Adults-only wedding gets no ringing e...

Adults-only wedding gets no ringing endorsement

There are 50 comments on the The Wichita Eagle story from Jul 30, 2007, titled Adults-only wedding gets no ringing endorsement. In it, The Wichita Eagle reports that:

Dear Abby: Your response to 'Furious in Vancouver, Wash.,' about adults-only weddings, was right on.

Join the discussion below, or Read more at The Wichita Eagle.

Mary

Smyrna, GA

#22 Feb 10, 2009
I really fail to understand what part of "it's up to the bride and groom" is so difficult to understand.

It's up to the bride and groom.

If the bride and groom WANT to invite children, they are welcome.

If the bride and groom DON'T WANT to invite children, they are not welcome.

Not your wedding. Not your say. This applies to both sides of the spectrum. It's not frigging rocket science.
Rachel

Whitehorse, Canada

#23 Feb 10, 2009
vegaspirate wrote:
My husband and I DID elect to get married in Vegas, as pirates no less, this past August. The best part was that no one who came brought their children, largely because they didn't want to pay the airfare. It was heavenly.
I would have gone berserk had some whiny brat was screaming or carrying on while I said my vows.
Here's to a life time of child freedom with my piratey husband!
I hope his noodley appendages bless you in your union. And if He ever touches your belly, I hope He blesses the hand of the Abortion Doctor.
vegaspirate

Struthers, OH

#24 Feb 10, 2009
Rachel wrote:
<quoted text>
I hope his noodley appendages bless you in your union. And if He ever touches your belly, I hope He blesses the hand of the Abortion Doctor.
RAMEN!!!
Jen

Christchurch, New Zealand

#25 Feb 10, 2009
It is a bride and groom's decision, if you don't like it, don't go. I think the idea of Adults Only weddings are awesome and if I ever get married thats the way I'll go.
Jen

Christchurch, New Zealand

#26 Feb 10, 2009
vegaspirate wrote:
My husband and I DID elect to get married in Vegas, as pirates no less, this past August. The best part was that no one who came brought their children, largely because they didn't want to pay the airfare. It was heavenly.
I would have gone berserk had some whiny brat was screaming or carrying on while I said my vows.
Here's to a life time of child freedom with my piratey husband!
That is so damn awesome.
Amanda

Albuquerque, NM

#27 Feb 10, 2009
Hey, if you don't want me to bring my drunken cousin or my yappy chihuahua to your party, even if one has just now learned to speak without a slur and the other is OH SO CUTE and diaper trained. You shouldn't bring kids to someone's party who doesn't want them there.

If people are willing to ruin life long friendships bcause one party wants to celebrate a major event in their life the way they want to that isn't really hurting anyone, then so be it. As a kid I wasn't invited to a wedding and guess what?

I didn't care, that meant I got pizza that night and got to hang out with the babysitter who could help me beat Mario.
Mindy

Santa Cruz, CA

#28 Feb 12, 2009
What about the bride and groom's own children from a previous marriage? Should the no-children rule extend to them?
Debra

Utica, MI

#29 May 21, 2009
Mary wrote:
I really fail to understand what part of "it's up to the bride and groom" is so difficult to understand.
It's up to the bride and groom.
If the bride and groom WANT to invite children, they are welcome.
If the bride and groom DON'T WANT to invite children, they are not welcome.
Not your wedding. Not your say. This applies to both sides of the spectrum. It's not frigging rocket science.
A wedding is not the place to showcase your child. Throw your own party!
Jenna

Minneapolis, MN

#30 Jun 1, 2009
I'm having an adult only wedding and I think its simply common knowledge to any educated person to not invite children. The people who feel otherwise are just uneducated and its sad.
Rica- Los Angeles

