Understanding the true meaning of gift-giving

[Suze]

hannah wrote:

I have a question. I am throwing a bridal shower for a friend. Must I include where they are registered. I feel that it can be a bit tacky. I've already looked a bit online for some guidelines, but no one seems to agree. I thought that by asking the guests to rsvp (regardless if they will be attending or not) it would give them an opportunity to ask where the couple is registered. So, is it rude to include that information on the bridal shower invite?

I think it's tacky to include registry info with a wedding INVITATION, but if yo're throwing a bridal SHOWER, I think it makes good sense. A shower is for presents. It's smart to include the info; otherwise, everyone who calls to RSVP is going to aks: Where are they registered?

[brandy]

I like the gift giving answer. My hair stands on end when given a registry list along with the shower invite. In my day the purpose of these affairs where to help the new couple get set up in there new life together or for the little one that will need so much so soon the couple could be overwhelmed with expenses. You happily accepted what was given. At my shower I was given a small diner set for 4 of a pattern I can't even remember. Silverware given by 2 of my Aunts as a combined gift, another pattern I did not choose, but I lovingly thought of both of them whenever I used them. There, we were all set, something to eat off of.

[brandy]

Suze wrote:

I have a bridal shower to go to on Sunday. I went to the store where they're registered today afer work, after running errands. I got the registry list, found sales associates on the floor who helped me find my choices. I spent the money in my price range I'd alloted for the present, went to the register where they even put the presents in a gift bag for me. After a hard day, I didn't want to be creative; I wanted to buy these nice kids something I knew they wanted and that's what I did. I even had time to run to the clothing store next door and buy a couple of cute summer tops, one of which I plan to wear to the shower. Registries rock! I'm happy; the bride will be happy, the groom's mom, my friend, will be happy I gave her son and his betrothed a nice present. Everyone's happy. Where's the bad?

Suze, you are too funny! Seems like it was more important to spend time picking out a few new articles of clothing for yourself than a gift for someone else. Do you see the bad here?

[rainemonday]

Often I attend weddings and showers as the friend of the mother or mother-in-law. I have for years now choosen to simply give a gift card to the store the young couple is registered. I try to give a generous amount so they can purchase things overlooked. For many years this was always appreciated. The past two years I have heard some critical remarks about my practice. My response...I laugh it off and assure others I more than likely would make terrible choices. LOL. I just assume one day the young couple will look back and have a sense of appreciation, or not. It doesn't matter to me as I give the gift as a gift of friendship.

I don't try to make a point or teach a lesson with my gift, then it would hardly be a gift, right?

[Annie]

I'm sick of people slamming registries. The ego thing is as much a problem of the gift-giver stubbornly and self-righteously refusing to choose a registry item, apparently to teach the recipient a lesson, as it is the registree listing frivolous things. Yes, some people get carried away when they sign up for stuff on registries. I'm not close to my extended family and don't live geographically close to my best friends; I have no idea what they need for their households, and I wouldn't want to get them something they couldn't use. Registries are a blessing. I just ignore the silly items on the list and choose something useful, and go halvesies with another cousin if things are expensive.

[Suze]

brandy wrote:

<quoted text>
Suze, you are too funny! Seems like it was more important to spend time picking out a few new articles of clothing for yourself than a gift for someone else. Do you see the bad here?

It wasn't MORE important, but it was probably equally important. The point is that I'm invited to showers of people I may like, but don't know all that well. The groom was my next door neighbor; I've known him 15 years since he was about 10, but he's a kid who used to babysit my kids, who I've chatted with a few times, helped write a resume, etc. I can't say I know his taste. His bride is again, a nice kid, I've known a few years, casually. I've helped her write letters and a resume as well. They're not best pals I've gone drinking with. I don't know their taste, their needs, their wants. The registry helped. And I DID need new tops; I'm happy!

Of course, it turned out the registry failed in its job to keep track of the sales, so that the bride STILL ended up with two woks. So, I pulled out my receipt and handed it to the bride so she could exchange mine. I don't put my ego into my gifts.