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Louisville, KY

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#1
Nov 10, 2012
 
When is it abuse in a marriage? I've only been married a year and am experiencing some bad problems.
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Louisville, KY

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#2
Nov 10, 2012
 
If anyone is awake on here, please respond. Thanks.
Revelations

United States

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#4
Nov 11, 2012
 

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lol, notice how every thing is fine till you get married? Always seems the case. Wanna know why? When you take that oath, a Hells Most Wanted sign gets posted up, and evil spirits immediately go to work and single you out. Its no coincidence, learn to fight back with scripture. Good luck, and godbless...once your married thats it...your spiritual bound for life. Read matthew 9:19, and First corinthians 7:15
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Louisville, KY

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#5
Nov 11, 2012
 

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....and shall not marry another. I'm a Christian too and if I divorce I must stay unmarried unless he cheats on me. I'm not here to have a religious debate and to hear someone say you're stuck as they include their "lol". You don't know what he has done to me. I've been called every bad name. I've been mocked, treated like I'm stupid, and when I sit and cry in the midst of his screaming...he just gets worse. He is steps from being physical and that why I'm asking what to do. Trust me, I've felt stuck for a long time now. This all began the last day of our honeymoon. I'm not even who I once was because of what he's done.
siren

United States

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#6
Nov 11, 2012
 

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I was once married to an abusive man. I chose to save my life and the lives of my children as opposed to upholding a thousand year old scripture written by a man. Look, to the op, I've been where you're at- but I've been there when it got worse too. My husband was very abusive, in every way possible. I had people telling me the same crap all the time about making it work, divorces are against god, blah blah blah-.counseling doesn't work. He was a christian so we did christian counseling for our marriage, we went to therapy for the abuse, we did workbooks together, we watched fireproof and did that whole thing, we went to church. Guess what? He was still abusive when no one was watching, and sometimes when they were. He beats his new girlfriend now, and when she came to me to ask what to do, I told her the same thing I'm going to tell you- leave. Now. Many women arent lucky enough to escape an abusive man with their lives... no,'fighting with scripture' never seemed to work for me with an abusive man, but w/e. Something I've learned about women in abusive marraiges- they never really want your advice, they just need a shoulder to lean on sometimes, and thats alright too. To the OP- all of us on here could offer advice all day, but until youre ready to accept it and use it, none of what we say here will really matter. You already know he's abusive- otherwise you wouldnt be coming here to ask. You know what to do- peace be with you girl...be strong.

“life is what you make of it.”

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Since: Aug 12

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#7
Nov 11, 2012
 

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Question wrote:
....and shall not marry another. I'm a Christian too and if I divorce I must stay unmarried unless he cheats on me. I'm not here to have a religious debate and to hear someone say you're stuck as they include their "lol". You don't know what he has done to me. I've been called every bad name. I've been mocked, treated like I'm stupid, and when I sit and cry in the midst of his screaming...he just gets worse. He is steps from being physical and that why I'm asking what to do. Trust me, I've felt stuck for a long time now. This all began the last day of our honeymoon. I'm not even who I once was because of what he's done.
I know what the bible says about putting away your husband or wife with divorcement. But, I honestly believe that god does not want to you spend your life miserable in a marriage that you are mentally abused in. No woman,(or man in some cases) deserve to be treated like crap by their spouse. I don't believe god would consider it adultery for you to divorce your husband and you be married to another later down the road. He sees your hurt and will forgive you for divorcing him.
On a lighter note, remember, your vows did say 'til death do you part' ;)
I'm truly sorry for what you're doing through shortly after getting married. It's sad that marriage changes people and that's when you get to see their true colors. Pray about this matter. Does he go to church? Try talking to him and see if he will go with you one Sunday. Maybe if you can get him in church with you his ways will change and he will have a little more respect for you. Is this abuse on a daily basis? Does he disrespect other women including his mom? I don't understand why after marriage men think that paper means they own you and they can say or do anything they want to you. If you need anyone to talk to, I'm here. We can exchange emails or cell to keep in touch. And you can vent anytime you need to.
Revelations

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#8
Nov 11, 2012
 
it doesnt matter what ''you'' believe or ''I'' believe. Once you accept that you will be on your way to truth. Time to make a choice. Im not laughing at you Question...i just laugh at the same old stuff time and time again.
ditch mitch.

Owensboro, KY

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#9
Nov 11, 2012
 

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Question wrote:
....and shall not marry another. I'm a Christian too and if I divorce I must stay unmarried unless he cheats on me. I'm not here to have a religious debate and to hear someone say you're stuck as they include their "lol". You don't know what he has done to me. I've been called every bad name. I've been mocked, treated like I'm stupid, and when I sit and cry in the midst of his screaming...he just gets worse. He is steps from being physical and that why I'm asking what to do. Trust me, I've felt stuck for a long time now. This all began the last day of our honeymoon. I'm not even who I once was because of what he's done.
You're stupid and deserve it for staying that long and placing the blame on "god"
siren

Glasgow, KY

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#10
Nov 11, 2012
 

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OKay Revelations, I want to first say that I respect you as a person, and therefore I respect your choice in belief systems as well- BUT- THIS is INSANITY. You CANNOT honestly believe it is the will of God for a woman to stay married to an abusive man!!! So, lets get biblical about this shiyat, shall we? Are you aware Rev that the Bible ALSO states that if a man rapes a woman, he has to then pay her father in silver and MARRY her?? Do YOU believe that a woman should be forced to marry her rapist because your god said so? The Bible ALSO supported slavery and remarked upon how a "slave should never escape his master". Do you BELIEVE that slavery is okay because your god said so? ARe you aware that your god also commanded that if two men were fighting, and the wife of one man grabs the opther man's balls- her hand should be cut off? Were you aware that your god says that any man who has "sustained injury" or recieved "alteration" to his manhood is forbidden from entering into heaven? Sorry fellas that had a vasectomy or an accident, no heaven for you! DO YOU believe that's true because your god said so?? Look, the point here being, that if Christians can ignore THOSE parts of the bible because we know them now to be untrue, what cause is there for a woman to place HER VERY LIFE in danger because your god said so?? You're right- we can believe whatever we so choose- but think about this- If YOU tell a woman it's against God to leave her husband because he's beating her- and she listens to YOU and stays, afraid of your Hell, and he KILLS her- upon WHOSE hands is that blood friend?? The husband's? Certainly, but we ALREADY knew he was CAPABLE of that, and she stayed because YOU said god wanted her too- that makes you equally blamed.