Whittier, CA

#31 Jul 4, 2009
I completely understand and emphatize with those couples who would exclude children for their wedding reception, especially if it's a matter of cost. However, one way to smooth out feathers is to invite everyone to the ceremony but specify that the reception is adults only.
I am currently going through a heartache with my sister's wedding. They are getting married this summer and it is an adults only reception. I was prepared for that, but they are also excluding kids from the ceremony, even their own nieces and nephews! Not even allowed to be at the pre-ceremony photo shoot, which my other sisters and I think is REALLY rude. We had tried to talk to them but the groom is adamant. He even had a fight with his own brother. He would not allow his own nieces even to the ceremony or photoshoot, and they are flying in from back East. Who do they think will watch the kids when the whole adult family members are invited? They expect us to leave the kids with a babysitter. Well, some people may be able to do that, but there are people like me who do NOT leave their children with strangers. My other sister had tried to reason with the guy, after all, the kids have begged to go to the wedding and promised to be in their best behavior, and my husband and I offered to watch them after the ceremony so they won't have to stay for the reception but this guy is tough. He doesn't seem to care if he offends family. His own sister in law will not be able to attend the ceremony and reception because of the children's exclusion. My sister that he is marrying has only two nieces, and thet are excluded as well. Like I said, it's one thing to exclude children from the reception, but totally wrong to exclude them from the ceremony or photo shoot, especially if they are family. What do you guys think?
Amber wrote:
This http://www.etiquettehell.com/content/eh_weddi...
is why my wedding will be an Adults-Only Ceremony and Reception. No cheesy flower girls/ring bearers/page boys looking miserably in frou-frou kiddy finery either. This may be a problem, given that every single grown-up cousin on my father's side of the family seems to be multiplying every other month, but it will also help cut down the costs of dinner and seating! Plus, I plan on having a late-night black tie reception anyway, at a time that's too late for snotbeasts to be awake.
FH and I don't ever ever want children either (I'd have had gotten myself spayed already, but it's too expensive right now). We're perfectly content with cats and dogs and ferrets, and being able to whisk ourselves off to exciting exotic vacations when we please without having to haul around a troup of kiddies behind us.
Stella

Charleston, IL

#32 Jul 9, 2009
kelly wrote:
some people don't like kids cyring and snottin' around. get over it.
You obviously have no children. Kids make a wedding fun and special. People who are so elitest that they don't want kids around make me sick. My husband and I were invited to a wedding of his co-worker and no where on the invite did it say no kids. When we said we would be bringing them the bride sent my husband a very rude EMAIL! telling him only her family members could bring kids. She sent this email while the two of them work in the same building and she should have spoken to him personally. I wonder who will be more embarressing at that wedding, the kids or the intoxicated adults who make complete asses of themselves! Not to mention that her young relatives will be bored stiff with no other kids around to play with. I know this bride will regret later the sweet memories that she will miss by being such an elitest bitch! Weddings are about bringing not only two people together but a community and children are part of this world too.
Mike - Switzerland

Zurich, Switzerland

#33 Aug 3, 2009
I am looking for a wedding holiday (somewhere in the world) without children being present. Oh what bliss if the victorian values were to be revisited in this age. Totally agree with you Mrs Sparrow ! To hell with the loud little blighters is what i say.
vegaspirate wrote:
My husband and I DID elect to get married in Vegas, as pirates no less, this past August. The best part was that no one who came brought their children, largely because they didn't want to pay the airfare. It was heavenly.
I would have gone berserk had some whiny brat was screaming or carrying on while I said my vows.
Here's to a life time of child freedom with my piratey husband!
laryssa

Lynnwood, WA

#34 Oct 19, 2009
You know, to all the people who call brides who opt to have adults only ceremonies and receptions, get over yourselves!! I adore children; I want to be a teacher and I work in 2 daycares right now. However, I don't think that a late evening ceremony and an open-bar reception are the appropriate places for a child to be. My ceremony won't start until 7 PM, which is bedtime for many of my family's children! I want children of my own someday, and I adore my cousins, but I just don't feel that my wedding day should be spent worrying about other peoples' children. Besides which, most of my family is glad to have an evening to let loose and not deal with chasing after their kiddos!
Lydia

Dawson City, Canada

#35 Feb 2, 2010
I agree with laryssa about the open bar reception not being the most appropriate place for children. I am planning to have an early afternoon ceremony with close family and friends (with their children) with finger foods, then an adults only reception around 7 or 8pm. Two reason for adult only reception are cost, and to relax with adults later in the evening. I don't know about any of you, but it is hard to completely relax and be stress free with many children running around all hyped up! I have children, and would never think to be offended by an adults only invitation. Especially given the financial strain that many couples are facing.
GettinHitched

Broadway, NJ

#36 Feb 22, 2010
Nobody under the age of 15 is invited to our upcoming wedding - no matter what relation. We were at a wedding last month where the invited children found the dance floor to be a great place to play tag, as every child has done at every "children allowed" wedding we've ever been to. We left the wedding feeling assured that we've made the right decision. You just can't trust that these "children make the day" parents will forego their good time to make sure their child isn't ruining everybody else's.
janet55

Kenosha, WI

#37 Mar 14, 2010
Generally it has always been very bad ettiquite to have an adult only wedding. Generally the trend is if you want a "get drunk and party" kind of wedding then they don't want kids invited. If you don't like kids, or just wanna have a crazy party then yeah I can understand not wanting kids to come. Honestly though if you are that kind of person your friendship with the "moms" in your life aren't going to last to long anyways so not only will you probably not care if they don't attend but they shouldn't feel bad for not attending either.

