anger, fear, paranoia, and in many cases - self destructive behaviour.

In this article, the husband had been going to gay bars, meeting men for aynomous sex - because they needed (even if only for a few fleeting moments) the freedom to be who they knew they really were.

I also belive that many gay men (and woman) who are living "heterosexual" lives - begin to engage in behavioiur that is more and more risky - in hopes of actually being "outed" or discovered.

now, they will probably deny it - but there's looking at gay porn, chatting online and then there's actually MEETING and engaging in sexual acts. Once that level is reached, its really only a matter of time before he/she is found out.

Be it a phone number, voice mail message, an email account left on where the spouce finds it and reads the bevy of gay-centered emails - or in this case the transmission of an STD to their str8 spouce.

While our society's acceptance of gay men and women continues to grow and strenghten - the strangle-hold of religion on ten's of thousands of gay men and women - continue to drive them into heterosexual marriages. Marriages that will ulitimatly end in divorce.

Do those who don't understand or accept homosexuality really want gay men and women to marry your son's and daughters?

Do you really belive that this is healthy for the gay person or his/her spouse? Or children?

If there were ever a case that justifies acceptance of gay marriage - and gay couples - than this article...then i don't know what is.

I speak with some authority on this as i too was married to a woman for 12 years. I too was raised in a VERY VERY strong, loving, supportive christian family. Heck, i even performed on TV many sundays singing songs for the services broadcast to those in nursing homes and hospitals.

Yet, as time went on, i knew deep inside that the person i was pretending to be was doing more damage to myself, my wife and son than was my homosexuality.

I can't look back and "wish" i could change thigns - because life dosn't work that way - especially for gay folks. To those who are questioning if they are or aren't gay. If they should or shouldn't marry that man or woman they are seeing - i hope you'll reconsider.

Things are VERY different in 2008 from where they were in 1985 (when i got married). There are support groups and organizations to lend a hand, ear or shoulder.

It's not easy to come out when everyone in your life expects you to live the American dream of school, career, wife, kids, white picket fence and a dog - but trust me its better in the long-run to deal with it now as opposed to facing your spouse 10 years down the road when she tests positive for an STD.

And to those who identify as "Christian." Please don't villify us anymore. Pray for us. But don't add fuel to the fire of hatred and social-stygma's you often propogate.

If you would just extend to us the same freedom and courtesy to live OUR lives as we see fit - in the same way we allow you to live your life of faith as YOu see fit.

What would jesus do? Not hate. Not attack. HE WOULD LOVE!

Please choose love!

[HumanSpirit]

chromosome damage from psychotropic / anti depressant drugs can best describe his reason for being homosexual.

[Gay Mom]

HumanSpirit wrote:

chromosome damage from psychotropic / anti depressant drugs can best describe his reason for being homosexual.

So who took the drugs, his mother?

[gemelk]

gothikbekka wrote:

If people are gsay why do they marry people who are not gay? Why don't they just marry their gay lovers and stop hurting innocent people that way.
www.hottopikgothiks.com

1. You didn't read the actual article did you? You couldn't have and then asked your question.

2. The short answer is, the gay partner sees NO CHOICE in the matter, they must deny their sexuality and marry and BE HETEROSEXUAL. No other alternative is possible in their world view. NONE!

Eric

[gemelk]

I am amazed and proud of the woman that wrote the article. She still has pain, some self doubt, but she has taken a huge negative in her life, and turned it into something good and powerful.

She could have chosen to be angry, hateful and vengeful, but she CHOSE to help others by sharing her pain. She CHOSE to take that pain and be a voice for ending the cycle of pain that causes homosexuals to be hated, thus ending up in marriages like hers. She chose to find a way to use her anger to end the hatred and persecution of homosexuals.

That gentle readers, is true STRENGTH, that is real COURAGE. That is the power of the human spirit, to rise above adversity to a better place of existence.

Eric

[gemelk]

Dasein9 wrote:

<quoted text>
Good post, Scotty. I've picked out this bit to talk about. The whole demand to know is what's starting to bug me. Who does the public think it is, to demand such information? Yes, to be out is a good thing in my life. But that doesn't mean it is for everyone.
And this demand to know is everywhere, and covers a whole lot of things. Babies in my neighbourhood are always dressed in pink or blue. Always. Why? Because the public has the right to know whether the baby's a boy or a girl. Why? Why does the public have that right?
People who are transgender are accused of deception. For some reason, the public seems to think it has a right to know what shape everyone's genitalia are, and this information is to be broadcast by means of clothing choice and mannerisms 24/7.
Sexual orientation, sexual behaviour... everyone seems to believe not only they have a right to this information, but that we have an obligation to educate them, to confess our own experiences about this stuff for the sake of their education. For free, of course.
Since when did coming out mean we agreed to be lab animals?

People do not have a "right" to this information, they simply do not, never had it and never will.

What drives this though, is pure, simple, human curiousity. It creates a false "need" to know.

Face it - for most people, homosexuality is something they can't understand or comprehend. We're different and that difference makes us the object of attention and curiousity.

I do think though, that we DO have an OBLIGATION to educate and inform. Why? Because in so doing, we cease being the oddity, because 'they' get to know 'us'. They start to observe in their own experience, that we are really, just like them.

Thus, and we have history to prove this, we slowly, surely (even if it does feel like the flow of molasses in a Maine winter), progress from people demanding to know, to simply not caring - at least beyond the usual human compulsion for salacious gossip. It's interesting, even some of the Temples in Egypt have gossip on them. Rome is filled with ancient gossip.

Das, the real question is what sick portion of the human psyche fuels "Entertainment Tonight", "The National Enquirer" and "Jerry Springer"!

Humankind has this - obsession - an obsessive curiousity to know things that are 'different', and we just happen to qualify. It's all a little disturbed, but there it is. Best explanation I can give, even if it's a trifle unsatisfying.

Eric

[Neese]

ScottyMatic wrote:

I've noticed what seems to be an emerging attitude on the part of the heterosexual components of American society. Apparently, if one is LGBT, and, given an opportunity to "come-out," one fails to do so, then the perception is that one is either inherently dishonest, or in deep self-denial.
Coming out is a deeply personal, and inherently scary process. it's laced with "worst case scenarios," which all too often come true. Alienation from friends and family, risk of losing everything from child custody to career opportunities... being ostricized in church or social organizations. Even the fear of violence is all too real.
But there's something foundationally hypocritical about a culture which openly discriminates against and abuses LGBT people, but which also insists that "if you're gay, you have to come-out... NOW!" It's like an army whose policy is to fire when they see a white flag. If you want to know who's gay and who's not, then it might be a good idea to prevent LGBT people who come out from being socially and politically persecuted.

People should have a right to privacy, and come out if and when they choose. It seems like the gay community is prevalent in outing their own though. That is pretty sad.