“life is what you make of it.”

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Since: Aug 12

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#11
Nov 11, 2012
 

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[QUOTE who="ditch mitch. "]<quoted text>You're stupid and deserve it for staying that long and placing the blame on "god"[/QUOTE]
I'm sorry, but who's blaming anything on god? She simply said that she knows its against the bible to get divorced unless he cheats on her. She never blamed god for anything that she's going through. Maybe you should thoroughly read her posts before you try to call her out on anyrhing
Question

Louisville, KY

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#12
Nov 11, 2012
 
Of course, this morning it's "please don't leave" I'll never hurt you again, it's always the same but it always happens again. No, it's not everyday. It's often though. It's not everyday because es hardly home. He works long hours and when he comes in at night he's usually online or doing his own thing. Our bond broke over time. I would leave if he were only a boyfriend. Ive prayed to god about this. Last night he came into the bedroom and was mad over something that didn't go his way earlier that day and screamed and told me he hated being my husband. We should get a divorce...he says this often when mad. But wen I take him up on it, he begs and pleads. Last night I had taken Advil and got a pill stuck n my throat and tried to get it down by drinking water and eating food. I made chicken nuggets and ate a banana. When he was mad he came in and said maybe you should eat salads more...how any chicken nuggets did you eat? In a rude p...degrading tone. I'm not even overweight?? I don't understand. It was so low. That was the first time he had brought food into it.
Ive been there

Shepherdsville, KY

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#13
Nov 11, 2012
 
Leave! Go with your gut. If he hasn't hit you yet hunny it is coming. Get out while you can.
Revelations

United States

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#14
Nov 11, 2012
 
I dunno question, its always your choice, just becareful...if he is this mean for no reason then hes gonna have alot to answer for. We are to love our wives as christ loved the church.
siren

United States

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#15
Nov 11, 2012
 
Revelations wrote:
I dunno question, its always your choice, just becareful...if he is this mean for no reason then hes gonna have alot to answer for. We are to love our wives as christ loved the church.
yeah well, that's the point isnt it? He doesnt. Girl, I'm tellin you- it NEVER gets better, it only gets worse. It WILL become physical, because thats the nature of the thing. Also, the begging and pleading and apologies- thats ALSO typical of abuse. Look up the cycle of domestic abuse, thats the way it cycles.
Revelations

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#16
Nov 11, 2012
 
Siren, read about Sarah in the bible, you remind me of her, strong...you would be such an advocate for god, you just lack the understanding of scripture, come to auburndale church of christ, thats where we go...the preacher is our age and open to talk about anything..crow and or wakeup is welcome to. I did go to bonneventure but we merged due to financial woe's, not enough members to keep the bills to date. Good honest people though..we keep each other in check. Seriously come on down, also our congregation is forever feasting with one another ane its no joke, lol...question you and your husband come as well..maybe we can fellowship with one another and help
Question

Louisville, KY

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#17
Nov 11, 2012
 
All I can say is..know who you are marrying. It's a shame that ppl can fool you. He used to be very respectful.
siren

United States

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#18
Nov 11, 2012
 
no I have a really good understanding of the scripture, which is the number one reason I don't follow. Thanks for the invite, but I'm not a christian...I follow another path :)
bald gal

Ft Mitchell, KY

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#19
Nov 11, 2012
 
when he makes you shave your head.
siren

United States

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#20
Nov 11, 2012
 
Question wrote:
All I can say is..know who you are marrying. It's a shame that ppl can fool you. He used to be very respectful.
I will say that after the experiences I've had, I now approach dating much much differently. It now usually involves a lengthy 'lets be friends' phase where I observe closely their reactions to the world and people in general, establish what kind of person they are, and if I'm okay with that, I get a little more involved in finding out more important personal things before I ever agree to even the first date. Some guys don't like that- but if they aren't willing to let me get to know them as a person before I will get to know them in a romantic light- they arent worth my time anyways. Caution in dating is an ever increasing need in this time.....
Beyond the Grave

Louisville, KY

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#21
Nov 11, 2012
 

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Of course, this morning it's "please don't leave" I'll never hurt you again, it's always the same but it always happens again. No, it's not everyday. It's often though. It's not everyday because es hardly home. He works long hours and when he comes in at night he's usually online or doing his own thing. Our bond broke over time. I would leave if he were only a boyfriend. Ive prayed to god about this. Last night he came into the bedroom and was mad over something that didn't go his way earlier that day and screamed and told me he hated being my husband. We should get a divorce...he says this often when mad. But wen I take him up on it, he begs and pleads. Last night I had taken Advil and got a pill stuck n my throat and tried to get it down by drinking water and eating food. I made chicken nuggets and ate a banana. When he was mad he came in and said maybe you should eat salads more...how any chicken nuggets did you eat? In a rude p...degrading tone. I'm not even overweight?? I don't understand. It was so low. That was the first time he had brought food into it.
Dump the Crazy loser ! before he Kills you !

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