I have to say yes for some couples they don't like kids so don't want them at their wedding, but for many of the couples they do eventually want kids and it is very backward if you cannot learn some patients with children and exclude them from an event where you want all the rest of your famil there. If you dont want them screaming up and down the isle simple have a childrens room nearby for the cermony, fill it with toys, coloring books, snacks, a tv with movies and hire some babysitters and request that all children remain there during the ceremony. Pretty common actually.

People whine money is an issue because they can't afford to feed them all but you can responsibly incorperate children into your wedding without it breaking the bank. There are so many different options, just to name a few lots of people have pot luck weddings now a days, that can save on your food costs. If you have to have your elite catering many have reduced rates for children. Or you can just keep them in the playroom during meal time and order in a bunch of pizzas for them and some lolipops for desert.

It's nice to say the parents can just hire a babysitter "in theory" and in some cases they can, but it also goes to show how many of these couples don't have the slightest clue about having children. It's certainly not like going out for dinner on an occasional evening like the one person quipped ('have you never had a night out without the children?') Weddings can be an hour or 2 but they tend to run into longer then that, they are not short quick events. Throw in the reception and you have a very large chunk of time usually. Not only does the cost add up but parents have a responsibility to think of their childrens well beigng also. Many parents,especially with infants will be hesitant to be gone so long. Now thats just taking in consideration normal guests, what if they have to come in from out of town? Should they be expected to try and hire a babysitter in advance whom they haven't had a chance to even meet in person to watch their kids in their hotel room for hours on end? Absolutly rediculous! Sure you may not care if some people opt out from attending because of it but you may also care as you may be excluding your own siblings and very closest friends.

Now personall I tend to think to myself it says alot about a persons quality of charecter if on the day you have the opportunity too, and it is totally warranted to be selfish, if you choose to be self-centered or you choose to be considerate and caring. It takes a very caring person to think of other people on their wedding day.

That said I will agree that yes in the end it's the bride and grooms day. They can have whatever wedding they want and if in the end they choose to be totally 100% self centered that is their choice. It is a celebration of their union and it should be approched respectfully if they decide to have no children attend.

By respectfully you should remember that they have a vision for their event and its their choice, you also have the choice to decline the invitation. Don't throw a tantrum and try to ruin their day, but don't feel badly about sending a gift or a card and saying and let them know "unfortunatly I will not be able to attend."
Daryl

Lima, OH

#39 Apr 5, 2010
I'm currently 32 days away from my wedding. The event will be held at Henry Ford Museum. I decided not to have children there due to the size of the venue. The museum is bigger than most shopping malls. I'm also sure that it has several billion dollars worth of cars and other things on display. Now could you imagine if some kid got lost in the museum or did damage to something. We had to sign a damage clause. I spoke to folks at the Henry Ford who told me a stories of children causing damage. They also informed me that they have seen the cost of the wedding double because of the damage.
I'm not a kid hater but folks have to reasonable. Every event is not for kids. Wedding are very expensive. What ever the reason is you shouldn't be upset because your kids are not invited.
Ringmaster

Lake Oswego, OR

#40 Apr 6, 2010
Custom Wedding Rings

http://tinyurl.com/ye373vs
Diggity

Eugene, OR

#43 Aug 27, 2010
Would you exclude spouses is you couldn't afford it, didn't want them there?

Its akin to going to a fancy restaurant and not paying a tip because you can't afford it and have no tact. Its even sillier than that as kids tend to be a trivial expense compared with everything else (they should not require a full plate). If it was really cost, then why not book a cruise with some friends?

Most weddings have plenty of implied adult-only events surrounding them. The message it sends is that you are important, but your family is not. Heard loud and clear!
who cares

Chicago, IL

#44 Mar 10, 2011
well...whatever your reason, not inviting kids in many cases means the parents can't go either.

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